Comparing Yourself

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by KatrinaW, 14 July 2008 Social URL.

  1. KatrinaW

    KatrinaW Member

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    I am forever comparing myself to other people, it used to be famous people but I managed to talk myself out of that by saying "they are all airbrushed and got stylists etc" :giggle:
    But now whenever I leave the house I am looking at people thinking "they are thinner than me", "they have smaller thighs" etc etc and I get myself depressed. Doesn't matter who it is, friends, family, strangers. I think EVERYONE is more attractive and has a better figure :sigh:
    I am getting to the point where I think I need help to snap me out of this...I think oh my husband finds all these women more attractive than me, I get tearful, I feel a horrible hatred for these poor women...serious "green-eyed monster" coming out in me. I even tend to blank any friends i think are more attractive than myself or bad mouth them to people...which i am very very very ashamed of, i don't realise i am even doing it sometimes!!! :(
    I know I need to lose weight and I am attempting to again but I feel that even if I got to my ideal size I am still going to have these unhealthy thoughts about other people, I don't think I will ever be happy in myself.
    What can I do? Anyone ever felt similar? I really need some help with this. :wave_cry:
     
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  3. Charisma

    Charisma Silver Member

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    for the past year or so since i have put on weight i have felt exactly the same in every way!! so much that it has made me feel so down and depressed and want to cry. there has been times i dont want to go to social events with my partner cause im worried that there will be so many people for him to look at when at the back of my mind i know he wont if you know what i mean. i used to be at work and see people go past and feel so jelous of strangers.... i thought i was going abit obsesive as it made me that low.... i duno how to make it any better but im glad im not the only one.... guess you have to feel better in yourself then you will stop noticing it :)
     
  4. Taz

    Taz Spam Hunter

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    You don't need help it is natural. In fact I have got much worse since I have lost weight as I think I am more aware of myself. I am forever saying to Mr Taz "Is she bigger than me?" "Do I look like that?"
     
  5. 19y/omummytummy

    19y/omummytummy Full Member

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    Oh my goodness! - Could have been me writing every word! You're definately not alone. :hug99:
     
  6. LucyLou

    LucyLou Silver Member

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    Girls Im exactly the same and I think it has affected my relationship with my bf a bit too. Im always asking him to give me a bit of warning before he runs off with the skinnier model just to prepare me. Were getting married next year and Im in fear of my life that Ill embarass him or something....
     
  7. dehli

    dehli Silver Member

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    This behaviour is very harmful. You're living in constant fear and have low self esteem, and you think that by putting other people down you'll feel better about yourself but it doesn't work like that. If you can learn to accept yourself exactly as you are, you'll find it easier to accept everyone else as they are too. Everyone has hang ups about themselves, but constantly focussing on how everyone looks and being so fearful will eventually drive your friends and boyfriend away. Relax, your friends like you for who you are, and just because someone's skinny doesn't mean they're better than you. We're all just people in different packaging and it's what's inside that counts.
     
  8. kazzymc

    kazzymc Gold Member

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    i look at ladies who are similar to me large and think why do they look so good when i look like a sack of spuds.
    but then i think this isnt just a issue for us larger ladies i think this a female problem and no matter how large or skinny ppl are they still compare themselves to other ppl and lets be honest at least us large ladies can do something about it i feel sorry for the skinny ladies who cant do anything about it.
    :girlpower:
     
  9. Charisma

    Charisma Silver Member

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    thats a nice point!!! :)
     
  10. totty

    totty Personal Trainer

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    You have to learn to LOVE you. How can others love you when you dont love yourself....:patback:

    we are all different, wouldnt the world be a boring place if we were all the same...we could all be robots.

    Skinny isnt always best, my best mate who i love to absolute bits is only a size 8 on a bad day, me...on the other hand ... i am slightly :)hide:) bigger LOL ...but when we go out....i dont care...because i know...i jiggle just a little :party0048:..but i work it to my advantage :D.....what i am trying to say...

    is

    love what you have....and work it baby :party0048::party0048::party0048:

    men like different things...and

    imo

    curves are best anyway....who wants bones stickin out everywhere;)
     
  11. Shazpaz

    Shazpaz Regular Member

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    I'm worse now I've lost the weight too. I feel constant pressure to look nice. I look at everyone in the street and compare myself. I WISH I COULD as other say love myself, but I can't. I hear what totty is saying...men like different things, but I personally don't like my body. I'm not sure I'd ever be 100% happy. I'm working on it though!!
     
  12. carinna

    carinna Member

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    I'm like this too sister! :wave_cry: It's really frustrating and it's even led to a couple of fights with my boyfriend.

    The fighting ended when he said "if you feel they're better then you then challenge yourself to match them or be even better". So that's what I did. But I don't go overboard. I know when to pick a fight. If I see an angelina jolie type of bod, I just look away.

    It may help to compare yourself to the old you. I know it makes me feel better to see my before and after photo in the kitchen. And I get more satisfaction from the fact that in two more weeks, I get to replace the after photo again!:D
     
  13. xstaceyx

    xstaceyx Member

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    im the same! i go to music events where there are girls wearing next to nothing in really skimpy outfits! i just feel really frumpy!

    i just found out my ex of 2years has a new girlfriend since me, im so so depressed as i have seen pictures of them together and shes in really skimpy clothes, has a nice tan etc... i actually got that down that i cried! i dont know why though as he treated me like crap! ive even found myself messaging him telling him i want him back because i cant bare the thought of him being happy with someone else :( seeing his new girlfriend is my motivation to lose weight! i know im not obese, but im not as skinny as i used to be! im really short aswell so being 10 stone doesnt suit my frame at all!

    my advise to you is not to compare yourself to other people as it only gets u down, just think you are at your ideal weight! x
     
  14. xstaceyx

    xstaceyx Member

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    i mean just think of when you are at your ideal weight ! x
     
  15. jacqu79

    jacqu79 Full Member

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    God, I thought it was just me who had these thoughts and feelings.:eek:

    I'm always comparing myself to other girls and putting myself on a downer. I've also badmouthed skinnier girls, for no other reason than I'm so jealous tha I can't look like that.:( I'll get myself done up to go somewhere and think I look nice, then when I get there I'm the biggest there and it just devastates me and I can't enjoy myself. It has definitely affected my life in a big way. I don't go out anywhere near as often as I'd like to, and when I do go out, I can't let myself go and have fun, as I'm sure everyone's looking at me and laughing.

    I have serious self esteem issues and am doing all I can to sort these out, and I have come a long way since I started, but still have quite a bit of work to go.

    Would love to just be happy being me.
     
  16. xstaceyx

    xstaceyx Member

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    I'll get myself done up to go somewhere and think I look nice, then when I get there I'm the biggest there and it just devastates me and I can't enjoy myself.

    quote]

    im the same! i feel all nice and pretty then once i get there, u see girls in skimpy outfits and just makes me feel really frumpy and ugly! and i get all paranoid! hence why i have to drink a fair amount of alcohol to dance lol!
    all i think is tht one day ill be as skinny as the girls i see out!!! x
     
  17. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Why are we all our own worst enemies???????? It is so sad, such a waste of time, effort, emotion.
    I had a dear friend once who was very 'chunky' as she called it. She always dressed in beautiful bright colours and was full of fun and always there for other people. One day I asked her how come she never seemed bothered about her weight (we were about the same size and I was/am always stressing over it). She told me that having had cancer in her lung and then stomach, she kind of felt that 'weight' was not that important. She said that following her op, recovering in a cancer ward, seeing what others were putting up with, everything just gained perspective. She was going to enjoy each day that she very nearly missed and if other folk thought she was overweight then that was their problem, not hers. She had better things to do with her life than worrying about looking like a twiglet!
    She is in a wheelchair now, not too great but you would never know it - she still has a smile that lights up a room. Thats the kind of person I want to be - being thin? Well, that is just on the outside.
     
  18. totty

    totty Personal Trainer

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    Thats so nice!

    and so very true! ....we should all be like that! :D
     
  19. cheri

    cheri New Member

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    Oh my god i could have written that email myself. i get EXACTLY the same and in fact im only on this site now because ive got myself in a state today thinking im disgusting and fat and ugly etc...
    so dont worry, it appears its perfectly normal! i thought i was alone so you've actually made me feel better as i was going to seek some help too!
    You are NOT alone, i am with you feeling how you do constantly. i dont know why we do it to ourselves as it makes us feel very depressed and very down but i think thats just something in our personality. i believe even if we weighed 6 stone we would find something to compare with..xx
     
  20. purplegirl

    purplegirl Member

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    Although it's destructive I do think it's pretty normal to compare yourself with other people...

    Last night at aerobics I was talking with the other girls - one who has a fabs figure, really in proportion and nicely toned - she said the'd love a waist like I have. We started talking boobs and other "wobbly bits" and it made me relieved that others have similar worries even though they look "perfect" to everyone else...

    There are those who look amazing but treat their bodies like trash - one of the gym teachers has abs to kill for and is wonderfully toned all over. She starts class with a can of red bull and is puffing on a fag after class - I know from what others say that she eats junk all the time. I know which I'd rather....

    Like some of the others on here now I have got to goal I find the pressure that much more intense - the last bit of "toning up" has made me so much more aware - even though others say I look good I still feel size 22/24 and think something is wrong with the sizing when I can fit a pair of size 12 trousers or a size 10 top - weird!
     
  21. Shazpaz

    Shazpaz Regular Member

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    Thats exactly how I feel hun. I'm at goal, yet feel fatter now!! I know I'm NOT, but I am more self conscious now! Weird!
     
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