Coming back to slimming world...and should I ask for some help?

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Freshstartnewme!, 28 November 2010 Social URL.

  1. Freshstartnewme!

    Freshstartnewme! Gold Member

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    Hi everyone,

    Well I coming back with my tail between my legs- I gave weight watchers a go last week and I am not getting on with it very well at all. I haven't got time for all this weighing and things. Also the greedy pig I am, you can't eat half as much as on slimming world.

    On slimming world I used to be able to take left overs to work for lunch, you can on ww, but usually my tea is the most high pointed thing and so then it makes my lunch high points too.

    Maybe I haven't given it a chance.. maybe it's because my head isn't in it that I have not got on with it, but this week has been bad. Well the weekend anyway.

    I have had a horrible week emotionally, feeling very down, almost empty. I spent Thursday on the verge of tears all day. I feel like needing to lose weight is ruling my life- ruling my head. I think about it all the time, I feel a failure- why can't I do it? Its what I want more than anything- it consumes my thoughts. But obviously I don't want it or I would just do it surely? I feel like part of me is telling me I don't deserve it and that is why I subconsciously sabotage myself.

    I have an unhealthy relationship with food- I have been fat since I was about 13, half my life. I have spent half my life wishing I was someone else.

    It's a viscous cycle though- the want to be slim rules my life- the inability to do it makes me very sad- being sad makes me eat as I rely on food to answer my problems. Cycle begins again.

    Other aspects of my life are ok- I have a loving boyfriend, a steady job. I don't feel unhappy in these parts, just a bit empty. We moved away from our friends and family in March for my OH's work so we don;t have any friend here, not that we have a lot of friends anyway, but it can be a bit lonely.

    I lay awake last night and thought maybe I would go and see a doctor and ask if they can help me. I think my problem/barrier is an emotional one. I want to do it so bad, but the need to sabotage my efforts are more. Its literally like having a devil on my shoulder pushing me off the wagon.

    Maybe they could give me something to help me be more emotionally stable- then if my head is clearer I might be able to really give myself a chance and lose some weight. Is this possible do you think?

    I worry a lot- I seem to pin everything on the fact that if I was slim my life would be better and I would be happy. What if this isn't true? I can't see why it wouldn't improve things. At the moment I don't want to leave the house because I feel hideous in everything. I feel embarrassed for my boyfriend having to be seen with me because he is so lovely, perfect in my eyes and I Can't understand why he would want to be with me, he could do so much better.

    I've not talked to anyone about how I feel, OH is very supportive but I get so embarrassed talking about my weight with him. I think he might think I am mad if I told him all this. I think men find it hard to understand these feelings, and how important being slim can be to women.

    Well done if you are still reading- I am not sure why I wrote all that down, maybe just feels more manageable writing it down.

    Does anyone think it might be worth my speaking to the doctor? I don't want to waste their time, I don't want to come across pathetic,- do I just need to get a grip?

    I just feel like maybe if someone could help me manage my head, then things will seem easier?

    Claire x
     
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  3. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    hi hon I do think you should talk about it with your dr, i know from personal experience that when my head is not in gear i cant lose weight. Also I do think you should talk to your oh make it clear that its about you and not him/work/other aspects of life he will listen and then understand why you are so teary. I have been there hon and it does help to talk to people about it. THis forum is great as there are so many lovely peopl on here and it helps

    Sending you lots of hugs etc honey
     
  4. CAPRICORN

    CAPRICORN Gold Member

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    oooooh Hugs to you Claire

    Most of what you have written sounds so like I used to be ... I always used to let my weight rule my life (and I still do to some degree ;))...
    I would go and have a word with your Dr and see if they can help. Then you need to start learning to appretiate all your body does so you can get to a place where you want to choose healthier options in a bid to look after and nurish your body rather than just to make it shed the weight -it really takes the pressure off :p. I never say I can't or shouldn't have something I simply tell myself -"I won't have xyz now -I might have it later" -mostly the "later" never comes.
    I have started being kind to the body I have right now -so I slap on lotions n potions and it really does make you feel better, which makes you want to eat better and it becomes a cycle -much in the same way that feeling bad so overeating -then feeling worse so eating more is...
    If you can get a copy -paul mckennas "I can make you thin" is quite good... its not all mumbo jumbo, it just helps you change how you think about food./weight

    If ever you need to let of steam or just scream -feel free to PM me Im usually knocking about...
     
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  5. gl12282

    gl12282 Plodding on.......

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    Hi Claire,

    I want to start by giving you a big cyber hug. It's not easy to open your heart and admit how you really feel.

    As for seeing your GP, I think it may be helpful. Sometimes when people are depressed (and I don't know whether you are or aren't) it can help to discuss things with someone who may be able to help. Sometimes depression just gets in the way of being able to make the changes.

    As regards weight watchers vs slimming world, I am sure that both will work if you can stick to them. For me SW is working because I never have to worry about 'running out of food'. There is always something that I like that I can eat if I get hungry whereas I worry about eating all my points and then only being 'allowed' to eat fruit or veg (which I eat plenty of but doesn't 'comfort' me/fill me up in the same way). So for me the psychology of SW works much better but for some people they prefer the stricter rules of WW (ie you can eat this much with the choice of how/what you eat but once it's up, that's it). But you have to go with whichever works for you. If you're going to come back to SW, try to be clear about what you're going to change to make it work for you (maybe write it down so you can come back to it during the weeks ahead).

    Could you OH do slimming world/weight watchers with you ?? It is fairly family friendly. Maybe that would help you ? Do you go to a group ? That might help too. You need some source of support and maybe to meet some new people in a new area.

    I really feel for you but please don't give up.

    Big hugs.

    Gail x
     
  6. Freshstartnewme!

    Freshstartnewme! Gold Member

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    Hi everyone :wave_cry:

    Thank you for your kind words and support. I've just had a long hot bath (taking your advice Capricorn) and tried to visualise some of the stress and worry soaking away. Feeling a bit better now so must have worked a bit.

    I think I will make an appointment to go and see the doctor (I might ask for a female doctor) and maybe just go and have a chat to see what they say.

    Ronnie I think you are right, I should talk to my OH- I might go see the doctor first and then explain to him after I have seen what she says.

    Capricorn- thank you for reading, I read your diary daily and you are such an inspiration you really prove that when your head and heart are in the right place you can achieve it. Your have done amazingly and I hope that I can achieve half as much as you have. I expect you know what its like to be a bit lonely in a new place as you moved away too didn't you?

    I ordered a book yesterday called Eating less: say goodbye to overeating by Gillian Riley- I hope it might help me put things into perspective a bit more.

    I know that planning is the key and organising so that I don't feel caught out- that's when I go downhill.

    Gail- thank you for those kind words- I think you are right about depression getting in the way- I think I have suffered with depression for a long time and just never really dealt with it, ever since school really. I was badly bullied at school, a lot about my weight and I suppose I have just never dealt with it, always just pushed it inwards and pretended to be the funny fat girl.

    I think since meeting Ben (my partner) he is the only man who has ever made me feel truly loved, and I struggle with that. I just don't understand why he would love me like this, because I don't.

    He does slimming world with me to an extent, he always eats the same meals and is very supportive. He doesn't really need to lose any weight though, unfortunately he is one of those boys who can eat and eat and he just stays lovely.

    He can't really win though bless him, he went through a stage of saying "do you really want" that and tried to be strict with me, but then I would just get upset with him, so he can't do right for doing wrong.

    I think I am going to go back to slimming world- I think I have felt so upset and on edge this week because I haven't felt in control and a bit panicky because I don't know what I can eat and having to weigh etc. Slimming world fits in so much better into my life and also being able to keep Ben fed and happy :)

    I felt really panicky this week because I am meant to be out Wednesday and Thursday and it wasn't something I could control.

    But feeling a bit more sane now. So thank you for helping me think things through. This site really does help me, I spend 2/3 hours every night reading through things, I feel like you lot are the closest to friends I have here!

    So thank you :gen126: I think your right sometimes its helps just to talk it through, keeping it inside doesn't help.

    Claire xx
     
  7. gl12282

    gl12282 Plodding on.......

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    Well done Claire.

    But it doesn't matter whether Ben has weight to lose or not - he can still do it with you. And how lovely that he's willing to do that.

    I'm really pleased you've decided to go to the GP. Maybe print out what you've written down and take it with you ??

    I really feel that it's helpful to write down how you feel and why you are doing this. Then maybe try and look at that before you eat 'off plan'. And if it helps, try writing down what some people say about how they feel after losing some weight (as long as it doesn't depress you) as an inspiration. Those things could be you. We all understand (to a greater or lesser extent) how you feel. Everyone on this forum wants to lose weight so you really are NOT ALONE.

    Good luck and welcome back to SW if that's what you choose to do.

    Big hugs.

    Gail x
     
  8. CAPRICORN

    CAPRICORN Gold Member

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    Hiya Claire...

    I swear you + Ben could be me n hubby:D - my Now Hubby is the 1st man to ever truely love me - and he has seen my weight go up n down -well more up than down :p(I have never been less than about a size 20 since I met him) and still he loves me...Im now an 18/20 so Im into strange territory where hubby has never seen me.
    ohh and on previous attempts at weight loss he has been daft enough to utter those words "do you really want that?" "should you eat that?" -he has learnt though :giggle:-Im sometimes like a naughty child -tell me I shouldn't have something and I will eat 2 just for the hell of it :rotflmao:. I seem to be wired up differently to most as I work better when hubby offers me things :confused:-if he is eating something and says "do you want a bit?" I can happily say no -but I need to be offered.. Also Im a "people pleaser" (get that from my lovely mum) so if hubby was to say he wasn't having a takeaway just because I didn't want one -then at one time I would find myself having one just so he wasn't going without :d'oh: -now he either wants one enough to have one on his own -or he goes without :p
    I have no doubt that you will achieve what you set out to -trust me it has taken me years to get to this place where I have found the right eating plan at the right time - wish I had been as smart as you and got to grips with it when I was your age -it has taken me years to face up to what pushes my buttons and at last I know exactly what my pitfalls are.
    Im luckier than you with the moving about malarky as I lived on my own for 5 years before I met hubby so I like my own company, but I can understand why you feel isolated -are there any evening classes you might like to take up (even if you make Ben go with you for the first few weeks ;)). Just thinking it might help you meet a few new people - and you could always pick something like learning aromatherapy/reflexology which would be a bonus too.
    That book sounds like a great place to start, I found the Paul mckenna one was great for dealing with how/what/when you eat -but it sounds like that one will be better for dealing with "why" you eat...
    If ever you are stuck for recipes you can always give me a yell -you know me -I like my food :D
    Glad you are feeling a little brighter... take care of yourself and keep at it -you WILL get there :flowers:
    cor that turned into an essay didn't it :eek:
     
  9. Linzi_C

    Linzi_C Full Member

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    Hey hunni...Not got advice as such as i thinkthe way you are thinking/heading is exactly how you should be tackling it..stay strong hun you will get there!
    I know how you feel about been lonely tho, i gavr up all my friends when i got with my ex and now we have finished i dofeel very alone a lot of the time. It was one of the main reasons i started sw, to helpe me achieve the me i want to be!
    Getting everything out in the open ive found really does help, i started a diary the other day and often have a rant in there about how im feeling and i feel so much better when ive pressed that send button...even if no one reads is ive said it outloud. I also know that when i look back and read my old posts it will show me just how far ive come and give me the inspiration to continue....or at least thats what im hoping will happen lol
    I'm only a half hour drive from you too, i love going shopping in lincoln! So if ever you feel the need to rant and moan, i certainly dont mind lending my ear, be it on here, pm or even text/phone....just holla :)

    Take care of yourself chick, you can get through this.....and i have to say your fella sounds fab, treasure him, he can obviously see the real you that cant just yet...and he loves what he see's :)
     
  10. Linzi_C

    Linzi_C Full Member

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    and i do apologise about the shocking spelling there...my daughter spilt coke on my keyboard and now the keys keep sticking lol....how its still working is beyond me!
     
  11. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

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    Didn't want to read & run but sending you hugs. You sound just like me & I'm sure lots of the ladies/gents on here started out the same. You can do it & you're starting in the right place. Keep your chin up girl & stick with it XXXX
     
  12. Spanx

    Spanx Pea on legs!

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    Hi Claire,

    Lovely to have you back!

    I haven't got much to add to what others have already said - except for one thing - look at your stats - you have already lost over a stone, so you know you CAN do it!

    Sometimes we want it to happen all at once, I'm the same - I get disappointed at slow weeks and I look at others (like the miraculous Capricorn!) and think 'I'm being good, why can't I lose weight as quickly?!' But the truth is, I'm not being as good as they are - not exercising enough, not doing enough red days, not always eating enough fruit and veg, or having enough variety in my meals. But the fact that I know this means I have a choice - and my choice is to carry on losing slowly, because I know that the food I'm eating now and the way I'm eating it, I can do for life!

    So, here's to the tortoises!

    Good luck hun, hope you feel 'in the zone' soon! xxx
     
  13. Freshstartnewme!

    Freshstartnewme! Gold Member

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    Hiya everyone,

    Just wanted to say a big thank you again to everyone for the words of support. It really has helped me think things through. I sat and read through yesterday, went to the loo had a little tear but then felt so much better that I had 'talked' to you lovely people about it and said it out loud as such.

    I started again today, going to take it one day at a time and like Capricorn says, try to start taking some time to look after my body myself, this isn't just about loosing weight, I need to mend myself a long the way.

    So Day one down, 100% and feeling positive for the week.

    I just put my tree up, listening to Christmas music with the love of my life and I felt happy, it's a start :)

    So thank you everyone.

    Claire xx
     
  14. gl12282

    gl12282 Plodding on.......

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    Hi Claire,

    So pleased you had a better day today. I know it won't always be like that, you will definitely have good days and bad days but glad that today was a good day. You really needed that. Remember those happy thoughts and keep them with you.

    We are here for you if you need us.

    More hugs.

    Gail x
     
  15. clairex

    clairex Silver Member

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    I feel like you've just written about me! AND your name is claire. v spooky. I totally relate to everything youve just said. Apart from I dont have a lovely OH to keep me going :) Sounds like he is great and he will get you through it. Good luck hun xxxx
     
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