Fear of the dark

[*Emsie*]

Anyone or their children suffer with this at bedtime and have any tips or advice?

My son is 11 and every now and again goes through a stage where he really struggles. Its usually if he's seen something thats scared hiim which we try and avoid but sometimes happens. Last night it was because he had seen a video clip for a film that his older brother was watching which wasn't that scary but it had the sort of thing that scares him in. Its stuff with faces that usually trigger it. He watched loads of Dr.Who episodes but it was the weeping angels that really scared him and when we went to a museum he couldn't look at the statues and stuff as he knew it would cause him to be scared.

He likes to have a light on when going to bed but this can cause problems because he shares a room with his brother and if landing lights on it shines through ours and daughters bedrooms and disturbs us but not as much as him crying etc!
He's now getting cross with himself on top of the fear as he doesn't want to be like it.
I try and reassure him and tell him many adults won't sleep without a light on etc but hubby gets frustrated and thinks I pander to him!
Just having a vent I suppose but if anybody did have any tips or advice it would be very welcome!

 

[ScarlettStar86]

Is there a way to have a small light by his bed that he can see but is small enough not to light the whole room?
Or as for the landing light do you have the windows at the top of your doors? We had those at home and cos my family stay up so late the light was always on till stupid o'clock so we stuck some board up to block it out so me and mike could sleep. perhaps if it's similar you could do the same in yours and daughters bedrooms?

 

[ScarlettStar86]

Yeah that's the sort of thing I was thinking cavegirl, couldn't think what to call them though lol x

 

[AnnaFaraday]

He's a child and he's scared. It is not "pandering" to treat him and his fears seriously!

I think that if you let him have a light with as little fuss made as possible, he will probably get over it soon. It is probably a good idea for him not to see anything which might worry him before he goes to bed. There is lots of evidence to suggest that computer games, etc., seen just before bedtime can interefere with sleep patterns, even if they are not scary.

You could suggest to him that when he goes to bed he has some pleasant things to think about. He could decide these for himself, and choose one each night. It could be looking forward to an outing, or remembering a holiday, anything nice and peaceful which could occupy his thoughts without disturbing him.

 

[SlimmingKitchen]

Hey hun
Have a look at this as it may help.....

Not Be Afraid of the Dark - wikiHow

Overcome Fear of the Dark

I'd recommend no tv/films or computer games about an hour before bedtime but maybe get him to read a nice book or have a nice bth to relax him and that way he will go to bed with nice thoughts.
I used to struggle to switch off at bedtime but now I don't watch any tv before bedtime if I can and find this helps me relax more. xxxx

 

[Happy Holidays]

My daughter used to want to sleep with the light on & I wouldn't let her but we did keep the landing light on for her & her door slightly ajar. Or you could get one of those small lights which stick on the wall/furniture/whatever & you push them off & off, they are quite dim so maybe wouldn't annoy your other son whilst keeping one happy.

I don't think it's pandering to him either, he's scared, we all have fears.

 

[Josey77]

Hi
You could try putting those 'glow in the dark' stars or similar on the ceiling above his bed, or on the wall near him - it could be comforting for him and won't give enough light to disturb anyone else. Just a thought!
Also, if the last thing he sees at night are 'cheery' 'positive' pictures in a bed time book, that may help as they will be the last images he sees before sleep.
All the best, hope you find the solution that works soon.

 

[*Emsie*]

Thanks for the replies/suggestions.
Yeah I think will try and pick up a night light for him. His lamp he had has broke but I think that a nightlight would be less annoying for his brother.
And yes Scarlett we have windows above the doors.

 

[Happy Holidays]

We had glow in the dark stars on DD celling, not too sure if they worked, but they did look pretty darn cool. Think I picked them up at a cheap shop.

 

[Jodieboo]

As a kid, I suffered terribly with fear of the dark and ghosts. They came hand in hand really. I never used to be able to sleep unless there was a light and I can vividly remember when I was around 4 actually getting out of my bunk bed to go and open my bedroom door for the light from the landing. Then when I was a bit older, I used to make "tents" out of playpen plastic tubing and bedsheets on top of my mattress and climb into them to sleep at night.

And I hate to say this now, but I still suffer to this day with my fear of the dark/ghosts. My electric metre doesn't allow me to have a light on all night so I sleep with my curtains open for the street light outside to light the bedroom and the quilt covering my face.

 

[Jodieboo]

Oh, and also won't go to bed any time between 12am - 4am because apparently it's the most "active" hour. So I have a very messed up, sleep deprived pattern, because sometimes I'm awake until the early hours if I miss the 12am slot... which I may do tonight :/

 

[AnnaFaraday]

Oh, and also won't go to bed any time between 12am - 4am because apparently it's the most "active" hour. So I have a very messed up, sleep deprived pattern, because sometimes I'm awake until the early hours if I miss the 12am slot... which I may do tonight :/

I don't really understand what you mean. "most active hour" - for what? And do you mean that if you can't get to bed by midnight you will stay up until 4 am?

 

[Jodieboo]

I don't really understand what you mean. "most active hour" - for what?

Allegedly the most "active" hours for ghosts and such. I can't even remember where I heard that from, but it stuck with me

And do you mean that if you can't get to bed by midnight you will stay up until 4 am?

Yup! I just can't go to bed between those times else I start nearly having panic attacks

 

[Ally89]

I used to be scared of the dark (mainly cos i always thought i saw someone lurking in the shadows) up til i was about 13, same with ghosts, i used to sleep with a lamp on but being an only child it wasn't a problem. I'd go with the nightlight, plug in one preferably, i have one when i'm away in a strange place cos i still get freaked out if its pitch black.

 

[Ally89]

Allegedly the most "active" hours for ghosts and such. I can't even remember where I heard that from, but it stuck with me

Yup! I just can't go to bed between those times else I start nearly having panic attacks

It's the old "witching hour" story that ghosts are more active between 12am and 1am and their power slowly decreases up til 4-5am...its not true believe me. I'm a trained psychic medium.

 

[Jodieboo]

It's the old "witching hour" story that ghosts are more active between 12am and 1am and their power slowly decreases up til 4-5am...its not true believe me. I'm a trained psychic medium.

It's really odd though because I find the paranormal very interesting, but it petrifies me!!

 

[AnnaFaraday]

Allegedly the most "active" hours for ghosts and such. I can't even remember where I heard that from, but it stuck with me


Yup! I just can't go to bed between those times else I start nearly having panic attacks

I don't wish to be unkind, because this is obviously very real to you, but I can't understand why you would let something like that affect your whole life (and health, if it disrupts your sleep).

Personally, I don't believe there are such things as ghosts, but even if there were, what harm could they do to you just because you are in bed?

 

[Jodieboo]

Personally, I don't believe there are such things as ghosts, but even if there were, what harm could they do to you just because you are in bed?

It's more of a watching thing like Ally89 suffers with. I just get scared of turning over and seeing something staring at me.

I don't wish to be unkind, because this is obviously very real to you, but I can't understand why you would let something like that affect your whole life (and health, if it disrupts your sleep).

It's not like I have choice

Just like people with arachnophobia, most spiders wouldn't hurt them, but they still suffer with it. But just because their fear is visible to the human eye, it makes it a valid fear? Phasmophobia is a valid fear too.
I know you weren't trying to be "unkind", but I found your comment down right rude. This is something I have suffered with for nearly 25 years and it took a lot to me to mention my fear on a public forum. But, I did to inform the original poster what could happen if the fear is left untreated or unaided. I didn't do it so close minded people who think it is a "silly" phobia, because I can't receive actual harm or the fact that I'm not a child, put in their 2 pence towards my fears or how I live my life around them.

Thank you.

 

[ScarlettStar86]

Jodie I don't mean to speak on behalf on Anna but the way I read it was clearly very different to the way you read it. I took it not as "how silly of you to believe that" but more "how come you've not sought help? ".
There are people who are trained to deal with phobias, it might be worth a visit to your gp to have a chat and see if there's a referral he/she could make to help you be less scared as is isn't good for you to be not sleeping due to a phobia. It might change your life X

 

[Jodieboo]

Jodie I don't mean to speak on behalf on Anna but the way I read it was clearly very different to the way you read it. I took it not as "how silly of you to believe that" but more "how come you've not sought help? ".
There are people who are trained to deal with phobias, it might be worth a visit to your gp to have a chat and see if there's a referral he/she could make to help you be less scared as is isn't good for you to be not sleeping due to a phobia. It might change your life X

That's very true and I do understand things can be misread on the internet, but with a touchy subject such as phobias.. me personally, if I don't understand them or think they are silly, I ignore it and move on. Not run the risk of sounding belittling and tormenting towards the person with the fear by commenting back. The post did quite upset me and I do apologize to you Anna if my reply comes across as snappy, but it did feel like you were mocking me in a sense. I may have misread, I may have not.. the joys of the internet for you.

It's quite difficult admitting something that other people will laugh at you for. My other half thinks it's hilarious and mocks me about it on a regular basis, it still doesn't make it any less real though, no matter how much people try to coax me away from the fear or not.