Friends were so mean to me :(

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by charleypolequeen, 9 August 2010 Social URL.

  1. charleypolequeen

    charleypolequeen Full Member

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    I went out friday night to a friends birthday party i have not seen them since i was 18.7 stone because i became so with drawn and depressed over my weight they never came to see me anymore as i was just no fun , anyway she invied me to her bday party Saturday night i was so excited to show them my weightloss and my bodycon dress i brought especailly i though i would go make apperance as i missed them so much and feel i need to make more effort and to start chillingwith them more, anyway when i got to her house she did not hug or kiss me like we normally do she just turned away and went in her bedroom, when she came out she totally changed her outfit!!! , i felt uncomfortable,then she kept going on all night about how great she looks and how much the girls in the party are not as good looking as her and ignored me all night i never got one compliment from her or my other frineds just from the men and my gay Friend Tom, when i got home i cried not what i expected at all!! i felt like they thought i was showing off with my new frame or something does skinny mean less friends??? i stayed in all Sunday feeling sorry for myself i truley feltlike eating loads of cakes , i didn't but i though this would make me happier when i was fat i was life of the party , now all my so called frineds hate me.:cry::cry::cry:
     
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  3. Banafell

    Banafell Full Member

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    Hi Hon, I didn't want to read and run.

    From reading your post, I honestly think she was jealous! yes! I know many people use that word and throw it around all the time but I really mean it! why else would she change her outfit AND then ignore you? think about it sweetie. And the fact that she went on about 'how good looking she was etc etc' only compounds the fact that she was jealous.

    I really hope that you didn't show that she'd hurt your feelings :) you were very brave to stay there (I would have come running home straight away, but then I'm a wuss!)

    You have done amazingly well with your weight loss, don't let one bad experience push you back, chin up.

    xx
     
  4. charleypolequeen

    charleypolequeen Full Member

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    Thanks you very much its werid to think she would be jealous and not happy for me she was the one who said stop moaning and loose some weight which i loved her for. I though i offended her some way but i think what hurt was i felt like an outsider! thanks for support xxx
     
  5. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Wow Charley, this is powerful stuff.

    I am so in awe of your achievement, sadly I can't access any of your before and after photos, but I can imagine how different you must look now after losing more than eight stone.

    Your friend must have got such a shock when she saw you. You have always played the 'fat friend' in the group, the one that your other friends felt safe with (i.e. you wouldn't get much interest from men or their boyfriends, son they would get more attention). Not any more lol.

    I am so sorry to hear that they treated you so badly but like Banafell says, they were jealous. In fact, suddenly you were a threat to them. The fact that you got attention from the guys proves my point.

    Sadly, you've got two choices, either stick with these 'friends' and hope they come round and accept your new body, or get new friends who accept you as you are.

    Have you thought of asking her what she thinks of your weight loss, particularly as she advised you to lose weight in the past. You could say 'thanks for your advice about losing weight, I really appreciate it'. May be it is time for some straight talking between the two of you?

    Congratulations again, Charley. My fingers are crossed for you.
     
  6. pesty

    pesty Fighting the bulge

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    Hope you dont mind me commenting but i had to have a read when i saw the subject heading.

    Looking at your pics you look stunning huni, you can see it in your face how gorgeous you've become since losing the weight. I have to agree with the others that it must have been a shock for your friend.

    I have friends like that who have spent forever telling me to 'stop whinging and do something about it' and now that i have they just dont seem the same with me, look at me differently and never comment on my loss. Ive only lost 1.5 stone but they should see the difference.

    I think that this is the point when you find out who your true friends are, it may be that some were too embarresed to say anything to you or that they didnt recognise you (it sounds suprising but this has happened to many of the girls at my group)

    If she is a close friend then maybe have a talk with her to find out how she's feeling and let her know how shes made you feel. Dont let it take away from all your hard work - you truely look stunning!!

    xx
     
  7. charleypolequeen

    charleypolequeen Full Member

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    quite right i took your advice and called my "friend laura and asked her what she though of my dress saturday night as i was notbrave to ask whatshe though ofmy new body she said its looked ok then she said how much have i got to loose i told her almost 2stone then she laughed and said i need to stop diet as im starting to look like a lolipop head! i kept it polite but this conversation has made up my mind she is jealous and not nice jealous nasty jealous,she is not my true friend she just has nothing positive to say i just said to her i will see her around and its totally truei wasther fat friend who useto make everyone laugh and get all the drinks and pass there phone number on to guys well its ova who needs friends like that ay :wave_cry:
     
  8. charleypolequeen

    charleypolequeen Full Member

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    Thanks you i feel stunning and have decided to have a friends clear out i am notletting anyone make me feel how thoses *****es made me feel..excuse my french:) i was going to eat 10 cream cakes and that would be stupid new me new friends :) x xx
     
  9. pesty

    pesty Fighting the bulge

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    Well done hun, you have the right attitude. No true friend should ever make you feel the way they did. You should be supported and praised by your friends for all that hard work!!

    Take her jealousy as a compliment, she obviously thinks your a really threat! :)

    xx
     
  10. PinkyJay

    PinkyJay Needs more willpower

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    I was sad to read your post and how your so called friend has treated you. She doesn't deserve your loyalty and I think distancing yourself from her is the right idea.
    People like that are not worth knowing.

    It's quite strange though how people do react when under what they see as threat.

    When I was in my 20's I was very slim and had long blonde hair. I look back at that now - just turned 40, size 16 body ( only 5ft 2")and dark hair and notice how people treat me different to then. I have more friends, people accept me into groups better. Will some of these same people change towards me if I manage to loose weight. I do hope not as just hope that its my personality that changed as I got older for the better.
    Either way true friends accept you for who you are and not what you look like . Keep up the good work xx
     
  11. charleypolequeen

    charleypolequeen Full Member

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    Its true i think i built myself up for nights out and me beingthe mad on on thetable but hey im past all that now my boyfriend and i can spend more time and i got sisters they were born to be party friends... x x
     
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  12. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    "....i was going to eat 10 cream cakes and that would be stupid new me new friends :) ....."


    No, no, no, no, no! Cream cakes are NOT your friends any more, Charley;). Try the human variety.

    If sugary foods are what you turn to when stressed or upset, please, please be very wary about letting them back into your life once you are back onto food again.

    Good luck!
     
  13. sumayyah

    sumayyah please try again

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    aww hun so sorry those girls behaved so badly towards you

    they sure arnt your friends to have done that, thats just spoteful, esspecially the way she spoke to you on the phone

    i would bump them from the friend catagory to aquientance asap. be polite and say hi if you come accross them in your day to day life but i wouldnt bother making arrangements with them, go on out with a smile on your face and find friends who like you for you, not because it made them feel better about themselves

    your ex friend may have thought she looked better than you ( and i seriously doubt that she does, your stunning) but shes ugly on the inside, her personality is flawed and she really is lacking in good manners!
     
  14. Lisa D

    Lisa D Full Member

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    Charley, ditto what has already been said, true friends would encourage you all the way and do their upmost to support you and not be jealous but happy for you. You can do without friendship like that, it'll be their loss x
     
  15. great things

    great things Gold Member

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    what a bunch of 'nice' friends. cripes they should have told you how fantastically well you've done etc not ignored you. jealous is the very word i would use.

    there are better people out there waiting to be your friend.
     
  16. MsJMC

    MsJMC Strong women stay slim

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    charley these are not friends . Good friends are hard to come by , but your a nice person and yet to find that good friend , ypu will know when you get a good friend , a good friend is , good listener , someone you share a problem with . someone you can just turn up at their door , if you tell them something personal they keep it conident .
    A good friend is both trustworthy and reliable.
    See when you was down Charley about you weight they should of been there , they seem Jealous about you losing weight , I'm glad you didn't eat the cakes , but friends come and go , only the good ones stay !
    You will meet good people !
     
  17. hastalavegan

    hastalavegan Silver Member

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    It's incredibly sad to read a post like yours OP. Like the others have said, it's obvious she's jealous and I think you've made a positive step by moving on to find a friend who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

    I cannot imagine seeing such a fantastic loss and not commenting on it! I went to visit my best friend a few months ago, she'd lost tons of weight since I last saw her and I could not stop commenting on it and telling her how well she'd done! She looks fantastic and I'm so happy for her.

    I can see you've achieved an amazing loss and you're looking great! Keep it up :)
     
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  19. AmandaJayne

    AmandaJayne Trainee Maintainer

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    Well Charley,

    Within a mere six hours you have already found some new friends:wavey: : Banafell, Pesty, PinkyJay, Sumayyah, LisaD, Great things, MsJMC and Hastalavegan! (and me)

    You just keep coming here and you'll meet loads of like-minded people who all appreciate your achievement and won't hesitate to tell you and support you when you need it.
     
  20. Style-Queen

    Style-Queen Full Member

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    Charley, one word: JEALOUSY! You look absolutely AMAZING and your 'friend' obviously couldn't handle such a change in your appearance. Well that's her problem. Changing on the outside doesn't change you on the inside, and any true friend would be delighted for you and what you've achieved.
    Well done on such an incredible loss. Very inspiring and motivating!
     
  21. Awaken Me

    Awaken Me On my Way...

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    Oh Charley, that must have been horrible for you, especially when you went there feeling fabulous, looking fabulous and on top of the world. This isn't the behaviour of 'friends' it is jealousy pure and simple. They should be pleased for you, celebrating with you and commending your achievement. I've no doubt that they know just how unhappy you were when you were overweight and it such a shame that that they can't be happy for you now. You're not longer the fat friend and for some reason they feel threatended by you.

    You're the same person you always were, there is just a lot less of you :D and they should know that. Well done on resisting the cakes and don't let them spoil what has been the most amazing journey xx
     
  22. tasha2000

    tasha2000 Full Member

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    This happened to me to charley, last year, i didnt go out for 8 weeks, lost two stone on lipotrim.. went out, a few friends commented nicely, a few friends almost sneered at me.. avoided me all night, and one even acted like i was trying to steal her man when we were merely talking, she came over gave me an evil look and said to her fella 'its time to ffin go'!!! I have three kids and am happily with my partner for years lol.. funnily enough this girl was overweight... dont let them get you down, jealousy is the worst emotion anyone can display, and shows a true weak character and an unhappiness in themselves... you go girl, you look fab, you are inspiring and i am sure you are the same lovely person, just a big bit slimmer!!!!xxx
     
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