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Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Spanglymum, 18 August 2011 Social URL.

  1. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Well, I'm currently on holiday and thought I'd check in as I'm feeling in need of a pep talk and you guys are the best at that! Made the adult (?) decision to relax a bit food wise on holiday, which has been fun, but I'm really stressing about my clothes getting tight. Aargh! And then I get all 'woe is me' about perhaps needing to be vigilant all year round and not have relaxed weeks in future. Just need to be more realistic I think.

    Got quite low the other day and realised my food thing isn't over yet, by a long shot. I got so self-pitying about having to do everything on holiday. With two small children and a disabled husband it isn't exactly a rest! Don't know why I ever thought it would be, really. Am trying to respond constructively though to the feelings : chatting with hubby about how once his mobility vehicle is adapted he might be able to be independent, but it's difficult. Silly, really, as I know the reality of the MS - but somehow thought I 'deserved' a holiday, which is nonsense really, isn't it? Am worn out from starting my new job and driving everyone around and cooking all the meals and doing the laundry and the dishwasher and pushing the wheelchair and lifting the walking frame into and out of the car and taking the girls swimming and being up half the night as my littlest had tummy ache and then up at 6am because hubby had his shower and the water noise woke up my littlest and so it goes on.

    How do I let go of the anger and resentment?!

    Anyway result is overeating and a small amount of drinking (but quite restrained compared to my pre-LL days). Am wondering if I'll be allowed to do abstinence for a month to get back to my comfy size again? Hope someone can empathise and send me a hug!!
     
    Last edited: 18 August 2011
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  3. UmmZakaria

    UmmZakaria Full Member

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    Oh my darling I'm sending you the biggest hug I can humanly muster! I'm so sorry you're having such an unrelaxing holiday, I completely understand you turning to food as sometimes it can feel as though it's giving us that hug that we so desperately need. You know as well as I do that even if it feels like a hug at the time, half an hour later it metaphorically turns round and hits us in the gut :( Its not the answer. I don't know what the answer is sadly as I can't pretend to know how you're feeling as it sounds as though you're in a really tough, emotional place. Perhaps a holiday for you was a longshot but hopefully the others are enjoying it? When you get back would it be possible to arrange care for the day for the family and for you to escape for the day? I wish there was something helpful or constructive I could say but I'm
    A bit lost but I'm very good at cuddles so I'm sending you another big virtual one of those xxxxxxxx

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  4. Debbi8489

    Debbi8489 Silver Member

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    Hi spanglymum

    First of all (((hugs))). You have so much on your plate, I'm not surprised that you are feeling low. But look at the positives. You have lost nearly 5 stones, while coping with everything else. I dont know how Mums with littlies manage it!

    On a practical level, can you rope anyone in to help? Have you applied for the benefits that you and DH are entitled to? DLA? Child tax credits? Working tax credits? Would you be able to afford to get a cleaner for a couple of hours a week? That was a godsend for me when DD was little. Worth every penny!

    What about family members? Can they help? Please dont be afraid to ask for help. People might not realise that you are struggling.

    Can you manage to fit in a yoga class? I find it excellent for clearing the mind.

    If you need more information on benefits, please pm me. I work for CAB, so I know all about this area.

    Hugs xx
     
  5. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Oh my Spangly, you are juggling a lot of plates by the sound of it!!! I should say you DO deserve a holiday - nothing odd about feeling that way my dear!! :)

    Honey, the food thing may never be over. I am beginning to believe I will always have a very boisterous food devil on my shoulder. But knowing that its there is half the battle. I think it is only natural to second guess our potential and ongoing successes...which is what you are doing everytime you recognise an area you may feel you want to focus more attention on. ;)

    Hang in there mrs....try to find a way to enjoy some quality "you" time. You deserve it.

    And stick to the plan - keep learning and practising CBT. You will learn through your wobbles and bobbles with food. :)

    xxx
     
  6. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Thanks, everyone. You're the BEST! It really helps to know I can vent on here and be understood.

    Am going to go to group this week and see what the damage is :rolleyes: and then decide what remedial action I need to take. Back home again - and despite spending two hours sorting out the cottage and packing our car this morning, then six hours driving, I am feeling happy and positive and much better than I was. (Also helps that hubby has taken the girls straight out to feed the ducks with his mobility scooter to give me a break. Gotta love that man! :D :heartpump:)
     
  7. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi Spangly,
    BL is right. We've been successful with our weight losses despite all these pressures that life piles on us, but it will probably always be a challenge for us and food.
    As our lovely LLC says we have had a lifetime to learn our behaviours we aren't going to be able to put them behind us easily.
    Unfortunately holidays can have a habit of not being as relaxing as we hope they will be, especially the ones where you (Mummy, wife, carer, superwoman ) :superwoman: have to do everything for everyone. I know a cottage and self-catering gives you flexibility, but maybe next time YOU could have a bit of help. There are options available.
    Probably a feeling of relief being home now, relax and enjoy.
    Don't be a stranger here Spangly - we all need somewhere to come and let of steam among friends.
    And don't beat yourself up about a few pounds. Normal people put on weight on holiday - they just lose it again - we must learn to do that too.
    You will, you are one determined lady, but be kind to yourself as everyone else. xxx
     
  8. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Well, awake in the wee small hours and feel better already, having counted out my stash of old LL packs and realising I have enough to go back on the wagon for a few days before Tuesday (group day). Just want to feel in control again and not bloated etc.

    Not really sure what was going on with my thinking during the week, and need to work it out. I started out Mrs Low Carb-er, getting different food to the rest of the family at a service station and totally happy with that choice. By day two I was eating chips (?!) and drinking alcohol!! What seemed to be going on was a feeling of being "deprived" somehow because I was running around like a headless chicken doing all the chores for everyone and also not eating the same things as them.

    So why did I equate that feeling with carbs and alcohol making me feel better? They did, but only very very briefly. I'm now annoyed with myself - but trying not to get too bogged down by it but rather to learn and move on.

    I'm also embarassed and ashamed to have gone off my controlled plan. It's not like I got totally drunk or anything, but I did eat far more than I would normally, and did drink some alcohol.

    I guess I'm still learning. In my head I still have sweet things and alcohol defined as "treats" and so feel I "should" have them when on holiday, even though they don't help me maintain my weight, which is really important to me.
     
  9. Clarabow

    Clarabow Silver Member

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    Have you read some of the Beck stuff about on occasion taking the wider road when managing out weight? The wider road equating with making more free choices that are not on our more stricter narrow, focused plan.

    At the end of the day it is about what we do the majority of the time rather than what we are choosing to do for the minority such as holidays and parties. The majority of the population equate a more relaxed eating style on holidays, highdays and parties. That is normal. It will also result in a weight gain. Now we can make that weight gain temporary by returning swiftly to our more considered eating patterns or we can compound the damage by carrying on eating like a lunatic.

    Weight management is going to be a life long process. But that is ok, living is a life long process as well :)

    In relation to the bigger picture. You have done amazingly well to have made the change to loose any weight at all let alone the lovely losses that you have achieved. You could have stayed eating for comfort and to reduce stress and no one would have thought any less of you. You were however strong enough to take on that battle whilst in the middle of what are very stressful and difficult circumstances. It is only natural to feel the frustrations and resentments that you do a the situation you are in. it does not take away from how much you love your husband or your daughters. It does however, really reflect a totally normal expectable response to a very difficult situation.

    Some realy good advice from the ladies on here. Any way of getting any extra support? Would hubby go for that ? If you want to PM me I am a care manager in social services so can offer some advice. Dont want to intrude though.

    Anyway enough of war and peace from me. Come and post often, rant away you will always have a compassionate ear on here xx
     
  10. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Thank you so, so much. This place is amazing! :thankyou:
     
  11. loopylorns

    loopylorns Full Member

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    Just read your post, am new to the LL forum and have seen a few of your posts but not known how much you juggle and what a wonderful job you do of it!

    Like everyone else I wonder if you are getting all the help you are entitled to? I think you deffo need a day off from your daily routine when you are home from holiday, is there anyway you can arrange this?perhaps have a facial, or massage or just lunch with a friend.

    I can only imagine the strain you must be under on a daily basis, however I can see that you have done fantastically well on LL and you should be very proud of that achievement and treat yourself just for that!

    I am sending you good vibes, love and a big hug, and although I know those things wont actually reach you, I hope the thought of them may make you smile. xxx Lorna xxx
     
  12. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    8lbs down since Saturday! Woohoo! :D
     
  13. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Yay!!!!!!!!!! Now THATs gotta feel good!!!!! Well DONE! :)

    xx
     
  14. Clarabow

    Clarabow Silver Member

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    WATER ,,, what a relief ! Well done x
     
  15. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Lorna, I never replied to your lovely post. What kind of help might be available? When we've asked people at the MS society the answer has been that because I work we wouldn't be able to get any help, which I guess is only fair really.
     
  16. Clarabow

    Clarabow Silver Member

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    No Spangly that is not true. Under the community care act youa re entitled to a carer's assessment to see what your needs as an individual. Your husband is also entitled to an assessment of his care needs under the community care act and the disabled persons act. Please get in touch with your local authority, they may not be great but it is a place to start discussing your needs.

    A lot of people have had a great deal of success in looking at direct payments and employing a personal assistant to assist the person with care needs. Starting point would be the assessmet of need. In which you need to state what the care needs are on a bad day, it averages out. Then factor in what you are able to comit to given you ahve your gils ana full time job. They then should come up with a proposed package to meet those needs. Given the proposed package of support you then can choose to have those needs met by a direct payment. There can be a charge levied by the local authority but in general this is not too outrageous when compared with what you would pay if contracting yourselves. you need to check your benefits to make sure you are getting the correct rate of DLA ... disability living allowance. Other half sounds as if he shoudl be approaching the higher rate for most things given that he needs support both day and night for his safety.

    PM me if you need more information x
     
  17. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Great advice from Clara, absolutely true.
    DLA is hard to get, does your OH get it already? He certainly should and can have a re-assessment as his needs have increased.
    Direct payments work for many because they give you and your husband the freedom to use the money on the appropriate support for your individual circumstances.
    Don't be fobbed off by hurdles put in your way.
     
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  19. Clarabow

    Clarabow Silver Member

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    Still looking for the one !
    I do a cracking DLA form. Rarely fail to get a good outcome when there is genuine need. And as for community care assessments ..... Well nuff said !

    SB I hope ur claiming properly given ur change in circs x

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  20. Debbi8489

    Debbi8489 Silver Member

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    Spangly, are you claiming tax credits? It might be an idea to go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau or Welfare Rights Office for a benefits check. Is OH claiming DLA and/or ESA?
     
  21. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Thanks guys. We do get DLA already and the mobility allowance and DH started getting ESA when he retired earlier this year. Can't get any tax credits because my salary is over the threshold. I expect payments for any help would be means-tested too. In principle I totally agree with that, btw, but it's frustrating as I may be earning too much in their eyes but it wouldn't be enough to pay for extra support privately.

    Thanks for your kind suggestions btw.
     
  22. Clarabow

    Clarabow Silver Member

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    Still looking for the one !
    It would be financially assessed for sure, but you would only pay a part payment to the total cost of care making options a bit more affordable.
     
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