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daft jokes

Anyone got any, I will start:

Patrick Murphy the cattle farmer gets the vet around to check is stock, the vet returns and says to the farmer "did you know your cattle have blue tongue", Patrick replies, "blue tongue I did'nt even know they had a mobile!":D
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Noooooooo stop right there!!! x
Im really bad at jokes so wont bother! You might want to think along those lines hun xx
Huh, well I laughed:Dx
An Irishman is sitting at a bar in New York City and looks at his watch several times in the space of a few minutes.
The woman sitting nearby notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No,' he replies, 'I have this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.'
The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?'
The Irishman explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies, 'Well, it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The Irishman smirks, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody thing's running about an hour fast. Can I buy you a drink? :D
Lol thats better x
Oooops!! lol


I've got the power
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

"And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
A man goes into a bar, the barman says "What can I get for you?" The man asks for a pint, the barman replies that he has to go to the cellar to replace the barrel. Whilst he is gone the man takes a look around the bar - it's empty. He waits patiently for his drink. He hears a voice. The voice says "Hi there, you are looking really great tonight". Surprised the man looks around - the bar is still empty. He then hears "I love your hair, it's so shiny, I would love to touch it". There is still no one in the bar. The man is now very puzzled and thinks he is going mad. Again the voice "I think you are so hot, very, very sexy". Still the man is the only person in the bar. The barman returns to pull the pint. The man says to the barman "I think I am going crazy, I heard someone speak to me but there is no one else here". The barman asks what he heard. When the man repeats the comment the barmans smiles at him, points to the bowls of nuts on the bar and says "Don't worry about it sir, it was only the nuts on the bar" The man replies "The nuts?"
"yes" said the barman "they are complimentary"
how do u keep a blonde amused?
write PTO on a double sided page!!!

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