Diary of a yummy mummy hidden in a blobby body

Discussion in 'Exante - Diaries' started by marley&me, 28 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    Hi folks,

    This is my first entry in what I hope will be my last attempt at a journey back to myself.

    I am 32, mum of 3, teacher, childminder and horse owner. I am today 16 stone 4, (yesterday +2lb's)

    I have set my goal of getting back to 10st 5lbs which for me at 5ft 4" is a comfortable size 12 to 14 and BMI of 24.89 I am right now pushing the boundaries of size 20/22 .

    I ache all over, am unfit, out of breath when I get to the top of my stairs, and I have had to sotp riding my beloved horse as my bum is well and truly too big!

    I am hoping Exante (the only affordable option for me) is going to help me on my journey.

    I dont want to be the next top model(!!!) just healthy with a BMI of under 25 and able to do all the things I am capable of when my weight doesnt hold me back.

    I have 90lb's to loose. I have survived 2 days without eating solid food. (did 3 slim fasts yesterday while waiting for my Exante to arrive.

    I am have told nobody about it in my real life (you all dont count yet!) and I dont really know why. Maybe because it would be setting myself up to fail. Have to think on that.

    I have a wonderful family, I adore my husband and he loves me at this size but I know I would love myself more at a healthy weight.

    I just want to get to the point of my weight not defining me. I want people to see me before they see a fat person. And I want to make decisions about my life and the activities I choose based on anything other than my weight.

    My lowest point came recently when my 6 year old daughter saw me run to catch hold of my 3 year old son in the park and she said "Mummy, you can run!" my daughter has never seen me run....and she is 6. That just got me.

    If anyone wants to join in/ buddy up. Please do!
     
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  3. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    Hi marley&me.

    Your first post really tugged at my heart strings there, sending a massive hug :bighug:. All those things that you wrote about that upset you regarding your weight and fitness can be changed.

    And your the one who is going to change them! and you taken the first step and you deserve a massive pat on the back.

    My OH loves me the way I am and its fab that yours is the same too but if your not happy hun your not happy and he will love you regardless because your a lucky girl like me! infact he will probably love you more when you lose weight as you will be a happier person and all he wants is for you to be happy.

    With regards to the comment made to you by your daughter, children tend to see things and say them without realising the impact they may have upon you and my friends daughter said something to me the other week that was really sweet but really made me think about my size.

    We were walking and I'm always at the back, carrying nearly 21 stone isnt an easy task and I'm always at the back, she turned to me and said " You find walking hard don't you?" and I said to her that I did but that I'm going to lose weight to be healthier and fitter so that one day I'll be able to keep up with everyone else and she turned to me and said "Well I love you as you are but I'll walk behind you so everyone thinks that I'm the slow one"

    And I felt so bad that a 12 yr old girl pittyed me enough to walk behind me so I didn't feel as embarrased.

    And with regards to your friends in real life, its your journey and your choice, if you dont want to tell them then don't. I find it easier to talk to people openly about my weight loss journeys with complete strangers, as I feel they are less critical and are supportive because they generally feel the same way as I do.

    What you need to do now is harness the hurt and upset into a positve tool to push you on and think positively.

    Sorry for the long post! I tend to ramble on.

    Lets both look forward as it's our first day to a slimmer and healthier plus lighter week ahead!

    All my love

    xxx
     
  4. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    Thanks Kizzle, that is really the kind of support I need.

    Your difficult walking story also tugged at my heart strings.

    Well lets do this together. I think we are both in the right frame of mind at this point, and as hard as it will be it must be done, and done for ourselves.

    Today has been a bit of a killer, I am tired, hungry and slightly light headed. On a positive note, black coffee is actually not bad! Had 2 cups today. I also sneaked onto the scale and see I am -2lbs. I am guessing it is all water weight, as I have not stopped peeing for the past 2 days, but 2lb's is 2lb's.

    I have also realised that I mis calculated my weight to loose. It is 85lbs I need to shead not 90. Which is really quite cool. And I am now at 83 left! woot woot.

    How has your start been going.

    off to try and make a ticker thingy.
     
  5. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    Well 2lbs is great! be really proud! regardless of whether its water is still great! keep up the fantastic work! woot woot at only having 83lb left :D

    And yeah my day has been ok so far, little tired and lethargic and a light niggling headache in my temples but that is to be expected I guess! Had my first pack at about 3.45pm and had a vanilla blitzed with coffee into a *exante* latte and it was lovely! really yummy!

    Keep up that fluid intake and have some paracetemol, hopefully that will help with the headache :)

    Soon we will be in ketosis and then we will feel great! Much planned for this evening?
     
  6. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    still have one more food pack to go yet, which is quite exciting. lol!

    I will try the vanilla blitzed with coffee, good idea. The only flavour I am not looking forward to is the mushroom soup. I am not a fan.

    still have plenty to do this eve, just normal mummy stuff. Just getting to the point where I believe I can get though day 2 TS.

    So far today I have been most tempted by jaffa cakes! But resisted. I think the choc orange bar will go down well tomorrow!
     
  7. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    oo choc orange bar sounds yum and also sounds like it will go down a treat especially after the jaffa cake craving! I ordered my packs but my mum had some left over from when she didi it earlier in the year and I snaffled those first and am eating those first, so cant wait to crack open my box in a weeks time and try the bars! I bought the shakes and bars bumper pack. I'm a really savoury person but for some reason when I diet i can't get enough of sweet stuff so trying to pre prepare for sweet cravings!

    Iv'e still got 2 packs to eat yet but got the veg soup tonight for later on and banana for when the OH gets home. I'm not a big fan of veg soup I'm hoping it will taste like the cupasoup ones!

    I keep opening the fridge, it's a habit i never knew I had but have noticed it so much today. Also the peeing! jesus! I'll need to buy shares in charmin by the end of the week if I keep peeing like this! lol!

    I'm hoping to get the washing up finished then change the beds and do the hoovering and hopefully OH will be home by then and we can take the dog for a quick walk as carrying a size 24 on a 5"6 frame isn't the easiest task in the world but I can gradually increase my exercise as time goes on. I just tend to feel a bit lazy only walking my dog for 15 mins but its all I can mange with all the hills that are around me!

    How old are your children? I read you have a 3 yr old boy and a 6 yr old girl. I apologise for being nosey! haha! I tend to ask lots of questions!
     
  8. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    Day 3

    Hi folks.

    Well day 3 has kicked of positively. I had the yucky metallic taste in my mouth this morning, and last night had some bloating in the tummy area. So some Ketosis symptoms.

    I am terrible for weighing in daily, always have been, and so couldnt help myself this morning. Another pound down since yesterday. so 82lbs to go, (39lb to xmas).

    Breakfast this morning was the chocolate orange bar. Great after the jaffa cakes cravings. The first couple of bites were bland and powdery almost, but as I got going it became really tasty and chewy. It took a good almost 10 mins to get through it. As I felt the need to eat slowly and enjoy it. Washed down with a cup of black coffee.

    I am learning about myself and my relationship with food everyday. Taking the choices away (of what to eat for my next snack/meal) and limiting it to a food pack, has helped me control my behaviour. It has also helped me appreciate more the food we have to choose from. Funnily enough I am not dreaming about Mc Donalds (something I would eat regularly) but I am thinking about crunchy tuna salads!

    Could it be that taking the self imposed pressure of food choices away, I can actually stop and think about something else?
     
  9. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    Love this post! sounding really positive this morning hun! Funny you should say it about the salad, I was dreaming about grapes last night in bed and had a terrrible craving for crudites with homous! normally it would of been a craving for dominos, or a chinese! I'd rather crave fruit and veg than junk!

    My mum said that when she did exante and after she came off it, she really didn't like the foods she liked before and had much plainer tastes, she couldn't see the attraction that those foods once gave her. Also when she slipped up she genuinely said that if she did fall off the wagon somehow her fave foods she slipped up on really didn't taste as good as she had fantisised about! Maybe it changes how we think about food!


    WOOO ON THE EXTRA POUND :)
     
  10. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    Hi Kizzle and all

    Thats funny you dreaming about grapes. I think it is the bland taste of the food packs which maybe gets people to re-adjust their tastebuds. Funny but I agree, I really cant see myself diving in to a chinese anytime soon, though Kung Po chicken has always been a weakness of mine.

    I have just had a soup disaster. I waited over 5 hours between food packs as I want to try and get into a routine of 3 meals a day, no snacks...for the longhaul of maintenance (when that day finally arrives).

    So I was starving! Ketosis still a distant dream away.

    I did a lucky dip and pulled out tomato and basil. Which should be fine. Whizzed it up according to directions and sat down ready to enjoy what looked and smelt really nice. Well one spoonful and I gagged! I think it is the consistancy? as it doesnt taste too bad, though very salty. But no matter how I tried, even with adding more water to thin it out (3 spoonfuls later) I couldnt do it....despite being starving.

    I am wondering if soup will be a problem for me???? I am definitely a sweet more than savoury person but I like tomato soup normally?

    Anyway I have just consoled myself with a strawberry shake. which is gorgeous in comparison to the t + b soup which I found so awful. Though stawberry does have a slight wallpaper paste taste about it???? but is a treat compared! I must remember to leave 3 spoonfuls in the glass to compensate for the 3 spoonfuls of soup I just endured.

    So I will try all the soups, but I wonder if I am going to be a shake and bar girl only?

    Any fave or disliked flavours yet?
     
  11. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    I have tried the tom and basil soup when mum did it. she had to add salt, pepper, curry power and garlic granules, dried herbs and have double the amount of water recommended. It was a little better. But the veg is deffo my fave so far!

    Veg soup, banana shake with coffee and vanilla shake with coffee are my faves at the mo! got the Thai chicken soup tonight and I'm not looking forward to it, I really hope its not to gingery and that its not to chickeny either as I am vegetarian and really dont like the taste of meat anymore! although I have been having a mega bacon craving and i really dont like bacon!
     
    Last edited: 29 September 2011
  12. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    weird cravings! considering you dont like meat/veggie. I have a new challenge.

    My mum is staying for the weekend, she arrives tonight. Me and mum tend to be naughty together around food. Usual culprit is a bread pudding each from Greggs, or even worse a cheese and onion pasty. So that will be really hard. The other thing is we are going on a hen night tomorrow for my cousin, and it is an ALL YOU CAN EAT chinese buffet! Oh hell. I have no idea how to navigate my way through the evening without indulging. Drinks will be fine, I will stick to sparkling water. But what do I do about eating. This night has been planned for weeks (way before I decided to do Exante). I dont want to draw attention to myself by not eating anything and having to answer a million questions and then defend VLCD's. But I dont want to sabotage myself either. I thought about doing a WS day, as a one off but not really happy about day 5 being a WS day.

    Any ideas?

    Right now I am struggling. Starving rumbly tumbly and got to decide what to have for last food pack and when. It has been 5 hours now. So anytime from now onwards is ok to have it.

    I have done 3 cups of black coffee and 1.75 litres of water so far. SO on target to get over the 2 litres by tonight.
     
  13. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    I would personally say stick away from any carb (rice, noodles, batter) and maybe have some shredded duck (if you like it) or anything meaty even chicken balls and srcap of the batter. Try and head for the more stirfyish dishes. Good luck!

    And I'm not really a vegetarian by choice either, I'm allergic to meat and fish protiens and pure dairy. So i can have an exante shake and be fine but a regular milkshake and I'd be really poorly.

    On the plus side I can still eat eggs! haha!
     
  14. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    Morning.

    Well this morning when I woke up I wasnt hungry. I was thirsty so downed a glass of water pretty quick.

    I have a fairly chilled day planned with my mum who is staying. Just the usual school runs, and house work and maybe a chance to go for a walk this afternoon, before this evenings nightmare Chinese Buffet hen night. So kicked off the day with a banana shake.

    Banana shake was actually really nice! I am getting used to the thick, blandish nature of the shakes and find them ctually really satisfying. Not long after I had a black coffee to and have not felt sloshy. I will be doing a chocolate Shake for lunch (the only one I havent tried yet) and then I will know what to order next.

    I am slightly scared to try another soup after yesterdays experience! so am thinking about giving them to my mum to take home with her as she is considering having a go too. She is the first person in the real world that I have told. She was surprisingly supportive. She too has always stuggled with her weight and has a BMI of about 50. So she totally knows what it is like trying to overcome obesity. It felt ok telling her, despite being hesitant.

    I am thinking about doing a bumper order of shakes and bars. I am praying the 50% discounts last as it will be a struggle financially if it doesnt.

    Apologies if this is TMI but it is just a realistic depiction of the diet in action.....I am still really gassy and bloated. I am even burping too now. I very rarely have wind, but this new regime is obviously having an impact. I have not been for a number two for 3 days! Not comfortable. I am beginning to consider an over the counter remedy??? Not sure if that is allowed?

    I have managed to resist the scales this morning. I think I need to drink more water and move more, so a walk is definitely on the cards today.

    Hope everyone is well and still on track.
     
  15. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    Ok so it is the morning after the night before. The chinese buffet hen night I think may have caused me a serious set back. And it is only W1! I attempted a WS day to navigate the evening which had been planned for months. I enjoyed the last couple of flavours I had not yet tried. (chocolate shake and Toffee fruit and nut) and then in the evening at the restaurant tried my best to chose low carb items and I sticked on the one small plate. Certainly did not get my moneys worth!

    Anyway I felt really yucky as I was eating, the food sat there in my stomach and felt greasy, heavy and foreign. Strange how just a few days on exante and I was feeling better and now one meal which I would normally consume readily, left me physically feeling terrible!

    This morning I feel rubbish too. I am actually looking forward to attacking TS and getting back to it. Funny as I was worried I would find the temptation of last night too much and it would all go pear shaped. But no, the opposite had happened.

    We have a Sunday carvery planned for tomorrow with friends, luckily my friends....so I can cancel without hubby being bothered. But seriously I will be gutted to miss out on the social aspect, but simply need to prioritise this weight loss.

    Off to drink some water!
     
  16. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    Wow you did amazingly well! And it just shows how a slip up wouldnt even be worth it! Well done! back to TS today :) :bliss:
     
    Last edited: 1 October 2011
  17. zazu

    zazu Member

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    Hiya I'm new to this to I want 2 lose around 10 stone God willing I do :)
     
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  19. marley&me

    marley&me Full Member

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    hi Zazu thats great, 2 stone 10 is a comparatively small amount to loose than some. So with focus and dedication I am sure you will have it off in no time!

    I am knackered and starving today, day 5 feels like day 3 again. I think I hit Ketosis yesterday as I was full of beans and not hungry. But the meal out seems to have messed me up and I am back trying to get into ketosis again.

    I have also realised I have a wedding invite on the 26th of Oct. So am going to do my best to get as much off as possible by then, but now worried the outfit I bought last week (size 22) may not fit.

    Saturday night takeaway is a habit for us on Xfactor nights, so tonight I will be having either soup or a shake. It really is funny how the substitue food pack make resisting sooo much easier.
     
  20. SammyE

    SammyE Silver Member

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    Good luck :) Im a horse owner too and have had to watch others have all the wins with my stallion under saddle because Im FAR too heavy, when I get to goal weight I can start riding him and I cant wait!
     
  21. zazu

    zazu Member

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    Not 2 stone 10 I want to lose 10 stones :(
     
  22. kizzle

    kizzle Full Member

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    I have 12 stone nearly to lose hun, your not the only one don't worry :)
     
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