Don't know why I bother anymore.

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Jodieboo, 11 November 2011 Social URL.

  1. Jodieboo

    Jodieboo Gold Member

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    Sorry guys just having a bit of a rant.

    I am so WOUND UP with my partner at the moment.

    I just feel as though he doesn't appreciate what I do or what i'm going through.

    Tonight we have had a bit of an argument which spiralled from having no money. I had £10 to my name and he wanted some ciggies so I told him he could use the money but I was NOT going to get them for him. He then went mardy because HE had to go and get them.

    On coming back he was still in a mood. I was cooking my tea at that point and I had asked if there was any change because I wanted 70p so I could nip to the chippy over the road and grab some mushy peas. He then went off the handle and slammed his money jar on the settee next to me saying its what I wanted so JUST TAKE IT.

    This really wound me up because he's moaning at me for us not having any money yet he wastes all of his. Then he starts moaning because I never buy any food that HE wants, all I do is spend £50 a week on shopping for ME. Which isn't true. Just because I don't stock the freezer with burgers, chips and sausages.. all non SW food.. I don't buy his food.

    Then I got so pissed off I had a go back. He never does anything round the house, sleeps til 3 in the afternoon, treats me like a door mat and expects me to just put up with it.

    As I was finishing making my dinner I said to him that maybe he shouldn't have tried proving a point by buying me expensive birthday presents and saved some money. He took this as offensive, and looking back now I can see that it might have hurt him. He then slammed the door that seperates the kitchen from the living room. This really wound me up as it's a glass door and if he breaks it it would be more money as we rent this house. I came back in to the living room, angrily I do admit, and told him not to slam the door... and he turned round and raised his fist at me.

    He then proceeded to then go out, slamming all doors on his way.

    I've just had enough now. He doesn't appreciate what I do for him and let him get away with. I don't know any sane woman that would do all the cooking, cleaning, washing up, taking the cat to the vets, sorting the finances out and just generally keeping our lives afloat while he's either sleeping or smoking his life away!

    I don't want to split up with him because I do actually love him, I just cant take his moods and "the world owes me a favour" attitude!

    :(
     
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  3. Mrs.S.

    Mrs.S. Gold Member

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    Tell him everything you've told us.

    And don't EVER stand for a man raising his fist at you.
     
  4. .Nicki.

    .Nicki. Minimin Addict

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    So you give him your £10 to spend on fags and he strops? I'd be bolting the door behind him and not opening it again until he's grown up a little and apologised profusely for even thinking about raising a hand to you.
    But I no its never simple when it comes to our oh's, easy for us to take your side but no you'll always want to defend him, as we all would with ours. But i will offer big hugs and I hope you get it sorted but remember doesn't matter how annoyed he is at you raising his fist crosses the line, using it pole volts it xxx
     
  5. Jodieboo

    Jodieboo Gold Member

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    I have done but he doesn't listen/care. We've been together four years, I know it may not be long but for someone my age it's quite good going. It's not been the best 4 years, we have had our ups and very difficult downs but after everything we've been through, he still treats me like dog ****.

    He never opens up to me and in some ways I feel as though he's hiding who he is from me. Even still, there's no excuse for not helping me keep the house tidy or help me with things like shopping and stuff. He just seems too busy to care some times.
     
  6. Jodieboo

    Jodieboo Gold Member

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    If he ever hit me I'd deck him! But that's not the point, it shouldn't be done. I haven't done it to him so he shouldn't do it to me. Men, eh? :(
     
  7. tallsarah

    tallsarah Silver Member

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    I am going to be blunt.
    His behaviour is unacceptable and abusive,
    You are worth more than that!
     
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  8. barbs1965

    barbs1965 Full Member

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    I don't think men ever grow up, my husband can act very childish and he throws tantrums as well.I usually find the next day he calms down and then we are back to normal. I do feel for you that he doesn't do anything. My hubby never did much but he can't do anything now cos he had a stroke, well he could do a bit but he doesn't even try.When he calms down you need to tell him how you feel and he should help you. You will probably find that the longer you stay with him you will need to keep telling him what you want. I have been married nearly 25 years and I have told my husband loads that he needs to help, he does for a bit then slips into his old ways. I find now I don't bother saying anything-anything for a quiet life lol.I hope you feel happier soon, it's horrid when you fall out
     
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  9. princesskim

    princesskim Full Member

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    Things will be ok, I've told u a thousand times what I think.. things won't change unless u make them. Xx
     
  10. Bunnylush

    Bunnylush Gold Member

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    Sorry but he won't change unless you pack his bags and send him off to grow up! He will never change whilst you're doing everything for him. He has to do it away from you, you've let this cycle develope,and he's got away with so much,he's taking advantage. I should know I spent 23 years trying to change my ex,what I really did was waste 23 years of my life on someone who certainly didn't deserve me. There's enough signs there of your future with him,it isn't good or happy. Worse if children come along. Sorry if that's upsetting,and I know it's hard,but really you deserve to be looked after and treated with respect xxx
     
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  11. Tinytootz

    Tinytootz Mini crazy cat lady

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    :(

    It's a difficult situation to be in, I was in the exact same. I was basically my ex's mother. I did all the cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, sorting finances, and sorting any problems he had. He would stay in bed till midday or later, then sit on his ar*e until he went to work in the evening. All his money went on beer and boys toys (guitars, computers, gig tickets) and mine went on trying to keep our heads above water. We were forever falling out, I was always labelled as being the boring miserable nag who worried about money and everything, never got him the food he wanted (pies, chocolate, milkshakes, crisps, beer, chips) and never went out - I had no money to go out! Sadly, I didn't end it, he did. We had got to the stage where I was writing him notes for when he got in from the pub saying how unhappy I was. But he did me a massive favour by doing so! It made me realise that MY happiness was more important, and so should yours.

    Many men have peter pan syndrome (and some women too), but there is only so much you can take. My current partner does a bit around the house, not a lot, but I have told him what my limits are! Yes, I'll get your mug from upstairs and wash it, but no, I won't pick up your toenail clippings off the floor, or let you (or rather cook you) rubbish food to eat every night! And yes, if I have cooked, you WILL do the washing up, and vice versa.

    If you have already told him everything you have told us, then perhaps an ultimatum is what is needed. I know it's scary, and in the cold light of day and on the good day it seems really unnecessary, but you can't go on feeling like this, it's not fair on you. With any luck, it will be the slap in the face he needs, and he will realise that he has been a sh*t to you, and needs to buck up his ideas, or he will lose you.

    And I reiterate, the whole fist thing, major no-no for both parties involved.

    Good luck, chin up, and soldier on xx
     
  12. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    You know what, right up until the point raised his fist to you I was trying to see it from both sides.

    I know that i sometimes joke on here about getting a unsmpathetic OH gone, but seriously this time, get him GONE. It is NEVER EVER acceptable for a partner, male or female, to raise a hand to you - there is NO circumstance in which that is understandable behaviour.

    I could probably come up with some reasons for his behaviour up until that point (money troubles, sounds like he's depressed, feels like his manhood has beem taken away), and it is true that your comment about wasting money on the present sounded a little unfair. However NONE of this is an excuse for that.
     
  13. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Just read through what you have written and then tell me you love him !!!!!

    Sorry how can you love this man. I do not see one redeeming feature. He sounds dangerous to me.

    Get out, get rid of him.

    I might sound hard and unsympathetic but I put up with a man who raised his fists at me, he was a worker, a bread winner and a good father ,a lousy and unfaithful husband, and he raised his fists. Because I could tell myself he did have redeeming features I put the underlying violence on a back burner and made excuses for him.

    I ended up with broken ribs and broken fingers and terrified beyond belief.

    Be warned, get out. You might discover you do not love him but that he is a habit, he has been a part of your life for 4 years and you might just be afraid of being on your own again...... be more afraid of the violence.

    I am probably the eldest member on this board and have experienced a lot and can tell you the best thing I ever did was divorcing my ex husband of 20 years and meeting and marrying my present adorable husband of 26 years.

    I wish you everything that is good...........protect yourself.
     
  14. barbs1965

    barbs1965 Full Member

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    I didn't want to be so forthright in saying that you should leave him, but ignoring the fist if you carry on as you are, you could end up in my situation 25 years down the line where you are well and truly trapped. My husband behaves really badly but I couldn't leave him because he has had a stroke and can't look after himself, if I left him then my son would need to look after him and he would never speak to me again, I could never ever put my son in that situation. Also financially I have hardly any money of my own cos I work part time so I can be there for him. I think sometimes what it would be like to meet someone who would help me and care for me. Please don't end up like me. On a good day I do love him but on a bad I would love to have a different life
     
  15. Ali*

    Ali* Gold Member

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    Bless you both xx

    OP beware! These 2 lovely ladies have been there, done that, got the t-shirt ...
     
  16. lucyc35

    lucyc35 Full Member

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    I hope you don't mind the personal question but what is it about him that you love? Is he thoughtful or kind? Does he do things for you etc? Someone asked me this once but I was in such a bad mood with my bf at the time that I couldn't think of anything nice to say so if u feel like you do now it might be hard to answer but it might be good to list the good things too.
     
  17. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    He very obviously is not kind or thoughtful. Read what has been said about him.

    Your question is in essence a good one............ what is there to love about this man.In my opinion , nothing !!!
     
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  19. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    Can I answer from a male point of view?

    Firstly, I wonder how the hell I got divorced and how have had several relationships end because they were not working anymore. No big scene, no nastiness, certainly no violence and still pally with various inlaws etc.

    I can't help thinking you have made this rather easy for your fella! - he makes no effort because he has never been encouraged to. It will be very difficult for him to start now - leopards and spots and all that.

    Oh, and this time he raised his fist and didn't hit you. I think it is only a matter of time. It is clear you have what appears to be an "irretrievable breakdown" and your idea of love is not the same as most people's.

    To come onto a public forum, and type what you did, says all that needs to be said really. You "might" be able to turn him around, but I'd wager it will be a short term thing and he'd resent it.

    Hopefully there's no kids involved!
     
  20. Bunnylush

    Bunnylush Gold Member

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    There are many decent men out there,including yourself, I have one too now,and my life the last 7 years has been relaxed,happy,content,secure ,loved ,none of those I had with my ex for 23 yrs x
     
  21. lucyc35

    lucyc35 Full Member

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    Of course i read what has been said about him. He sounds like an a***hole but She said she loves him- I just wanted to know why!!
     
  22. Jodieboo

    Jodieboo Gold Member

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    To be quite honest guys, i'm not sure now what I still see in him. He does make me laugh but that doesn't override the fact that he's lazy and abusive.

    Maybe it is habit, i'm not sure. I've tried talking to him today but i've had a housefull for most of it so not really spoken. I did ask him to put away the washing up off the draining board this afternoon.. and it's still sitting there now.

    Things do need to change, I agree.

    Thanks for your input guys, I will update when we've had a chat.

    X
     
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