Do you know what the real reason/s are for your weight gain?

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by louale, 25 January 2009 Social URL.

  1. louale

    louale Silver Member

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    Hey All,

    I posted the following message on the LL thread, but thought I'd post it here too, to see if anyone has had a similar experience to myself, and if they managed to work through it?

    I know on the LL journey we are supposed to come to understand the emotional reasons as to why we ate and why we are where we are today, but what if you can't put your finger on it, or there are many reasons, how can you work on the 'real issue/s' if you don't know what they are?

    Last year I went for hypnotheray (for weight loss), which also included NLP techniques, during the session, the hypnotherapist asked me to think of when I first became overweigh, and I think it was around the age of 7. We spoke about various childhood memories and the hypnotherapist seemed to focused on one in particular, but I'm not sure that was the start of my 'issues' with food.

    I used to eat to congratulate myself when I had had a good week, eat when I was lonely, bored, when sad, when happy, when worried, and I think probably for any emotion - so what does this mean? How do I begin to decipher what the real reasons are, so that I can begin to work on them? Is this something that will come to light during the LL group sessions? Do I need to go and see a psychologist, counselling to work through what the real reason/s is/was?

    I keep reading that you need to work on your 'issues', if you want to achieve weight loss for life, and I'm worried that I can't get to the bottom of mine, and unless I do, I'll never be able to deal with my issues around food.

    Anyone had a similar experience and managed to pin-point their 'real reasons?'
    if so, how did you go about finding out what they were?

    Louale x
     
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  3. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Hi Lou... I overeat for a whole raft of different reasons, mostly emotional, and patterns learned in the past etc... it's something I've been looking at over the last few weeks and have found fascinating. I do feel I need to sort this if I am to get anywhere with the weight issues, and somehow the overeating has become much more the problem than the weight is... weird!
    I envy you doing LL for the whole counselling aspect. I don't know how much the LLCs vary but I think that support must make all the difference for some people. I have thought of trying NLP so am interested in your experience there... I'm scared of going all-out for therapy though, in case I open a pandora's box & can't get the lid back on!
    I don't have any answers really, but good luck on your quest. Will be interesting to see what others have to say.
    xxx
     
  4. Lucy Blue

    Lucy Blue Member

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    I overeat because I like crisps and biscuits much too much. There is also an emotional element to it which is why I don't refer to "junk food," I think that if I hadn't had ideas about "good" and "bad" food forced on me from an early age that I wouldn't have got to the size I'm at now. I am quite probably addicted to food and that's why I wanted to go on the "Sole Source" plan of Cambridge Diet (ie. no food, three shakes a day) so I could have a break and re-evaluate my eating habits. Four days in I have stuck to it but doing badly, horrible cravings and headaches and desperate to eat. I can't see myself keeping this up much past the end of the week, let alone my previous aim of 2 months on SS. :(
     
  5. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    Lucy Blue, those headaches and stuff I'm sure were just carb withdrawal and do go on LL, I'm sure they would on cambridge. Just a case of taking it day by day and sticking with it.
     
  6. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Lucy B, just wanted to say the same as Purple B, those feelings are normal on Day 4! For me, the first 5 days were the worst, then I was OK but still hungry until I added in an extra pack per day (I am 5'8") & on 4 I was fine. Please keep going - I've no done two stints of 5 weeks on SS, with a fortnights break at Xmas, and got great results. And the reasons were, like you, to take food out of the picture so I could think properly about my reasons for overeating.
    So just wanted to say stick in there... and wait till you see the weight drop off! Not long now!
    xxx
     
  7. Angel1974

    Angel1974 Loves Porridge

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    Louale - I think you've been reading my mind - I have been on CD for 3 weeks now and feel in control of my foodlife .. but I am scared off having food again incase I can't control it and think oh well I've failed again!

    Any advise/ support would be great and as always welcomed. Great Thread thanks

    PS sorry if it's a bit heavy for a monday morning but been pondering this over the weekend, then found this post which fits perfectly.
     
  8. Jim

    Jim Big Boy

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    Too Much beer, too much food, not necessarily "Junk" but I just ate way to much. It's an excuse I know, but I could eat and drink anything I liked in the Army, but then I was highly active. I left the Army, drank and ate just as much but did nothing active at all.
     
  9. bigtummymummy

    bigtummymummy Mand

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    I think my problems stem from my childhood, i was under weight untill about 10-11, i was very poorly when young and spent a lot off time in hospital and on steroids. I never wanted to eat, felt too ill, i had a very small appitite. So my mum obviously trying to do her best for me would force feed me, she would tell me how much better and happier i would be and feel if i ate..... maybe those years of being brain washed into thinking happiness and wellness comes from food has made me turn to it on my emotionally lower days and days of feeling ill. I'm not saying this is the only reason for my weight, but i think it plays a large part.
     
  10. Silence

    Silence Bouncing back

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    I used to eat for a whole range of emotional reasons, but mainly as a way to exert control of something... whether it was after an argument with my mum, during exams at school, or trying to deal with any other intense emotion. I'm slowly but surely learning, through self-help CBT, to change my habits and re-establish my relationship with food.

    I also think it has a lot to do with the attitude I learned to have towards food, my entire family is overweight, my dad has tried (and failed) every diet in the book and my Mum highly disapproves, so dieting was always a source of conflict. But also, growing up at my parents house food = celebration, commiseration, stress relief, a treat and at my Nanna's house food = love.

    In truth food is fuel.
     
  11. Purple Hugs

    Purple Hugs Loves weight.. training!

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    I became overweight when I became depressed in my teens (lot of home problems, abuse etc). That was when I started comfort eating.. I'd 'treat myself' to something to chear me up.. I started diets at 14, with my mum's blessing.. the same mum that bought me my 'favourite' foods a week later..

    I was very active in my late teens/early 20's.. was in the TA, swam every lunchtime, ran every night etc.. but I'd finish the night off a few times a week down the pub.. I always stayed around 12 stone or so...

    When I was happy again in my mid 20's.. I put on another couple of stone.. I didn't honestly notice going from a 16 to a 22.. :sigh:

    But.. seeing myself as a short fat woman in the mirror of a shopping centre literally stopped me in my tracks..

    I still eat when I'm happy/sad.. but I try and pick myself up quicker and don't have depression anymore - took till my late 20's for that to finally shift (long story).

    Now.. I'm finally realising I really HAVE to change everything I eat once I've lost this weight. I have gone from eating half a cheesecake.. to just one slice.. now I need to HALVE that slice..

    I do think it's a long road to learning and adjusting our state of mind, or in my experience anyway. :) It was actually only when I weighed with my CDC on Thursday that I marked a door frame lightly with my height.. only then did I stand back and realise how SHORT I am.. I need to remember this in relation to what I eat from now on in!

    All in good time though.. all in good time. :)
     
  12. 1974rach

    1974rach Gold Member

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    Hi all,

    I'm an emotional eater. I use food for celebration, commiseration, to stave off boredom. For me the worst thing is always feeling like I have been deprived (and at 25 stone I ain't never been deprived of food!) I used to eat a lot in secret, I haven't for a long time.

    But the more I step back and look at this objectively the more I see that my weight makes me so unhappy I can hardly bear it. There is, sadly, something holding me back - I think I might know what it is, and that fact that I would rather be fat than face up to my fear makes me feel worthless.

    I don't have any answers, and I don't know the way out of this. And so, for the time being, I am just going to paste a smile on my face, keep drinking the shakes and take my life a day at a time.

    xxxx
     
  13. Elie

    Elie Silver Member

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    Very interesting post!

    I, like many other people, eat when I have what I call my "emotional urges". And also, I am always scared of being "hungry". The thing is, in my family, I have been taught how to eat healthily. My mum used to be overweight, but it was because she had a bad car accident after her 2nd pregnancy and couldn't move much. But she is normal now. So are my sister and dad. I am the only one like that. I FEEL THE NEED to eat when I am happy, sad, tired, bored, etc, but I don't know where it comes from and it is bugging me. I know that if I knew the real cause/s behind my comfort overeating, then I would be able to keep the wight off.

    I was a happy teenager, headgirl, slim, bright future and all that. So what went wrong? :confused: perhaps one day I will find out the cause and be able to be happy with food again. :)

    Elie xoxo

    PS: do you think many women who are slim also comfort eat? I have always wondered...My sister is very slim and never comfort eats. Of course, this behaviour is alien to me :rolleyes:
     
  14. louale

    louale Silver Member

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    Hi Elie,

    Funny you should ask the question as to whether slim people comfort eat or now. I was chatting with a male colleague a few months ago when I told him that I was going to start LL and I explained that the reason I was overweight was because I was an emotional eater.

    My colleague/friend laughed and said, "yes, so am I, but I just eat and the next day it's gone" (meaning his body rids of the excess food, sorry TMI). He told me that he had bought a cheesecake for him and his flat mates and that he had 1 slice of it, then kept thinking "oh I've got that cheese cake in the fridge", he went and ate another piece and another, until he ate the whole thing. When his flat mates came home and wanted some of the cheesecake that he'd previously told them he had bought, he had to tell them he had eaten the whole thing LOL!

    My colleague is probably 6 foot 2 and I think must weigh less than 10 stones.

    He did say that he binges fairly frequently, but eats healthy when he's not binging.

    I think that most 'normal people' go made every now and then, but that's exactly it, it's every now and then, then they eat healthy the rest of the time.

    I don't want to speak for everyone, but I think with me, I have binged too frequently and not enough healthy eating - think that was my main problem!

    Louale x
     
  15. PurpleButterfly

    PurpleButterfly 16lb to go!

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    I wonder whether some thin people's definition of a binge is just much less? i.e. they wouldn't even be able to eat a 250g bar of choc in one go (yes I've done it :eek:) or a whole packet or whole tub.
    But they might think of a binge as eating like maybe a small bar of chocolate or something? Dont know.
     
  16. Jim

    Jim Big Boy

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    would you classify 2 extra thick cheese and onion sandwiches as a binge? This would be mid evening as a snack, probably followed by a large packet of crisps.
     
  17. naettjohnson

    naettjohnson Member

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    hello,

    I understand what you mean about finding the reason why you overeat whatever bad or good you're feeling.
    I was on Lighter life and now I'm not. I do believe that it works but I had to much to deal with at the time.

    Today, after 20 years of dieting, I have decided to take care of me, for real and to compromise with myself and for that I have started to see a therapist. I knew that something was wrong with my relationship with food but couldn't point what was wrong.

    This therapy helps me put things in perspective. I don't want to sound like a cliché but a lot of my issues came from my mom and my need to always have her approval and her attention. That never came, I have been thin and not thin and it never came. I started a pattern to overcome my sadness and fustration but I got lost on the way and used it for anyhting that happened to me. It stopped me from feeling things. the thing is that the only person that it has affected all along was me. And now, I suppose I'm saying enough is enough.

    If you really feel that you can get at the bottom of that, maybe, you should take a different approach and see things like a "to do list". Weight loss, check. Dealing with my job, check, breaking up with an abusive boyfriend, check...And so on.

    That's how I do today, I have yet to check weight loss as it is just the beginning for me, it will take time but now I'm sure of me. I have faith in my success.

    I don't know if I have been able to help you in any way. But don't lose hope, it's hard but in the end, it's worth it, you'll see...

    Take care.
     
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  19. naettjohnson

    naettjohnson Member

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    You'll get there.

    hello,

    I understand what you mean about finding the reason why you overeat whatever bad or good you're feeling.
    I was on Lighter life and now I'm not. I do believe that it works but I had to much to deal with at the time.

    Today, after 20 years of dieting, I have decided to take care of me, for real and to compromise with myself and for that I have started to see a therapist. I knew that something was wrong with my relationship with food but couldn't point what was wrong.

    This therapy helps me put things in perpesctive. I don't want to sound like a cliché but a lot of my issues came from my mom and my need to always have her approval and her attention. That never came, I have been thin and not thin and it never came. I started a pattern to overcome my sadness and fustration but I got lost on the way and used it for anyhting that happened to me. It stopped me from feeling things. the thing is that the only person that it has affected all along was me. And now, I suppose I'm saying enough is enough.

    If you really feel that you can get at the bottom of that, maybe, you should take a different approach and see things like a "to do list". Weight loss, check. Dealing with my job, check, breaking up with an abusive boyfriend, check...And so on.

    That's how I do today, I have yet to check weight loss as it is just the beginning for me, it will take time but now I'm sure of me. I have faith in my success.

    I don't know if I have been able to help you in any way. But don't lose hope, it's hard but in the end, it's worth it, you'll see...

    Take care.
     
  20. LightRaven

    LightRaven What doesn't kill me.....

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    For me, I believe that my childhood plays the biggest role in my weight. When I was seven or eight a pattern of abuse started and lasted until I was 14. I don't actually understand why it happened, because it started with a family member and spread out to random boys I went to school with for the next seven years... I swear there was a sign on me that said "Come molest me, I won't tell!" It didn't stop until I kicked some kid's butt in the middle of biology class because he touched me. That was when I found that if I put up this facade of being tough, people would leave me alone. But during those seven years I continued to gain ALOT of weight. In hindsight, I believe that if I made myself unattractive, that they would stop. It completely didn't work. But by that time, I had a rocky relationship with my father, and depression had started to develop and food eventually became an outlet. I started out using food as a way to repeal people, and then I started using food as comfort.

    I distinctly remember thinking to myself not too long ago when going through a nasty split with my husband "I'm so upset with him, I think I'll grab a candy bar."

    I have come to the realization recently that by constantly feeling like I was a victim (which I was, but you can let your attackers continually victimize you years after the event, or you can be proactive and heal, and survive) I was enabling not only their behavior, but my own self destructive behavior. Seven might have been too young to understand that what has happening was truly wrong, but at 14, I damn well knew better and if I had spoken up and had faith in my family and teachers, maybe I would have ended up feeling differently about myself and treating myself with more respect.

    I'm not sure this this is coming out clearly, so I hope it makes sense.

    I wonder if introverted people are more inclined to overeat than extroverts?

    LR
     
  21. Polyanna

    Polyanna Silver Member

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    I blame it partly on my thyroid gland, when I was in my 30’s I was really down, tired, couldn’t stop eating, aching joints etc. It was the aching joints that got me to the doctor, who gave me a blood test and diagnosed an under active thyroid gland. So I was then treated but unfortunately it got me into the habit of overeating so the weight remained.
     
  22. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    LightRaven, just wanted to send you a hug. I can totally understand why you reacted the way you did with food - lots of us are trying to hide behind our size for one reason or another. I think you've been amazingly strong and done so well. Please don't be too hard on yourself - none of this was of your choosing. Many of us are here because we use(d) food as a way to medicate unhappiness and fill up a hole inside that had nothing to do with hunger. I think you have some great insights and a positive attitude and those things mean you can reach your goal and beat the legacy of the past.
    So... hugs.
    xxx
     
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