Gastric Bypass Surgery - Is it the easy way out?

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by misspaf, 27 April 2011 Social URL.

  1. misspaf

    misspaf Full Member

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    GRRRRR!!! My good friend who is overweight is considering gastric bypass surgery and to me it's like she's taking the easy way out. We both made the decision to join Slimming World last Jan, she didn't understand the plan properly, put on 1.5lbs in first week, I helped go through it with her near end of second week on SW and she lost 1lb while I managed to lose 7.5lbs in 2 weeks.

    So the next week after that, she doesn't want to go as she has been eating bad for a few days, I offered to give her a lift, and told her that if she doesn't go, she will never go back to Slimming World. And I was right. She didn't come back whereas I kept it up, her mum who isn't that overweight joined it aswell and was losing 1.5lbs on average a week.

    She is the kind of person who gives up too easily. In everything she does, in jobs, college work, food everything. So then she was talking about getting a gastric band done. I told her she wouldn't be eligible for it as you need to prove you have been trying to lose weight and get fit plus she wouldn't qualify as she was only in the obese category with a BMI of 37 whereas I had one of 39.2 when I started SW.

    So lately she has been eating more and more, put on loads more weight and I';m thinking she is eating more on purpose to be eligible for the surgery. I don't think she should do it, cos she will have to pay for it privately and she is just taking the easy way out.

    Thoughts? I know that gastric bypass surgery is risky too.
     
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  3. PurpleSky

    PurpleSky banana phone

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    I know some people see it as the only way out and for a handful of people it is. But your friend must remember that even though the surgery will change how much she can eat, it wont change her eating habbits. Also its a very dangerous operation to have. Though if your friend decides to go ahead with it. Be there for her and support her as thats all you can do. Though first try a re-convince back to sw ;)
     
  4. RegField

    RegField Silver Member

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    Hmm, you probably won't like my saying this, but do you talk to your friend the way you talk about her?

    Because to me you sound very judgmental. Perhaps you are right about her character, but you really don't sound as if you like her very much - that may not be true, but it's how it sounds.

    Maybe she didn't understand the plan. Lots of people don't to start with.

    If someone said to me "if you don't go tonight, you will never go back" then that would not encourage me to go, quite the opposite.

    And maybe she does give up too easily, but if you keep telling her this, it just reinforces the behaviour.

    "And I was right". Well, so you were. Good for you.
     
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  5. samx

    samx Member

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    I wrote a really long reply to this and then the computer crashed.

    In summary-my sister was told she could have a bypass-she put on 3 1/2 stone- she had surgery... not one person asked her why she overate.

    I was there for her 16 year weight loss story- (being less overweight myself) - I went to the GP, to expert talks, to paul McKenna, to acupuncture, you name it we did it, but I wasn't around during the surgery- I empathise with you- I stayed away from the stress. I couldn't bear to see the misuse of NHS money on someone who had an eating disorder. We had honest and frank discussions and she knows what I say about her experience and my reaction to it.

    4 months on and she's lost 5 stone. She now overeats in smaller portions and can't eat what she wants. A psychologist would have been more useful. (And yes, i am a nurse and do know.) Now her stomach is the size of an egg, she is on vitamins long term, and she is not filling the void with anything else.

    You've done fantastically well with your weight loss- carry on with your journey. My sister didn't listen and maybe your friend won't... just look after yourself :) xx
     
  6. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    Its her life - i know its difficult to see someone you care about making bad choices - though i do tend to agree with Regfield - you don't sound like you like her v much - probably just frustration with her but still maybe something to think about.

    Its likely that the NHS will save money long term by giving her the gastric bypass - if she loses weight she's less likely to have weight related illnesses in the future and of course it would be better for her to diet her way to health, but it is after all her choice. All you can really do is either decide to support her, or not get involved.
     
  7. girlygirl1

    girlygirl1 Banned

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    I have read too many horror stories about the years following a bypass operation to even consider it. Things don't always go wrong but when they do the 'wrong' can be catastrophic and last for the rest of the person's life. Most don't live to old age - a fact that can be researched.

    Not only that but to lose weight and keep it off guess what? The patient has to limit food forever. So in effect, stay on a diet. I fear that bariatric surgery is being sold here in the way it is sold in the United States. Check out some US 'surgery gone wrong' posts and think very carefully before agreeing to such drastic intestinal change.

    For those who have no problems, great. But this type of surgery - unless the patient is near-death from super obesity and literally needs 'saving' - should not be regarded as an easier option than eating less and exercising more.

    I honestly think that, for most of us, there is no easy way out.
     
  8. sugar_lipswales

    sugar_lipswales Silver Member

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    Your friend sounds like she's at the desperate and unhappy point we all get to and start to consider surgery because we want it all over and done with the 'easy way'. From what I've heard neither the band or bypass are easy! The complications include death and this was enough to put me right off so anyone brave enough to do it gets respect from me straight off lol!
    She sounds like she needs her hand held and a bit of confidence boosting to get her through this and back on track, if you can't do this it's ok because not everyone has the patience needed to deal with people (I know I don't!) but maybe you could direct her to this site or find someone who can give her that little bit of extra support?
     
  9. Funky_Munky

    Funky_Munky Put the kettle on

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    I have a similar situation with my mil in that she has a lot of weight to lose and it is impacting her health to the point she has been offered a gastric band. I have suggested sw on referral to her which she is looking into. I do feel that she has not always given it her all in attempts to lose weight previously but i dont think she sees it as an easy way out by anymeans. It is a very serious operation and even at the moment the docs are deciding if she can survive it or not due to her blood pressure.
    All you can do is offer your friend support rather than tough love. Mention youre going to class and enjoying it if theyd like to come back. If they talk about the op dont be critical just recommend they research it fully with their gp. You are entittled to your opinions about your friends situation but i dont feel that being critical either to their face or behind their back will do either of you much good.
     
  10. misspaf

    misspaf Full Member

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    Eh? I do like my friend, she is one my closest friends, if I didn't like her I wouldn't be so worried for her! The reason why I'm venting is cos I'm fed up with her dropping out and taking an easy way out is cos there is a massive backstory. For the past 4 or so years, I have tried my best helping her sort her life i.e. housing, college, being there etc... but yet, she constantly drops out of everything.

    And I didn't say it as bluntly as "you will never go back", it was for the purpose of this post, rather than putting up every single thing that I said to her in the text.

    I have told her this and how I feel about it all. She is constantly negative on herself and I told her to stop being negative and that if you think negatively, then it will breed it.

    She's not doing it on the NHS, we live in Ireland and she will probably have to fork out €10k for the surgery. I don't want to see her waste her money especially when she is only young (age 25) and the money can be put to better use i.e. towards a house deposit.

    She's not even that big compared to others who have the surgery. She wears a size 20 and is just under 17 stone. I know she can lose it easily if she just follows the plan properly. She lost weight before and can do it again. She doesn't suffer from any diseases i.e. arthritis, diabetes, etc...

    The thing is, I was/am always the one who gives her that support along with another friend but we just don't want her to waste 10k on surgery when she can easily lose 6 stone in less than a year by eating the right food.

    I have told her I'm not supporting her going through the surgery and have told her to come back to meetings with me but she makes excuses all the time. I just don't have the time to be texting her constantly and encouraging her anymore (my mother has terminal cancer) and because I have been doing it for so long and yet she still goes back to square 1, my efforts are being wasted.

    She has admitted to my other friend that she is jealous of me losing weight. So now I avoid talking about my weight with her cos I know it will just make her unhappy.
     
  11. tara40

    tara40 Loves Norman Reedus

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    I totally see where you are coming from Misspaf, you shouldnt have to justify your comments. Sometimes it is frustrating to have a best friend who is making the wrong choices no matter how you try to help. This is a great forum to vent your frustrations when you dont want to vent them at your friend, if that makes sense.
    I have been reading about people that have had gastric bands in a weekly magazine and a lot of the stories are very negative. for example, you still crave the foods that are bad for you, and a lot of the people have gotten addictions for alcohol instead of food.
    I am not going to knock anyone that has had a gastric band but i feel personally, that you can exercise and sensible eat the weight off. Please dont all jump down my throat at this comment, this is my personal opinion.
    Misspaf good luck in trying to help your friend.xx
     
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  12. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    i don't see that anyone was asking Misspaf to justifying her comments at all- merely offering an observation- Are we no longer allowed to offer an opinion that is different to the OP's?? Where's the fun in that? :)

    For my part,i am a live & let live kinda gal. This woman may be making a bad choice but it is HER choice to make. I can't imagine you'd find anyone on a SW forum site who would say that a gastric band is the way forward - but its not our choice to make.
     
  13. tara40

    tara40 Loves Norman Reedus

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    This is definitely a good forum to offer an opinion. My opinion was that i noticed after reading her post is that she was made to feel bad by people suggesting that she wasnt a good friend, and all i was saying was that she hasnt got to justify her reasons for saying what she did. If people want to think that she is a bad friend then that is up to them.
     
  14. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    Noone ever said she was a bad friend. Thats putting words in peoples mouths and is very unfair. I said i understood where Regfield was coming from but it was likely to be more frustration than anything else! I don't think Regfield suggested she was a bad friend either. If you choose to Interpret the posts in an unnecessarily negative way that is not my problem.
     
  15. tara40

    tara40 Loves Norman Reedus

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    this is what i base my opinion on. i am sure that anyone reading regfield's response would understand it that she is saying that misspaf is not a good friend.
    and as you said "if you choose to interpret my comments negatively, then that is your problem" touche. This is the last comment that i am going to make on this one. So feel free to comment back. i will not be replying.
     
  16. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    I am extremely sorry if i offended you by having the nerve to disagree with you - exactly how anyone could interpret your accusation as anything but negative i fo not know - but please feel free to correct me. Frankly I am tired of people getting lambasted on here for disagreeing with someone. It happens too much. So much fot friendly support forum.
     
  17. Funky_Munky

    Funky_Munky Put the kettle on

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    Ill wade in on this one. If i was the friend and i read that post i would be devestated to have someone write that about me behind my back. As im sure others would.
     
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  19. misspaf

    misspaf Full Member

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    Hang on? I already mentioned I told her how I feel about it, I have said it to her, expressed my concerns, told her money could be put to better use, and have encouraged her to join SW again and again. This is a place to see what other people think about Gastric Bypass Surgery and whether they think it is an easy way out, it's not about what kind of a friend I am or what I've been saying behind her back cos she knows exactly how I feel about it.

    There are other threads and posts in this forum where people are slagging off their partners, their friends and no one says anything? Whereas my friend knows exactly how I feel and I'm trying to gather opinion on a quite important and life changing topic for her.

    I'd appreciate it if I could get some proper replies and opinion about the surgery and not snide remarks about whether I'm a good friend or not.

    Thanks.
     
  20. PurpleSky

    PurpleSky banana phone

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    Yes well i read that Misspaff and surgery is SEEN as the easy way out but it is not its painful and dangerous and may not even come close to addressing the true issues. TBH it sounds like your friend could do with some counseling or help has she ever done anything like Cambridge(the one with the support). Also again i will say this, if she does have it, support her and just help her through the rough moments :D
     
  21. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    I really honestly don't think that anyone was saying you were a bad friend. Also, plenty of people make a point of telling people to chill on here if they are slagging
    of OH, friend etc so don't feel like you are alone in having people disagree with you.

    My opinion on gastric band surgery is that it is an extreme way to loss weight which
    I would never try myself however, if someone wants to spend their own money on it who am i, or anyone to stop them?

    Hows that for a 'proper' opinion?
     
  22. ronniejacobs

    ronniejacobs Gold Member

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    i personally think its a very extreme way to go and not an easy option. I have crohns and have battled with my weight and will power for all my adult and teen life. i have had 3 bouts of abdominal surgery and would not 'opt' in for other surgery.

    maybe a better option instead of her eating more to be able to have a gastric band is for her to get some councilling as to see whether there is a reason she cannot stick to something?

    i get bored really easily and at least this time i am maintaining whilst i am bored. I dont think you are a bad friend you are v worried about her and that is a true friend. :) sending you big hugs
     
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