Deb's Return to Cambridge Journey

Discussion in 'CD Weight Loss Diaries' started by DizzyDeb, 21 July 2010 Social URL.

  1. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Have decided to start a diary, something to hopefully keep me motivated when I'm maybe not feeling so strong - think it will be good to be able to look back at my more positive days and remind myself why I am doing this and how important it is to keep going. Feel free to read, comment, advise or ignore ;)

    I previously lost nearly 5st on CD about 2 years ago and for various reasons I came off it and went back to my old eating habits which resulted in 5st back on, plus an extra one :cry:

    I've had a few attempts at a restart over the last year but to be honest they've been half hearted and I havent been dedicated to it at all. My results have always been great on Cambridge and having tried every single diet under the sun in the past I know that the quick results and the removal of food from the equation are the best options for me.

    I have a hugely unhealthy relationship with food and i definitely use it to plug every gap there is in my life, i have never found anything that is more comforting than food and even when I feel so miserable about my size and the way I feel - I continue to eat :sigh:

    Have decided to just plonk everything down here, all the personal stuff too, and hopefully it will make me start to address it if its there in black and white for me to see!

    I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and he absolutely destroyed the person that I was - why? - because I allowed him to! The abuse continued through my pregnancy and still I didnt have the guts to leave. The final straw came after I lost my 2nd baby following an incident with him and it all finally clicked in my head - there was only one person who could change the situation and that was me - so I left him and have never regretted the decision for a second.

    We've been divorced for 7 years now and I have an amazing 14 year old son who is my best friend in the whole world and whilst he has a relationship with his dad I very rarely see him which suits me fine because to be totally honest, the guy still terrifies the life out of me.

    I locked away all the feelings I experienced over those 10 years and have never dealt with them properly and I am now finding that things are unconsciously spilling out of that locked away place in my head and for the last few years I have really struggled to push it all away again.

    None of my family or friends really know exaclty what I went through - I'm ashamed to tell anyone how I allowed myself to be treated. I tell myself it wasnt my fault but then I question that thinking too because surely it must have been partly my fault, people dont act that way for no reason - do they?

    Anyway, years of using food to plug the gap, numb the pain - whatever - have left me 8st overweight and enough is enough. I cannot let my past define who I am going to be for the rest of my life and I need to move forward, so I have restarted CD and am also going to speak to my gp about counselling - might aswell tackle the whole lot together.

    So there it is - day one of my diary / journey and day 3 of my restart on CD. I am feeling good about the diet, am sleeping better already and dont feel so bloated. I must have walked about a mile between the loo and my desk / couch / bed over the last 2 days but its a great feeling cos I know I am doing something about sorting myself out.

    Phew, if I feel this good about peeing non stop how great am I gonna feel when I can get my ass back in my jeans - and fasten them without cutting off my circulation!!

    Onwards and upwards - or downwards in the case of the weight!
     
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  3. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Well am almost at the end of Day 3 - am in ketosis :D and am feeling really positive about CD and the coming weeks and months as I count down the pounds.

    Got a bit fed up of still water today so went and bought some sparkling on the way home from work and with some ice in it i can almost pretend its a long cool G&T - I wish!!

    Am looking forward to my old bod getting used to all this water so that I'm not traipsing back and forward to the loo all day and night - from what I remember from my last CD attempt it took about 4 weeks or so, so have a bit to go yet but will just look on it as extra exercise in the meantime.

    Its funny how just knowing that I am doing something about my weight issues has made me feel more positive already - I need to remember this feeling and when I am having a bad day, re-read this and remember how utterly miserable I felt just a coupe of days ago - I never want to feel so low again - good reason to keep going methinks!

    Am feeling really positive about this whole journey I am embarking on and for the first time in a long long time I am hopeful that I am going to find myself in this lumpy mixed up body that I'm trapped inside.
     
  4. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Day 4

    Am really chuffed that I have managed 3 full days on CD and am not even tempted by the dreaded F word! Once I get past the weekend I think I'll feel even better and once that first weigh in is out the way on Monday I will be so totally chuffed to have done a whole week!

    Water is easier today now that I am on the sparkly. Have had a couple of cups of peppermint tea too which is actually quite nice - didnt think i'd like tea without milk, regardless of what flavour it was!

    Day 4 and 5 are my iffy days on CD and I am feeling pretty iffy today as I had expected. I'm really tired and a bit light headed so am trying not to do much and keep the water going. Feel a bit sick so havent had any shakes yet but am going to have to have one soon or i'll be piling them all down my throat in a oner before i go to bed tonight!!

    Went off loads of flavours when I did this last time and I was living on choc tetras, p&l soup and porridge so when i see my cdc next week i am going to go back and retry the shakes and soups i previously liked and see if i can open up my options a bit - "eating" the same 3 things over and over again every day does get a bit boring! Never been a huge fan of the bars - always found them too big to eat in one go (wish I could have said the smae for a family sized bag of crisps in my pre cd days!!!) but i may give them another try too.

    Well, better go do some work now, but first, another trip to the loo - am starting to think this may be Debs toilet diary rather than weight loss diary!!
     
  5. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
    331
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Day 4 nearly over and despite feeling iffy all day, lightheaded and a bit sick, I am feeling good tonight.

    Am totally cream crackered though - came in from work and cut the grass, which really needed a few sheep and cows to have a chew on it before I attacked it with the flymo, and i thought i was gonna pass out half way through! I know I'm not the fittest but i can generally cut the postage stamp sized bit of grass in my garden without needing oxygen!!! Anyway its done now and I've got my feet up watching a bit of tv.

    Gonna have an early night tonight so am off for a shower then bed - tomorrow will be Day 5 - wow, day 5 already!!
     
  6. Susie Tuesday

    Susie Tuesday Seriously???

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    Sole Source
    Hey,

    Day 5! Your doing fab and I so, so know where your coming from on the loo front:eek: Even when I stop drinking early I still manage a few loo trips in the middle of the nite, thinking of installing the tv in there or at the very least my duvet :p

    Anyway I'm joining you tomorrow (SS that is) and as u have prob noticed I'm an old hand at this, well on the restart wagon anyway!

    Hope day 5 is a good one x
     
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  7. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Good luck for today Susie T - what are we like with these restarts, eh!! I've had a few over the last 2 years but its beenhalf hearted and probably wouldnt even count as a restart - day 1 done, that'll do, where's the crisps!!! Not this time thought - come on chick, we can do it!!!

    Was only up twice last night which was good - usually am up 3 or 4 times but i stopped drinking water at about 7ish and that seemed to have helped a bit - know what you mean though - sometimes think i'd be better off sleeping on the loo - save me getting up!!

    Anyhoo - good luck for today and let me know how you get on.
     
  8. Susie Tuesday

    Susie Tuesday Seriously???

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    Hellllllloooo well I hang my head in shame 2 say that I haven't restarted 2 day (blaming DH) but def for tomorrow or u can give me a kick up the proverbial ;)

    So how was day 5? When do u have ur first weigh in?

    Well hope ur day was a good one, catch up soon and thank you 4 the rep x
     
  9. PinkyJay

    PinkyJay Needs more willpower

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    Start Weight:
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    Current Weight:
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    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet
    Hi Deb have just read your diary so far. You have had hard times in the past and this is sad to read. I have turned to food many times for comfort but also love the taste. My poor relationship with food only started about 7 years ago and can't really put my finger on any particular issue just lots of little things at the same time.
    Good luck with your restart and keep up the good work. I am on day 4 and have not had a great day check out my diary entry under "Cambridge diet or cry" . Tomorrow is a new day and I will try to make it a good one even if I am at work for 12 1/2 hours ugh.
    Look forward to your updates PinkyJ x
     
  10. Kazski

    Kazski will try harder !!

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    Diet:
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    Hi Deb,

    Well done your doing so well, I ahd a good first week, managed to put most of it back on in week two and now in week three struggling to get back on it - but am gonna do it, cant be like this forever, please god no !! good luck with your first weigh in, but you'll of done brill xxx
     
  11. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Well, here I am at Day 7 - and pleased to say am still going strong - cant actually wait to step on the scales tomorrow and change my stats to show a loss - and fingers crossed its a good one!!

    I thought the weekend was going to be tough without work to distract me from food so I had planned to clear out my spare room and, if the weather was decent, to wash the car and weed the drive. Also thought I'd be totally knackered if I did all that - its just recently hit me how much less I am able to do these days without sweating like a pig and having to stop part way through to sit down for a rest - how embarassing!

    Anyway, cleared the spare room yesterday and was knackered but still had the energy to wash the car then go food shopping for my son - lots of bottles of sparkling water for me - not even tempted by the junk i would usually have bought for myself.

    Got to about 9pm last night and realised I hadnt had my last shake - shocker! - so that was a nice pleasant realisation and I went to bed to read with a lovely yummy hot chocolate shake - deeelish!

    Driveway weeded today and washing and ironing all done. Not really looking forward to cooking my son's dinner tonight as Sunday is the one day that him and I always sit down to dinner together but he is really supporting me with this so I wouldnt get away with a cheat even if I was tempted! I'll have my soup when he's having his dinner and it'll be fine. I have my weigh in to look forward to tomorrow so that will be more than enough to keep me on the straight and narrow!!!

    So, weekend one out of the way already - its been a very quick first week back on cambridge and its actually not been as bad as i had thought it would be so fingers crossed this is going to be my final restart and i am truly on the road to thin-ness!
     
  12. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Hey Susie, dont hang your head - there's no shame at all! Did you manage to get restarted yet?
     
  13. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
    331
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    How you feeling Kazski? you managed to get your head back into the game yet?

    stay positive - you will do it - we both will :D
     
  14. Susie Tuesday

    Susie Tuesday Seriously???

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    Sole Source
    Hey,

    Week one under your belt, go girl! Well I'm on day one, blip in the past etc etc :D

    Just had a thought, have a look on the main Cambridge forum and come and join the yet as unnamed team??????

    Sx
     
  15. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Hey PinkyJay - am gonna go read your diary now, but you're right, tomorrow is another day and thats the right attitude to have - dont write off the whole diet cos of a bad day. i am the worlds worst for that and every time I do it I swear I wont do it again but then I go and do the same thing all over again - one little slip and i go right back to my old ways, diet out the window! I am detemined not to do it again - I need to make a change and this has to be the time that I do it. I'll be 40 in 18 months and I refuse to be "fat n forty"!

    How is it going today - you having a better day?
     
  16. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
    331
    Likes Received:
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Yay - well done - you know what day one leads to?? Day 2, then day 3, etc etc - come on chick you can do it!!

    Oooo, would love to join your team - was in a team when i did CD in 2008/09 and it was such a great help - will go check out the main forum and find you!!
     
  17. Kazski

    Kazski will try harder !!

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    Start Weight:
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    Diet:
    Healthy eating and exercise
    Hi Deb,

    Glad your still doing so well, no not back in the game but was having a good think about a few things earlier (its odd what sets you off isn't it) and something just clicked - so tomorrow is another day and the first of many 100% days !!!

    Am in this with ya, your right we can do it - I wanna be a success story !!

    Good luck tomorrow xxx
     
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  19. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
    331
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Week one done and dusted and am on Day 8 - cant quite believe I've managed it with no blips, no tantrums over the elimination of food from my daily routine and no real problems. This is my most successful restart to date - I have never managed to get to Day 8 and I am just going to keep going now, am not even tempted by food - its not like I'll never taste it again, it'll all still be there when I've finished this part of my journey and I just hope that by that time I'll have sorted out all my foody issues and I'll be in control.

    Not really managing to type very well today - I broke a nail while weeding the driveway yesterday and its broken right accross the middle but still hanging on at each side so every time i hit it off a key on my laptop it bends over - ouch! Must go find a plaster to hold it together til i can get it fixed.

    Not really got much to say today - there's only so many times I can post about how chuffed I am to have lost 13lbs in my first week!!!
     
  20. Kazski

    Kazski will try harder !!

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    yay you 13lbs is amazing, bet you can feel the difference already - whoo hoo xxx
     
  21. DizzyDeb

    DizzyDeb On a Mission!

    Posts:
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    Start Weight:
    19st8lb
    Current Weight:
    17st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st7lb
    Lost(%):
    1st11lb(9.12%)
    Diet:
    CD - SS
    Thanks chick, sadly i think it will be another stone or 2 before i notice a difference in my clothes but I'm sleeping better, feel more energetic and most importantly feel inspired to keep going.

    Anyhoo, enough about me! How are you? You back on track yet?
     
  22. Kazski

    Kazski will try harder !!

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    Diet:
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    yeah I am, am seeing cdc today, last time I saw her I'd put the weight back on - gutted, but quick off quick on I guess. So although not been on it a whole week (just a few days) am hoping its going the right direction this time. I know I can do it, just got to believe in myself I guess x
     
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