feels like im losing everything :(

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Kat112409, 12 August 2010 Social URL.

  1. Kat112409

    Kat112409 Full Member

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    i usually go all quiet n shut myself away when im feeling like this. Basically my other half has a little boy with his ex and she constantly clicks her fingers or tells us what we can n cant do. Im sick of my partner letting her do this since day one. The biggest problem is his 3 year old bullies my 1 year old, since my son Haiden was about 8 months old my partners kid has done nothing but be nasty, including things like spitting, smacking, biting, head butting and trying to strangle haiden and wait for him to scream n pushes him to the floor with his hand still gripped to his throat. Aswell as hurting him to make him cry n runs off to think he hasnt done anything. Ive told my other half plenty of times this isnt normal child behaviour and if he was mine i would of gotten him seen to with behaviour lessons. Now atm my partners ex is saying it either goes her way or not at all, ive told my partner he is no longer bringing his son round to stay at the weekends as its hurting me n i cant stand seeing haiden being treated like that. He's now accusing me of making things worse n putting him in a decision of choosing between us. He keeps talking to me like its all my fault, right now i usually go to the shop n spend about £15 on crisps, chocolate and sweets but im trying to resist that temptation... im crying my eyes out n need some comfort. Anyone online to talk?
     
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  3. CraftyLittleRat

    CraftyLittleRat Full Member

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    *hugs* first of all well done for resisting the temptation to go grab sweets and chocolate.

    You are right, that's not normal child behaviour. He sounds incredibly jealous of your son, maybe he thinks your son is trying to "steal" his daddy. I'd try and make sure your partner does fun things with his kid and then you all go and do fun things as a family, even going to the park for a picnic. Both you and your partner need to lay down ground rules for what is acceptable behaviour at your house.

    *hugs* sorry to hear your having such a hard time of it.
     
  4. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Hi Kat, Know how you feel!
    I think you did the right thing in stopping them from coming round. What the heck is wrong with your partner? Surely he does not want to see his son being bullied right under his nose? As for making him decide between you, I don't suppose for a moment you are stopping him from seeing his other son, so what's the big deal!
    Keep your head up, my dear. It does seem that you are not the most positive of people, hence the need to run and comfort yourself when faced with a dilemma. Be more confident and tell him how it is right up front, don't back down in your demeanour. A timid person shows their feelings so plainly which can incite a bullying person to continue with more determination because they are quite sure that if they keep on you will eventually give in. I wouldn't mind betting that has happened quite a bit in the past!?!
    Take care, and remember you are doing the right thing for your son, he can't speak for himself.:girlpower:
     
  5. Kat112409

    Kat112409 Full Member

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    i know, it makes me so angry. i cant believe he'd still want his son over after me now getting panic attacks just coz of all this and i notice a change in haiden when his son is here too. Its not a good change either. And yes i have in the past given in to see him happy but not anymore, my partners hardly helps me or does right by us so ive told him im not helping him out anymore coz hes just let all this get worse. I sometimes cant believe i actually got involved with him n in this mess they've now dragged me into. His ex moans saying haiden see's his daddy everyday n he's other son doesnt... she puts it on n thats when my partners starts turning it around n then says to me "haiden see's me everyday, i cant just forget about my other son"

    Its just so hard, i actually wanna take haiden to my mums n make sure i never get involved with this crap again but i dont want haiden to be hurt that i took him away from his daddy :cry:
     
  6. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

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    Well you do seem to have got yourself very upset over this & things have probably been getting you down for a while & now it's all come to a head.

    Yes Haiden probably does see his dad every day. Would it be possible for your bf to see his other son more often & maybe on his own so he doesn't feel jealous of Haiden?

    I don't think it's unacceptable for you to have different rules at your house that what bf ex has at hers.

    You need to be firm with OH son & tell him when his behaviour is unacceptable, but also praise him when he has done something right.

    Don't let you bf son or ex spoil the relationship you have with your son or bf.

    I'd agree with Emmaline you don't seem like you have a lot of confidence & it will take time to build this up, just take things slowly, remember everything won't be ok immediately it will take time.

    Well done on keeping to plan.
     
  7. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    I wouldn't for a moment want families to split up but sometimes a break can do marvels for making someone see sense.
    Sonds like you are beginning to think on the right lines, but don't count it as a "goodbye" action but that you really need a break - and for your sons health as well as children DO know when there is a lot of tension in the house and it can affect their development.
    I am from a disfunctional family and was very much like you, really frightened to set firm rules. My husband was very violent - (hope that's not so with you.) I put up with it for years and then decided to stand my ground. He saw the difference and disliked my "new" self and so he left the home which I was very pleased and relieved about! However, it has affected my son really badly, even now at 52 he still suffers panic attacks and depression through witnessing terrible rows and violence.
    Please don't let this happen to your son! They are very precious little people who need calm and consistancy in their lives.:)
     
  8. Kat112409

    Kat112409 Full Member

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    well most of the time im having to take haiden to my mums to chill out for a few days but its never really improved anything. Plus its haidens 1st birthday party on saturday so i gotta be all smiles lol
     
  9. x Nee x

    x Nee x Gold Member

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    Hi,

    Sounds like a tough position to be in especially with an awkward ex, I personally dont have children but I think your right in what you say with stopping the 3yr old coming over.

    I also agree with Wasinfu about making more family time, but instead of in the house go out for the day, things like picnics, the zoo and parks etc a good distraction from picking on your little boy may do wonders.

    Also bear in mind that maybe his little boy is torn between his mummy and daddy and that your partner may be scared of losing him?

    Either way stay strong, good on you for coming on here

    xx
     
  10. Kat112409

    Kat112409 Full Member

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    oh yeah i completely understand him knowing his mummy n daddy isnt together anymore n i dont expect matt to not be upset about loosing his son but ive spent too long now putting my partners feelings first and tbh i need to do whats right for my son. But like even when his son stays the weekend and we take them both out he's still quite nasty to haiden. Me and my partner are talking now as i managed to sit him down n tell him everything n how im feeling atm and he seems to feel bad. I gave in and had a little slice of my sons cake earlier instead of spending £10-£15 in the sweet shop but i think i shud start doing meal plans and right down little goals of weight loss to keep me on track :)
     
  11. x Nee x

    x Nee x Gold Member

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    Thats great that he sat and spoke with you, do you think its helped?

    sounds like a little bugger :eek:

    Im sure one little bit of cake wont hurt, and yes defo better than spending £10 or more on naughty stuff, so, well done :)

    x
     
  12. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Hope things continue to progress well for you. Do let us know how things are going.
    Keep that sweet stuff at bay and losing weight will help you gain more confidence.:)
     
  13. Fat-Boy-Slimmin

    Fat-Boy-Slimmin On a mission

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    Now obviously I don’t know much about the situation, so I am just putting forward a possibility here.

    It sounds to me like the ex is the route of all your problems. She sounds like a manipulator to me. Playing people, putting guilt trips on them, always wanting her own way. Forcing your OH to feel guilty about the situation and then demanding this, that and the other after she has made him feel he has to make up for it. I'm not trying to defend him though, because he needs to stand up to her and stop allowing her to rule his (and ultimately your) life.

    The bullying sounds like it may also have come from the ex too, either purposely or unintentional. She could very easily be putting bad ideas in to the child’s mind, either by talking about the situation in front of the child and he is taking it in and more and more resenting your son, or she is actually putting the ideas straight in to his head that you and your son are trying to take his father away. I'm sure he doesn't treat all other children the same, or many people would have said or done something about it by now.

    Sorry if that sounds presumptuous, but I’ve seen it happen before.

    I do hope you can sort it out soon though, as it sounds like it’s eating away at you, which really isn’t healthy at all.
     
  14. Kat112409

    Kat112409 Full Member

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    actually it sounds about right. Uve hit the nail right on the head when talking bout the ex, thats exactly her. Ive told my other half he needs to grow a pair n stand upto her many of times. He isnt talking to her atm, he's had enough of her and how she keeps trying to distroy what we have. I emailed her on facebook telling her to sort herself out and she said if we dont go to her and sort this out by her rules then she'd stop contact between my partner and his other son. She has now done that. And no his other son is actually quite a bully to other children aswell, thats why most of my partners mates dont let us go round there houses when we had his little boy. I know his the worst with my son tho
     
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