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help - i thought i was better and i'm not!

#1
Hi everyone

it is all about my son Chris. I told everyone what happened to him back in 'the worst night of my life' thread. I thought i was coming to terms with the whole thing and then tonight my daughter, who is a journalist with a locally based monthly magazine, has emailed an article that the mag is planning to put into print. Whilst I think the atricle is worthy, important, vital even for other young men to read, it has brought the whole thing crashing back. I can hardly see to type because of the tears and I feel like screaming. To see it all, there, laid bare in print is just too much. I don't mean to be selfish but I can't take the pain of it.
Chris agreed to this article to help other potential victims and I am so proud of him but to see it there in front of me - it is just more than this mum can bear. Help me be strong, I just don't know what to do.

Love
 
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#2
Hi Barb, I know its hard for you, but look at it this way....if that article can make sure another family dont go through wat yours have been through....
 

kandy

Silver Member
#3
Hey Barb ,
i cant even imagine how you must be feeling . As Kazz said this may give a warning to other young men out there !

Try and be strong Barb your son is safe and you are obviously a great mother enjoy your family and be proud of your son for being brave enough to let your daughter tell his story !
A credit to you xx

Sending you mega ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) and thinking of you !
Love Julie xxxxxx
 
#4
Hi barb, im thinking of you, you are so strong, you have been there for your son and your family, this maybe a healing process for your son as well.

I send you very positive vibes and thoughts, you can do this x
 
#5
Oh poor Barb!! My heart goes out to you xx

As mums, it's natural for us to feel traumatised when our kids are hurt or endangered ... and a part of the distress you're feeling is bound to be pent up relief as well as a gamut of other emotions.

There's nothing you can do other than work through your emotions a day at a time as they come to you. Trying to cope with 'the bigger picture' is sometimes too much.

When I lost my little boy 20 years ago, it was all I could do to get out of bed in the mornings and I couldn't bear the thought of how long my grief might go on for. But then I heard a song on the radio and it really 'spoke' to me ... it was The Beatles and 'Let it be'. What it said to me was that there are some things in this life that you just have to experience in full ... you can't shorten their impact or lessen the pain. You have to 'let them be'. But in time, when the time is right, things will ease and the wound will heal.

Here are the lyrics that helped me

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.


And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah
There will be an answer, let it be.


And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.


Thinking of you Barb xx
 
#6
Hi Kazz, Kandy, Vicky and Debbie. Thanks so much for your thoughts; logically i know that to save another boy going through what Chris went through is so worthwhile. And I am sooo proud of him but I just feel so raw -can't think of another way to put it. I thought everything was getting back to normal and now I feel so wound up. Yet reading your post Debbie, I realise how lucky I am to have my boy to worry about. I think the words of that song are brilliant and I can understand what a comfort they can be, but i just feel really upset and maybe it's about time. I have been so busy looking after everyoine else I have not really cried or raged or anything else. Maybe it's time.

lots of love and great appreciation
 

Isis

Ancient Egypt Nut!
#7
Hi Kazz, Kandy, Vicky and Debbie. Thanks so much for your thoughts; logically i know that to save another boy going through what Chris went through is so worthwhile. And I am sooo proud of him but I just feel so raw -can't think of another way to put it. I thought everything was getting back to normal and now I feel so wound up. Yet reading your post Debbie, I realise how lucky I am to have my boy to worry about. I think the words of that song are brilliant and I can understand what a comfort they can be, but i just feel really upset and maybe it's about time. I have been so busy looking after everyoine else I have not really cried or raged or anything else. Maybe it's time.

lots of love and great appreciation
Hi Barb,

I agree with what you say about crying hun. I think it may be your time to do that and feel a bit better for it. It sounds like you have been keeping a lid on it while you supported everyone else.

Be kind to yourself right now, cry and rage if you need to and come and dump it all on here. We will all help you through it.:)

Lacey....xxx
 
#8
Thanks Lacey,
it is hard being 'mum' isn't it. I am so aware of everyone else's feelings. Especially my daughters who are both so traumatised by what happened. My husband has found it hard too - typically he is not great at discussing his feelings so he has been withdrawn or snappy on an alternating basis. I do feel that this article is, in the long run, going to do us all good. It is very honest and open and verges on the cathartic which has to be good. It has just made the whole situation even more real than it already was and I think that is what has made me feel so bad. I'll get through it though, I know I will and if it take a bit of time, then fair enough. I just want to feel less 'worried' as that is how I feel at the moment even when I am not sure what it is I am worried about!

Lots of love
 

Isis

Ancient Egypt Nut!
#9
Hi again Barb,

I think the word "cathartic" is very appropriate for you tonight. Even if you don't quite know why you are worried, I would just sit with it and try not to get too anxious.

Easy for me to say, I know, as I haven't been through your trauma. What I do know is that if families can communicate as much as possible after traumatic events, it does help the healing process.

Your Son sounds an amazing young man and it seems he is guiding you all on this one with his own actions on how to deal with emotions.

Thinking of you....xxx
 
#11
Barb,

I'd just like to reiterate what's been said about it possibly being something that Chris feels he needs to do, to put it firmly in the past not only for himself but for his family too.

I know that it feels as if it will all be dredged up again just as you had all started to be able to deal with what happened, but from what you've told us about him, Chris sounds like a very sensible young man and he must have thought long and hard about his decision to let your daughter write down his story.

Sending you hugs ((((()))))
 
#12
Oh Barb - bless you, honey! The wound is still very raw and it must feel like it's been opened up again. I agree that this is something that Chris needs to do for his own sense of closure - once it's been published then you can all try to put it behind you and move on.

I'm thinking of you, darling!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
#13
((((BARB)))) I really can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now but just wanted to let you know that I am keeping you in my thoughts and I hope things start to settle down for you very soon.
Probably best to have a good old cry and get all yor frustration and fears out, maybe you could look into some counselling for yourself too?

Lots of love and hugs

xx
 
#15
Thanks everyone, it is such a help to hear you thoughts and advice and I am sure that everything you say is right. I do think this is the way that Chris is going to deal with this. He does seem brighter and more himself since he spoke so candidly about it all. Strangely it seems to have done more good than the counselling did but maybe it is because it is practical in a way and he feels some good may come of it. If it saves one young man and his family going through this horrific experience, whoch even so could have been so much worse, then it is time and honesty well used.
Sorry I have been such an emotional roller coaster to be with lately, I will be back to my old self eventually I hope!
Lots of love to you all
 

Roch

Minimins gal x
#16
Hi Barb, sorry 2 hear that u r having a rough time.
Your son is very lucky to have such a kind and caring mum who loves him so much.
With all the support and love u r showing him he will be able to get through this emotional period in his life.
Take care hun, remember u r not alone, we r all hear to hold your hand through this and be there for u.
Lots of love and hugs Rochelle xxxx
 
#17
Barb, please don't look at this as a step back into the past, this is a huge step forward for Chris:), He is finally beginning to understand what's happened to him, and when he reads it in print he will be able to release a little more anger and hopefully he will decide to get councelling on his own without any pushing from friends and family. Some people don't need it and this might be the thing that finally allows him to grieve for the fright and shock he was put through. I know its amazingly tough for you just now but Barb if you didn't love him so much and care about everything that happens you wouldn't be the person we all know you are:). Take comfort in knowing he is dealing with this and you can scream and shout you need too.. Never feel guilty for your emotions he knows how much you love him and he will understand.Thinking of you. Sam
 
#18
Thanks Roch and Sam

he does seem to be doing better, I think I am the one who is not coping so well at the moment and I am not sure way. It all happened 6 weeks ago tonight and I am surprised to find it on my mind more and more. I feel very over protective, although hide it well and I feel like I could cry very easily and yet I don't actually do it. I am also being really potty, dropping things, forgetting things and generally being a bit useless.
One minute I am fine, lamost too fine, you know super happy and silly and the next I feel so down or angry. I hope this will all pass as it is so not me.
Thank you to everyone for listening and suggesting ideas, I am very grateful and it is helping.

Lots of love
 
#19
Hi Barb - I just wanted to send my love to both you and Chris at this very difficult time.

He's being very brave and you must be very proud of him. He's got a great mum and you mustn't feel silly at all as your feelings are entirely natural and the emotions you're going through now will certainly ease in time.

Lots of love
 


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