Hayley's Diary

Discussion in 'LL Diaries' started by Halebob, 13 February 2011 Social URL.

  1. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Well hi there. Just want to put my thoughts down in a diary. so your welcome to read and gain an insight in to me.
    Well. I was always a 'fat' child but it never really bothered me. I ate what my mum made, it wasn't all crap as my mum is quite health conscious, but it wasn't all rabbit food. A varied diet you might say. When I left school I lost some weight and looking back now I looked pretty good. Though at the time I still thought I was fat.
    Met my oh 7 and half years ago and slowly over about 4 years I put on about 4 stone. Grew unhappy so I joined ww. Started off really well, then a month into it, my nan died unexpectedly. Fell off the wagon for a little while. Eventualy lost 2 stone, then moved to Australia to work for a bit. Put on a stone. Came home after 8 months, went back to ww and lost that stone. But could never get into the swing of things again. Then joined sw. Lost half a stone. Got bored. Then decided to tackle it myself. Healthy eating, the gym and I lost half a stone. I started off well, but i was lucky to lose a few pound a week. The going was slow and I lost my motivation. I couldn't see the end. The skinny, happy me.
    I'm going on holiday in May to New York and want to have the body I crave. I have been unhappy with my weight for as long as I can remember. It has started to affect my relationship because of my lack of body confidence. I hate myself basically. So I decided that i wanted to try something where I had to have more discipline, other diets are too east to fall off the wagon for me, and where I could lose what I want in a short space.
    When i told my oh and his mum. They both just focused on me not eating and that it will affect their eating out life. It's oh's mum's bday next month and she was complaining that she wanted to go for a meal. I said i won't go but she started sulking and saying that i can eat for just one night. I can understand as it's her 60th and she wants me there, but they just don't get it. I thought his mum would as she is overweight and done diets in the past. I had a strop and apologised (sarcastically) for inconveniencing them and for doing something to make me happy. Argh
    I started lighter life on thurs. I'm on day 3 and still alive, so can't all be bad.
    Day 1, had to work a night shift, prob not the best day to start, but I did and it actually wasn't too bad. Spaced my packs out sensibly and I actually had to force myself to have the last one. There were lots of sweets and chocolate at work, and I didn't eat one. Before, I wouldn't have resisted. Even if I wasn't at all hungry. Did get a headache but U tjhink that was down to forgetting my glasses. Triumph day 1.
    Day 2. Spent most of the day in bed due to the night shift. Got up at 2 and had my 1st pack of the day. Felt a bit hungry so had the 2nd 2 hours later. Didn't do anything all day as felt tired. 3rd pack 4 hours after 2nd. Had to make sure I had last one as didn't feel hungry. No side effects today.
    Day 2. Well what can I say. I have really struggled today. Really don't like the porridge either. Yuck. Anyway, myself, oh and friends always go to our local on a sun and chat and play pool. I never drink as I'm usually driving. But it usually ends up with us all going out for food. Today, I made sure I had a soup before we went out (i find them more filling) and I took a shake out with me for later on. Started to feel hungry not long after i got there and all i could think about was food. Some of my friends (the male ones) can't understand why I am doing it. They just don't get it. Then that was the topic of conversation for a while. Then they decided that we were all going out on sat night. Now I want to go, but the place that we go to, I don't like when i'm sober. I get bored. But we'll see. Had my shake. Felt a bit better, but still couldn't stop thinking about food, and struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. When we left my oh was questioning some things, like will i go straight back into my old habits when i finish. At the moment I am thinking the same. I'm sick of feeling this way, and all of the clothes that I love not fitting me. I have a few select choices at the mo, that I feel half comfortable in.
    Felt a bit shitty and wanted to cry. I don't live with my oh so when I got home after dropping him off, I felt ok. In my own environment, where I have better control over myself. Overall i have had a very hard day. But I will persevere. I just want to get to Thurs weigh in cause I think that when i see what I have lost it will spur me on and give me such a boost that I will be able to carry on.
    Well i have written a lot, so I will stop now. Never really opened up like this to anyone. Just glad that we are all in, or were in the same situation and can empathise with each other. Here's to a better day tomorrow, though the 13 hour day at uni may be a tough test. Let's wait and see. Will check back soon. Thanks for reading.
    x :D
     
    Last edited: 13 February 2011
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  3. Gembritney

    Gembritney Silver Member

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    Hey Halebob.... welcome to LL... hope ur feeling better now uv cracked the first 3 days!!! thats the hardest part xx
     
  4. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Hey there :)
    And welcome. Good luck with your journey and we are here for support if you need it.
    The girls on this forum (and boys) are amazing!
    X

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  5. ReezieJay

    ReezieJay Full Member

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    Hi, Keep up the good work. You really have done the easy bit and you will be rewarded for it at WI.
    Stay stong and try not to give into temptation. If you can do this you can do anything! Its amazing how on this plan you can resist those little treats at work :D
    Well done
     
  6. Pearl77

    Pearl77 Full Member

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    Hi Hayley!!! Well done for getting those days out of the way!! Day 3 is always my worst but after that plain sailing, and yes you'll be rewarded for it during WI!!!! Good luck!

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  7. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Well 1st WI tomorrow. Can't wait to see how much I've lost. My jeans feel a lot looser. Come on at least half a stone.

    Though my oh has just informed me that we are taking his Russian cousin to Manchester on wed and she wants to go to a japanese restaurant. My oh was telling her all about the place that we go to. I love that place. That is my ultimate weakness. Thanks a lot for that. Thing is I don't want to go because I'm still at the stage of wanting food a lot and hate having to watch other people eat, especially the smells. Don't know what to do. Say you 2 go there and I'll go round the shops. Or say we're not going anywhere and they can get something on the go. We won't be there long. But then that's selfish of me. But also my oh knows how much i am stryggling and that is my favourite place to go.
    I hate this diet, have to be so unsociable and I'm such asociable person.
     
  8. Pearl77

    Pearl77 Full Member

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    Ah Hayley, good luck for your first weigh in, it'll be worth it you know, you'll be so chuffed with yourself you won't want any food after that, I'm in week two and I must say I have avoided the going out thing, I've took the kids out to places a couple of times and drank water, it's actually amazing how quick the time goes so long as you can keep a conversation going!! You'll feel different after your WI like you can take on the world! Like you say your a social person, so go to the restaurant and have faith in yourself, take a bar? Your a strong person otherwise you wouldn't have got this far!!! You'll feel such a sense of acheivnent And you know I love it watching people gorge and then seeing how uncomfortable they are after!!! Good luck on WI and let us know what you decide to do, if it's too much there's Nowt wrong with a bit of retail therapy!!!

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  9. Gembritney

    Gembritney Silver Member

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    good luck with ur WI!
     
  10. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Woohoo lost 8lbs. Roll on next week
     
  11. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Woop Woop!!! Go girl!!!

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  12. Gembritney

    Gembritney Silver Member

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    awesome halebob!!!
     
  13. Pearl77

    Pearl77 Full Member

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    Fantastic!!!! Well done!

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  14. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Well. Feel like writing today. Feeling a bit lousy today, physically not psychologically. That way I still feel good and motivated.
    Feel a bit achy and tired, my head feels a bit mushy. A bit crap basically. Not drunk much water yet today so need to get on that, but don't think that is what's making me feel like this.
    TOTM started on sat, however I have the implant so I don't technically have a totm as it comes when it feels like it and is very light. Bit heavier today, but still not like a 'normal' period.
    Had a busy weekend. Went to a friends on fri night. Stuck to my water and had a bar. :) But my other mate was hungry so ordered dominos. I was so nervous. The smell triggered so much in me. But I kept the converstions flowing. The smell was so good but when I imagine actually giving in and having some, it doesn't appeal. Which is good. Fri night, success. Sat I went to the same friend's nan's 80th bday party. Got all glammed up, felt prteey good. Stuck to my water. They had hotpot, it did smell good but wasn't too tempted. Again took a bar with me. |Also got a compliment from my friends mum, she said i looked fab, wow, I've only lost 8lb so far. Great boost. As the night went on though, the smell of food started to get to me. Already had 2 litres of water while there, so decided we would go. it was half 11 though, and place closed at 12. another success. Though it did make me chuckle. I though, I'm sober, drinking water, and running back a forth to the loo. People will think I'm pregnant. HAHAHA
    Well plan for today. My grandad is in hospital, so going to see him with the oh today. Then usual Sunday meet with friends, to the pub to play pool. Though I need to try and get some uni reading done while I'm there.
    Hope I feel better 2moro as I have a full day at uni. Up at 7am, Uni for 8am, then not home till 9pm. This week should be easier in some ways cause I not doing any work this week as I have so much uni work to do that is due in at the same time. So I can just shut my self away and study. Though going Manchester on wed. Decided that my oh and his cousin can go for Japanese and I will do some retail therapy :) Well, got to get dressed :) I like lazy days.
    Thanks for reading x
     
  15. Gembritney

    Gembritney Silver Member

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    well done u! all those temptations and u passed with flying colours!!!! good girl!!!! xx
     
  16. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Well. Feeling better today, just not mentally. Starting to feel like jacking it all in. Think it's mostly out of boredom. I'm so bored of the lack of variety. Miss food so much. Can't stop thinking about it. Just need to keep thinking about thurs and my WI, but it's TOTM and who knows what havoc that will do.
    Mondays are a challenge as it's a 17/18 hour day. So I do get quite hungry and the smells of all the food places around uni trigger so much in me.
    At home now, in my own little world, my sanctury, so feel a bit better now.
     
  17. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    Hun!
    Food is not going anywhere! It will be there when you get to your goal! Try to exercise your patience a little and tell yourself that you CAN have the food but not just yet! :)
    Be kind to yourself, have a bath and relax. You'll feel better tomorrow :)
     
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  19. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Be good if we had a bath. Lol
    Just weighed myself on bathroom scales and god its depressing. Stupid totm. Was weighing myself last week and they are close to LLC scales, but tonight I don't like what they say. GRRRR
     
  20. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Humm, only had 2 packs today and I've been up since 7am. Not good, but all I have are 2 soups left and I really can't face them. Gone right off them. Gonna exchange them for a bar and have that after I've been weighed. Then I think Chilli Con Carne for supper.:D
    No more soups. Will stick to choc shake, chilli and toffee bar. Oh the variety!!!!!!
    Made it through this week though. Feel a lot better. TOTM has a lot to answer for for making me feel so shitty. Think its deciding to leave now, so fingers crossed. Right, need to leave uni and had back to Blackpool to get weighed. But first. Shop for water. :character00255:
     
  21. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Well. Disappointed in myself. :booboo:
    I had a slice of bread.
    Was feeling peckish. My oh was in the shower and there was nothing on the tv. I started rooting to see what there was.
    Tbh, it tasted nice, but wasn't amazing considering it was the 1st bit of food I've had in 2 weeks.
    Just hope i haven't done too much damage. Got 5 and a half days till I get weighed tho so hopefully make up for it.
    just wish period would go away, making me feel crappy. Not used to it. And I only lost 2lbs on for 2nd week.
    I know, i know, any loss is a good loss, but still when you've been abstinate for 2 weeks and that's all you get. It's a bit demoralising. I've lost that much before on normal diets.
    Oh well, here's to 2moro and more uni work. That will distract me hopefully.
    :devilangel:
     
  22. Halebob

    Halebob Full Member

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    Well, it's just typical.
    A rare, glorious day in Blackpool and I'm stuck inside doing uni work all day.
    After my little hiccup last night, I decided to go on the exercise bike for 15 mins before I start.
    Been thinking about exercise this morning and I really haven't done much this week due to being off work.
    So a plan for myself this week. (And it's in writing for you guys to see, so I must stick to it)
    Today- exercise bike 15 mins - check
    depending on how much work I get done may go for a 30 min walk to get my lottery ticket (will go the long way round)
    Sun - Have a busy day today so doubt i'll get anything in.
    Mon - At uni all day so not any spare time to do anything, though I will have to walk from my car and get back to ithat will prob be bout 30 mins in total. Depending on how close I manage to park
    Tues - Will be at work, so 7 and a half hours of charging around A&E should be quite enough for today.
    Wed - Will be studying all day, but I think after being at work, that will have made up for it.
    Thurs - At uni till 3ish, but I usually stay and do a bit of work till I need to leave to get to WI. If I have time, what i might do is, get to WI early, and as the building is on the sea front at Blackpool, I will have a little stroll. Providing that the weather is ok, and knowing Blackpool, that's a slim chance. LOL

    So there is my plan, laid out in black and White. Well, Purple.

    To a Lighter (fitter) Life
    Huzahh
     
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