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Feeling Blue

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#1
I'm sorry this is going to be a right moany post :( I'm so fed up right now, I had a really good run of 100% leading up to my cousins wedding last month, but since then I've really struggled to get going again. I've gained back what I'd managed to lose for the wedding. Still not near my start weight but I feel out of control :(

I feel like every minute of the day is a constant struggle for me. I'm on day 3, I'm struggling with hunger at work, and no sign of ketosis yet but that's because I Had gaviscon yesterday for bad indigestion.

I've felt down about my weight before but not for a while. I'm really stuck, I'm not happy at this weight, I feel uncomfortable and blobby so I know I have to do something about it. But I seem to keep failing, there's no point trying any other way to lose weight, I just end up gaining more. I'm sick of feeling like this :cry: I'm sick of my pity party.
 
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S: 13st13.5lb C: 13st13.5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 33.6 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#2
do you think its because you have lost your event to aim for? i do this every year after my hols.
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#3
It's my birthday in 3 weeks so I'm trying to aim for that, I go to London to see my friend in 4 weeks, so I do have an event. BUT you're right really, these events don't seem as important somehow. I feel like because in just doing it for me and no other reason it's not as important now, I've never really valued myself like I suppose I should.
 

trisha

likes to post
#4
I think most of us have been there at some stage during our cd journey, I know I have, what worked for me and got me back on track was working down the plans 810 - ss+ - ss. at the moment I'm meant to be doing ss but if I feel the need, I have had the odd ss+/810 day, its better than having a total blow out, and it still counts as 100% CD.

I'm usually fine at work, but my biggest struggle is once I get home, so this week I've had my first shake just before I set off for work, at lunch I have the veg drink, then when I get home about 4pm(this is the time when I am likely to binge) I have a shake then one while OH is having his meal, which is usually about 7:30 and I've found that this has helped.
 
S: 13st13.5lb C: 13st13.5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 33.6 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#5
if you need the excitment of someone else seeing you make a event hun. plan to go visit someone you haven't seen in awhile. or if you are married or in a realtionship imagine how great they are gonna think you look on your birthday treat yourself to a new outfit and impress them.
i've been very good and create events for myself this year because i know i need events. first is my wedding annivsary on the 26th then its our holiday in july. then my husbands birthday and i'm throwing him a party with people we haven't seen in awhile then its my childrens birthdays in sept my daugther is having a party then theres new year and we are going out this year so will keep events to keep me on track.
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#6
Ive been taking your advice Trisha, i aim to have an SS day but allow for an 810 (like today) if I need it. It's the only reason I've made it to day 3 again.

I'm getting nowhere fast, in fact I'm just getting nowhere :( I'm terrified of getting any bigger, but at the same time I keep thinking fcuk it what's the point? I'm tired of fighting this. I know this works so why am I finding it so hard now?

I also find it hard to see some people who are bigger and look sexy and gorgeous when I feel frumpy and no matter what I wear I look frumpy :(

Aaargh just ignore me I'm in a total gloom and being a drip!
 

trisha

likes to post
#7
Right I've just had a look at your pictures from Feb? I think you look amazing, gorgeous and definately sexy, you just can't see it yourself. I think we are all probably the same, as in we can't see what others can, because we are heavier than we want to be our brains tell us we are fat and frumpy, it has got a name but I can't remember it but I'm sure someone will come on and tell you its body something. BUT BELIEVE ME others will see your pictures and be really jealous
 

JaxieD

Silver Member
S: 15st0lb C: 15st0lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 36 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#8
trisha said:
Right I've just had a look at your pictures from Feb? I think you look amazing, gorgeous and definately sexy, you just can't see it yourself. I think we are all probably the same, as in we can't see what others can, because we are heavier than we want to be our brains tell us we are fat and frumpy, it has got a name but I can't remember it but I'm sure someone will come on and tell you its body something. BUT BELIEVE ME others will see your pictures and be really jealous
Is it body dysmorphia or something like that? :)
Whatever it is I've got a bad dose of it!! Every time I look in the mirror I see a huge blubbery whale and could cry!! It's awful! My friends tell me i look fine but all I see is the flab :-( I wish I wasn't so diet/slim obsessed, I'd probably be normal weight if I wasn't.
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#9
JaxieD said:
Is it body dysmorphia or something like that? :)
Whatever it is I've got a bad dose of it!! Every time I look in the mirror I see a huge blubbery whale and could cry!! It's awful! My friends tell me i look fine but all I see is the flab :-( I wish I wasn't so diet/slim obsessed, I'd probably be normal weight if I wasn't.
My friends tell me the same thing but I really just don't see it :( and I don't believe them. I'm pretty much starting to accept that there are things that I can't change, I've always had big arms and thighs, from years of competitive swimming, that's never gonna change, it's taken me 15 years to accept that. I need to work on the rest of me now.
 

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#10
Oh Sal, big {{{hugs}}}

It's horrible when that huge black diet cloud comes over and p*sses all over you.

I've seen your photos too - and you are attractive, hunni. You're nowhere near as big as you think you are either, it's just you've been on the diet treadmill for so long you've lost sight of how much you've achieved!

At a guess, the reason seeing your friend in a few weeks time isn't working as an incentive is because it's not far enough away. If you're like most of us, you'll have done the maths and tried to work out how many pounds you might have lost by then - and decided it won't be enough...

Though I'm not convinced that having events to work towards is necessarily helpful anyway. Because what do you do when that day comes and it's in the past?

You need to do it to show yourself you can do it, you know - not to show other people. :) Sure, showing other people is great and compliments are fab - but the only person whose approval really matters is you.

I think a good night's sleep is in order, missy. Everything will seem a whole lot better in the morning. You might even find the keto fairy pays you a visit overnight. x

:hug99:
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#11
God Lily I hope so!! Once I'm in the pink I feel much less inclined to want to cheat. I'm p!ssed off because I felt happy and comfortable at the wedding and since then I've ruined it, now I'm sad and feeling uncomfortable again :( Doing this for me is why I'm struggling if I'm brutally honest with myself. I don't rate myself highly enough, my confidence has just about gone again and that makes me cry sometimes that I've allowed this to happen. I just don't feel important enough to focus attention on. I hate failing, I've never failed at anything in my life, and here I am failing at being bloody normal :(
 

JaxieD

Silver Member
S: 15st0lb C: 15st0lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 36 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#12
Surfhunny said:
My friends tell me the same thing but I really just don't see it :( and I don't believe them. I'm pretty much starting to accept that there are things that I can't change, I've always had big arms and thighs, from years of competitive swimming, that's never gonna change, it's taken me 15 years to accept that. I need to work on the rest of me now.
I've got big arms....but mine are flabby and with mahoooosive bingo wings, hate hate hate them and I never wear sleeveless tops unless I'm on hols where no one knows me.... Ridiculous I know but such paranoia!!!! All the women on my dads side had huge arms and boobs and unfortunately I obviously take after them:-(
 

Lily

Gold Member
S: 16st11.0lb C: 15st10.0lb G: 13st7.0lb BMI: 37.8 Loss: 1st1lb(6.38%)
#13
Okay, I've sent a message to the Ketosis Fairy and she's promised to come along in the morning. She says that gaviscon doesn't contain enough carbs to cause a big delay. :D
 

JaxieD

Silver Member
S: 15st0lb C: 15st0lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 36 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#14
Oooh, I hope she listens to u. I can't wait until the weekend, hopefully I'll have joined you in Ketoland, lol!!
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#15
Thanks Lily, starting to think the Ketofairy has gone on strike!
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#17
FFS still no pink, I'm going to try a more accurate test at work but I'm getting really annoyed now. Going up to 810 yesterday keeping ketosis away? Aaaargh!!!!!!!!!
 

trisha

likes to post
#18
Is it body dysmorphia or something like that? :)
Whatever it is I've got a bad dose of it!! Every time I look in the mirror I see a huge blubbery whale and could cry!! It's awful! My friends tell me i look fine but all I see is the flab :-( I wish I wasn't so diet/slim obsessed, I'd probably be normal weight if I wasn't.

Yep think that's it :) Sal you have a bad dose of this too!
 

Surfhunny

Laugh in the face of food
S: 17st11lb C: 14st9lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 32.1 Loss: 3st2lb(17.67%)
#19
Yeah you're right!! I quite often try and compare my size to other people. Even watching Biggest Loser I do it. I have no real idea how other people see me, I think my trouble is that my shape hasn't changed it's just smaller so I'm still the same Michelin Man shape :(
 

flowey

Silver Member
S: 14st4lb C: 13st8lb G: 12st8lb BMI: 31.6 Loss: 0st10lb(5%)
#20
I really sympathise with the way you are feeling as I have been there myself so many times.
You know one thing for sure though - giving up today and having some comfort food does not make you feel better.
Ok - 3 wks until your b'day may seem to short a goal and 'not worth it' but IT IS.
Sounds like you could be at the wedding weight again by then.
What weight will you be without CD for 3 weeks (from experience)

Sometimes you can try and 'fix/solve' the feeling you have now or sometimes you have to just let it run its course. It's a bit like a cold, it will go away in its own time. I'm not suggesting you wallow in it, just accept you feel a bit down and take yourself to bed / read a book / take some time out, like you would if you were sick.
Once rested, you'll feel better each day until suddenly you feel ok again - and you'll have lost weight.

I really hope you feel better soon. There are a lot of us that have felt like you and I'm sure I am not alone when I say, if you can just get through the next couple of days (however you need to with lots of hugs and support) you will be so proud of yourself and have a real buzz knowing things are never going to get harder than now, so you really can do it. That will give you the confidence boost.

Really hope you feel better soon.
 


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