Do you ever feel 2nd best to thinner people??

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by DC23, 21 November 2010 Social URL.

  1. DC23

    DC23 Full Member

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    Hi guys and girls, i come on here quite alot but don't post much. I have just re started ss and am looking forward to results.
    I was just wondering if any of you have any thoughts to the question 'Do you ever feel 2nd best to thinner people?'
    I had quite an in depth conversation with my friend about this and wanted to know other people thought.

    Also to all the people who have reached goal, do you get treated diffrently now??

    Many Thanks for any replies in advance.:D
     
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  3. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    I felt/feel? both invisible and conversely at the same time as if I was invading their space with my size. I feel now that both of those issues say more about me than the other person. I walked with my head down and rarely made eye contact and if someone did speak to me I felt they were also thinking at the same time "wow.. .look at the state of her".

    And yes I did feel I was less important. The world is designed for the standard slim person ... lifts in buildings should out to you that you should be about 70kg to be classed as a "person", seatbelts in planes are only so many inches before you have to ask for the "extension" belt, seats themselves in planes, cinemas etc are the same. We had a new cinema open 15 minute walk away from my house but I find the seats "snug" so I still drive to the the one 20 minutes drive away as their seats are more generous. All these "snug" fittings only serve to make me feel bigger than I really am and be more aware of my size .. it's like it's screaming at me "you don't fit physically in the seat or in this world"
     
  4. Felix

    Felix Gold Member

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    I do feel that people judge me because of my weight but I am VERY paranoid and think no one likes me anyway. Always feel 2nd best to slim people but hey ho that's life :(
     
  5. Rae Rae

    Rae Rae Gold Member

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    Yep,atill think it nw ive lost the weight aswell. U cn change how u look bt takes a long time to retrain ur brain in how u think bout things.
     
  6. shell09

    shell09 Silver Member

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    good question!

    i so do or well so did feel 2nd best! but i think about my weight aprox once an hour so not normal and completely obsessive which is why n how i started cd i have to remind myself in social situations that i am not that person any more.... so i dont think much of it is by those around me but my own self confidence etc

    but there are always some people out there that just looooove to make you feel inadequate in any way possible

    xx
     
  7. GalwayMum

    GalwayMum Gurgly tummy!

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    I'm worse. Once every 2 min I'd say. I could've invented a teleporter in the amount of time I've spent thinking about weight/diet/planning/obsessing/crying, etc...

    Time so wasted.

    Yes, I do feel I'm 2nd best. No matter how clever, how funny, how talented I might be, it's always kind of tainted with the 'if only' I were thinner, fitter.

    I allow myself to feel this way. I'm not sure, if I'm honest, I've ever had a man love my body just as it was; that's fat or thin. Wonder why that is.
     
  8. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Because you don't love it fat or thin? If you show you don't think your body is worthy of your love why would you expect anyone else to?

    I'm trying hard to change this way of thinking myself; i'm trying to force myself to stop seeing my body as "the enemy" holding me back etc and am trying to see it as something that can work with me.
     
  9. GalwayMum

    GalwayMum Gurgly tummy!

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    Exactly, Gg..however, and this is a big however:

    I am aware that there are men who are more demonstrative with their appreciation of their partner's figure... I've never been with a man like that. A man who genuinely worships the female form in a way that is understandable to me. I've learned to accept the three-zone-guy: boobs, privates, face (kissing)......all other areas are ignored. I'm not sure this is a function of being in a LTR or what. Just an observation.
     
  10. jamieM

    jamieM Member

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    I have not reached my target weight yet, but even so with the weight I have lost people definitely treat me differently. I suppose for me the key is not whether I felt second best to other slim people, but that the larger version of myself was definitely second best to the slim version.
     
  11. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    I've been with both camps. My ex (for all his faults) never made me feel self conscious or "big" in bed..... and he saw me put on 4 stone. He preferred me slim but still found me sexy bigger.

    As for the routine.. to be honest I think some of it is lots of things but in the main is lack of communication, fear of upsetting the applecart, embarrassment and lack of knowledge (on both parts). I learnt a lot from my ex about communication regarding sex as he was totally natural about it so he made me feel very relaxed too.

    We all presume to just have these "skills" but I honestly believe they need to be learnt/taught.... and who does that? So in my 20s I went looking for inspiration and found Lou Paget. Google her, her books are fantastic! A lot of my friends have bought them since seeing mine.
     
  12. GalwayMum

    GalwayMum Gurgly tummy!

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    Oh, let me clarify: In my own head, I'm a terrific experimental and fantastic lover. In reality of married life-- it's very mechanical.

    When I was very thin, I would walk into a pub (very crowded in Ireland on a Friday night) and feel people check me out (male and female). Now, I am 'invisible'...at about the size 12 mark, I feel that feeling again. At the size 10 mark, men approach me with chat up lines. Did it make me feel sexier, happier, more enticing? Well, no, not exactly. 1) I'm married so no chance of getting 'pulled' 2)I still felt I was 'flawed' in some way, other ways........

    Eek, I'm fairly disasterous! :)
     
  13. Goreygirl

    Goreygirl Gold Member

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    Nah not at all hon. It's just about re-arranging where our self-esteem comes from. Now you've had a bit of therapy there's no going back because you've started that journey of self-honest.


    Check out GettinBetter.com's Articles - a whole heap of articles on BPD.
     
  14. rumbly-tums

    rumbly-tums Slowly but surely x

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    i dont feel second best, i just feel a more moving target
     
  15. PinkMantha

    PinkMantha time to get focused

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    I got to goal in 2008 and started to go out socialising alot more, I felt amazing, I'd walk into a club and felt like I owned the place and boy did I get treated differently, people who would only give me a smile to say hi when I was fat was now making an effort to come and talk to me and tell me how great I looked and I felt like replying g with "u dont have to tell me, I know :)"
    Just thought I'd share that x
     
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