Feelings about your body?

Discussion in 'Route to Management' started by katalena, 15 November 2009 Social URL.

  1. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    In the first few weeks of RTM how did you feel about your body?

    I mean, you are not eating enough calories to be putting on weight but did you feel like you were? Did you feel rounder? Bigger? Fatter?

    Obviously your body is adjusting to food again so that will make a difference and I am sure we are all affected in different ways by various foods i.e. raw veg etc... so wind and feeling bloated will make a difference.

    But...

    Did you have random moments of thinking you were gaining weight or feeling bigger?

    I know it is psychological and once back in adult state it re-adjusts as it just isn't logical but goodness we know how to play with our own emotions!!

    Interested to know how others feel/felt.

    Kat xx
     
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  3. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    My body image is still such a confusing thing. I love that I fit into size 8's it constantly amazes me. But I don't yet see myself as a size 8. I love feeling my shoulder bones etc, but it is still also very strange. I still have fat days, and certain foods make me feel extremely bloated. I am terribly proud of what I have achieved, but part of me hates the flabby skin and streach marks. I would have surgery if I could, but realistically that would still not give me the body of a 20 year old!! My more rational side says these are parts of your story, which you carry on your body like the tattoos etc, so be proud of them.

    Mostly I am 50/50 about how I look. I know I am thin, yet I don't always feel thin. I mentioned in another post that my sis summed it up really well - "i used to be a thin person in a fat persons body, now I feel like a fat person in a thin persons body"

    Sorry a bit of a ramble and probably not very coherent, it is still probably a bit of a love/hate thing at the moment, but will learn to love how I am as I mentally adjust to my new size.

    Jez
    xx
     
  4. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    hi there
    ditto jez's post

    i watched gok the other day and there were 4 size 14 women in their underwear on. they all looked great - much better than i do.

    i would put myself at their size - but i know my clothes are size 8?

    its strange - still, after 5 months
    daisy x
     
  5. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Body image is indeed ... a strange thing. I think it very much depends on our moods. I still have fat days, I'm wearing a size 8 which can be quite loose in some places, yet I feel like a size 12/14. I see myself as quite large, I FEEL large, but at the very same time I get freaked out by my bones poking out everywhere and there being no layers of fat to accompany my mind's eye. Only when I get glimpses in reflections that don't involve my face do I get a bit of a shock and even then, I still hate what I see, because it's displaced - it's no longer me for those few moments.

    I'd agree with Jezzy, I have for a very long time felt that there's a 'fat' person inside, and when I *was* fat, I always felt 'thin' in my mind's eye. ... I've long since had to stop caring about what I think of me, or what anyone else could possibly think. Sometimes I'm happy with it, sometime's I'm not. The key to life is to keep going forward, regardless... after all... it's all in the day of the life of.
     
  6. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    Thank you all for your responses. It is interesting to read where you all are at such different stages.

    Although, that wasn't what I actually meant. I don't think I explained myself very well.

    Thanks again guys.

    Kat xx
     
  7. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    I guess if you meant during the 12 week post-Abstinence RTM... Yes, first few weeks were terrifying. I seem to remember feeling like a balloon! I was terrified of putting anything in my mouth - because I felt like every morsel would gain about a stone back, and somehow I'd wake up the next day being the same size when I started!
    As for foodstuffs and actual bloatedness... I can't say I remember that much detail, however meat in general made me feel very 'heavy', especially red meat like beef and lamb (I don't eat pork) - I still can't actually handle real mince (yay for turkey mince!) and haven't touched lamb at all, I find it too 'fatty' to the taste.
    Yoghurt also, depending on type and brand sometimes used bring up a gassy feeling and made me feel a little bloated (as a consequence fatter in my head?) so I kept the yoghurt down to one small (200ml pot) Muller Light per day, and I still do, even though I no longer get that feeling...
    Veggies and salad were fine to cope with to be honest - because I don't think anyone psychologically associates the greens with anything *really* negative, so these items are actually quite easy to 'over-eat' as a consequence ... and yes, having too much veg and salad - having the attitude "Oh it's ok, it's only vegetables!" and excusing myself to having more, eventually actually led to a lack of discipline in other food areas after my initial RTM experience (which was actually a year ago now! :eek: ).

    Hope that answers your question a little better? :/
     
  8. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    Thank you - that is "exactly" what I meant, especially your first statement. That is what I wanted you to say as that is sooooooooooo how I am feeling!

    Thank you again.

    Kat xx

     
  9. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    hmmm i see

    tbh i didn't feel like that.
    i'm worried about getting fat again - but its almost like i don't make the link in my head between eating and putting on weight!?

    i kept testing myself... like 'i will eat that cake and those crisps and see if i put on weight now i am slim'

    bizarre - and i'm not sure if i'm explaining myself well, but it was like i needed to prove to myself that i could eat things and stay slim

    of course it doesn't work and i started putting on weight which was completely obviously going to happen - but i still felt the need to do it.

    far from being scared of putting things in my mouth i felt the need to do it and see what happened

    is that more of what you meant kat?!

    its like i'm completely opposite to minerva - she sees every link between what she eats and the effects it may have so doesn't
    i'm in some sort of denial and think i'm in control and i'm not

    oh dear, its not easy is it!!

    daisy x
     
  10. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    I think I do undertsand what you mean hun.

    I meant exactly this:


    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Minerva [​IMG]
    I guess if you meant during the 12 week post-Abstinence RTM... Yes, first few weeks were terrifying. I seem to remember feeling like a balloon! I was terrified of putting anything in my mouth - because I felt like every morsel would gain about a stone back, and somehow I'd wake up the next day being the same size when I started!

    Kat xx

     
  11. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    like i said - opposite to me

    i felt invincible i guess, i'd done it, i was never going back,
    no food would get me fat again - lol!

    (but at the same time scared i would put it all back on - obviously not from eating bad things/ too much tho, it would just appear!)

    daisy x
     
  12. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    It can be one big head f**k eh!!! xx
     
  13. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Personally because of the struggles I've had with food so far, it's early days.... I still very much feel like I'll gain everything back tomorrow because I allowed myself an extra carrot or something. Boundary pushing is extremely scary, but needs to be done in order to know how far one can go.

    The first time when I finished RTM post-abstinence at Christmas time LAST year, I pushed my boundaries *too* far and gained a stone back very quickly. Then I freaked out, and stopped the weight gain by reigning in the boundaries. Then I wanted to lose what I gained and restarted Lighter Life (I'd never reached my target initially so I was planning to go back to it eventually anyway). ... The second time around really set the lessons I needed to learn in concrete, and fear of food and weight-gain really took hold. ...

    Now I need to reverse that process just a *tiny* bit, so that I can live normally. ....

    HOWEVER.

    I think - even through my battles, I keep going. A little bit of that fear is a GOOD thing. It makes me remember that I should never get complacent about what I put in my mouth regardless of how I feel or what kind of day I've had etc. Food is just... that. Food. ... Treat it with respect, and it will respect you too. ;)


    But I do echo Daisy's sentiments... The reason I gained a stone back at the end of first-time RTM was because during RTM I didn't gain even though I was eating. So I developed an attitude which was detrimentally wrong, I felt that no matter what I'll never gain anything back because I lost so much, so I didn't deserve to gain! It was ok, food was not evil etc etc etc... and I let it get the best of me on certain days and I 'allowed' myself whole bags of chocolate chip cookies 'because I deserved them-because I had a rotten day'. .... didn't think a bag of cookies could do so much damage to be fair, but once a month cookies turned into once a week, and so on .... ... so.. yeah. :) It's easy to slip back. Very, very, very easy.
     
  14. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    Thank you both for your responses, they have really helped me in my head as I think they are both things I need to be aware of with me.

    Throughout weeks 1-23 I have been very fortunate with my loses - they were consistently good.

    I think that the early gain I have had this week has given me a shake. LLC assures me it is not fat, that it is glycogen & water but it is as a result of me eating too much in week 2 that it has built up quicker than it should. It wasn't that I ate anything I shouldn't have but I did, on occasion eat too much of what I could have. Lets hope that is a lesson learnt to be more aware of portions.

    Thank you both again, this website and other people's experiences can help more than any talk at LLC.

    Kat xx
     
  15. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    I did the start of RTM just as I was going on holiday to Hong Kong for 2 weeks. It was scarey for lots of reasons and I did feel quite freaked during those two weeks. Firstly all the body noises, functions etc came back with a vengence. God I would love to live life on the packs and never have to be bloated or feel gassy...but that's another topic..:). So there I was in another country with no scales to weigh myself and only all these tiny asian women to compare myself with...god I felt huge. Even when I did buy something in shops to wear I had no gauge of my size because it was in chinese sizes. So the best solution I could come up with one day when I was particularly worried was to go into M&S and try on a pair of size 10 shorts to see if they still fitted. I've always put weight on while on holiday so was expecting the worst, but hey the shorts fitted. Hubby was mightily confused when I came out the changing room beaming that the shorts fitted and looked great but I was not buying them....I then proceeded to put them back...lol.
     
  16. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    Reading this is such a help, especially today as I have the "I am convinced I am getting fatter" day! it is quite bizarre! How our head plays tricks on us!

    Thank you!

    Kat xx


     
  17. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Yesterday I had such a "fat" day, I am seriously considering surgery to rid myself of the loose skin and flab, am starting to think it is the only way I will feel better about myself. It also might stop my head traumas, as I look at my stomach and still feel fat and no matter how much I loose and how thin I am, and I am thin in reality everywhere else almost too thin. If that was gone I might feel better. Lol see no matter where we are in life, we still want more!! Off to look at surgery websites for a bit methinks!!

    Jez
    xx
     
  18. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    We are never satisfied!

    My feeling isn't because of loose skin or flab! I just convince myself continually that every morsal will mean I am putting on weight!

    It is ridiculous as I know we need to eat 3000 calories to put on a lb of fat!

    That 2lb gain last week of glycogen/water has done my head in literally! I question - what if that happens every week!?

    Kat xx
     
  19. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    I am sitting with those exact same head traumas even now hun, convinced that every time I have slightly more calories than usual I will end up fat again. Realistically, if I get adult about it. In all the weeks of RTM I have eated more each week and still weigh less than when I started RTM. So if I was being all logical about it, I should know that I am eating ok and not putting on weight, but next week is bread week and that scares me, as does the fact that in 2 weeks my nice little safety net of RTM is over. Arrrrrrgh panic, panic!!! Your glycogen load will probably have balanced out and you will have probably lost it by this week. The body does seem to take time to adjust and I have had up weeks, sts weeks and down weeks on RTM. Mmmm surgery is just soo expensive, but an avenue I am prepared to go down to get what I want. Would still not feel comfortable in a bikini if you get my drift. I think I totally underestimated the effect being fat for so long had on my body. In all my imaginings of being slim - and there were many! I never imagined ending up with all this loose skin and still having flabby bits!!

    Jez
    xx
     
  20. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Hi Jez, I feel as if I follow you around saying...ohh I know how you feel...but again I do.

    Having said that, I'm trying to be realistic about my body and I'm managing to an extent. I don't like my flabby tummy but more than that I'm devastated about my non existant boobage. I've gone from a 38D to a 30B. I have decided to have a boob job done as a celebration of maintaining my weight. But despite wanting it NOW, I've decided that I will wait 6 months to be absolutely sure in my head and also to make sure I do maintain my weight. I don't think any of us should rush into any surgery until things have settled down for good and our heads have a chance to catch up.

    Getting back to the loose skin issue. My LLC put this into perspective when she said, "If I told you 9 months ago that you could be a size 10 and realistically could maintain this for the rest of your life, but may have some loose skin, what would you say"?....well I know I would have jumped at the chance.
     
  21. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    You are very wise Morticia, and you know I would have jumped at the chance too. My boobs are ok, my sister's are in worse shape, she was bigger than me to begin with boob wise. I had a reduction and reshape when I was 18 (1 boob was a cup size bigger than the other) so although they are a bit smaller, they are not out of proportion and still quite a nice shape. I think you are absolutely correct in saying give it 6 months, and this I will do, apart from the head stuff, also for financial reasons. Perhaps there will be an improvement too. I just think I have too much loose skin for excercise to make much of a difference. But you are a hunni and I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way :)


    Jez
    xx
     
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