Horns and Halo......

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Diva2B, 25 April 2008 Social URL.

  1. Diva2B

    Diva2B Striving to be good.....

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    I cannot say why as I really have no idea.

    Having discovered this amazing diet, which i know works like a dream if you follow it properly, so why do i keep picking at food all the time?

    At first, it began as a tiny pick here and there - a slice of carrot, a morsel of chicken but then it became more and more. For the last three weeks i have picked and picked and picked until today when i have been unbelievably stupid and reckless. I gave in and had a cream cake when a work colleague was leaving. it hasn't stopped there and i wont taunt anyone by saying what, but i have not stopped since i got home tonight.

    I am so delighted by colleagues comments on how my weight loss is going (37lbs to date, so its quite noticeable!) why do i keep self sabotaging?
    Has anyone else done this? How do i stop it? i REALLY don't want to do this its almost like I go out of control. I think that there are two people who live inside me one wearing horns and one wearing a halo.

    tomorrow is weigh in day. i have wasted £35 this week on shakes that are as good as useless given the amount that i have eaten.

    I know that I cannot undo what I have done and I have to put it behind me. I scare myself as I know how easy it is once you are on that slippery slope to keep going until you are in over your head.
    I don't want to go there. I don't want to be fat anymore. I was feeling successful so why oh why have i sabotaged my good work? I don't feel good when i have eaten, nor do i particularly enjoy what i have eaten.

    Am I alone? does anyone else do anything like this? Has anyone else got back on the wagon and succeeded??

    I like the shakes, i like the removal of choice, I LOVE the feeling of rapid weight loss and for once I began to feel good about myself.

    I would really love to hear from anyone who has done this sort of weird thing and if anyone knows why i am acting in this bizarre way which is making me feel crap about myself. I am the only one getting 'hurt' here so why am I inflicting this unnecessary pain on myself??

    I'm really not looking for sympathy - i have been stupid and I don't deserve kindness. I just wish that I knew why I am being so darn foolish.

    I don't feel guilty, i had a choice and i took it. yet really it wasn't what I wanted to 'choose to do'.

    confused and befuddled

    Michelle x

    p.s. thank you in advance for your comments and advice. Mikki xx
     
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  3. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    I have just posted a similar thread, and I havent even manged two weeks, so YAYYY!!! You got this far, brilliant!!

    It really is just mind games, isnt it. What we have to focus on is the end goal. Its there, and its possible, it really is. Lets accept we have slipped up, but instead of dwelling onit, lets dust down and get back on the horse that is CD, on the journey to our home town of SlimnHappy!!!


    Big hugs!! You can do this!
    xx
     
  4. Diva2B

    Diva2B Striving to be good.....

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    Awww thank you Sarah!
     
  5. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Sending big HUGS hun, so much of CD is in the mind, pretty much all of it really and that internal mind over matter battle. You could ease yourself back in by low carbing for a while rather than going cold turkey. The only other suggestion I can make is to keep a food/emotion diary to see if there are any particular feelings that are triggering the need to eat so that you can plan some coping strategies.

    Sorry I can't be of more help but believing you can do this is half the battle and I know you can!

    Gxxx
     
  6. Diva2B

    Diva2B Striving to be good.....

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    Thank you Georgie!

    Seeing your photo's always makes me think - wow look at her, and also believe that I can do it too. Seeing how quickly my weight has altered when I am able to do the diet properly, I KNOW it is achievable.

    I am not aware of any kind of emotion other than a kind of defiance which is so stupid, I can't believe that I have really typed it!
    My husband just said 'wont be long just popping to tesco' and when he was out I had two bread rolls with sandwich spread.
    WHY???? It was like I sneaked them and 'stole' them whilst he was out.
    Reading this back sound so pathetic, and I have no real idea WHY i ate. NOt stress, not anger, not boredom, just plain stupidity.

    Gee I need a kick in the ar*e!

    Mikki x
     
  7. amelia2311

    amelia2311 Member

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    I keep doing the same, eating....i shouldn't because I know its just going to make me miserable when i put on weight, i've got away with it for 4 weeks now, but i know soon it will catch up with me! My oh is doing cd aswell n it doesnt help tht she has full meals and a pudding whilst out and still loses the same as me! I really don't know why we do it all i know is that i did so well the first week ,,, so i'm gonna have to be harsh with myself.... and you should be too, otherwise we're just prolonging the diet and making ourselves feel like fat failures for no reason!
     
  8. Diva2B

    Diva2B Striving to be good.....

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    Good point Amelia!

    prolonging the diet - absolutlely!

    Feeling a failure is something that I do well. I sometimes wonder whether being a 'victim' is kind of an acquired way of life.
    It really is quite stupid to think that someone or something is in control of me when really its only ME who is in control.
    I CHOOSE to do what I do. WHy then do i choose the wrong things? :sigh:

    Tomorrow has to be another day. I am on hols in 3 months time and I AM NOT putting THIS on the beach!

    Thanks for your comments. Time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my A into G and do something positive.

    Thanks for firing me up. Let's do this together as we both know we can!
    Tomorrow is, after all, another day!!!

    Thanks for your message

    Michelle x
     
  9. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Kick up the arse granted!! :whoopass::whoopass:

    Reading what you were saying it sounds almost like your mind is rebelling because you feel you aren't allowed to have these things... I've heard Paul McKenna say the quickiest way to develop a craving is to tell yourself you can't have something so maybe that is part of it... you feel you can't have these things and your mind tells them you want them, am I making any sense??!! Try turning it on its head and telling yourself you can eat whatever you want to whenever you want to but that just for the moment you are choosing not to, it might help sorry if I'm barking up the wrong tree hun!

    Gxxx
     
  10. Diva2B

    Diva2B Striving to be good.....

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    Thanks again Georgie....

    I think i am just being pathetic. I think i need to stop looking for excuses, accept that I tempted myself to eat and that I took that challenge.

    I don't want to do it again. Tomorrow is another day and I shall CD all the way. I have bought a suit which is a size too small for me and I need to lose weight to get into it!

    I think I enjoy feeling like a failure - as perverse as that sounds - more than i enjoy being successful. - after all, being a failure is SO MUCH EASIER!!!!

    Time to turn that on it's head. Once I AM successful I am sure that I will get more enjoyment out of that.

    Thanks for your comments - im not sure even if a psychologist would understand me at the moment!!!

    Seriously thinking of hypnotherapy to get back on track.....

    Thanks ladies...

    love

    Michelle xx
     
  11. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    NOW YOU'RE TALKING, that's the fighting spirit, time to prepare for success!!

    Gxx
     
  12. Diva2B

    Diva2B Striving to be good.....

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    hee hee hee

    Not quite sure where that fire suddenly came from, but I think I will try and keep it there!

    I can't undo what I have done, but I can try and avoid the pothole that I stumbled into tomorrow and the next day and the next.....

    Take it a day at a time.

    I shall vow to be successful for a DAY starting tomorrow. Then two days on Sunday etc......

    Thanks for being there for me

    MWAAA ! Mikki xx
     
  13. minilady

    minilady Gold Member

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    :hug99:

    You are certainly not alone feeling this way.

    I think Georgie's suggestion of a food/emotion diary is a brilliant one. You may at the moment think that you weren't feeling any particular emotion when you decided to eat, but if you get the desire and before actually acting on it write down exactly how you're feeling the outcome may change.

    I didn't have a problem with self sabotage whilst dieting (on CD that is) but certainly there have been many occasions whilst maintaining where this has been an issue.

    Everything is running smoothly and you feel in control, then suddenly just one bite of something we feel is forbidden and everything spins out of control and we punish/treat ourselves with more food. Although you've made the choice to follow a diet perhaps subconsciously your feeling deprived, so when you ate today it could be that you were feeding that deprevation emotion.

    Hypnotherapy has helped quite a few people on mins, myself included. My hypnotherapist used NLP techniques also. I use some of the techniques at home myself and find that they help. I'll pm you a good technique which was shown to me if you'd like.

    You'll feel a whole lot better by tomorrow, I think that we learn a lot more if we make some mistakes along the way than if we have too easy a run of things.

    Tracey
    x
     
  14. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    Really thought provoking and so true, brilliant!

    Gx
     
  15. Diva2B

    Diva2B Striving to be good.....

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    thank you thank you thank you....

    You have all been so lovely and offered good advice.

    I woke up at 3am with the most excruciating stomach ache and sat on the loo for nearly an hour but to no avail.... (actually fell asleep whilst there on one occasion!! hee hee)

    Lessons learned methinks.

    Despite acting like an ar*e, I have managed to lose 3lbs this week and I feel like I have been granted a stay of execution!!!!:D

    Today I have a will of iron. Today I WILL NOT FAIL. I promise myself and all of you that I will rigidly stick to the plan every single step of the way.

    I may come back tomorrow and make the same pledge so that I am actually 'promising somebody' - IYKWIM. That way I feel like i am letting a team of people down and not just me.

    I would love your email technique minilady - that's really kind thank you!

    In August, I am off on a holiday-to-die-for so I MUST lose this weight in order that I do not get harpooned on the beach :rolleyes:

    Your support is truly appreciated - thank you so much xx

    Mikki xxx

     
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