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early xmas pressie for SandraB

shamu

Dont Worry Be Happy
S: 21st4lb C: 20st2lb G: 15st10.5lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 1st2lb(5.37%)
#1
Apparently there's a book out in time for xmas.
THE GHOST POO:
The kind of poo where you feel it come out and you know you`ve done it, but when you wipe there is nothing on the paper and there is no poo in the toilet. God! That is scary!

THE TEFLON POO:
The sort of poo which is so smooth and streamlined that it virtually falls out of your bottom. You can see poo in the toilet but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

THE HOT TAR POO:
The kind of poo where even after 50 wipes you are still getting staining on the paper so you have to put some bog roll between your bum cheeks and in your underwear to prevent skid marks.

THE SECOND THOUGHT POO:
Just as you think you`ve finished your poo and have painstakingly wiped yourself clean and pulled your pants up to the knees, you realize there is still some more poo to come.

THE LINCOLN LOG:
The kind of poo that`s so huge you`re afraid that it will not flush down the toilet unless you break it up into little pieces with the bog brush. This poo only happens when you are at somebody else`s house.

THE SWEETCORN POO:
Self explanatory.

THE "I WISH I COULD POO" POO:
You really feel as if you need a poo but every time you try to dump your load, all you manage is a couple of farts.

THE SIDE BIRTH POO:
This poo hurts so much that you swear it`s coming out sideways, your eyes water and you will probably need stitches.

THE FISHERMAN`S BOBBER POO:
You do your poo and flush two times but there is still a floater at the water line. This usually happens round somebody elses house.

THE SULTANA POO:
This type of poo is really frustrating. You get yourself prepared for a "SIDE BIRTH" and spend about half an hour sweating it out on the bog, but all you manage in the end is a small plop resembling a sultana.

GOOEY POOEY:
This has the consistency of tar, You wipe 12 times and you still don't come clean. In fact, you couldn't get it clean with gasoline on a rag.

POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO:
This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

WEIGHT WATCHERS:
You poo so much that you lose several kilograms.

RIGHT NOW POO:
You better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting there. Usually it has it's head out before you can get your pants off.

KING KONG OR COMMODE CHOKER POO:
This one is so big that you know it won't go down the pan unless you break it up into smaller chunks. A wire coathanger works well. This kind of poo usually happens at somebody else's house.

WET CHEEKS POO:
This poo hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets you all wet.

CEMENT BLOCK POO:
(usually with extra blue metal). You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you pooed.

SNAKE POO:
This poo is fairly soft in texture, about as thick as your thumb and at least 3 feet long.

BEER, DRUNK AND MEAT PIE POO:
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad, but this one is B.A.D. Usually this one happens at somebody else's home and there is someone standing outside waiting to use the toilet.

INDIAN FOOD POO:
(also called Screamers). You know it's alright to eat again when your bum stops burning.

THE CHINESE POO:
Half an hour after having one you need to go again.

THE EXPLOSIVE POO:
It takes speacial preparation for this poo, usually a combination of beans, potatoes, and bran. It blasts out like a flame thrower, and leaves a spray about the toilet bowl.

CLEAN POO:
The kind where you feel poo come out, see poo in the bowl, but there's no poo on the toilet paper.

CROWD PLEASER POO:
This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
 
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SandraB

Gold Member
S: 13st12lb C: 12st7lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 1st5lb(9.79%)
#2
Gee thanks Shamu, I really don't know what to say...........I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY........but I laughed so hard that I nearly pooed my pants! Xxxx

What d'you think Su?
 

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
S: 18st3lb C: 18st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 41.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#3
Lmao!!!!
 

XxAbbiexX23

Dieting & Mummy To Ethan
S: 18st3lb C: 18st3lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 49.8 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#4
LOL!! So funny :D
 

Amanda105

Silver Member
S: 17st13lb C: 13st9.8lb G: 13st0lb BMI: 27.5 Loss: 4st3.2lb(23.59%)
#5
I'm trying to work out which one mine was

think it was a mixture pmsl
 
S: 15st12lb C: 15st3lb G: 10st10lb Loss: 0st9lb(4.05%)
#6
:giggle::giggle::giggle::giggle:ha ha ha ha.
 
S: 16st5lb C: 13st1lb G: 11st7lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 3st4lb(20.09%)
#8
That was hilarious, and so very apt!! lmao x x x x
 
S: 16st9lb C: 15st2lb G: 11st11lb BMI: 32.2 Loss: 1st7lb(9.01%)
#9
hahahaha
 

Jayne33

Fighting for My Health
S: 20st12.4lb C: 17st7.5lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 39.6 Loss: 3st4.9lb(16.04%)
#11
Hilarious! Thanks for that. It was just the giggle I needed :)

xx
 

differentusername

Getting married in July!!
S: 15st4lb C: 11st5lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 3st13lb(25.7%)
#12
I think iv had all on them these past few months!! Very funny
 

SandraB

Gold Member
S: 13st12lb C: 12st7lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 29.1 Loss: 1st5lb(9.79%)
#13
Shamu, I showed it to my OH......he didn't think it was funny! Weird coming from a man who generally shares his toilet habits with me........he thinks we're all mad........x
 

shamu

Dont Worry Be Happy
S: 21st4lb C: 20st2lb G: 15st10.5lb BMI: 36.2 Loss: 1st2lb(5.37%)
#14
i agree with your OH, WE'VE ALL GONE MAD.:pillowfight:
 
S: 18st8lb C: 13st7lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 30.5 Loss: 5st1lb(27.31%)
#15
Ahhhhh now that's what I call a Poo thread. I love it.
 


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