Cover Up

[RachieB]

Hi all, I just wanted to post something on here, in order to stop myself eating and see if any one can help.

Briefly I had a visit from my parents today. I love them dearly but we tend to clash on most things. The topic of this particular clash is where me and OH will move to. We have decided to move back to my home town to be closer to my family as they hardly come to see me (usually 6months if I am lucky). Anyway, they arrived and I was trying to hide the fact that I am on LL as I have tried it before and they were not happy; I don't really need their opinion but they give it freely anyway.

However, we got into a discussion about moving house and I said that I wanted to move to an old property with character. My mum was insistent that she thought that we would be better in a new build which, is not what I want. I very careful and in an adult fashion explained why I didn't want to move to new build. This went on deaf ears and we didn't argue but were stern with each other.

Anyway, I felt upset because I had been assertive with my mum and I could see that I had upset her by not liking her idea. This is very Parent and Child and not adult like feelings. In order to cover up my participation with LL, I ate with them at lunchtime!!

Sorry to talk food but I ate roast beef coleslaw, pork pie and potato salad. I know I could've said to my parents about LL and asked for their support but I have been here before and my mum's comments haven't been helpful and there are so many issues between my mum and I that this forum would be bored to tears lol!!!

So how to I stop beating myself up about all of this and not reach for the chocolate????

Sorry for the long post but desperate times call for desperate measures

Thank you for reading xxxx

 

[Joiya]

Well think about reaching for the chocolate - given that what you did that's making you feel so bad was to eat something you shouldn't, would the chocolate actually cheer you up?

In my experience there are some battles worth fighting and some not. My relationship with my mother is very complex (probably most people's are) and in some cases I just don't tell her things, or tell her lies, or do something specifically to avoid a conversation or argument that I know will otherwise come.

The fact here is that you made a choice between sticking to LL and having a very difficult conversation with your family about this diet. Which choice do you think would have done more damage? Sometimes you have to pick the lesser of two evils. I'm not gonna patronise you and tell you "but I'm sure if you explain it THIS way your mum will be supportive" because well, you know her and I don't. What I will say though is that now that you have done this, don't use it as an excuse to do the same thing again because you got away with it once. Remember that you're doing this for YOU, not for your mum, but at the end of it when she sees the results she WILL be impressed. Also remember that there are some foods that are safer than others - so if you had eaten just the roast beef, a little coleslaw, some veggies, but left out the pie and the potato salad, you would probably remain in ketosis and could skip a foodpack for that day. I'm not saying you should do it regularly of course, but if you get into a really difficult situation where you need to make a decision that isn't going to be great either way, try and do some damage limitation.

You will get where you're going (and hopefully into a nice old property with character in the process) and hey, til you move house you only see her once every 6 months anyway so you should be fine....

 

[RachieB]

Hi Joiya, Thank you for your reply. I am also grateful that you didn't go down the route of persuading me to explain it all to my mum. I think you are absolutely right with the food choices and I think that faced with a difficult situation, I would usually suggest an event that does not revolve around food. As you said I shan't see my parents for a few months and therefore I intend to use this time to focus on the ME of the relationship I have with them and to put into place positive assertions instead've reacting to crooked thoughts that reman in my head. I can't do anything about my mum and her opinions, all I can do is do what is right for me and learn to accept the feelings I get from being new to assertiveness and putting my needs first.

I felt great relief that I was able to post my thoughts today on this forum. Like I explained to my OH, it felt like I had let go, rather than discuss it to the nth degree with him. i had posted my thoughts to the 'cloud'.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me and to help me on my journey. I only hope that I can be as supportive to you as you have been to me.

Hope you are okay yourself and have had a fabulous weekend xx

 

[slendablenda]

Hi Rachie
Joiya is right. You are the one who knows your relationship with your family, especially Mother and with food. So it was up to you to decide how to deal with it.
I expect your OH is quite relieved you decided to share your thoughts with us - gives him a bit if break and gives you a different
perspective maybe.
I also have a complex relationship with my Mum. If you had asked me before LL whose fault it was that I was overweight (no, morbidly obese!) I would probably have said "my mother's".
I quickly learnt that she may have great influence over me, but it's my decision what I put in my mouth, not hers.
That was a liberating realisation for me. I hope it may work for you too.
Remember - YOU are in control. It's a great feeling. xx