Hmmm.....the eyes are upon us....watching.....waiting... hoping?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Blonde Logic, 30 December 2008 Social URL.

  1. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    I have noticed in the past few weeks, intense curiosity from people I work with.

    In the last week or so, I have noticed before any words are exchanged between us, they swiftly do a scan, from my mid-section, down to my feet, then back up to the top of my head. I am pretty sure this same sort of scan occurs on the backside when walking away.

    Now, there as a lot of curiosity during the diet, I mean each week there was less and less of me, so it would have been cause for curiosity.

    But as I am now just at the end of RTM, I feel pretty certain (and fair enough-maybe I am paranoid) but i get the very disctinct feelng that they are scrutinising me, looking to see if I am putting the weight back on.

    I am finding it really annoying! With some, you can almost catch a hopeful glint in their eyes.

    And it brings a new kind of 'pressure' to the table. I was quite capable of putting someone in their place if they criticised the diet, or told me I had lost enough, etc., but I am not sure how to deal with this new kind of attention.

    I think it is kind of mean, really - I have enough to think about and learn in order to do this right - I don;t need them watching too!!

    What do you guys think? Paranoid? Or do you think people are like that?

    I have 'filled' out some, since re-introducing food. But as said earlier, I am only 2.5 pounds above my starting RTM weight. So not a noticeable amount - yet I "feel" big a lot of the time. Thats because that empty, hollow feeling is gone. (I miss that a lot). And those spots have filled out, as I knew they surely would once back on food. But all these people can make one start to feel self-conscious.

    Again, its more of an annoyance, and to me rudeness then anything that is upsetting, or hurtful.

    I'm just not sure how I should cope with them.

    I do get ruffled if I feel people are 'watching' me. Thats why I never told anyone in the beginning I was doing this.

    Just not sure what to say to people that do this? Or, take the high road, remain silent and let time prove them wrong?
     
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  3. annaphylactic

    annaphylactic Guess who's back...?

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    Hi honey,

    What you describe sounds awful, but you have to remember some of it could be you transferring your worries onto other people. Of course, as we all know - there will be people waiting for you to fail.. there always are... some people get off on being superior to others (whatever that means), it's very strange...

    If I were you I would rise above it - not say anything, unless it is someone you feel comfortable confronting... and just let the long term prove to them that this is real.

    I have also had constant interest from people about the diet - but they all say 'you must be careful when you start eating as I've heard all the weight piles back on blah blah blah'... so I'm sure I'll be scrutinised too when I start eating... but I will consider this their curiosity - they may want to do it/know someone else that does - and they want to see how it works out... is it really a life changer etc...

    Stay strong honey - you look wonderful and you are in control now - don't look to other's for reassurance and confidence - give that to yourself - you've given your body and health a great gift. So proud of you!

    A xx
     
  4. Guy

    Guy Likes to lurk

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    Oh I defintately feel people are like that. I'm going to use it as motivation to keep it off. Don't want to give the cynics the satisfaction. I wouldn't dwell on it. Just enjoy proving them wrong.
     
  5. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    i guess they're just jealous cos you have succeeded in a fantastic acheivement and human nature does sometimes seem to be to want others to fail. each week after my weigh in my mom calls me and asked'how much have you put on this week?' how encouraging is that.

    so what if they look you up and down as you walk away- you give that ass a proud little wiggle!!
     
  6. emzski

    emzski Full Member

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    BL it sounds so blooming annoying. They are clearly jealous and want you to gain the weight again. Its unfair as you said there is enough pressure on you without them adding to it. Its also quite sad they are just waiting for you to put weight back on, if they are jealous that is there problem and they should sort out there own insecurities.

    On the other hand maybe they just fancy you!!! Its quite possible now your looking so good.

    Not to hijack your thread but Ive had a bit of problem similar to this. I dont know if you remember but I went to try on bridesmaid dress at the start of dec. Before I was in a size 18 dress, and my friend "the bride" thought I was prob in a 14 but as it turned out I needed a 12. I was delighted but since then things have been weird between me and her. She hasnt called me or txt me at all. She didnt come to my christmas girly get togther and when I have call her she has been really quite distant. She was going to start LL with me but decided not to, she is prob a size 18/20. I think she is prob kicking herself now she didnt do it because we have to order the dresses in feb and she hasnt lost any weight. She always has an excuse. i dont know if I should just ignore this or ask her if something is up? Its all a head ache. I just wish she was happy for me.

    People are so weird!
     
  7. Poppysparkle

    Poppysparkle Silver Member

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    I think that people feel really unsettled when we change ourselves in any way and that it upsets their status quo - they might not even realise they are doing it either. I bet they soon get used to seeing you the way you are now though, and will stop soon!

    I agree with Anna too, that sometimes they like to feel superior. I have a friend in work who is very fliratious and uses her looks to a massive degree. She came round to my house one night after having an argument with her partner, and she was a bit drunk. She proceeded to sing "big girls, they are beautiful" and they tell me I was "SOOOOOO FAT!!, SOOO, SOOO fat!!" It's hilarious though, as she has not once mentioned the weight that I've lost now, and I'm almost three and a half stone down! She's going to be so sick when I'm slimmer than her!! ;-)

    I do think what Anna says in that you might be sensitive to it, as I know I am as I hate being the centre of attention (wedding day was a trauma!). I had a smaller pair of jeans on the other week and thought I had a bit of a muffin top and I swear my LLC kept looking at it during the whole class.....or was I paranoid??!!

    Suffice to say, you must look a completely different person to the people at work and maybe they just can't keep saying how fab you look and are just looking admiringly at the feat you've achieved?
     
  8. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Yep...me again :D

    There's always something I can relate to when I read your messages!

    It happened to me too. It's usually a very quick glance up and down...though sometimes they do it in slow motion :D

    It does stop though, and I only get it from people I haven't seen for a while.

    It could be jealousy for some people, but I don't think many (or perhaps it's just the people I mix with :D). It curiousity for some. Others it'll be because they are wondering if you've already started to put it on, or if you've lost more, or if you are baggy, or if you're too thin, or if you're too big, or if you're just right, or sure you are going to maintain...blah blah.

    It's human nature though. I don't think of it as rude even though it does make me feel a little uncomfortable.

    You've done something extraordinary. This isn't the run of the mill diet/weightloss way of things, and anything 'different' will make people curious....that's what happens.

    I've had the nicest people do it to me. Those who are generally very polite and well mannered. it's almost as if it's just instinctive.

    I'm sure we've all done it when we've seen something out of the ordinary. The gaze holds a little longer and we suddenly realise what we are doing, and avert eyes.

    Thing is, it doesn't really matter...it's our reaction to it that's important. I guess I just had to accept that people will do this for a while and it will soon stop.
    My advice is to remain silent and not let it get to you. Just remember that they are instinctively doing this because you've done something amazing.

    Maintainence is more trouble free when we can put a line between what others might be thinking, or their actions and what we are doing totally for ourselves and caring little for how people react to how we look.
     
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  9. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi everyone

    Thanks for your interesting replies. Its always good to see ti from other perspectives.

    I don;t get so much that its a jealousy thing - it just feels kind of like an invasion of privacy....its like, "stop watching - just leave me to it!" It's not horrible - just something I notice more often. Or - at least THINK I notice. As said - every chance its paranoia. :)

    I do feel my body changing, again, now after 12 weeks on RTM. While I am not really gaining weight, I am filling out. I can tell. And I don't really like it. My hubby will, he likes me a little curvy - but I don't like the feeling. It makes some old voices pop up, and make me feel heavy. I never felt like that in abtainance, and its taking some getting used too. KD - did you find it like that too? I also relate to a lot of your posts, so value your insight. A lot. You're my Guru. :D

    ANyway - maybe its those feelings are making me feel paranoid and self conscious. I need to pay close attention. I don;t really like the feeling.

    I hope you lot don;t mind my discussing this kind of thing here, even though I am in RTM, etc? oops - or just M now!! Its just helpful - I really value your opinions. :)

    I think this is one of the learning stages maybe. Maybe I am transferring now from - is it unconscious competance to conscious competance? Something like that - the exact wording eludes me - but I know what it means :D LS will know it too. I do know as I said earlier this is all new to me - being so aware of all this info - or trying to. Peice by peice.

    I really do struggle with retaining information. I joke about it a lot, and compare myself to a goldfish - but it is difficult. AND frustrating!! And often times misunderstood. Its a side affect from a few things. (Fibromyagia, HRT, or lack of, etc.) So its taking its time, but day by day I think its becoming clearer.

    Thanks for y'alls patience! :D

    XX
     
  10. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Yep me too!!

    I went to lunch with a friend from work a couple of weeks ago and she said people were constantly saying "ooo have you seen Georgie", I said "but surely I am old news now they should be used to it". She said it wasn't about the weight loss they were all commenting because I hadn't put it back on! I'm not sure whether they are pleased that I haven't or not :rolleyes:

    It does make you feel self conscious and also places an enormous amount of pressure on you. I find myself worrying if things make me look fat purely because I don't want people to think I have put any weight back on which is ridiculous.

    xxx
     
  11. tara66

    tara66 Silver Member

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    Hi all, it is a strange thing and I think people are fascinated by the whole VLCD thing. I've just reached goal so haven't any experience of maintaining yet. The other day my mum who has been really supportive was saying that she finds it amazing looking at me because the transformation is like something you see on the telly or in a magazine, rather than on someone you know.

    During a VLCD you know people don't believe it is healthy or sustainable and are expecting you to fall off the wagon at any moment. Once you lose a lot of weight as you and others have BL whilst looking really healthy I think there is real curiosity and expectation that it will/might go back on. I don't suppose the pressure helps much.

    Like KD says though you have a choice about how you respond to it, and as always you will end up dealing with it with grace and dignity whilst perhaps muttering the odd naughty word under your breath!

    You have also mentioned that you feel it is a bit of an invasion of your privacy. This is a bit off your topic but it is one of the things I am finding hardest to deal with. Don't get me wrong I am delighted, elated to have reached my goal, but the amount of attention it can bring, particularly from the opposite sex I found a bit overwhelming and in fact a bit irritating at times.

    Thanks for posting this because these posts really help me think through issues x
     
  12. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Bingo!!! I know just what you mean!!

    Makes me feel better!! :) Thanks G!
     
  13. roundrachel

    roundrachel Silver Member

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    trust me, you're not paranoid. I feel exactly the same. Like my weight has become public property and everyone is allowed their say on it.

    yes sure, if you want to compliment me on losing weight that's fine. You can ask me how I've done it too and I'll tell you if you're interested. But please don't lead you to believe you can now give me the once over every time I walk in the room to see if my clothes are tighter or I've got a muffin top. My weight is non of your business. If I put it all back on again, that's my problem. It's not for you to judge.

    Before I lost weight I was just a big girl. My weight was never an issue. I was just big. But now it seems I'm constantly monitored by all around (mother, sister, cousins, colleagues...everyone apart from my OH who never passes comment or even looks me up and down to check if there are any extra bits poking out where they shouldn't be!)

    This has been MY journey. You've been able to see the results yes. But how I continue from now on is as much business as it is mine to ask about your weight gain over Christmas. If I walked into the office and said "looks like you've put on a few pounds over christmas" to a colleague, they'd be horrified. So it's absolutely not their business to pass comment on the tightness of my pants either!! Not that they're tight. I'm doing just fine thank you xx
     
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  14. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    What an interesting thread

    Lots of different reactions from people.
    I've had 3 female friends who definitely have a problem with the fact I have lost so much weight and am no longer "the fat friend". One I have known for 25 years is like Emski's bride friend, she doesn't contact me at all. Others have been complimentary and have lost interest now and seem to accept me for who I am.
    Last week my husband's cousin who is slim came and sat next to me on the sofa
    and said now, come on, tell me -which is the smaller? At first I didn't realise what she meant so I said "smaller what?"
    When she said "between the 2 of us". I just said "It's not a competition is it? " smiled at everyone and walked away!
    There's a girl at work who lost loads of weight through LL a couple of years ago.
    Personal reasons have led her to re-gain her weight. She has been so supportive and nice to me. I hope I can encourage her to have another try, but the time may not be right for her now
    I agree with Guy that most people are not as interested in our business as we think they are.
    However we have done something amazing, we do look completely different and are wearing different clothes.
    I know most of us did not do LL to change what other people think of us, but certainly for me I have regained my confidence and probably give off different vibes.
    So my question is "How would you feel if no-one took any notice of the change?"
    I try to just say yes, thanks I'm very proud of what I have achieved.
    I do get p.ssed .ff by men who now take notice and flirt when they would have ignored me before. I am still the same person!
     
  15. westiegirl

    westiegirl Gold Member

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    It's funny how people react to you.

    When I got to goal on LL I found some people felt it was alright to comment on the "before" me, like it wouldn't hurt any longer.

    One woman in work told me that when she first met me she thought to herself "god she's got a huge @rse". She told me that only after I was at goal. I was on such a high from being slim for the first time ever that I thought it was quite funny, but when I told other people they were horrified that she could say such a thing.

    I suppose that they were right (and luckily I took it in good nature) that what she said was actually really rude!

    I'm afraid that in leaving Scotland and my LL Group before completing maintenance that weight went back on, but there again it meant that the same people who would have commented about the gain did not see the weight go up again (I haven't been back in 2 years). Maybe that was not necessarily the best thing because there were no "critics" to keep me vigilant!
     
  16. EmVeg

    EmVeg Do a little dance!

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    I don't know how I am going to feel about all of this on the journey. I love receiving compliments - really, who doesn't - but I'm scared enough to let people know how I'm doing it, let alone think about what they are thinking.

    And we all know, ignoring it is so much harder said than done!
     
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