Countdown to Thirty

[Tylar]

After spending the majority of my twenties in the 16 stone mark, I stepped on the scales at the end of April this past spring and the scale said 17st10lbs! I knew I had to do something, and I noticed a friend from college was mentioning awards she was recieiving for losing weight on Facebook. However, I have always been sceptical of fad diets or point counting. It was just a shame she wasn't local, so I could not join her. I looked into my local group, and noticed which of my friend were members. I made arrangements to go with a friend - however, on the arranged morning my friend backed out and decided she was going to quit the program. What did I do? I went anyways, I had made a decision.

I joined Slimming World on the 19th of June, 2012, weighing in at 17st4lbs. It has been up and down, this is my journey thus far:

19/06 - 17st4lbs
25/06 - 17st1lbs
03/07 - 16st12.5lbs
10/07 - 17st.2lbs
17/07 - 16st13lbs
24/07 - 16st8lbs SOTW
31/07 - 16st12lbs
07/08 - 16st10.5lbs
14/08 - 16st7lbs SOTW
21/08 - 16st4lbs
My Mom arrives from America on 25/08 Stays 2 weeks
28/08 - 16st5lbs
04/09 - 16st8lbs
11/09 - 16st8lbs
18/09 - N/A
25/09 - 16st9.5lbs
Right, September has been crap, no more!
02/10 - 16st5lbs
09/10 - 16st2lbs SOTW
16/10 - 16st0.5lbs
23/10 - 15st13.5lbs
30/10 - N/A had sickness bug today, but would've been SOTM! Argh!
06/11 - 15st12.5lbs
13/11 - 15st10lbs SOTW
20/11 - 15st8.5lbs
27/11 - 15st13.5lbs
^^ Celebrated Thanksgiving 3 nights, breakfast out with the girls, and first Christmas meal that week. However, my food wasn't exceptionally bad - it was meat and veg. On reflection I think it was the added alcholo and desserts I allowed myself during this time. i am not a big drinker, or a regular dessert eater.

I decided to start a diary to help keep me focus during my quieter moments, when I am more likely to struggle. I always find it helps to write things out. I am attending SW meetings every week, though do not follow strictly to SW plan, I also include "common-sense" portion control and some calorie counting (though not overly obsessive).

I did say last week I would lose 5.5 pounds, this include the 5 lbs I gained over Thanksgiving and the extra half pound needed for my club ten. However, I feel lost - my partner, with my agreement, took my scales away this week and I have not been able to check my progress as normal. Man had suggested that a loss by Thursday would cause me to slack off, that I would do better if I went without the reassurance. I told him that if I do not lose at least 2 lbs this week, I'm having my scales back!

Met a girlfriend for breakfast at McDonalds this morning - I had the porridge with a 1/4 of the syrup provided. I then went out shopping with my partner and at about 2pm I had, from a butchers that caught my man's eyes, a portion of hunter's chicken over chips. Felt really bad for this, which has appeased my appetite some. I know calorie wise this probably won't be too bad with just the porridge to add on, but I am considering just fasting until weigh in Tuesday morning, with just a hot drink tonight. If I do get hungry I may have a simmer soup, but think I will be fine. All that BBQ sauce is bugging me... Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

As for my diary title - I will be 30 in January 2014. I want to be fitter than ever, and feel I can achieve it. I have nothing but supports, my partner has always been a 28-30" waist and actively keeps in mind his health without being judgemental of me. I want to live more life with him, be fit enough to do more. Esepcially as of this week I am also now divorced and free to move on legally when we want <3 I also graduate university in 2014. I want to regain my confidence and take more self-control. I am looking forward to the journey.

x Tylar x

 

[Tylar]

I had my weigh in this morning. Before I stepped on the scales I asked the ladies not to tell me what it is I'd lost or gained. I'd been good most of the week but my anxiety was peaked from not having my scales to reassure me. I waited until my SW consultant got to my name in group where she revealed I'd lost 4.5 lbs. Yay!

My partner is on holiday this week, so we met for lunch shortly after. I really wanted scampi, so asked to swap the chips for boiled potato. It was nice, I enjoyed it, and I'm satisfied. Obviously, I skip breakfast in a Tuesday due to weigh in. Not sure what it is I'll have tonight, but I am motivated for this week - 1lb to lose for my club ten, though I have Christmas celebrations on Sunday and Monday nights. The Monday night one is with my SW group, so we'll all be worried about affecting our Tuesday morning results together!

x Tylar x

Past 8 weeks:
16/10 - 16st0.5lbs
23/10 - 15st13.5lbs
30/10 - N/A had sickness bug today, but would've been SOTM! Argh!
06/11 - 15st12.5lbs
13/11 - 15st10lbs SOTW
20/11 - 15st8.5lbs
27/11 - 15st13.5lbs
04/12 - 15st9lbs

 

[Tylar]

Busy day travelling to both Leeds and Doncaster from the E Riding town I live in. Late morning start so once the kids had been dropped off at 8 and I'd finished a project for my work in Doncaster, I cooked two Tescos lighter sausages and a tin of chopped tomatoes in my actifry. I put this over two slices of tesco finest whole grain bread that were each topped with an egg fried in fry light. It was 10:30 and felt quite stuffed but knew I wouldn't be home until 8pm.

I rushed around and didn't eat while at uni. I swung by Sainsbury's at Leeds station to buy some cake and bakewells. When I got to Doncaster for my meeting, I put my contribution in the table and never had any. However, I did have a French fancie someone else brought, as well as a homemade lemon curd tart. Savouries consisted of two small open top ham rolls, a quarter cheese sandwich triangle, three baked breaded cheese sticks and a breaded cream cheese circle. Needless to say I called my partner to say I didn't need my dinner playing up!

I had more treats than I normally would, but I have been active today and know calorie wise I won't have gained weight today, though it'd be questionable if I lost. Overall, I'm okay with today

 

[Tylar]

My breakfast/lunch today. I was up at 5:15, out at 6am, for a morning session at the library. This is my allowance for the day, including the coffee and water bottle shown and a bag of Morrisons NuMe popped crisps @ an extra 86 calories. Dinner is supposed to be prawn tikka massala, think I may do some chips in the actifry, mmm. I feel happy and in control, and I am still grazing on the the pineapple at nearly 3pm. My only craving now is for something warm, but the thought of dinner this evening is keeping

 

[Tylar]

I had my dinner as planned last night, it was lush! Today I packed the same lunch as yesterday for uni, though I didn't get through even half my fruit, so much calorie intake remains under 400 calories and I've been up for 16 hours. However, a chicken kebab is on order for tonight, no chips, so know I'll be all right.

I had an order from Matalan arrive today, my size 18 dress was missing(!!!), but a size 16 dress I ordered (because they were sold out of 18) managed to fit, yay! Progress

 

[Tylar]

Breakfast this morning.... mmm, was nice. I held out until 10:30am and really enjoyed it, nearly three hours later and I'm still satisfied. Sooo very bored though, my essay writing had become mind-numbing.

Worried about my SW groups Xmas meal out Monday, the night before our weigh in. Think I'll use my study break to not only post here, but to begin damage control for Monday night by assessing which alcholoic drinks to choose. I know I'll probably choose vodka, but I don't want the bloat that may come from drinking diet cola. Tried researching the calories for the mint chocolate cheesecake, and it seems it won't be as bad as I'm imagined. I had the cheesecake during Thanksigiving week when I put 5 lbs on, so I know how good it tastes. I think I will allow myself no more than half. My starter is tomato soup, my main is the traditional turkey dinner - which I genuinely couldn't finish when I had it for my Thanksiving celebrations.

The other day, with the 57 weeks left before I'm 30 in mind, I took the amount of pounds I want to lose (77) and divided it by 57. I found I need to lose 1.35 lbs a week to make my goal. Ideally I would like to lose 2lbs a week then to compensate for any potential downfalls in the next year.

 

[Tylar]

Forgot to point out, I had cheesy scrambled eggs this morning, was such a nice change and treat without being overindulgent.

Last night, after my chicken kebab in pitta bread, I also splurged and had a SW bakewell bar. These have been my latest treats

 

[Tylar]

Okay, put off the work I need to do for a bit longer. I read some threads on the forums here and wanted to share one of my responses:

"I think it's natural to take the views of other into consideration, after all, our biggest measure of who we are is taken from the reactions of others. We can feel good about ourselves all we like, but it's naturally to desire affirmation for our successes (though some are louder than others).

I think the way we view ourselves when overweight or obese matters a lot, if we equate our current (or prior) fat selves with unhappiness, it's natural to either be apathetic and hopeless or to want to improve the situation and equate being thinner as happier. Though, I think, so much more than the weight loss is the confidence gained, the coping skills, friends and habits.

Personally, my biggest motivators are quite trite - I want to set a good example to my daughters, and also to my son. My partner is also fit and active, we would like to spend the rest of our lives together, but I have always told him I would never accept a proposal from him until I accomplished two things (a) divorce my first husband [done!] and (b) become more healthy so that we can have the life we want together, going for long walks and bicyling - because I would never commit to a life with someone whose life I couldn't share.

I also felt dead and disappointed inside when I kept allowing myself to accept medicore losses followed by mediocre gains. By challenging myself, I feel more alive."

That was motivating in itself. I must make time to read more of the forums.

I also researched calories on Wetherspoons food, and am guessing the calories would be about 1,700 for this meal. I can shave off a good amount if I do not have the cheesecake, but think I will only have half so I will be less than 1,500. I may see how little I can have in the run up to the meal to help minimise damage too. I know I've been good all week so I should def. get at the very least the 1lbs needed for club 10, I just want to do a little bit more than get by!

 

[Tylar]

Last night I worked on my essay until 1am, which increased my propensity for snacking :/ I had an 86kcal bag of popped crisps and a pack of super mario jellies which were worth about 100 kcals. Frustrating when I'm working overtime and I'm mentally worn down. Think I was up to around 1500 by the end of the night :/

Today the OH and I went out to breakfast at Frankie and Bennys. I calculated my Double bacon and eggs meal to be about 600 calories and I replaced my normally flavoured latte with a tea, which I naturally prefer unsweetened and with only a hint of milk.

Because of my calorific breakfast, I avoided having lunch, though succumbed to a mini bag of haribo (these I sucked on to prolong the enjoyment) and finished off my daughters rocky road that she couldn't finish. Then my partner made egg chips and sausages for dinner. He used my tesco lighter sausages and made homemade chips with the actifry for the first time. He forgot to spray with fry light or even add the tablespoon of oil! Wow does that detract from the end result! I used ketchup as a result, where I normally wouldn't. Overall my calorie intake today is an estimated 1271 calories.

Feel guiltier than I think I should for the haribo and rocky road, as well as last nights indulges. My only compensation is that these numbers are hundreds below my inactive BMR rate, so hopefully I still get my 1 lbs off this week extra concern because I list 4 1/2 last week.

Roll on tomorrow's Xmas meal and drinks out. I finished my essay fir my inequality of class and culture module tonight so I'm ready to let loose, though I still have another essay to write and two exams by the end of the week and I've not started in any. Stress and self control are complimentary!

 

[Tylar]

So many mistakes, tired and typing unsuccessfully on my phone. Apologies.

 

[Tylar]

Well, Christmas meal tonight and partner and I are going to F&Bs for lunch. He usually works 60+ hours p/w but has been using the last of his holidays for the past 8 days,, he goes back to the grindstone tomorrow. I have been really craving both the Louisiana and the Pepperjack Cheese sauces from F&B. I am thinking the doughballs with cheese dip and then the louisiana hot wrap without cheese, without chips, for main. Obviously no dessert.

I may be sabotaging this week's WI just by today's actions. Think up until today the most calories I've had in a day this week peaked at 1500. Then again, if it weren't for the Xmas meal, I'd work the calories out just fine for F&B (wrap no more than 500kcals without cheese, Dough balls are 280 from what Ive gathered researching??). We'll see how it works out tomorrow, and hopefully I follow my guideline tonight for only having half my dessert. I'm not a big drinker, but could do with getting merry after the recent stresses of uni. Think I deserve to let me hair down, vodka wise, before my exams this week.

Now just to make sure I'm not just bargaining with myself to let me get my way. A fat person's debating mind is their downfall!

 

[Tylar]

Well, off I go to my SW group Xmas meal. Hoping to save a pic from this year to compare to next year when I'll have aimed to lose at least 5 more stone. This one below is me pondering whether to study or to party? hmm

 

[Tylar]

I've been bad, very bad alcohol wise! I didn't have half my tomato soup, didn't touch the bread or butter, I ate my turkey, and half of the dressings, half my cheesecake as planned. I was topping up my vodka with some orange dilute to avoid fizz.

But then I stayed out with two others. So shameful for a Monday night, the state I was in. That and relaxing a bit at F&B!

This morning's WI shall be interesting.

 

[Tylar]

Well, I did it, I lost the 1lbs needed for Club 10 - Yay! Was bittersweet because I fellow drinkers from last night gained, so it could have been better. Still a headache, chips going in actifry and tesco lighter sausaes in the grill for hangover cure!

 

[Tylar]

So, I haven't logged in for just over a week. This past week was horrendous, I was so overwhelmed and stressed due to the end of semester work that had built up at uni. My mind wasn't focused, I went long periods without eatting, and when I did, I made choices without considering consequences. KFC Wednesday, Mini English at a cafe Thursday 10am, room service with 10" cheese pizza and three scoops toffee ice cream at nearly 11pm. Friday, two leftover slices of pizza for an 8am breakfast, a spicy italian subway with raspberry cheesecake cookie about 4pm, and a take away at about 9pm with my partner (half lbs cheeseburger with half a portion curly fries). Friday was excessive, so I told myself Saturday, Im back on it and was back to normal until my partner suggested taking us all out. Big fat Bratwurst loaded with gooey cheese and some bacon, half portion of nachos, and a daim milkshake, followed by spiced hot chocolate. It's almost as if I didn't like myself!! I made light of it in my SW group, making fun of myself and saying I'd have to fast until Tuesday.

Sunday, I was very minimal, I think I'd had 400ish calories by the time I went up to read in bed - at which point I hijacked 2 smaller bags of crisps and 3 smaller hi fi bars, about 500 calories - so I know my count at the end of the day was okay - I just ate rubbish. Monday morning I made myself a cooked breakfast, 2x lighter choice cumberland sausages, 2 eggs, 1 medium potatoe chipped in the actifry. I then ate NOTHING until after my 10am weigh in on Tues - I chose to fast a day because I was really hoping to maintain after all the bad food I'd had. I stepped on the scales... 15st4lbs... I'd lost 4lbs and was bang on for my 2 stone award, which I hadn't dreamed of in a million years. I was worried about the admission to my group on FB about all the bad choices I'd made, and I didn't want to be showy. I shared my concern with my consultant. As it was our Xmas party and food sharing day, we didn't go around one by one - though there was a bit where we could announce it we had big losses we wanted to share. I had to stay quiet, but I'd wish I'd been good enough, or queit enough about my choices, to be able to share my joy. At the end of group, my consultant came to me quietly and slipped me a SOTM sticket and told me to get my fruit before I left.

I am continuing to be good these first two days. I know a lucky loss could kick me in the end next week, and I am by no means taking my good fortune for granted.

On a side note, I made the cinnamon swirls and chicken goujons recipes I found on this site, they were lovely - though I added a bit too much peri peri to the chicken! Can't wait to make the swirls again

 

[tweekedgirl]

Hiya Tylar, been reading your diary now for a few weeks and you're doing really well.

Can totally relate to the eating loads and then having an unexpected loss. I think (despite not being the best mental attitude) that sometimes our bodies need that mass injection of calories and then back on the diet to shake up the metabolism and get loosing again. Stick at it though, Christmas is by far the hardest time of the year and if you can make it through the next couple of weeks you'll be in a good place. x

 

[Tylar]

Thank you tweekedgirl! I agree about needing the injection of calories every so often It feels good to be able to balance it better, to stop it days before weigh in rather than let it roll on too.

Weigh in last week was after celebrations with friends pre-Xmas, and I maintained. I weighed in last night and put on 2lbs for over Christmas (and I moderately indulged, more than moderately with the choc chip cookies we baked, never feeling deprived, but again, cut out snacking and back to control for the final two days for weigh in).

December's overall result is -7.5lbs, and I am happy to start the new year at 15st6lbs rather than the 18st I was approaching back in April (or the 16st9.5lbs the first week of Oct!). Here's to 2013 and losing my 5st4lbs to achieve my goal! If every month were reasonable like December I'd hit target in October. Happy new years everyone, here's to our dreams

 

[Tylar]

Feeling a bit apathetic this week, which I suppose is better than destructive. I think it would be easier if I was getting out the house and joining my partner/kids for walks, but I'm stuck in doing an essay I got an extension on, topic: Obesity as an increasing health problem if the 21st century, health and health care issues. ARGH! can you believe I binged on biscuits while working on it yesterday? Felt so sick with myself I was actually sick, then had a pampering bath and my meals were all healthy so should work out okay.

Today is also my last day being 28. Tomorrow night, per my request, we'll be going to Frankie and Benny's for my birthday (25% off on Mondays!!), but it is night before weigh in and I'd usually be fasting by then. I'll feel like more of a failure if there's a gain as I'll have had 9 days since last weigh in, rather than 7. I plan to enjoy myself moderately, perhaps share a starter and have a respective main choice.

I'm about to get out if bed and start my idle work again, I think I'll take a portion of my lighter choice sausages out if the freezer for a brunch later with egg and tomatoes. My 65kcal bread isn't in, so I'll see if the stuff my partner's bought the kids is at least under 100. Then I'll include loads of super free food later on.

As my birthday is on the 7th, and it's also my essay deadline, the 8th of January is like my New Year's Day. Will get back in the Xtrainer, incorporate the wii for fun now - Just Dance 4 arrived yesterday, I put Gangnam Style on it, that and the others look more intense than the first Just Dance. I also have wood floor now so my Wii fit may work more accurately.

Pumped for this week, I just have to sit still all day on my lap top, lol. No wonder my Mom got huge during medical school, between reading writing and being a Mon there's not much time and when you get it you want to shut off. Here's to 4 weeks if freedom before the next semester, 4 weeks to getting active again and planning how to not get behind to the point where my work closes in and consumes all my time.

Just hoping haven't gained this week, I always feel anxious!

 

[Tylar]

I must up my game when I'm worried, WI this morning and I lost 3 lbs over a week with New Years and birthday celebration. Quite happy about it. Will incorporate exercise back in this week, have already started by doing just dance with my daughters the past few days - Time Warp is good on the old arms.

Tried the Chicken Cheese Pie thing from the SW recipe forum tonight - really meaty, glad I was sensible with the portion guesstimate. Big party/buffet at my house this weekend to celebrate my birthday/divorce, so need to be faultless as possible all other days and may consider fasting after breakfast Monday. We'll see. A few girls from group are all between 2-6 lbs to hit new numbers, I'm 4 and they're encouraging me to aim to enter a new number with them. I really do have an amazing group



xxxx

 

[Tylar]

Woke up this morning with cramping this morning, which soon spread to my back and made my morning very unbearable and wet as I always immerse in a warm bath when these pains start. Last time was 10 days ago and was exceptional from all other episodes - I actually cried and called NHS direct. I've had these pains intermittently over 4 years. I called to ask my GP Mom back in California last summer, she said classic gallstones (after I went into symptom details). GP here suggested indigestion. Don't think I complained enough.

Went back to GPs today, exhausted from the trauma of the pain (my 7 and 5 year old daughters sorted themselves out for school/toasts etc they were stars - 3 yr old son had crashed my bath!!!), by the time my pain subsided I had enough to bun my hair, clear my mascara stained eyes and get some sweats on - a mess. Doctor was really kind, I was nice but firm about my convictions and stopped putting the normal I'm okay wall up when he examined my abdominal/digestive region. I'm getting referred for a scan, yay! Thought I'd have to battle it out to get taken seriously, so very pleased. The thought of the pain again gives me anxiety

As exhausted as I was from the pain this morning, I was very unfocused. Are choc birthday cake I'd avoided (1/4 large cupcake, MFP says 880 kcals?), a bag of popcorn, southern fried chicken wrap with mayo and half portion of tortilla chips at hungry horse. My friend and I spent 2+ hours walking around town and my girls and I played Just Dance 4 for 6 songs. Very mixed day :/

Back in it tomorrow!