Dilemma

[Jessaqua]

Omg this is so typically me! Almost 1 week into TFR and a guy I've been speaking to for almost a year & a half via email (we originally met in person whilst on a night out & got talking but at the time he was in a relationship, so we swapped email addy's but agreed nothing could happen between us as unfair to the other person).

Long story short he had wanted to break up, but circumstances dictated it wasn't so simple at that time. We spoke for almost a year & tbh then I let things go a little as didn't see any point.

Last week he messaged me to say they broke up at the of last year & since then he has been sorting things on the home & job front & asking how I was etc & tonight he has messaged again asking if he can take me for a drink next week!

It is such rubbish timing, almost one week into my TFR & I so want to do this! I ideally wanted to do 2 months, but think even one would make a huge difference. I'm currently 2 stone heavier than when we last met & I don't really want him to see me this heavy. My dilemma is how can I stall him about another 4 weeks without sounding weird, disinterested or like i have someone else on the go!

I've not been in a relationship for a couple of years & my last date was around a year back. I like the guy, but don't want to come across as being vain & preoccupied with weight, it's just I want to feel confident when I meet him not insecure over my crappy weight & I'm hoping 1 month from now if I work at this my weight with roughly be at the point it was when we originally met, so no "big" surprises! Oh and he's pretty sporty & health conscious just for good measure! Lol

So any suggestions on how a girl dedicated to doing TFR for at least another month can stall?

 

[Determined To Succeed]

Don't stall life is too short just go for drink and have fizzy water. If you have been e mailing all this time it is you he is interested in not your size. Good luck and don't let him slip through your fingers again x

Sent from my iPod touch using MiniMins

 

[approaching 40]

Hi Jess,

It is a dilemma. He clearly holds value to prioritising things and self improvement in his personal life before making contact with you again.

Maybe explaining that you are going through your life spring cleaning on a non romantic front may not be such a bad thing, but stall it for maybe two weeks. You could be a stone lighter by that point.

Men are not as obsessed by weight on women, as women are on weight on women.

If you have ever asked a man to buy any clothes for you, you normally end up with the size of clothes that the shop assistant who served was wearing (convo goes "what size is your wife/oh/gf?" reply "oh, she is about your size!")

Even if you are a little bit over, most people with weight problems or not put on a bit of weight over Christmas, so an explanation of perceived weight gain may not even be necessary.

Or suggest going for a coffee in the evening instead of a pub, have it black and keep a sachet in your bag and a bottle of water to have if you get a growly tummy (in the ladies if you have to!) and arrange to go out and met him as soon as you are ready.

Best of luck whatever you decide

xxx

 

[gercol]

I think this is great for you and would have to say that you shouldn't not meet up with him because after having emailing for so long ye def have something good going on between you two.....2 stone is not a massive amount of weight either so if i was you i wouldnt worry about it so meet up for sure and make it a drink date so you cant sip on water....ther isnt any need to tell him why your not drinking alcohol esp if ye meet start or mid week..... plus without the alcohol you will be in your full senses and be able to see if there is a ginuine spark between you both. Hope there is....

 

[Iamreadyforthis]

Meet him but drive (if you can) theres your excuse to drink water and not tell him about the diet. Dont stall though, just go for it, 2 stone isnt that much weight. If you really want to stall say you are busy this weekend and re-arrange for next, that gives you 2 weeks and you may well have lost the best part of a stone by then and the difference in the way you look will be negligible. Good luck hun, be happy

 

[Peggysue]

Omg this is so typically me! Almost 1 week into TFR and a guy I've been speaking to for almost a year & a half via email (we originally met in person whilst on a night out & got talking but at the time he was in a relationship, so we swapped email addy's but agreed nothing could happen between us as unfair to the other person).

Long story short he had wanted to break up, but circumstances dictated it wasn't so simple at that time. We spoke for almost a year & tbh then I let things go a little as didn't see any point.

Last week he messaged me to say they broke up at the of last year & since then he has been sorting things on the home & job front & asking how I was etc & tonight he has messaged again asking if he can take me for a drink next week!

It is such rubbish timing, almost one week into my TFR & I so want to do this! I ideally wanted to do 2 months, but think even one would make a huge difference. I'm currently 2 stone heavier than when we last met & I don't really want him to see me this heavy. My dilemma is how can I stall him about another 4 weeks without sounding weird, disinterested or like i have someone else on the go!

I've not been in a relationship for a couple of years & my last date was around a year back. I like the guy, but don't want to come across as being vain & preoccupied with weight, it's just I want to feel confident when I meet him not insecure over my crappy weight & I'm hoping 1 month from now if I work at this my weight with roughly be at the point it was when we originally met, so no "big" surprises! Oh and he's pretty sporty & health conscious just for good measure! Lol

So any suggestions on how a girl dedicated to doing TFR for at least another month can stall?

Say you are dating someone else. It's not serious but u want to see how it goes. Say the guy is well into u and u feel that you want to give him a chance and see how it goes. Say in the meantime u r happy to remain his friend through texts

 

[bigjeeze]

I think as a bloke , that the best thing would be to meet. If he isn't intersted in you for you then why do you want to be with him?

 

[Jamsi]

Tell the truth?
If he really likes you he won't be bothered and you may even be surprised that he is really supportive towards your efforts. Also if you tell fibs you will get yourself tangled and be caught out in the end

 

[Jessaqua]

Thank you to all of you kind people who took the time to offer me advice. Still a bit undecided tbh I am normally an open book kinda girl, so starting on lies doesn't really bode well with me deep down.

It's not that I think he will necessarily judge me, I think it's more my own self confidence will be less if we met at the moment as I am almost the heaviest I've been on starting this lipotrim journey.

I am a very outgoing person and very assertive in work & life generally, however when it comes to the dating game my confidence generally takes a nose dive big time & I'm especially a bag of nerves on first dates!

I think I might message him & explain I have some stuff on & that's taking up a lot of time & energy (but not go into specifics) but say that I'd love to plan to meet up in a months time (by which time i'lll be 4 weeks on TFR then & that also allows for refeed week) so hopefully I will feel much better about my weight.

As I said he's heard me constantly bleat on over the time we have chatted about weight, so I know he is appreciative of the fact I struggle with that side of things. He does seem very down to earth & genuine & let's face it I have gone at his pace for over a year before this & I've never once placed any constraints on the pace of things & I've left him to sort his life & let him feel he's in a place where he feels comfortable being in touch etc, so suppose he should actually be able to understand I may have commitments etc & if not I think right now my weight loss has to overide his feelings even if it means we may never meet as a result of my decision.

I'm a big believer in fate & what's meant to be will be & it will only pass you by if it's not time or for you. Time to test the principle maybe?

Thanks again all it helps hearing others opinions especially from people who know how it feels to feel a bit rubbish about how you look from time to time. Btw I don't think I'm a minger lol just overweight & unhealthy & both of these things are things that I am unhappy with & I'm trying to change to make me happier not others.

Anyway I feel great day 7 of week one tomorrow but won't be getting weighed til Thursday lunchtime. Fingers crossed it's worth the effort, although that said it has felt much easier today & I feel I can keep going a fair bit longer to achieve my goal.

Thanks all x

 

[Jamsi]

That sounds like a good plan and is a plan you are comfortable with so the only outcome can be winner
I am sure he will see you are worth wait (weight!) At the end of the day there is only YOU who can really make yourself happy.
Good luck with you weigh in tomorrow

 

[Iamreadyforthis]

Firstly well done for coming to the end of week 1, and well done on your decision, it seems like you have made the right decision for you. Let us know how it goes if and when you do finally meet up xx

 

[Jessaqua]

Cheers hun. Well I tried both the vanilla shake & the chicken soup for the first time today and both were quiet nice in my opinion. The pharmacist said they didn't have any flapjacks & tbh she gave me the impression she wouldn't be getting any in! I will ask her to order me a couple in to try as I think I should at least try things & try to vary my food stuffs.

I tested my urine today & got the result of moderate keytones, which makes me feel a little more reassured I'm doing things right. I decided to go get my weigh in a day early as I can't get to the pharmacy until lunchtime tomorrow. Apparently I've lost 5lbs which is slightly less than I was hoping for, but suppose it was after 6 days not the full 7 & I'm due my time of the month in next day or so & that always affects my weight loss when dieting normally. So all things considered I'm happy as that's a full bag of spuds I'm weighing less in 7 days so all good & everyone says after the first week things get that bit easier! :0)

 

[Iamreadyforthis]

I only lost 7lbs in my first week, and that was 7 full days, I think you had a decent result matey, stick with it, it will come good in the end x

 

[Jessaqua]

Thanks Hun. Xx