Gutted - Friends can be so mean

T

turquatic

Full Member
I'm having a bit of a "down" day today. Mainly because I've been quite hungry and craving the wrong foods. Used all my Syns (SW) by about 3 this afternoon.
Anyway, it got me thinking about what happened the other day...

I was absolutely over the moon about my first weigh in on Tues. I lost 8lb.

I met up with a close friend for a coffee a couple of days after and obviously she wouldn't notice the weight loss... half a stone isn't a great difference as much as a stone would be.
Anyway... she knows I joined Slimming World and she asked how it was going. I told her about my 8lb loss and instead of giving me good feedback, I got a very blunt "you know that's just water weight don't you". At the time, I just agreed but it has played on my mind ever since. I know usually when people diet, they lose the most weight in the first couple of weeks. But I expected more than that from a long term, what I considered "good friend".

I've always been the bigger of us two, and feel like she just wants to put a downer on the whole thing. I don't know. I just feel hurt by what she said and more to the point, how she said it. I wasn't expecting a parade or anything but "oh thats good" would've been a lot more appropriate, surely.


I'm just curious has anyone else had this kind of response before or felt like people weren't supportive enough towards your weight loss....how do you actually deal with getting over it?
 
I think that it's difficult to say for sure. I don't mean to sound rude about your friend but is it possible that she is a bit of an air head and came out with the comment in all innocence? A true friend would be supportive and offer words of encouragement. If she is someone that you don't want to fall out with I would suggest that the next time you see her you tell her again how much you've lost and see what she says. If you receive another unsupportive reply be honest and tell her that you find her comments unhelpful.

Whatever you decide to do don't forget that you can always come her for words of encouragement!

8 lbs is excellent keep up the good work!
 
DaisyDixon said:
I think that it's difficult to say for sure. I don't mean to sound rude about your friend but is it possible that she is a bit of an air head and came out with the comment in all innocence? A true friend would be supportive and offer words of encouragement. If she is someone that you don't want to fall out with I would suggest that the next time you see her you tell her again how much you've lost and see what she says. If you receive another unsupportive reply be honest and tell her that you find her comments unhelpful.

Whatever you decide to do don't forget that you can always come her for words of encouragement!

8 lbs is excellent keep up the good work!
Click to expand...

I completely agree with Daisy, sometimes people really don't think about the impact of what they say.

I went to work with a group of male colleagues yesterday and when asked by one of them why I was just having water and my reply was "I am dieting" I was bombarded by almost all (with the exception of the guy I work with on a daily basis) basically implying that I will put all the weight back on as soon as I stop and I would do better just being sensible and exercising. If I had the strength to do something like that I would have done it a long time ago!!!!!! I really felt quite defensive about it. I know what I need, I know what works for me and being told those things wasn't helpful. They don't understand my lack of portion control or my lack of resolve to go for a healthy option when a yummier alternative is available. Or at least....that was the old me. I am making steps to improve myself. Doing a food replacement diet so that I can start again with food and learn how to control it not let it control me. Just felt they were wiping their feet all over my efforts. I know that none of them meant to make me feel that way but they did. If it were to happen with a friend I would give them the benifit of the doubt at first but then tell them that isn't supportive (like when anyone tries to encourage me to have a meal off) and they realise and stop.

Then again there are the jealous ones....they need to be stopped when they even start a conversation about anything diet related :)

8lb really is amazing!!!!! You should be proud.
 
turquatic said:
I'm having a bit of a "down" day today. Mainly because I've been quite hungry and craving the wrong foods. Used all my Syns (SW) by about 3 this afternoon.
Anyway, it got me thinking about what happened the other day...

I was absolutely over the moon about my first weigh in on Tues. I lost 8lb.

I met up with a close friend for a coffee a couple of days after and obviously she wouldn't notice the weight loss... half a stone isn't a great difference as much as a stone would be.
Anyway... she knows I joined Slimming World and she asked how it was going. I told her about my 8lb loss and instead of giving me good feedback, I got a very blunt "you know that's just water weight don't you". At the time, I just agreed but it has played on my mind ever since. I know usually when people diet, they lose the most weight in the first couple of weeks. But I expected more than that from a long term, what I considered "good friend".

I've always been the bigger of us two, and feel like she just wants to put a downer on the whole thing. I don't know. I just feel hurt by what she said and more to the point, how she said it. I wasn't expecting a parade or anything but "oh thats good" would've been a lot more appropriate, surely.


I'm just curious has anyone else had this kind of response before or felt like people weren't supportive enough towards your weight loss....how do you actually deal with getting over it?
Click to expand...

You should of said to her ... its all adding up at the end of the day to my count down and that's what does count , and have a huge smile on your face .
 
It's a case of not being supportive or really caring about you to be frank. 8lbs is a fabulous start. Water or fat, it is 8lbs less that you are carrying around. That is an achievement in itself. Keep going. Your hair will become shinier. Your skin clearer. You will feel better inside.
 
I'm really sorry it hurt your feelings, maybe she genuinely didn't mean it like that? I've got a few friends who are a bit like that, they don't even realise they've said something that makes you feel bad, I've confronted one before and she was really taken aback because she had no idea she was so negative all the time! You know that 8lbs is a great loss, and you know you're going to stick to plan and lose more, so try not to take notice of it, tell her next time you lose, and if she's equally unsupportive, call her out on it. Chances are, if you're her friend you know her well enough to know how she meant to come across - you don't need people who aren't going to support you.
X
 
Wow you did so well to lose eight pounds! Just over half a stone in one week is amazing. I am very sorry by your friends comments. It sounds like she is not supportive at all. I would keep your journey to yourself as you would not want her to make you feel bad about yourself or ruin things for you.
 
8lbs in a week? That's amazing love congratulations!

Maybe she had noticed and was jealous or something? That could be why she gave the response she did, it's a possibility to think of anyway.

I've had someone be rude to me at work, what annoyed me the most is the fact that she had been doing slimming world as well. She had lost 6lbs in the first week and I think I lost something like 1lb, so she was a bit lordy lordy over me that she had lost more. I'm eating a youghurt and got "well no wonder you didn't loose more weight, eating stuff like that"

At the end of the day you're doing this for you, and big deal if it's water weight, the next weigh in when you've lost weight you know that week in week out the weight coming off will not be water weight. Then what will she have to say for herself then?! You're doing amazing hun, don't let people get to you or get into your head xxx
 
Definitely jealousy.
A girl in my friendship group was 13 stone and is now 7 through weight watchers. Some of our friends basically fell out with her because they said she's "annoying now". She really isn't! She was our "fat friend", and now I think other people are worried in case they become the "fat one".
They needn't worry though because I've taken that role :( Haa
xxx
 
Aw, that's a bit nasty! You should be able to count on your friends to congratulate with you when you achieve things you're proud of. Don't let it get you down, well done on the 8lbs and remember, this is just the begining!
 
Aaah 8lbs is amazing, congratulations! Just ignore your friend, whether she's jealous or just doesn't think before she talks. It sucks when your friends aren't supportive (I know from experience), but it's how you find out who your real friends are! Good luck with your weight loss!
 
First of all, hon, congratulations on your weight loss!!! :bliss:To lose 8lbs. in the first week is a MAJOR accomplishment, water weight or not. Yes, weight we first lose in the beginning is water weight, BUT it has to start SOMEWHERE, right? I've lost water weight so far and I'm ecstatic over it because I haven't been losing ANYTHING since the summer (and I promptly gained it all back in the fall!). So when people remind you "it's just water weight," don't pay it any mind. The most important thing to notice is how you feel and the inches you end up losing. You could be a US size 6 and still be "fat skinny" or you could be a US size 12 and be lean and sexy. It's all about body proportions and lean muscle mass vs. fat.

Next, as with your friend, sadly, friends (especially best/close friends) can be very competitive with one another. If your friend also has a weight issue, she's probably just feeling insecure as you already are surmising. It hurts when your good friend cannot be happy for you. :( However, try to think of it from her POV too. Maybe she thinks you're trying to make her feel bad by bringing up the weight loss. Not that I think you are! No no! But sometimes people can think really strange things and make it all about them. So if she's as good as a friend as you claim she is, it could be that. She's probably feeling left out and insecure that you are going to "look better" than her eventually. Women can be like that. :(

Anyway, I would suggest just trying to talk to her. Approach her in a very non-accusatory/combative way. Ask her how she feels about you dieting and your friendship/etc. Just be honest and say that you feel a bit hurt over what she said the other day. If she flips out and tells you you're paranoid/making a mountain out of a molehill, I'd just back off. Your friend may have some really deep underlying issues and isn't ready to talk to you yet and be honest. However, if she opens up in a sincere way, chat about it and see where it leads the two of you.

Good luck to you and please don't let any naysayers keep you from your goal-- even if it is your best friend. :)
 
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