Drains and Fountains

[fillymum]

Do you have people in your life who fall into one of those catagories, drains and fountains.

The fountains are the people who are a joy to be around, they enrich your life and are a pleasure to know. They are life's positive people. You know the ones. Their glass is always half full.

Then there are the drains. They sap you, they suck the life out of you. They are always doom and gloom. It is rare that anything is good. I have one of these in my life. I have to speak to her every day or at least my conscience tells me I have to. You know that niggling little voice that nibbles away at you. This particular person is now 84 years old and lives alone. She is also quite needy. We have known her for 20 something years and promised her late husband we would keep an eye on her. I have just spoken to her and I feel drained, quite literally drained. Everything is wrong, nothing is right. I want to scream at her but try not to. Ocassionally I do snap and bite back and then I feel even more guilty. Now and again Paul will ring her to give me a days break. Isn't it terrible that I feel like this? It makes me quite ashamed of myself actually.

Her glass is always half empty.

Thanks for letting me rant !!!!

 

[CAPRICORN]

Hi there

You are right about the way they sap the energy out of you-My mamma used to be a "drain" and it made visiting such hard work and as a result she had less visitors...-

now my mum on the other hand is certainly a wonderful "fountain" -even though she would be justified in being a drain -nothing is ever wrong, having had a mastectomy last year she was well entitiled to moan and did she!!! did she eckers like. My beautiful big sis lost her fight with ovarian cancer 2 years ago and she too was a "fountain" everything was always going to get better, and she never complained... I think that as is often the case -those that have little to complain about are the drains and those that have cause to gripe are beautiful fountains...
ooh Im going all gooey ....

 

[leelea]

I know exactly what you mean. My oldest friend is a large deep drain Even when something positive happens it's always 'yeah but...' she is very negative and my bf thinks she's very hard work and he's only met her once. In fact it's a surprise when she says anything nice. Recently she got promoted and got a payrise but she still wasn't happy. Some people just don't realise how lucky they are!

On the other hand my boyfriend is so positive...since I have known him he has never got angry, upset or annoyed about anything. He always has nice things to say about everyone. I admit I can sometimes have a good ol' moan and he'll just say something or do something to make me realise it's not worth the worry
Ooh I'm going to go a give him a big kiss for being so lovely now!

 

[fillymum]

Thanks for your lovely replies. Makes me realise I am not alone.

I am already dreading speaking to her later and it is entirely my fault. She is what she is and at 84 years old I am not going to change her. I know I should just say, yes, yes, yes and make life easier for ME !!!!

An aside to this topic is that there are not just Drains and Fountains in our life we also have the ones I call the Puddles. They are the people who drift in and out of your life. One minute they are friends the next ..... gone. It used to worry me but not anymore that is just how life is and is normal. My good friends have been in my life for ever lol !!!

Thanks for the replies.

hugs.

 

[RubyMoss]

I used to have a 'drain' in my life - she used to make me feel so insecure about my relationship with my boyfriend. When me and my boyfriend first got together, it was one of those 'together for the sake of it' kind of things; neither of our hearts were in it, and we both ended up cheating on one another (bearing in mind this was very early on, the first month or so). However, three years later, everything is absolutely perfect with us. We've been through a lot, and it's made us stronger. As bad as cheating is, it was the thing that made me and my boyfriend realise we want to be together. Yet this person who I was 'friends' with, up until very recently, did nothing but put a damper on my relationship. If I told her I was really happy, she would respond with something along the lines of 'Yeah, but he cheated... are you sure he's not seeing someone else behind your back?'

She even used to try and make me and my boyfriend argue/split up. She would text him, and he would reply with a simple message (for example, telling her where we were on a night out) - then she would text me saying he'd contacted her begging her to meet up with him and he'd been flirting - when I knew this wasn't true AT ALL!

Sorry for the absolute waffle I've had here, but it just shows that some people aren't happy when others are - it's only now she has a boyfriend that she's stopped being like this... mainly because she's stopped talking altogether. I just started to realise that some people are not worth knowing, and I'm glad I found this out early in life.

xxxx

 

[fillymum]

That sort of thing early in a relationship is the concrete in the foundations Ruby.

Your are better off cutting your "friend" out of your life as you would cut dead wood out of a tree.

hugs xxx

 

[RubyMoss]

That sort of thing early in a relationship is the concrete in the foundations Ruby.

Your are better off cutting your "friend" out of your life as you would cut dead wood out of a tree.

hugs xxx

You're definitely right there!

*hugs* xxx

 

[pammyd]

Isn't it strange how we all know exactly what you mean... my s-in-l is a drain, shes always full of all woes, when i first met her many years ago, she sat down and the first thing she did was apologies for being late but was having problems etc. etc. etc. you get the picture. Years later and she's never been on time for a single thing and she still apologises with the same quote. Where as my best friend was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer on Xmas Eve and to date has not complained once, she refuses too and is often heard to say that she's had a good innings and its not over yet so don't measure her for her coffin... I do love her, and tell her often . fillymum, don't feel bad for getting frustrated, I'd like to bet your lady friend looks forward to your contact every day and just by doing that I think you are marvelous.

 

[rosinakathleen]

Dear Fillymum,
at least you have the warm satisfaction of being a "fountain!"
you prove that by not giving up on the old woman as much as you prob want to!

 

[RubyMoss]

Dear Fillymum,
at least you have the warm satisfaction of being a "fountain!"
you prove that by not giving up on the old woman as much as you prob want to!

I second this.

 

[avisk]

Fillymum, you are definitely a "fountain" - I always like to read your posts, full of humour and common sense.

As we go through this life, if we are lucky, we find some people who make our world a better place. We should cherish them and count our blessings.

And then we have to deal with those people who you so cleverly describe as "drains". The best we can do is to try to be kind, and try to put up with their ways without letting it affect us too much.

 

[fillymum]

Thanks for the kind words ladies, but you know, you all bring out the best in me and that is what makes this fountain flow.

hugs to you all xxxxx

 

[OzzieMoz]

I totally understand where you are coming from in your description of "drains" and "fountains", in fact it's beautifully expressed and I think we all have people in our lives who fall into those categories. You also mentioned the "puddles" describing friends who come and go .... I think there are also "rainbows" people who appear in our lives infrequently but when they come it's an absolute joy and when they go you feel a bit wistful, but then suddenly months/years later they reappear and it's a joy again. Now I'm feeling wistful, that's the trouble with having emigrated, you don't randomly bump into people from the distant past.

 

[fillymum]

I totally understand where you are coming from in your description of "drains" and "fountains", in fact it's beautifully expressed and I think we all have people in our lives who fall into those categories. You also mentioned the "puddles" describing friends who come and go .... I think there are also "rainbows" people who appear in our lives infrequently but when they come it's an absolute joy and when they go you feel a bit wistful, but then suddenly months/years later they reappear and it's a joy again. Now I'm feeling wistful, that's the trouble with having emigrated, you don't randomly bump into people from the distant past.

Oh I love that....Rainbows. I have them in my life as well and what a delight they are.

I have one friend in particular who fits this category and Rainbow is such a good description. Thanks for that.

We didn't go as far away as you from Blighty, but I empathise. I miss so much from home.

 

[*EB*]

i love being a fountain - i help out my drains, although sometimes i dont have the patience - its hard work being lovely with a doom and gloom drainy person about!!!! but i usually make my drainy friends happier!

I love my friends so much - and i have lots of fellow fountains who bubble away with me! xxxx

 

[judimac]

My mother was a drain. I used to phone her and all I would hear was how wonderful my sister and her husband were! (I lived 200 miles away) I'd come off the phone with gritted teeth! Once my sister phoned just after one of these calls and I told her about it, and guess what? M did exactly the same to her! I think with old people it's an attention thing. Me? I'm a fountain! (at least I hope I'm a fountain!)

 

[avisk]

My mother-in-law used to tell me how wonderful her other daughter-in-law was, how much better at just about everything than me, how she had a wonderful home and family while I was just a filing clerk in an office.

She used to tell the other daughter-in-law how intelligent I was and how I had this amazing high-powered job!

I don't think it ever occurred to her that we might communicate with each other from time to time, and that we knew what she was doing!!!