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How to maintain confidence

S: 19st12.5lb C: 15st12lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 32.8 Loss: 4st0.5lb(20.29%)
#1
Hi all.
Apologies first of all for the really whingy post, but I'm in pieces today. SW going really well this time round, got my stone sticker and first ever SOTW this week.
Met this guy about three weeks ago, we've been bumping into each other, he's been very flirty (overly so with drink) and quite shy without. He's European, so bit of a culture difference, but boy, it's so nice to have been treated well. Asked me out for a cup of coffee, but we didn't end up meeting up. I thought he hadn't showed, he thought the same of me - we didn't have each others numbers.
Roll on to last night. Met him in the local bar again. He made a bee-line for me - really drunk. Filling me full of compliments, apologising for having to leave me the previous week (dubious reason!) and complaining why I hadn't shown up for the coffee. He wanted my number or to give me his, and he asked me to wait for him til he's back. He was getting a bit sleazy, but I just put it down to drink talking. He asked me if he'd seen me with my mother the day before and made some disparaging remark about if I was gonna turn into her when I was older??!! Horrible.
Next thing I know, he's off with his friend for a walk around, and then up at the bar chatting up this other girl. He starts kissing her and after 20 mins, they leave together. I was GUTTED. :cry:I know, I know, no loss - but really, why can it never just work out? I left and thankfully he's away home to see family for a month, so at least I don't have to see him and I can get myself together.
I'm in bits - I feel fatter than ever and the confidence that was blossoming is in pieces. He's so not worth it, but I can't seem to let it go. In my mind, I'm thinking that if only I wasn't this fat, it would have been different. That he's only been chatting me up cos he thinks the fat girl will be easy. Why would a guy (who's nearly 40 btw, living with a teenage son) just want to mess me around and humiliate me like that? Is that all I'm worth?
And any tips for regaining confidence in myself and my body, cos it's my journey that I'm on?
Apologies for the long post, but I'm really on the floor here. :wave_cry::cry:
 
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peggypig

Silver Member
S: 11st10lb C: 9st4.5lb G: 9st4lb BMI: 24.7 Loss: 2st5.5lb(20.43%)
#2
Sorry your confidence has take a knock but personally I think you have had a lucky escape and he is definately not worth bothering about he sounds a right leech.


Chin up you will meet the right person when you least expect it. Forget about him he sounds horrible.
 
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fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#3
Nearly 40 years old !!!! What a shock. I thought you were going to say 16 years old as it is the behaviour of an immature teenager.

What on earth would you want anything to do with him for ?? You are worth more. Value yourself more highly Curvesncurls cos until you value yourself no one else will value you.

Tell yourself over and over that you are special and deserve special.

A decent person would never behave this way so I second what has been said by peggypig.........what a lucky escape.

hugs xxxx
 
S: 19st12.5lb C: 15st12lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 32.8 Loss: 4st0.5lb(20.29%)
#4
Yeah, logically I know it's a lucky escape. This might not have happened for weeks. Haven't really eaten since, except for a bar of chocolate and a piece of cake, so maybe it's turning me into someone who can't eat under stress! Just feel sick to my stomach and angry at myself for being such a bloody fool. Seriously, what kind of a man acts like this? I guess I feel like I'm being laughed at - the fat girl who thought she might be attractive.
Out for a walk to clear the head methinks.

Thanks for the lovely comments xx
 

fillymum

synful soul
S: 107kg C: 85kg G: 79kg BMI: 33.2 Loss: 22kg(20.56%)
#5
How can 5'9" and 244 lbs be fat.......curvy yes but fat never and anyone who judges another person by their looks or weight, in my book, is a person that is not even worth a second glance. So, let's not hear another fat girl comment, you are as good as if not better that any 7 stone weakling..........god think of those protruding bones !!!
 

hexe

Full Member
S: 12st2.5lb C: 11st0.5lb G: 10st10lb BMI: 25.1 Loss: 1st2lb(9.38%)
#7
....I guess I feel like I'm being laughed at - the fat girl who thought she might be attractive. .....
That bloke has got issues and please do not believe for one minute it has anything to do with your measurements (which I don't think are "fat" at all). One of my best friends in Germany has got a model figure and an angelic face, but regardless, she always ends up with pr***s like that.
He is just an immature guy, loaden with issues, probably the kind of guy who would never settle with anyone, but will be on the hunt for "fresh flesh" constantly. And his previous shyness streak appears to be part of his modus operandi. Good riddance. What a *$%$£"!
There is surely something better for you out there, I strongly believe nothing happens without a reason.
Jill xx
 

lizzielipps

Back to basics!
S: 16st10.0lb C: 12st2lb G: 11st10.0lb BMI: 25.8 Loss: 4st8lb(27.35%)
#8
Dont ever think it's because of anything about you!! He is a sleeeeeeeze and he will be the same with all the girl's and like peggypig said you have had a very lucky escape!! And i would know i have had enough of them to last a lifetime!! Met my partner when i was 31 nearly 8 years ago after never thinking i would meet anyone but lying cheating sleeze balls!! Keep strong and don't let the sleezeballs get you down!! and by the way i wouldn't touch any of my past mistakes with a barge poll!! lol
 
S: 19st12.5lb C: 15st12lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 32.8 Loss: 4st0.5lb(20.29%)
#9
More lovely words hexe - thanks.
I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason. That's why I was so taken with bumping into him so much and feeling great about myself too. He's obviously a player, better off without him. I think I thought I'd moved passed losers like him, so that's why I'm so annoyed that I fell for the whole routine.
I'm probably a bit vulnerable at the mo too, cos my good friend is due her first baby in June and I'm panicking that it's never gonna happen to me. (She's two years younger than me). My SW consultant is just back after her baby three weeks ago and two girls from work are pregnant too. I'm delighted for them, really I am, but uneasy and sad. I thought he was a sign that I was moving on - but it was actually down:sigh:
Can't believe I'm putting this stuff on a forum - but minimins really is like the font of all knowledge! xx
 
#10
Hi hun. I don't have much more to add to whats already been said by thesr lovley people other than being from another country or drunk is not an excuse to treat you in a sleazy way - don't explain away his actions, or anyone elses for that matter, that way.
Get some a4 paper & a black marker and write as many times as you can in big letters I AM WORTH IT! Stick them everywhere and repeat until you believe it x because you are and no european sleazebag should make you question it
 

lizzielipps

Back to basics!
S: 16st10.0lb C: 12st2lb G: 11st10.0lb BMI: 25.8 Loss: 4st8lb(27.35%)
#11
More lovely words hexe - thanks.
I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason. That's why I was so taken with bumping into him so much and feeling great about myself too. He's obviously a player, better off without him. I think I thought I'd moved passed losers like him, so that's why I'm so annoyed that I fell for the whole routine.
I'm probably a bit vulnerable at the mo too, cos my good friend is due her first baby in June and I'm panicking that it's never gonna happen to me. (She's two years younger than me). My SW consultant is just back after her baby three weeks ago and two girls from work are pregnant too. I'm delighted for them, really I am, but uneasy and sad. I thought he was a sign that I was moving on - but it was actually down:sigh:
Can't believe I'm putting this stuff on a forum - but minimins really is like the font of all knowledge! xx
Yes i felt like that a couple of years ago all my friend's were having kid's younger than me and felt as if i was gonna miss out but now i'm a foster carer and have the best job in the world!! And who wouldnt fall for a charmer!! we are only human after all! :crazy:
 
S: 19st12.5lb C: 15st12lb G: 13st7lb BMI: 32.8 Loss: 4st0.5lb(20.29%)
#12
Ah girls - I'm tearing up now for a different reason! You're all so good and kind.
Guess I did kinda make the decision cos I wouldn't sleep with him, so he went elsewhere. If I had, we'd have been gone by the time she arrived. Sad way to live your life, both of them, but their choice. He was charming, but his little boy lost routine has been done now.
Isn't it funny how you think that you've dealt with these issues, then they rear their head as strong as ever. Just trying to let it go now. My former womanizer friend told me to be ready for the "long hard sob story" the next time I see him, but not to believe a word of it. So, I've decided that I'm just gonna say that it's not for me, I'm looking for a marathon runner, not a sprinter - and seeing as he couldn't wait, he probably wouldn't be able to last the distance with me. Hit him where it hurts!:p
 

lizzielipps

Back to basics!
S: 16st10.0lb C: 12st2lb G: 11st10.0lb BMI: 25.8 Loss: 4st8lb(27.35%)
#13
:girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower::girlpower:AND NO MORE TO SAY! YOU GO GIRL! LOL!!!!!!
 


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