head in a muddle

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by Bella30, 21 December 2010 Social URL.

  1. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Ok, I'm not really sure where to begin, but I know I need help. I'm overweight, unhappy, feel ridiculously unattractive, lonely and afraid I will never find someone to love and who'll love me back. I've got credit cards I need to pay off but keep spending on to cheer me up when I'm down but it's always food I use as a comfort. People perceive me as a happy, friendly and outgoing person who's confident at work but deep down I'm a mess. When I look in the mirror I cry because I don't like what I see, I try and be positive but its one step forward two steps back. Im binging on a daily basis now which disgusts me but I can't seem to control it. To top it off, its xmas day in 4 days and I really want to enjoy it but can't find the energy to really get into the spirit of it. I feel like I'm putting on a show when I say I'm excited about it but the way I feel, all I want to do is stay in bed and hibernate. I'm also out on ny eve with my mates who are all coupled up and I know ill be the girl on her own. I think about food all the time like its ruling my life. I just don't know what to do to get out of this hole.

    Please help!
     
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  3. valerie11

    valerie11 Gold Member

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    hi bella i'm sorry to hear ur feeling so bad about urself, you have to try to get urself in the right frame of mind to do something about it, i wish there was a magic wand that could put u in the right mindset unfortunately there isn't so u have to take charge of ur life u r the only one that can make the changes needed to make u feel better about urself. you have taken the first step by coming on here, start a diary of how u feel each day and write down what u r eating if u think someone might read it u might make better choices i see u r following s/w i have been following it for about 3 months i felt like you did, i was self conscious of my size and didn't want to go out anywhere but i have managed (with a few blips along the way) to lose 13lbs i still have 2 1/2 stone to lose i actually eat more now as b4 i was eating loads of junk food cakes and chocolate. its hard to break out of the bingeing cycle the more you have the more you want then because u've eaten so much rubbish it makes u feel lethargic with no energy to do anything ( i don't know how it got the term comfort food cause it makes u feel worse lol ) and i'm always peeed off with myself for giving in and stuffing my face. if you want to have a slimming buddy to help you through the highs and lows i will willingly help you. good luck xx
     
  4. CeeCee-is-MeMe

    CeeCee-is-MeMe Full Member

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    Hi Bella! Omg uve basically described me! It's an awful feeling isn't it! But please remember ur not alone. And the fact that you are on her and talking about how you feel is s hugely positive step! This site is amazing for helping with Weight issues as well as other problems and feelings that life likes to throw us!

    I kno it's easier said than done but try to concentrate on the positives. I too get tired of painting on the smile around my coupled up, slim attractive friends. But then I think what's the alternative? If I'm miserable it won't change anything, I just feel much much worse!

    I can't see stats on the iPhone app, what diet are you on? How are you doing on it? Take all the positives you can hun & don't let the negative things consume you!

    I hope you feel better soon... About everything! Anytime u wanna talk just give me a shout. Coz I can relate to EVERYTHING u said.

    Good luck with it all
    Ccxx
     
  5. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    hi hon x so sorry you are feeling this way but it does sound like eating makes you feel better for a while then makes you depressed which makes you eat more. have a read on some of the forums and see what you might like to do. everyone one here is friendly and there is always someone who can understand exactly where you are coming from/what you are going through.
    make 2011 the year that you lose weight and try and sort out your relationship with food (its hard ive got a terrible relationship with it) and get some confidence
    xxxxxx
     
  6. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Hi All

    Thanks so much for your responses, I really appreciate them, and it's nice to know I'm not alone in my thinking. I guess it's going to be down to a new way of brain training for me both physically and mentally. Blimey, just thinking about that is scary, but it needs to be done because I want to be slimmer and happier instead of in the vicious circle of negativity. Baby steps are the answer I guess, but where do I start? I'll have to do some serious thinking over the xmas holidays and get myself focused for the new year. We're starting a 12 week diet challenge in my office on the 17th Jan and I really want to do it but am so scared about declaring how much I weigh. I know I do it on here, but I don't feel so scared on this site. It probably sounds like an excuse to get out of it, but believe me, it isn't. I can't face being like this anymore and I really do want to change.
     
  7. MrsPopi

    MrsPopi Banned

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    Why not just declare how much you want to loose rather than your start weight and weekly weights? It might make it easier.

    Baby steps are the way. You have all of our support. New Year, New Start, New You!
     
  8. cherylced

    cherylced Member

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    Hi Bella,

    I totally relate to what you have said. I have stopped going out completely (apart from work). I am single too and would love to meet someone and staying in is not going to help that! I am the biggest I have ever been and the more depressed I get the more I eat! Such a vicious circle.

    I have decided 'I have' to do something about it and I have been following the Cambridge Diet for the past 3 days, I badly craved chocolate, bread etc for the first 2 days and felt really sorry for myself, can't believe i let myself get like this etc etc but today I feel better and I think i fell better because i am actually doing something about it.

    It is going to be a huge battle and a real uphill climb but so many others on here have done it so we can too!!

    Let us know how your NY eve went and if you read this on 1st Jan, just think in 3 months time you could be so much slimmer!
     
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  9. Emmaline

    Emmaline Hippety Hop!

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    Hi Bella, Just to add my good wishes to you for starting on the right road to get a better and fitter you! It's a lovely feeling to know that the dreaded weight is peeling off and as you begin to feel even better in yourself thro' eating more healthily you will be soo glad that you took that step.
    Hope you manage to take a deep breath and make that move to join in with your workmates as the added support will be so beneficial.
    All the very best to you.
    ONWARDS AND DOWNWARDS FOR 2011!...:happy096:
     
  10. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Thanks again, everyone. It really does help having your support.
    I've decided not to join the diet at work, the thought of declaring my weight, even if it is just to one person, is what has been worrying me. I know it's weird because i'll be doing it on here, but I just feel more comfortable doing it this way. I'm still going to do a challenge though, which you'll be able to track from my posts over the next few weeks, and no doubt I'll be calling on you for help/advice/thumbs up as I progress.

    Cherylced - if at any point you need a buddy, someone to talk to, give me a shout. NYE was good fun, not as bad as I thought so that's good. It's now time to focus and get losing!

    Emmaline - thanks for your kind words, I really apprecite them :)

    Happy dieting everyone!

    Bella xx
     
  11. valerie11

    valerie11 Gold Member

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    hi bella30 i don't blame u for not doing the challenge at work, some people find it helps them but i personally would find the pressure too much as sometimes it can be very competitive, u will get lots of help and encouragement on here (whether u want it or not lol) good luck losing the lbs :scale:
     
  12. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Thanks, Valerie11. I'll definitely be using this site for help, that's for sure! xx
     
  13. cherylced

    cherylced Member

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    Hi Bella,

    would love to have a buddy! I am 5'3 and have 5 stone to lose so pretty similar really.

    I'm taking my children to isle of Wight in April and just really want to go in the pool with them ( i usually sit on the side fully clothed!) So i am aiming to be 3 stone lighter by then. Can't quite believe it could happen but so many women on the CD diet have done it and from their diaries many were stuck in a vicious depressive cycle previously.

    We can do this!!!! I am feeling much happier since i have started doing something about this huge fat suit i am wearing, I have finally realised (it has taken years) that only I can do something about this, no-one can rescue me apart from me. So scary!

    What diet are you going to do and when are you starting? xx
     
  14. BREN

    BREN is going to loose!

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    Bella, a new year means a new start. What are u going to work on first with changing your diet an relationship with food.?

    Bren
    X
     
  15. Lynn_

    Lynn_ On A Mission!

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    Its a funny thing about not wanting to publicly declare your weight isnt it. Its not like you can actually hide the fact that you have excess weight to lose. I know I would have been mortified to admit to anyone I worked with how much I weighed at my heaviest, but now ive lost the weight I will happily tell anyone lol. The thing is though, no one acts surprised when I tell them how much I used to weigh, so it had to be pretty obvious I guess.

    In a way it might be good for you to come clean about your weight to your work colleagues. Once the awful truth is out it may be the spur you need to show people how you can turn things around when you are determined to. And just think, once you have got past the painful bit of admitting it, then you will have weigh ins to look forward to, to show them how well you can do.
     
  16. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Great! Let's buddy up then. When are you starting? I'm officially on it from tomorrow (4th) and will be doing slimming world. It's been ages since I've done it so I've been trying to get my head around it again but that's not a bad thing!

    My first target is to lose 1.5 stone (doing a 12 week challenge alongside people at work). That's great you have a target too as it will help to keep you focused!

    Bells xx
     
  17. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Hi Emmaline

    Thanks for your message. I will keep you posted with my weightlosses. Hope you're doing well xx
     
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  19. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Hi Bren

    This year is definitely going to be a new start for me. I think I will try and address my emotional eating and look at the reasons why I do it. I know where it stems from, so now it's all about identifying when I'm about to do it and try and stop it. Think that's going to be the hard part!

    Bells x
     
  20. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    Hi Lynn

    I agree with you about coming clean about my weight, but I'm just not sure I can do it. I do trust the people I work with, but I am without a doubt, the heaviest, and I guess I just feel ashamed! I'm going to do the challenge but will do it alongside them all rather than with them, that way, I can still get involved and stay motivated. :)
     
  21. cherylced

    cherylced Member

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    Hi Bella,

    I'm doing Cambridge and i started last week. First few days very hard but getting easier now and the weight is coming off!

    I'm an all or nothing girl, if I eat, i binge... So it is much easier for me to just replace all normal food while i lose weight and try and work out why i emotionally eat. Why I have to binge.

    I have been realising recently, I eat when I am stressed which is why I started the diet whilst i was off work. Going back to work tomorrow so it will be interesting to see what my feelings are tomorrow night.

    I love my job but there is a lot of pressure, which on the outside I cope with really well but i dont look after myself and dont think much of myself which how I think the stress manifests itself.

    Got to start reading some self help books i think!
     
  22. Bella30

    Bella30 Silver Member

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    I know how you feel. I eat the moment I get stressed and god forbid if I get upset. That's when it gets really bad. A self help book is probably not a bad idea, or just keep posting on here. The advice I've been given has been so helpful.

    Here's a tip, next time you feel the urge to binge at work, get pad and write down "I will not Binge" on it. Then sit down and take a few deep breaths and while looking at what you've just written on the pad. You'll find your breathing will calm down and your urge to binge will pass. May sound a bit weird, but it's worked for me in the past!

    Another thing to address is what exactly at work makes you stressed? Is it something in particular, eg a person, a certain task you need to do? Once you identify that then you can deal with it and eventually it will take you out of the binge cycle. xx
     
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