Ok so..
I am 22 years old. Size 26 on my bottom and 22/24 on top. The heaviest I have been (could have been heavier at some point) was 23st 4lbs.
Every New Year I'm like 'Yep! Going to diet and lose tons of weight!' and then by about April I get excited that I have lost a couple of stone and I end up 'treating' myself to a massive meal. Last time it was chinese. Then the next day I get all hungry and say to myself that I defiantly will start again tomorrow.. I never do start again tomorrow.
When I was younger I was quite happy with myself and my size. Although back then I was more like 16 stone and a size 16/18. My skin was tighter and I wasn't so wobbly. I didn't get bulges over my trousers or bra and I thought I actually looked alright for a bigger girl. My confidence meant I never really got called fat and I never had a problem dating guys and feeling attractive.
At the age of 13 I was diagnosed with depression and I became and out-patient at a mental health hospital. My weight went up and down like a yo yo. I went from one week not being able to eat anything to the next week finding food a huge comfort. I discharged myself when I was 16 as I started to feel like I was more in control with my feelings.
I started drinking heavily and was never at home so that meant take-away every night with my friends. I was enjoying being happy again and took to partying hard and eating harder (don't think that's the proper saying!) Again, I never really worried about my weight. Always had a lot of male attention and never found a problem getting clothes that made me look and feel great.
However.. I got to about 19 years old and started getting in with the wrong kind of guys. I went from one boyfriend that broke apart my confidence bit by bit until there was nothing much left. His last parting words when I split from him was 'Look at the state of you! Who would ever want you?!'. The guy after that I started seeing hit me and was just a big bully. With the help of my friends I left him. I was then single for a very long time. I started dating again but when it came to becoming serious I would get scared and back away. The last 'man' I started seeing raped me multiple times in a space of a few hours and that really took a toll on me. It took me a long time to accept that I was raped and to this day I still can't say that sentence out loud to myself.
Anyways, I am now with the love of my life. I have known him since I was 13 and he has always been a solid rock in my life. There is an 8 year age gap and when I was younger I knew we couldn't be any more then friends. We now have a beautiful house together with our fur babies (3 cats, 3 rats, 2 hamsters, 3 guinea pigs, 1 bearded dragon and 4 fish) and I couldn't be happier with how my life is now. He really is an amazing man. I am not the easiest person to be with and I struggle with my moods sometimes! My boyfriend does not have an issue with my weight apart from worrying about my health. He is supporting me along my journey and he evens cooks pretty much all of the meals in the house to make sure I don't go over board!
This New Year I decided to lose weight again. I wasn't getting into it at all, like normal.. until one day a guy came into my workplace and randomly asked if me or my Manager had ever done Zumba.. I had so was very interested in what he was going to say. He explained how he owned a fitness studio in the village where I work and that they do all sorts of exercise classes. He offered us a months free membership to give it a go. I felt like this was destiny and truly was my chance to lose weight and keep it off forever!
On the 1st of Feb I started Taurus Training and started doing 3 classes a week. I am currently still doing 3 classes a week and I am loving it!! I pushed myself too hard in March and hurt my knee. I am so annoyed at myself because it is still effecting me and I feel it is holding me back slightly. On the 1st of April I realised I needed to change how I ate too so I now have 3 low fat meals a day.
I have a note pad that I am keeping track of my weight and feelings in and in that I wrote a list of reasons of why I want to lose weight and keep it off. I read that when I feel myself slipping and it helps me get back on track!
The biggest change that I have noticed is how much more energy I have now. I love it! I am also enjoying food more now because I am actually tasting it instead of just ramming it down my throat. I like feeling hungry as now I notice when I feel full. I never ever ever felt hungry before. I ate constantly and I ate so much. I was always full but I had made myself believe that feeling full was when my stomach HURT because I ate so much. I hate that feeling now and I don't eat like a horse anymore!
I love how my body feels after exercise. I love my muscles feeling tight and worked. The Zumba instructor was ill last night so we did Legs, Bums and Tums instead and my abs feel great. I swear.. under all this fat is one hell of a ripped body! Haha!!
I don't really know what I want to goal to be yet. I have never been thin so I don't know at what point I will be happy. I'm just going to keep going, taking one small goal at a time. At the moment I am working my goals on getting into the 21's, losing a stone, getting into the 20's, losing 2 stone etc.etc.
I'm slightly worried about the amount of excess skin. I know that I am going to have it and I am trying not to think about it too much. I'm interested to know if anyone on here has any tips about it and any idea about how much I will have?
Right well I think I have covered everything for my first 'Diary' entry. I must go as one of the cats has gone into affection overload and is refusing to let me type!
Cheerio! X
I am 22 years old. Size 26 on my bottom and 22/24 on top. The heaviest I have been (could have been heavier at some point) was 23st 4lbs.
Every New Year I'm like 'Yep! Going to diet and lose tons of weight!' and then by about April I get excited that I have lost a couple of stone and I end up 'treating' myself to a massive meal. Last time it was chinese. Then the next day I get all hungry and say to myself that I defiantly will start again tomorrow.. I never do start again tomorrow.
When I was younger I was quite happy with myself and my size. Although back then I was more like 16 stone and a size 16/18. My skin was tighter and I wasn't so wobbly. I didn't get bulges over my trousers or bra and I thought I actually looked alright for a bigger girl. My confidence meant I never really got called fat and I never had a problem dating guys and feeling attractive.
At the age of 13 I was diagnosed with depression and I became and out-patient at a mental health hospital. My weight went up and down like a yo yo. I went from one week not being able to eat anything to the next week finding food a huge comfort. I discharged myself when I was 16 as I started to feel like I was more in control with my feelings.
I started drinking heavily and was never at home so that meant take-away every night with my friends. I was enjoying being happy again and took to partying hard and eating harder (don't think that's the proper saying!) Again, I never really worried about my weight. Always had a lot of male attention and never found a problem getting clothes that made me look and feel great.
However.. I got to about 19 years old and started getting in with the wrong kind of guys. I went from one boyfriend that broke apart my confidence bit by bit until there was nothing much left. His last parting words when I split from him was 'Look at the state of you! Who would ever want you?!'. The guy after that I started seeing hit me and was just a big bully. With the help of my friends I left him. I was then single for a very long time. I started dating again but when it came to becoming serious I would get scared and back away. The last 'man' I started seeing raped me multiple times in a space of a few hours and that really took a toll on me. It took me a long time to accept that I was raped and to this day I still can't say that sentence out loud to myself.
Anyways, I am now with the love of my life. I have known him since I was 13 and he has always been a solid rock in my life. There is an 8 year age gap and when I was younger I knew we couldn't be any more then friends. We now have a beautiful house together with our fur babies (3 cats, 3 rats, 2 hamsters, 3 guinea pigs, 1 bearded dragon and 4 fish) and I couldn't be happier with how my life is now. He really is an amazing man. I am not the easiest person to be with and I struggle with my moods sometimes! My boyfriend does not have an issue with my weight apart from worrying about my health. He is supporting me along my journey and he evens cooks pretty much all of the meals in the house to make sure I don't go over board!
This New Year I decided to lose weight again. I wasn't getting into it at all, like normal.. until one day a guy came into my workplace and randomly asked if me or my Manager had ever done Zumba.. I had so was very interested in what he was going to say. He explained how he owned a fitness studio in the village where I work and that they do all sorts of exercise classes. He offered us a months free membership to give it a go. I felt like this was destiny and truly was my chance to lose weight and keep it off forever!
On the 1st of Feb I started Taurus Training and started doing 3 classes a week. I am currently still doing 3 classes a week and I am loving it!! I pushed myself too hard in March and hurt my knee. I am so annoyed at myself because it is still effecting me and I feel it is holding me back slightly. On the 1st of April I realised I needed to change how I ate too so I now have 3 low fat meals a day.
I have a note pad that I am keeping track of my weight and feelings in and in that I wrote a list of reasons of why I want to lose weight and keep it off. I read that when I feel myself slipping and it helps me get back on track!
The biggest change that I have noticed is how much more energy I have now. I love it! I am also enjoying food more now because I am actually tasting it instead of just ramming it down my throat. I like feeling hungry as now I notice when I feel full. I never ever ever felt hungry before. I ate constantly and I ate so much. I was always full but I had made myself believe that feeling full was when my stomach HURT because I ate so much. I hate that feeling now and I don't eat like a horse anymore!
I love how my body feels after exercise. I love my muscles feeling tight and worked. The Zumba instructor was ill last night so we did Legs, Bums and Tums instead and my abs feel great. I swear.. under all this fat is one hell of a ripped body! Haha!!
I don't really know what I want to goal to be yet. I have never been thin so I don't know at what point I will be happy. I'm just going to keep going, taking one small goal at a time. At the moment I am working my goals on getting into the 21's, losing a stone, getting into the 20's, losing 2 stone etc.etc.
I'm slightly worried about the amount of excess skin. I know that I am going to have it and I am trying not to think about it too much. I'm interested to know if anyone on here has any tips about it and any idea about how much I will have?
Right well I think I have covered everything for my first 'Diary' entry. I must go as one of the cats has gone into affection overload and is refusing to let me type!
Cheerio! X
