Eeek! Re-starter - 10stone to lose

[Carriegirl21]

I have tried to post this message so many times over the last few weeks but then something stops me - I'm so ashamed & mortified at having to write down how much weight I've gained since I was last using Minimins

Today I weighed in at 21st 12lbs.
I want to press delete.

The daft thing is that I don't think anything bad about other people saying they weigh this amount or more - all my negativity is purely directed at myself!
In fact - I wouldn't even be posting this if I hadn't read some of your wonderful posts in this section - I've never seen the *Wemmits* (did I spell that right?!) section before!
I feel more comfortable knowing I'm talking to people who also have a lot to lose

If you can see any of my stats they are all wrong - I will update them soon.

I've been through a really rough year, won't get into it now but Minimins helped me SO much in the past & I really really miss having people to talk to who REALLY understand this business.

I started using the My fitness pall app. Again today - it stresses me out massively having to count calories but I just can't carry on ballooning like I am - I'm SO uncomfortable in my body & clothes - my main hate right now is that the last extra stone I've gained had gone directly to my chin & neck!! It's making me not want to go out of the house as I feel so self concious of that body part & that's just not on

Ok I've rambled a bit oops...
I hope to keep using this site as a means of support - and I hope I can give you all support too

I remember when I used to post in the Weight Watchers section we sometimes put down 3 'positives' that we could find in our days. Even when we'd had an awful day it was possible to find them, how ever small

Positives:
1. I tracked my 1st day on the MFP app & stuck to my daily allowance (by the way - it's 2020cals a day which seems a bit crackers & high but I am 6ft tall so we'll see how it goes!)

2. I went for a 1km walk even though it was 36'c + humidity outside & I HATE the heat!

3. I used the Xbox Kinect for the first time - 'your shape evolved 2012' - just a 10 minute muck about but at least I did something!

CGxx

 

[chezz]

hi CJ
im so glad you have posted this first post as now you have friends like myself who know wot you are going through and just not saying it its hard i know but we are all going to do it with the help of each other and our willpower good luck

xxchezzxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hi Chezz

Thanks for your message - I feel better already knowing I've put myself out there & communicated with you!

CG xx

 

[chezz]

hi CJ

your morethan welcome hope you have had a good day

xxchezzxx

 

[Fizzybee]

Hi CG - congrats on just letting it all out! It is hard facing up to things (I still can't manage to enter my weight into my profile!) but you are taking action. Good idea about the 3 positives; it is easy to focus on how much we have to do, or the problems we have, and forget all about our achievements. Keep up the good work

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hi CG - congrats on just letting it all out! It is hard facing up to things (I still can't manage to enter my weight into my profile!) but you are taking action. Good idea about the 3 positives; it is easy to focus on how much we have to do, or the problems we have, and forget all about our achievements. Keep up the good work

Thanks Fizzybee

Had another whole day sticking to my MFP allowance, it's not easy to turn down my cravings but it feels good to be trying again

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Is there a seperate section for WeMitts diaries? (I'm using the app so can't view it clearly) or is it ok to just use this thread? Thanks for any advice

Well, Day 2 went fine I stuck to my allowance without too much trouble.
I hate how as soon as I go back into 'diet mode' food is all I can think about - I just can't relax about food! I got issuuuuues
I hope I don't let myself get super stressed & make myself ill worrying about it all again... But like I said yesterday - I've got to start making a serious effort as I can't keep on the way I was.

The funny thing about living in a new country is always the food!
I've been here 4 months now so I'm over the shock that all the chocolate here is revolting to me :'(
Honestly - I don't know how on esrth they make it taste so non-chocolatey!
Now you would think this would of been a blessing in disguise but of course I just went sniffing around until I could find a suitable alternative to chocolate.... Ice-cream. Ice-cream, ice-cream & more ice-cream! Darn tubs of deliciousness!
Also Tim bits - OMG - mini doughnut holes in boxes of 10, 20 or 40 for less than $5 - it's ridiculous how cheap they are & they are sooooooo good
I've gone on a tim bits ban after I practically inhaled a box of 20 by myself after a particularly bad panic attack. Yummy but dangerous for me.

Oh.. and my lovely, caring friends back home keep sending me UK chocolate in care packages! LOADS of it! I've got a drawer in the fridge full of it - I've told them to stop now as I won't be just eating as much as I want whenever I want without questioning it first.

Pretty annoyed with the MFP app today as it keeps signing my out grrr very annoying as I use it about 20 times a day - that's a lot of passwords!

Positives:

1. Completed a second day 100% sticking to plan.

2. I bought egg whites (in a carton lol!) And veggies to start making omlettes for breakfast instead of having bagels every day.

3. I made a healthy dinner even though I was utterly exhausted & the offer of Pizza was being waved in front of me like a Red flag.
We had a Baked potato, beans & a big salad with about 10 different veggies in it - Oh how I hate chopping!!! But I love salads! Just wish someone could do the prep for me

Hope everyone had a good day too

CGxx

 

[1978Emma]

Hi Carriegirl, welcome to the group hun, oh you will fit in here easily, we all either have alot of weight to lose or have already lost alot of weight and its a supportive environment, not competitive as far as I have seen so far. I started just under three weeks ago at my heaviest weight of 22 stone 5 lbs and was horrified and so ashamed :sigh: yet have felt so comfortable talking on here with the other members as they are so lovely. I really hope you carry on posting on here as we can all support each other, most people on here are doing calorie counting / sensible eating as we are in it for the long haul and we tend to weigh in but again there is no pressure as with some groups if you stay the same thats fine, if you have a fab loss thats great, if you are struggling people are here to support you. I have struggled this last week and without my mate Chezz on here I know I would not have remained on track!!

Em xx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hi Carriegirl, welcome to the group hun, oh you will fit in here easily, we all either have alot of weight to lose or have already lost alot of weight and its a supportive environment, not competitive as far as I have seen so far. I started just under three weeks ago at my heaviest weight of 22 stone 5 lbs and was horrified and so ashamed :sigh: yet have felt so comfortable talking on here with the other members as they are so lovely. I really hope you carry on posting on here as we can all support each other, most people on here are doing calorie counting / sensible eating as we are in it for the long haul and we tend to weigh in but again there is no pressure as with some groups if you stay the same thats fine, if you have a fab loss thats great, if you are struggling people are here to support you. I have struggled this last week and without my mate Chezz on here I know I would not have remained on track!!

Em xx

Thanks so much for your message We started at similar weights - it's so good to talk with people who are a similar weight - I feel no-one in my day to day life can really grasp what it feels like!
I will pop over & find your diary too
I love having the Minimins app on my phone - means I can check in anytime any place without any bother

So far today I made one positive change - I've eaten a bagel with light cream cheese for breakfast every dsy for years & years, so I tried to switch it up (I am a life long Vegetarian btw)
I had an egg white omlette with mushroom, onion & orange pepper
It was really good & I'd chopped up the veg the night before so I couldn't make a lazy excuse not to cook it in the morning!

Alas I still had a bagel with it - but just plain... I don't feel satisfied on a no-carb brekkie

Anyway my point was that I made a change - even if I still ate the bagel I still followed through with a plan & I'm proud of that
I will aim to work towards half a bagel maybe?
I'm never going to do low carb but after using My fitness pal I've realised there's a huge imbalance in my carb to protein ratio so I thought I'd try & get more protein to fill me up rather than just bready stuff

Will be back on later!

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hmm not a great day for me

Food wise it was fine, life-wise it was lame!

I felt so uncomfortably full after dinner - and 4 hours later my stomach still hurts!

I have this thing where I find it hard to leave food on the plate if I've put a lot of effort into preparing it. If it's just something frozen I will stop if I'm really full but tonight I'd put so much effort into cooking that I just kept eating!
Pretty annoyed st myself because I probably could have kept half in the fridge for tomorrow - so it wouldn't of gone in the bin anyway.
I think part of it is that I'm SO hungry by the time I finally get to eat my evening meal that I just eat it all because I've been wanting to eat all day!
I'm not starving myself in the day, I always eat breakfast & have an afternoon snack but I do tend to try & save my calories for my evening meal & in case I want a treat after - I'm fully aware that this is not a grest way to spread my calories out but It's just the pattern I have.
I wish I could 'allow' myself to eat throughout the day when I get hungry but my brain says "no - what if there's not enough left for dinner?!"

Argggggg!
Kinda stressed so I'll write my positives & be off.

Positives:

1. I did not buy a huge pack of cinnamon buns at the grocery store - this shows I am really taking notice of my choices.

2. I did a 30min work-out on the x-box Kinect & got proper sweaty!!

3. Even though it was the hotest day on record here since 1866 I still went for our evening walk (I have epic Anxiety, Panic & agoraphobic tendancies so this in itself is a huge task but I do it every day to show myself I can & to help my recovery)

CGxx

 

[PurpleRoses]

Hi Carrie, you're definately in the right place!! all the best with your journey. have you started a diary yet?

Hope you have a good weekend xx

 

[1978Emma]

Hi CG, yes it does help when you are talking with people of similar weights and those that have similar goals, like you I don't know anyone who has as much as me to lose that I'm friends with outside of this group and its hard for someone who says has 2 stone max to lose to grasp the reality of trying to lose half your body weight or more.

Well done on changing things, its hard to do so well done for that, I'm also a veggie and I have to admit I eat alot of Quorn products, have been trying lots of new things out lately. I am personally doing a calorie counted diet but aiming to watch my carb intake, not as in a low carb diet really as that is too low for me but my main binge / trigger foods were filled with carbs so I was having a huge carb intake every day so I now try and keep it to 100 - 150g of carb a day at the most and this is really helping and am on about 1500 - 1700 calories a day as if I dip too low calorie wise my body doesn't seem to like it at all which is good news for me at the moment!

I am similar to you in that I always leave more of a calorie allowance for my evening meals, I am also part of the clean plate club ha ha , I just can't leave anything which is why I realised if I can't leave anything then I need to have smaller portions so I can happily eat the lot! I use these plates I got for when my nieces came and they are slightly smaller than my usual plates and so I fill them and can eat the lot and feel full yet if I had shoved it on a bigger plate it wouldn't have looked as much and I would have felt hard done by! My key is getting to grips with portion control because basically I just didn't know what was "normal" when it came to portion size, I had been eating enough for 2 or 3 people and not really aware of that.

Hey and good on you for realising the positives, you resisted temptation food wise and you did exercise, and I understand the walking thing as I have extreme anxiety and depression and whilst I go out walking each day with my dog its not easy, when I first started if I saw someone coming towards me I would basically run in the opposite direction which seems crazy I know but I got so anxious whereas now I am much more able to cope with those situations, its all about practice.

I hope you are getting on well today, Em xx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hi Carrie, you're definately in the right place!! all the best with your journey. have you started a diary yet?

Hope you have a good weekend xx

Hi

This thread is acting as my diary right now - is there a different section where you keep your diary?
I used to keep a diary on the Weight Watchers section - I'm still posting in there but as I'm nit doing WW anymore I feel maybe I should move it?

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hi CG, yes it does help when you are talking with people of similar weights and those that have similar goals, like you I don't know anyone who has as much as me to lose that I'm friends with outside of this group and its hard for someone who says has 2 stone max to lose to grasp the reality of trying to lose half your body weight or more.

Well done on changing things, its hard to do so well done for that, I'm also a veggie and I have to admit I eat alot of Quorn products, have been trying lots of new things out lately. I am personally doing a calorie counted diet but aiming to watch my carb intake, not as in a low carb diet really as that is too low for me but my main binge / trigger foods were filled with carbs so I was having a huge carb intake every day so I now try and keep it to 100 - 150g of carb a day at the most and this is really helping and am on about 1500 - 1700 calories a day as if I dip too low calorie wise my body doesn't seem to like it at all which is good news for me at the moment!

I am similar to you in that I always leave more of a calorie allowance for my evening meals, I am also part of the clean plate club ha ha , I just can't leave anything which is why I realised if I can't leave anything then I need to have smaller portions so I can happily eat the lot! I use these plates I got for when my nieces came and they are slightly smaller than my usual plates and so I fill them and can eat the lot and feel full yet if I had shoved it on a bigger plate it wouldn't have looked as much and I would have felt hard done by! My key is getting to grips with portion control because basically I just didn't know what was "normal" when it came to portion size, I had been eating enough for 2 or 3 people and not really aware of that.

Hey and good on you for realising the positives, you resisted temptation food wise and you did exercise, and I understand the walking thing as I have extreme anxiety and depression and whilst I go out walking each day with my dog its not easy, when I first started if I saw someone coming towards me I would basically run in the opposite direction which seems crazy I know but I got so anxious whereas now I am much more able to cope with those situations, its all about practice.

I hope you are getting on well today, Em xx

Firstly - that doesn't sound crazy to me at all! I've had times where I've not even wanted to go from one room to another part of the house, times where I can't get myself out of the front door at all... And times where I've fled running from many situations makes me very frustrated! I'm working on it but I'm finding it very hard.

I think I just need to cook smaller quantities - or using a smaller plate is a great idea
I get very perplexed by how many calories I should be having per day - if I go to a dietician they say 1600 a day - this is always too low for me & I've learnt that the hard way!
My fitness pal says 2020 cals a day - which seems too high! Yes I am 6ft tall and almost 22 stone so I guess it's just their basic calculator working it out... I try & stay under 2000 & do more exercise & think before I eat & take notice of why I'm eating.
It's like you said on another thread - if you just focus of the food you are eating & not why you are eating it, you aren't really dealing with the underlying problem (that stuck in my head & has been a good motivator so thank-you)

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Good day
Epic amount of walking today - was on my feet for 5 hours straight walking & shopping, my feet hurt!
Food was ok, was super hungry today - I miss the days of Slimming World & the freedom around 'free foods' on days like this
I feel quite restricted even though my calorie target it higher than most people aim for... Not sure how to deal with that restricted feeling because it always ends up being what messes me up & gets me too stressed.

Positives:

1. Did a LOT of walking in hot weather - it's good to be active again.

2. Cooked dinner again even though I was extra exhausted & did end up dropping a veggie sausage in the sink (I did not retrive it for consumption!)

3. I am having cravings & urges for pudding, sweet things & pizza but I'm making the choice not to fed them - I ask myself "Do you think there will be a time in the future when you want this food even more than now?" The answer is always yes so I tell myself I can wait till next time & I will appriciate the treat even more

CGxx

 

[PurpleRoses]

Well done on all the walking! that must have burnt off a lot of calories

Theres a diary section and different subforums within it so if you dont want everyone to see your diary its handy.

 

[Carriegirl21]

Well done on all the walking! that must have burnt off a lot of calories

Theres a diary section and different subforums within it so if you dont want everyone to see your diary its handy.

Ah thanks
Sorry to be dim but how do I find the diary section? I may have to go on the full site as I can't see a Wemitts diary section on the app

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

My weekend has turned into a straight-up nightmare! I wish I could have done some exercise to offset the (pretty minor compared to what I wanted) damage I did today

I'm soooooooo p**sed off with my knee-jerk reaction to any stress being - "must fill face right now!"
It's a v.v.v.stressful time right now & things just keep going wrong! On top of everything today we learnt our landlord wants to sell out flat O.M.G.
I can't handle moving again so soon :'(
We never get to stay in a place long enough for it to feel like home

As if that's not going to make you want to do some stress eating!!
I had a major battle with myself today - basically spent the whole day trying not to binge even though OH was hoovering up everything not nailed down - see? Even he reacted to the stress by eating & he has no food issues! Instead of just going with it & thinking "extenuating circumstances" I gritted my teeth & refused to give in to the urge - this resulted in me being the stropiest, moodiest, mood swinging irritated ladyface ever! I just kept snapping at OH & then crying... Like a child not getting what it wants.
I found the whole day painful & even picked up cakes at the grocery store to satisfy the beast! Still didn't eat them when we got home - kept whinging about how I would have to write them down in MFP & then it would tell me off lol!

Writing this down makes me realise I owe OH an apology oops

I kept resisting till midnight & then I just caved - had 2 smallish pecan maple danish pastries & a small bowl of corn chips.
That was it.
That's what I'd been making myself miserable over all day.
Feel so silly now.
Although once I'd eaten those it triggered me really badly to want to eat sooooo much... I honestly don't know how I stopped myself there - I just kept crying & saying I wanted to binge really badly but knew that I couldn't stand the guilt that would come afterwards.

I'm dissapointed because I've only been tracking my food for 5 days & I'm already having such issues.
I'm so desperate to stick with it & lose some weight but I hate being miserable & having such negativity towards food.
I know I have to get some help but right now I don't want to just sit back & do nothing while I wait to get help - otherwise I will just get bigger & bigger & even more miserable.

Sorry for the depressing post.

Positives:

1. I did show some behavioural changes by tollerating the urges for many hours before finally letting go.

2. I still cooked a healthy dinner even though I wanted to just eat cake & crisps instead - I don't want to fall into the trap of "if I just skip dinner I can have this cake instead" - it just doesn't sound like a healthy way of dealing with things for me.

3.............. This is a hard one, today was so bad!...... Oh! I turned down booze as a way to calm my stress - I would have loved a beer but I knew I'd rather have cake today if I had anything!

 

[raspberrycupcake]

Hi CG

Sounds like life is tough at the moment, I'm not surprised you felt like eating yesterday, I'm sure there are lots of us that would have felt the same!

By the way, your calorie allowance sounds right for your height and weight, I have used my fitness pal before and noticed that if you change the amount of weight you want to lose in a week it changes it a bit. If you like technical details, that is because there are 3500 calories in a pound - so they work out how many calories less per day so that you can achieve your chosen weight loss. It can be kind of reassuring to know this - because unless you eat 3500 calories extra (which it doesn't sound like you did yesterday) then you won't put on any weight, just maybe slow your weight loss a tiny bit.

Would having controlled portions of treats work for you? I am doing weight watchers and I plan ahead what my treat will be and when, and then make sure that is the only treat available. So if I have decided to have a chocolate bar, I don't buy a multipack ready for next time! Just too tempting!

I hope you feel a bit better soon, maybe once you have had a chance to look at new flats things will seem less bad.

Stay strong, we are all hopefully in this for the long haul!

Claire

 

[1978Emma]

thanks CG, it is hard to know how many calories to take in some people would tell you 1200, someone else would say 1500 and then another 1700 or 2000 it basically has to be your decision, for me I tried originally to go for 1200 and it just was too low for me at the weight I am now, I find I seem to lose more weight when on about 1500-1700 and most of the time I am nearer 1700! the more you weigh generally speaking the more you can have and still lose weight its just about finding what number works best for you. I do keep a check on the calorie front but that said the calories I do have now are from pretty healthy foods now, shock to my system I can tell you ha ha

Also well done on the walking, just think how much more effort people of our weight have to put in when walking around, like for me the other day I walked up this very steep slope, god it nearly killed me but I did it, and I am having to carry now over 21 stone up that slope, so that is like carrying heavy weights up it.

OMG I am so sorry to hear about your landlord situation, thats always the horrible thing about renting, I am renting as well. I hope you manage to find somewhere nice and local as soon as you can although I know that moving house is all you need right now as its such a stressful experience.

Binge eating is something many of us battle with, the urge is so strong, its an addiction in itself, we use food as others would use alcohol or drugs, basically food is my drug. If you do binge the best thing in the long run is to go against the usual kicking yourself reaction to binge eating and just accept that it happened and this in time allows you to move on quicker as beating yourself up just makes you much more stressed and of course guilty you are then more likely to binge further. I have learnt the hard way as I have spent years binge eating and then beating myself up for doing it and then binge eating some more again and again and again. Its only now that I am realising that facing the emotions head on helps me not to binge so if I am angry I get in a safe place and have a good scream or hit the pillow so many times or if I am sad I allow myself to cry rather than using food as my comfort, its not easy to do as it means going against your natural knee jerk reaction and that is hard to do.

Oh and never apologise for writing how you are feeling, trust me most of us on here are struggling at times and I know for me using this site has helped, last week I could have eaten anything that sat still long enough ha ha I was just so emotional and had a terrible week and whilst I didn't binge I came so close its only due to the fact I am having therapy now for my binge eating that I think I made it through.

I'm with raspberry cupcake in that I think planned treats are the way to go so you don't feel hard done by, I know for me planning a nice meal out with friends makes all the difference as I have something to look forward to food wise, or build in a nice treat into your week maybe at a weekend if that is something you find helps, I still have treats all the time just not my trigger foods but still nice tasty treats.

Em xx