Feeling deprived?

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by KD, 6 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I’ve been working with someone, helping them (hopefully) with maintaining their weight, and we had this conversation which got me thinking

    Them: So you eat everything you want?
    Me: Umm, I allow myself to eat everything I want, but in sensible portions.
    Them: That wouldn’t work for me, because I don’t want to eat sensible portion sizes. I want to feel stuffed
    Me: Yeah, me too sometimes
    Them: So don’t you feel deprived that you can’t.
    Me: Well, I can if I want, but yes, sometimes I feel deprived. Depends where my head is.

    So this got me thinking about deprivation.

    Long ago, I remember reading a “diets make you fat” type of book, and how we shouldn’t deprive ourselves of what we want to eat. Well, tried it for a while, but hey, didn’t work for me. I ate, and ate, and ate. I thought I was craving one thing, so ate it, but then decided I was craving something else, so ate that too. Kept going until the cupboard was bare, then went out and filled it again and continued to eat so I never felt deprived.

    After all, the secret (they told me) was not to feel deprived and by eating everything, I would stop the craving. Didn’t work for me long term.

    So is it wrong to feel deprived? Or can it be a good thing? I think in this day and age, people will do whatever they can not to feel deprived. We want…we expect to be able to eat what we want. It’s our right.

    Yet we naturally deprive ourselves of all sorts of things throughout our lives without giving it much thought, let alone wallow in pity for ourselves.

    Take work for instance. I am sooooo disappointed with my boss who tells me that I need to go back to work after a long break. He should know how much fun I’m having. How could he :D

    Fact
    Work deprives me of my freedom from the clock
    Work deprives me of my freedom to shop whatever time I want
    Work deprives me of more relaxation time.

    But
    I love my job. I love getting paid :clap: I love the challenge. I love having a restful period after it, knowing that I’ve done a good job and worked hard.

    I deprive myself of time because the pros outweigh the cons. I get much more benefit from working than I would do not working….especially in the money department. And without the money, I wouldn’t enjoy not working so much. No internet access, perhaps no television, no car. Yep, it’s worth it to me to deprive myself of something to reap the benefits of others.
    That’s how I feel about maintaining and the diet I did to get me to this point. It wasn’t about what I couldn’t have, but about what I could have. By doing that, I didn’t feel deprived. There was no time for it because I was focusing too much on what I could do.

    Losing the weight and then maintaining is far more important to me than overeating.

    So instead of thinking about not being ‘allowed’ to stuff myself silly, I remind myself how good it is that I don’t need to now. How good it is to feel ‘control’ around food. How good it is to get into smaller clothes, feel better.

    Deprived? Maybe sometimes when I lose focus of the benefits, but it's rare.

    What about you? Do you feel deprived when you diet or are working on maintaining your weight?
     
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  3. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Oh KD I think you and I have some sort of psychic link. I was having a long conversation yesterday with the other half (bless the poor s*d) about being “normal” and “naturally slim”. I hear the expression a lot and was struggling to define what it is. In my mind it is someone who has what they want, when they want, in the quantity they want and never has to consciously stop themselves eating more than they should – they have a magic microchip in their heads that means they never want more than they need. I said that I could never be that person as there is something in me that if left completely to its own devices would eat more than my body needs. For example, if I have a couple of biscuits, I want more – I have to make a conscious decision to stop. But I would stress that it’s not a decision that bothers me or makes me feel deprived it’s just how it is and as you quite rightly say it is my choice and one where the pros outweigh the cons, a sort of “no-brainer”. Most of the time I give it little thought, no feelings of regret just a simple choice and one I am happy to make. Hubby pointed out that he thought my concept of a naturally slim person was wrong as he believed it to be someone who has what the want when they want but exercises some self control and that he thought that was where I was at.

    That is a very shortened version but still a bit rambly, can’t seem to express myself very clearly on this one. I suppose in a nutshell what I am saying is that yes I still have to say no to myself but that I don’t see it as deprivation I see it as my choice and actually quite empowering.

    xx
     
  4. mrsessex

    mrsessex Gold Member

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    In control and for me that's very addictive.
     
  5. Laura Croft

    Laura Croft Happily maintaining

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    Ooh can't we post a link so everyone on the entire forum can see this?

    Last time I started working up the steps, I didn't see my choices. I saw it as things I had to do, things I couldn't eat were a sacrfice and I didn't see the big picture. However thanks to you KD, I really have taken great strides in this. I can now see the payoff of not eating that bar of chocolate, or even that extra half a shake. The good things do outweigh the bad (pardon the pun!). I want to be happy, I want to be healthy and in order to do that, I need to treat my body with respect. And no matter what, remember everything I do is my choice, and I've made a decision to do it, whether I realise it or not.
     
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  6. BubblyPenguin

    BubblyPenguin Recovering Foodaholic

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    I don't feel I'm depriving myself (although I'm feeling very positive today and if you had asked me on Friday the answer would probably be different).

    If I think back to how I ate, before CD I would say I was depriving myself, not in terms of taste, but in terms of giving my body everything it needs to function at an optimum level. Yes, I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted, but was I truely satisfied? Not really and in that sense I was depriving myself of something I truely needed.

    And I think KD, you're absolutely right- the pros DO out weigh the cons- yes I have crappy days where I would gladly eat the mouldy crumbs in the fridge door, but then after a sharp kick up the rear I realise what I have to gain by sticking at it.

    I have to say- after drifting back in to a nibbling out-of-control pattern last week I started to feel dreadful- both physically and emotionally- I could feel and recognise the onset of depression, which I was able to recognise and kick into touch. I realised I was depriving myself in NOT sticking to the plan and that there would be alot more cons that pros if I went off-track. Needless to say I'm back in control and feel fab for it. Not deprived at all.
     
  7. LizzMB

    LizzMB WILL be Slim!

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    Its hard to put this in words on a forum....i'm thinking as i'm typing so bare with me! :D

    I think everyone has to deal with deprivation one way or another, whether its a food issue or a financial one etc.
    I can go out and spend £80 on a dress if i want to, but the rest of the month we as a family wont be able to do anything nice together. Is it worth depriving us all for the sake of a dress? No, of course not, but that then results in me feeling deprived? Sure, momentarilly, but its not a bad thing to experience and i know that the feeling i get from my family outweighs the short term feeling from the dress.like everything, its about balance.
    The same applies to eating in my eyes, do i want to eat a big bar of chocolate? Yummy, yes please! But is it worth the hassle afterwards of having to balance out those negative cals? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Should i accept that SOMETIMES its ok to have the chocolate bar and sometimes its just better to walk away? Yes! Do i feel deprived? Momentarilly yes, but then i remember why i'm not having the chocolate bar and all is well with the world! As you say, keeping sight on the benefits overpowers the feeling or depreivation.

    My DH and DD now eat a lot healthier than before i started CD. I do all the cooking, and i dont think its too deliberate really. I still make them cakes and pizza's, but not as often, and if i do, its smaller portions and with veggies! So neither are deprived, but just more balanced!

    So in a round about way, deprevation, yes....sometimes....but then i think its always good to not having everything you want.....having everything i wanted in the past lead to me being a very unhappy fat person.....

    hope that makes sense! xx
     
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  8. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Umm, well I think that it's more complex than that ;) There is no doubt that people who lack self control are more likely to get overweight, but that doesn't mean that you are bound to, or vice versa.

    I believe that I was overweight because of my positive experiences with food, and also genetics and hormones (not just female hormones). My 'need' for too much food was stronger than natural 'slimmies'.

    I had to exercise more conscious self control than they did.

    Take my son (please :D)

    He loves food, but doesn't eat more than he needs. Once he has had enough, he doesn't like that food any more. It doesn't take much will power or self control to stop eating it. He just doesn't want it :confused:

    I have no doubt that he's not fighting the urge to stop because he doesn't want to be overweight, or that he's thinking of health benefits, or even that he feels he shouldn't be greedy.

    He just doesn't want it once he gets to that point. Even his favourite foods.

    Even though I know that for me there are many physiological factors going on with my experience around food, I am a firm believer in the physiological differences too.

    There are people who have a need to take risks. It's been proven that they are short of a particular hormone, or that it doesn't respond as well.

    These are the people that often like scary rides. They need to take that risk because of this hormone, so their brains give them the desire to do something risky.

    I on the other hand don't have that problem. I do not have to focus on not going on a scary ride. It's easy for me to say no. Am I showing self control by saying no because I value my health and don't want to risk dying, or that spending money on the ride would be greedy when I need other things? Nah. It's easy, peasy. Just say "no" and go and find a burger bar :D
     
  9. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Loving this post! ;) Agree up to a point I guess, my hubby is very much like your son in that he has exactly what he wants without any reference to health, weight etc.

    At the opposite end there are two ladies at work that I sit with who are both slim, always have been, and I constantly hear them sayng things like, please don't let me have another of those biscuits etc. Therefore, they are consciously having to stop themselves.

    Perhaps as you say this is more complex and this is no one specific type of person and that people are slim for a variety of reasons, for some it comes totally naturally, for others more thought is needed.

    I seem to have gone off at a tangent, nowt unusual there then!! :D
     
  10. alipally

    alipally Serial Dieter!

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    For me deprivation only happens during the first 3 days before ketosis.... then I feel REALLY deprived, because frankly I am! After ketosis kicks in, that feeling goes away.
    For me it's more about satisfaction than deprivation.
    I'm not as snacker, I don't eat between meals.
    I never feel deprived of food... I honestly never go to a party and think that I'm depriving myself of food, even when I'm ss'ing... its usually other people who feel uncomfortable!

    My problem lies in satiety.... I never actually feel satisfied with a 'normal' amount of food.
    I'm the woman who stuck to the Slimming world diet 100% and gained weight, because, free food was unlimited and I could happily eat an entire chicken in a sitting... and then eat the biggest steak you ever saw for my dinner.:eek: and if there was anything else that I was allowed/needed to eat then I would eat that too.
    I simply do not have a full button unless I'm full 'to the brim'

    So I can say no to things and it never bothers me... the whole eat until you're satisfied is my challenge.. I have to put 'lady portions' on my plate and understand that whatever I'm feeling by the end is how it should be!


    I have a son like yours KD and I've just asked him a couple of questions about food. (he now thinks I'm weird)
    Do you eat when you're not hungry?
    Err, no.
    When do you stop eating?
    When I stop being hungry.
    Do you ever eat something just because it's there?
    I might have a sweet if someone offers me or a chocolate.

    Why are you asking me these weird questions mum???

    All his life, I've never been able to coax him to eat more than he wanted.... even as a baby he would often refuse, he was NEVER passified with a biscuit or a sweet treat... he just wasn't interested!

    Me if I'm hungry... I eat until I'm full, but, the off switch is faulty, I need to get a handle on exsactly how much is enough!
     
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  11. LizzMB

    LizzMB WILL be Slim!

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    I'm exactly the same!
    The first 3 days were really what deprivation was about to me, and i know now in a sense that its done me a favour...i will never be THAT deprived again, becuase saying no to a second or third biscuit will never be that bad!

    I dont seem to have an off switch, and will have to exercise self-control to help me learn what "Normal" portion sizes are! Its going to be a whole new learning curve, but one i'm happily going to undertake! :D
     
  12. Wales

    Wales Silver Member

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    I am totally with you on this. I could never understand how having unlimited amounts of anything could help me lose weight.

    The main head turner I found on CD was really understanding the difference between "needing" something to eat and "wanting" something to eat. When I used to get home from work I would have a cup of tea, maybe a sandwich or some toast and then as I enjoyed that so much maybe another sandwich or round of toast, maybe with sweet filling after savory and so on until I made dinner, then had my tea etc etc.

    On SS, I would come in from work, have a coffee refil my water and do something else - and you know what - the world didn't stop, I didn't faint with hunger and I wasn't deprived of anything. The toaster is still there and the shop is still selling bread. And will be in 2, 4, 6 months time (or however long this takes). My OH had a McDonalds today to "cure" a hangover and I chose to have a coffee. Did I feel deprived, no as I had a slurp of his choc milkshake and decided my CD one is far superior.

    On the other hand being overweight I have deprived myself of maximising my fertility to start a family. And whilst there are other issues in this area, my weight has affected it for me. As the Consultant said, very many overweight women get pregnant, you are just not one of them!

    I would like to think that I can weigh up food choices with a Cost v Value thought process. I don't want to deprive myself of feeling this good!
     
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  13. The Rose

    The Rose Rosie

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    Hi everyone

    When I think of the word "deprivation", I think of people starving in third world countries and not really about what diet I am, or am not, following. However, if you look at the statistics for third world countries, if you are on lighterlife or cambridge, you are in fact putting yourself in the same category as someone starving in a third world country.

    This would mentally, certainly make you feel deprived, partly because as westerners we are extremely fortunate, even if we dont think we are, we can eat anything we want, drink from a tap, we have the NHS and even if we are on benefits, we are extremely fortunate. This may create a conflict because we believe that we somehow "deserve" to have these things and taking them away awakens the inner child who stamps his/her foot in a temper.

    Like many of you have said, we should focuss on the things in our life that make us feel good, that fill our sad spirits, that enrich our lives. Focus on why you are doing this, and the lifelong journey that you are following, this is not a short fix, this is your journey and you can only do your very best. We all stumble and fall, but it is those of us that get up and find that path again, who will succeed.

    Good luck to everyone on their journey

    Love
    Rosie xx
     
  14. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Yep and it's so easy to forget isn't it. It's easy to just see the pros of eating what we shouldn't be eating and forgetting the pros of not eating.
     
  15. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Funny thing is, I didn't feel any more deprived on Cambridge than I did on any other diet. Even on roughly 1800 cals a day, I can feel even more deprived than when I was doing a VLCD (if I let myself)

    I think the pros of NOT eating on a VLCD are much greater than the pros on NOT overeating in maintenance.

    There's a lot more to lose.
     
  16. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Funny thing is, I didn't feel any more deprived on Cambridge than I did on any other diet. Even on roughly 1800 cals a day, I can feel even more deprived than when I was doing a VLCD (if I let myself)

    I think the pros of NOT eating on a VLCD are much greater than the pros on NOT overeating in maintenance.

    There's a lot more to lose and I'm not talking about weight here.
     
  17. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I don't have an off switch either. That's why I think my leptin levels are 'screwed'.

    It's certainly better recently, but I don't think my maintenance calories give me as much satisfaction as most people's (who haven't had a weight issue).

    I've done loads of experiments with calories and various changes in macronutrient percentages. Really just for fun (had a lot I wanted to know :D).

    Each time I tried not to think in calories until the day was over, then tot up and see what I got. I've done eating more everything/eating less everything/eating more protein/carbs blah blah

    I find that for me to be 'satisfied', in other words I can finish dinner knowing I've really eaten something. Not full, certainly not stuffed, but a little more than adequate, then I need about 500 cals more than maintenance calories :(

    Maintenance calories give me 'neutral'. The feeling that I haven't eaten, but I'm not hungry either...though I have to admit that the signal comes slow and after a meal, I can feel hungry, but within an hour it goes away leaving me neutral again.

    So neutral is the level I need to aim for each day.

    Sometimes I want to feel more satisfied.

    Anyway...little off topic there.
     
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  19. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    But not necessarily. Maybe it's just a habit phrase. One that shows how controlled they are, even if deep down they don't have to control anything. It's possible I suppose. Reckon you need to ask them on a score of 1 to 10, how hard this is for them to resist :D

    Yeah. Reckon you're right there. We can't catagorize so neatly. I know my cousins husband is on a low cholesterol diet. In his 60's and slim, very fit and healthy. He eats what he needs to eat to keep his chol stable and loves to play all sorts of sports (for the benefit of his health). He doesn't understand why anyone would do anything to jeopardize their health...tut tut.

    Bully for him, but I do think it's easier for him in some way. That he hasn't got the 'call' for certain foods and in excess.
     
  20. Tracey1404

    Tracey1404 Enjoyin' my journey....

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    Intriguing thread to say the least. I find "deprived" belongs almost 100% in my head, and very little to do with what my body needs. Since being on CD I have not missed the foods I normally miss (mainly savouries), but I have yearned for sugary foods & chocolate which I am normally not interested in at all.

    When I eat I like to eat not until I am satisfied, but until I am full (& that means physically feeling full). Therein lay my problem. I could have a meal the same as everyone else and feel deprived because it wasn't enough. So my feelings of depravation lie more being unable to satisfy my greed. This led to depravation of a different kind - being deprived of feeling good about myself because I was so overweight. Being deprived of being able to shop where I wanted. Being deprived of being able to wear jeans, feeling youthfu, feeling energised.

    CD has released me from this depravation. The self-control it requires I find satisfying rather than depriving. I still cook for the family and enjoy it. I find feeding and sustaining people very satisfying, and even more satisfying is clearing away knowing that I have not overindulged. Dont get me wrong, it is slightly masocistic as I really enjoy the cooking and quite often would love to eat it!! However, being on SS+ allows me some flexibility, and I love to shop for my fish and chicken, plus the low carb veg.

    I must admit that I entered CD worried about feeling deprived, and whilst it is not always easy, the satisfaction of losing weight quite quickly, coupled with not feeling constantly guilty about overeating had been very liberating. I am no longer having my "last" big meal, or starting my diet tomorrow, I am on my journey and although early days, I am going to work at it and end up satisfied with me for once.
    Traceyx
     
  21. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    "Neutral" is such a perfect way of describing it. The child within me (the parents and adults are often absent ;)) sometimes wants to scream, I can't recall the last time I felt really satisfied and on some level I miss it :eek:
     
  22. MissPinky

    MissPinky Shrinky Pinky!

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    I've had no sense of deprivation on Cambridge. Other people had more feelings of deprivation on my part as a result of me doing Cambridge!

    I made a choice to do a VLCD - and I compromised by following SS+ and taking a meal in the evening. This was because I wanted to achieve weight loss discreetly whilst resembling 'normality' and dining with my partner/family as a social bonding experience. I may have felt 'deprived' (or I suspect I would have done) had I simply had a shake/soup/porridge at evening meal time. Deprived as in 'left out', 'different', 'drawing attention to myself in being different' etc. Not deprived in a food sense at all. Far more damaging to me to feel isolated.

    Sure, the meal portions of Cambridge some would consider deprivation, but I don't have that perspective because 'under the bonnet' it's re-educating the way I think about food, and my palate has changed significantly in keeping with that. I actually enjoy and value the taste of the foods I am eating far more now - and there's no deprivation in savouring flavours of things that used to get shovelled in for the sake of shovelling them in.

    And when I have the odd 'off plan' treat (and I do that, and am still on Cambridge and losing weight!) I savour the experience much more than I did before. I have respect for food now - and that rules out deprivation for life, I would think.
     
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