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Disaster Movie = My Life !

S: 16st1lb C: 16st1lb G: 10st10lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Starting a diary today to try and muddle throught the nonsense that is my life at the moment. Have you seen the movie Disaster Movie (Has all the potential of being a blockbuster but is filled with complete nonsense, very similar to my life.....)

A bit of background -

I'm short, I'm fat, I'm 42, I'm a mother, I'm still fat, I'm no longer a wife, I've got a great job, I have a lovely house (apart from the falling down part), oh did I mention I was fat, I've got a fantastic family, I can just about afford my gas bills, I enjoy my holidays and photography, I havent had a date in over a year.......oh did I mention I was fat.

I'm working from home today mainly because I dont really have anthing decent that fits me any more to go into the office with. It also gives me the time I need to start planning my FAT ATTACK!. I'm back on the Slimming world plan today and I'm not going to use this diary to log food / exercise etc but use it more to give my brain a work out. Let all those thoughts that clog up my few and far between brain cells have an outlet.

Okay dokay, I'm off to make a pro/cons list for motivation (top of that list will be the clothes thing which becomming a major issue!!!!!) and to stick a picture of a very skinny beautiful woman onto my fridge door (cow !) ....(bet she doesnt last the day!!!!!)

If you've read this, then thank you and do come back again.

CC x
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S: 16st1lb C: 16st1lb G: 10st10lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
What a gorgeous day it is today. A bit chilly but never the less its a delight to see the sun.

Is it just me or does everyone think about food 24/7? I find myself thinking about meals constantly...... what can I make for lunch, what would be different for dinner, sometimes my mind gets so absorbed with what I've got/not got in it sends me dizzy. I need to find a way to get out of the pattern of constantly thinking about food, it surely can't be healthy to have your mind crammed constantly with images and thoughts of food.

Today is an ok day clothes wise. I've got my trusty elasticated waisted trousers (my gran has a pair of these I'm sure !!!!) and a blouse I found at the back of the wardrobe that fits in a lumpy bumpy way, but it will do for my meeting later. I look fat but at least I'm presentable. Hopefully by next week I might be able to add to the collection of 3 things that fit me. " I will not go near marks and spencers" will be my mantra for today !

Have a lovely day ladies and gents, I'm off out now to try to get some work done and fight off the images of red/green/syns/healthy extras that are forcing their way into my head.

CC x
S: 16st1lb C: 16st1lb G: 10st10lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Morning diary,

Nothing much to report today, still on plan and enjoying it. Trying not to obsess about food as much and train my brain to think about other things.

It's strange how our mood affects our eating. I'm so much more concious about this now and last night was a classic example. I had made dinner, quorn chilli and rice and then I took a telephone call that was quite unpleasant and nearly had me in tears. My immediate reaction was to ignore the plates of chilli all ready and binge on anything I could get my hands on. I didn't of course but that instant feeling was so strong. There was my emotions plummeting to the depths of despair and my brain automatically clicked into binge mode.

I happily ate my chilli and was completely satisfied but it scared me how easily your mind can throw you completely on a different course.

I hope that in at least recognising these moments and putting some small plans in place to counteract them I can deal with them better in future. I've printed off a FAT picture of me that I'm going to keep to hand and any time I feel that trigger happening I'm going to look at the picture and remember why I'm doing this.

Don't know if it will work but at least I feel I'm being a bit pro-active in trying to handle this food obssession.

Thats all for today, still got my super duper elasticated trousers on hehe !

CC x

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