feel a bit hurt and embarrassed??

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Scarlett, 3 May 2009 Social URL.

  1. Scarlett

    Scarlett Full Member

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    I could be over-reacting but you guys tell me what you think and how you would react to this.

    I have only told 1 person at work about being on CD. I'm not ashamed about it- if people notice my tetras or ask I will happily explain but do not feel the need to shout it to everyone, as I am a private person, and I think most overweight people don't want to draw attention to the fact that they are overweight, by publicly announcing a diet (+ its no one else's business!!!)

    The person I told is a close friend of mine, another manager. lets call him "Jim". 2 days after I explained it to him, another colleague smirked at me and said "hows this milkshake diet going" - obviously thinks CD is crazy etc etc. So I went back to Jim and let him know that I would prefer him not talking about me/the diet to others, its a sensitive subject for me, and that if I want to let people know, I will in my own time. He nodded and looked really red/embarrassed.

    Friday a colleague from another branch (close close friend of mine) called me. She had been on a 2 day course with Jim and with lots of other managers and head office team, she knows about CD and supports me 100%.

    To cut a long story short- Jim had got tipsy/drunk at the dinner on the first night. He sat amongst 6 managers who all know me well, and the Regional manager, and shouted out....

    " Jen is on that silly Cambridge milkshake diet, she thinks it will help her lose weight"

    to which my friend replied, (embarrassed) "she will lose weight, she has before, and when she sets her mind to it she will achieve it"

    to which he LAUGHED out loud, said he could never imagine ME slim, and lets face it she needs to lose weight.

    Another colleague (as well as my friend) contacted me to share that she felt it was embarrassing and unprofessional also.

    Now Jim has been with our company 6 months so was meeting some of these people for the first time but I cannot believe after telling him NOT to discuss my business, he did this. When my friend told me i was so shocked, but still tried to defend him, suggesting as he didnt know people he was trying to make conversation, and he knew they all knew me so used me as erm... a joke?? topic of laughter??

    thoughts?? am I over reacting? I HAVE to say something to him about this. Or should I leave it??

    WHY do people feel they have the right to discuss MY diet and health?? no one said a word when I was eating choc muffins from starbucks everyday!!!
     
    kurious_oranj likes this.
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  3. British_Claire_84

    British_Claire_84 Gold Member

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    Aww firstly well done you for not going off on one straight away with this chap.. i probably would have done! It's at times like these when we discover who are true friends are and who the 'colleagues' are. There's not much can be done now as everyone seems to know due to big mouth having a few drinks too many. I'd say you're not at all overeacting. You need to speak to (not 'with') this guy and let him know in no uncertain terms how annoyed and upset you are by this. Let him know how unprofessional he has been. At least you know you cannot trust him with anything personal anymore. Good on your friend for sticking up for you, she obviously knows you much better than this guy. Hold you head high and go out to prove him wrong with this! Make his faux pas into a positive by becoming more determined to show them all!! x
     
  4. Lily

    Lily Gold Member

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    You could have it out with him, but maybe it's best if you don't. It's too late, after all - he's told all those people now and they can't be un-told. At least now you know you can't trust him with private and personal information. If you say anything to him at all, I'd keep it short and simple, something along the lines of being disappointed that you couldn't trust him and leave it at that.

    The trouble is, he probably was setting out to impress the others, as your friend said. It really does demonstrate how insecure he must be feeling to use something like a colleague's weight loss plans as a conversation starter.

    Hugs. :grouphugg: It's awful when something like this happens. But as Claire says, just use it as an extra incentive to make CD work!

    You show 'em, hun. :D
     
  5. x89amandax

    x89amandax Full Member

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    Definately say something too him he was out of order and he is the one who should be embarassed not you! Keep your chin up and stick at this and prove this horrible idiotic man that you will be slim and that the stupid milkshake diet does work! Your worth ten of small minded idiots like him hes clearly insecure himself so uses other peoples insecurities to make him feel better. Ignore him and keep your head held high
     
  6. vanda

    vanda plodding away

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    I don't think you are over reacting, I know I would be very upset if anything like this happened to me. I tend to agree with Lily's post, I would tell Jim how upset and disappointed that he spoke about you and leave it at that. At least you know you cant trust him with confidential information anymore.
    Prove it to yourself you are a better person and you will achieve your goals what ever anyone else thinks.

    Vanda
     
  7. kurious_oranj

    kurious_oranj Full Member

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    Hello Scarlett,
    I'd be inclined not to have it out with him. You've already asked him once not to discuss your personal business with others and he didn't respect your wishes. As one of the other contributors has said just avoid mentioning anything non work-related to him from here on in.
    On the up side the episode has shown you that your friend is a loyal one and "Jim" has simply exposed his true coulors to you and others - he made himself look bad, not you.

    People react in funny ways to us CDers. Like you, I opted not to talk much about the diet, being a private sort myself. When my progress was very obvious one overweight colleague asked me my secret and I felt it'd be mean of me not to share the good news about CD as it could help her too. Her response was skeptical to say the least and once I got slim again she ostracised me altogether! People can be strange!

    Well done on the losses so far and good luck for the future.

    Best wishes,

    k_o
     
  8. shrinkingsarah

    shrinkingsarah Member

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    what a wan*er! I too have found that some people to be judgemental insecure to**ers. He is soooo wrong, you show him (with weightloss that is)! And as suggested, maybe a quick chat would be good xx
     
  9. Amyeve

    Amyeve Mummy of 2!

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    Good grief:mad:

    I absolutely HATE when people are so sad and insecure that they have nothing else to talk about than ''gossip'' i mean really, is your diet REALLY that interesting?? (no offence to you at all, hope you know what i mean)

    i despise this kind of office malarkey, even when the gossip is nothing to do with me.

    i would say something to him, you dont even have to be bitter or unfriendly, just casually say that you heard what was said, didnt realise that he had such an opinion on it and say you were initally a little hurt but actually his opinion doesnt mean anything to you anyway so couldnt care less.

    At least as the others have also said, you know not to trust him with personal info again and at least it wasnt a true 'secret' as such!

    good luck with CD, he will be eating his carby words when you hit your target weight;)
     
  10. lemma1968

    lemma1968 Silver Member

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    In a few weeks you will be slim, he will always be a berk!
     
  11. theresa

    theresa Full Member

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    wait till u have lost you weight and he can eat his words lol .dont worry its your choice he doesent under stand . bet i will get same at work
    chin up. people who are not ever been on diet wont under stand good luck
     
  12. Minz

    Minz Maintainer

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    I'd be very hurt and angry if that happened to me and think you should tell him that whilst he was attempting to make a joke at your expense, the truth of the matter is that he made himself look bad and untrustworthy. I'll bet none are going to discuss anything personal with him knowing how indiscrete and nasty he can be.
     
  13. kurious_oranj

    kurious_oranj Full Member

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    ROFL!
     
  14. curlywurly1234

    curlywurly1234 Cambridge Consultant

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    Hey hon
    Big hugs to you.. I am quite a sensitive person and take a lot to heart.. but hey this is not being sensitive.. Its one of those things if you dont want anyone to know something dont tell anyone. As I always believe things get out!!!

    What I personally would do is keep my mouth shut carry on and go out of my way to PROVE the w---er .. wrong!! scuse my language. How dare him!!

    theres a lot of nasty jealous horrible people out there hon and even though you are doing this for you.. One thing I would do is prove him wrong.

    big hugs hon and chin up !!! x
     
  15. wannabesize10

    wannabesize10 Silver Member

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    As others have said i wouldn't say anything just prove him wrong hun you can do this diet and will i know your losing weight for you but also it would be nice to stick it in his face haha when you come to work in your lovely summer outfit he will look so stupid infront of all those managers - chin up hun don't let it get to you use the negitive to keep you going xx
     
  16. Mia

    Mia Skinny girl in a fat body

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    I am a very sensitive person too, and I was have been so bloody angry at this mans actions. You definately need to say something, you cannot let it go.

    I would take him to one side, and highlight that you have ALREADY asking him once to not discuss your business, but you have been made aware from friends that he has done, yet again. Tell him that he expected your wishes to be respected and if he chooses to discuss your private business again you will have no choice but to raise a formal complaint about his behaviour.

    Also highlight to him the fact that he has only been with the company six months, and he, in your opinion is not endearing himself to anyone by making a joke of another person within the company. At the end of the day hun he has only embarrased one person, at that's himself. If you friends have noticed what he did - others have.
     
  17. linnyloo

    linnyloo Full Member

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    you should tell him " Yes I am consious of my weight, but you on the other hand are an insensitive tosser. I'm doing something about my problem, what are you going to do about yours?"
     
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  19. tillyfloss

    tillyfloss Gold Member

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    I would be incensed at the way this guy has treated you, however he is a worm that can't cope with alcohol. However you specifically asked him not to spread your personal business and he disregarded your feelings and upset and embarrassed you in front of your collegues. I would email him and tell him how upset you are. Tell him that you have not yet decided what action you are going to take against him, but in the meantime you expect a full apology in writing , and expect him to email those managers explaining that he was out of order and feels that he should publicly retract the comments he made, due to their hurtful nature and his lack of professionalism.
    If he refuses, I personally would go to my manager and report him for his conduct. It is a form of bullying and as such should be taken very seriously.
    It is not your problem that he can't control his behaviour when drunk.
    On the positive side of things, he has done you a small favour in that he has given you some additional motivation to get cracking, stick to the plan and prove the w****r that not only can you be slim, but that you WILL be slim and gorgeous to boot!

    xx
     
  20. EllieMellie

    EllieMellie Silver Member

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    I am absolutely fuming on your behalf!! How DARE he??? Cheeky b*stard. You could ignore it, and keep the moral highground, or you could talk to him about it, or you could raise a formal grievance. Keep notes of whatever you do. This man is a bully. I assume he is physically perfect? x
     
  21. Berryred

    Berryred Gold Member

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    I completly agree with this:D make him suffer!
     
  22. Sunshine Singer

    Sunshine Singer Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic

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    Wow...what a thread. It's awful what happened to you. I just wanna say that all the advice I'd give has already been said.

    Something really bad happened to me 3 years ago. Now it's not to do with my weight but it had a huge effect on my work situation. I had to learn the hard way but I grew a very thick skin and read somewhere that we can't control what others say or think about us. So, I kept my nose down and kept smiling and being friendly, even when others weren't being to me. Eventually when I had the strength, I approached the main person who was making me feel really bad. This guy had once been a very close friend. I asked to speak to him in private and explained to him how I had been feeling mainly due to his actions and that it was time it stopped. It was the best thing I could have done.

    My point is... you could wait until you are feeling stronger and approach him in a different light.

    Good luck hun xxx
     
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