Found out via Facebook...

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by rainbow_brite, 23 September 2011 Social URL.

  1. rainbow_brite

    rainbow_brite Full Member

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    .....that my stepdad has become a grandad for the first time. However, him and his son haven't spoken for a year (don't really know why). His son obviously hadn't told him that he and his wife were expecting.

    I am not linked to them on Facebook but just randomly searched for his son last night and found messages of congratulations.

    I now don't know what to do. I feel my stepdad has a right to know, but that it will destroy him knowing that his son hasn't told him. On the other hand do I not tell him as it's his son's place to tell him?

    My mum and I are very very close and I feel awful at the thought of keeping it from her too.

    I'd be grateful for any advice. :( x

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  3. sweet pink

    sweet pink is losing for shoes

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    I think I would talk to your mum & see what she thinks :)
     
  4. Tinnedtomato

    Tinnedtomato Gold Member

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    If it was me, I would be tempted to tell your mum and see what she says....she might have some advice of how to approach the subject.

    Look at it with some perspective....if his son decides to not tell him, and in years to come, your step-dad finds out that you knew all along, he is going to be upset with you too.

    Grandparents have rights now (talking from experience) and he does have a right to know about it.

    Like I said before, I would mention it to your mum, and maybe let her tell him.

    Hope it goes ok luv xx
     
  5. laura4988

    laura4988 Full Member

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    I like the idea of talking to your mum. Maybe you could also send the son a message on facebook and point out that even though they might not get on it's not fair on his dad or his child and see if he has anything to say about it. It might be that he's worried about his dads reaction or even speaking to him again but inside he does want to tell him. I think giving the son some chance is something to consider as, like you said, you don't know why they don't talk. X
     
  6. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    I'd send the son a Facebook message too. Tell him you've been thinking of him lately and wondering how he was so you thought you would look him up on Facebook and what fantastic news you found! Congratulations! etc but now you feel really awkward because its obvious that his dad doesn't know and while you respect his right to not tell him you feel like you are party to a secret you shouldn't be keeping, and it would be far better if he could bring himself to tell him.
    If not, would he mind if you did because you know he would be delighted and whilst you have no idea why they fell out, your stepfather would, you know be gutted that whatever the reason it had caused him to miss out on something so wonderful and important a part of his sons life.

    If son writes back and says keep your mouth shut, then with all respect, that's what you should do. He may however be grateful for the opening.
     
  7. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I think you need to tell your step dad that you know. The son isn't keeping it very private if hes on fb and the info is out there. If you feel it would be better to let the son know you are telling your step dad then fair enough but I don't think you should give him the power to stop you from sharing the info just maybe give him the chance to do it first?
     
  8. KraziKayzi

    KraziKayzi Silver Member

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    Now I am going to give the flip side!

    I would message the son and if told to keep quiet then you should respect his wishes.

    Personally speaking, I would be mortified if my mum and dad knew anything about me and my kids, there is history there, deep dark and disturbing history that only myself and my siblings know the full extent of...I ain't spoken to my parents since I was 14(my dad-sperm donor as I refer to him) and 16(my mum-egg donor as I refer to her) and have no intentions of ever doing so, they have never met my children and much to my annoyance they are aware of my kids, not sure if they know names or ages though, but it is through fb that they probably do know some bits, by nosey cousins who divulge info while pretending to want to know us, I have since upped my privacy settings!

    Now there must be a good reason why the son doesn't want nothing to do with your step-dad, as having a child is something that people want to share to the world, he must think very little of your step-dad to not even tell him about the pregnancy.

    But do tell the son, even if it is to make him aware to up his privacy settings.
     
  9. Funky_Munky

    Funky_Munky Put the kettle on

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    Talk to your mum about it, if its on facebook, I doubt it is that much of a secret and your step dad may already know.

    If you are on speaking terms with the son you could ask if his dad is aware and would he like to tell him himself or if you can tell him?

    Personally Im of the opinion that if you want to keep something private dont put it on facebook, but thats another post entirely.
     
  10. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I appreciate that there can be very very good reasons for people not having contact with family etc but there can also be breakdowns in relationships for silly (for want of a better word) reasons that could be easily patched up.
    We don't know what is the reason in this case and doesn't sound as if the poster does.
    I think in reply to the poster and the people she has relationships with and how keeping her findings from them could cause problems in the future she should let them know what she has found out.
    Then again I could be talking pap as usual :p
     
  11. KraziKayzi

    KraziKayzi Silver Member

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    Let's just hope it is nothing too serious :)
     
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