I am being soooooooooo tested!!!

Discussion in 'Cambridge Diet 100% Posts!' started by Chelsea Lou, 1 April 2009 Social URL.

  1. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    Good morning all,

    Haven't been able to post on here much over the last week or two for various reasons.

    As you have probably gathered, the last week or two have been sooooo stressful, what with moving into a brand new apartment. So many things have gone wrong in the apartment, which you expect to a certain degree, what one doesn't expect though is to be told that it is not the Builder's problem but yours. How can having no water be my problem after only being in the place for a week??????????!!!!!!!!!! FFS!!!

    Anyway, long story short. My fuse finally blew yesterday and I threatened that if someone didnt get their arse over to my place and sort out all the issues pronto, then I was going to the press. Hey presto!! It was their problem after all. Then last night my two babies, my lovely ginger cats (mother & son) had to go to a new home because the new place is not safe for them being in town. I am absolutely heartbroken and cant talk or think about them without welling up. I feel bereft.

    I prayed to God last night and said could he please give me a break now and give me some happy?

    The point of this thread is that all my crutches that I would have used to 'help' me get through all this crap have gone. I am not resorting to 40 fags a day, nor bottles of wine/scotch or food. Believe me, a few months ago I would have used all three. Maybe this is the breakthrough that I have been searching for all my life. For the first time ever in my life I am having to cope and deal with life without mummy, without food, drink and nicotine. Maybe that is why I am feeling so ultra emotional because there is nothing to deaden the pain. It has made me realise how much I hid behind all these crutches and didn't deal with the issues. No more false safety net - I am my own safety net. I have to deal with my life and its ups and downs. Not fags, not booze and certainly not food.

    Scary stuff. :eek:
     
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  3. Jesslima

    Jesslima Is determined!

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    Aww honey bless you, you are doing so amazingly well and should be so proud of yourself! It is scary and very hard when the things we normally hide behind are taken away, but you arent giving in and are facing things head on, that is such an acheivement. I've read alot of posts about people who feel like they have gotten really moody and snappy, and i've noticed that about myself, and realised its because i used to just turn to food for comfort and never actually deal with things! I just need to find another way to deal with my emotions now lol.
    I think we need to try and find things that we enjoy and find relaxing that dont revolve around food and drink... thats what i've found really hard at first i couldnt think of anything, how sad is that! But i'm starting to find things now, and feel like its a real turning point! We can do this, this is so much more than just 'a diet' its a learning curve and hopefully a new and much better way of life. Old habits die hard, but we are well on our way to kicking them :D xxx
     
  4. eyeontheprize

    eyeontheprize can see the end in sight!

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    aww i couldn't read and run. im sorry you are having such a hard time, especially with having to find your babies a new home, that must have been so difficult. your resolve not to go back to the cigs and food and wine is amazing though and you are doing so well. you also KICKED ARSE threatening the builders, go girl!

    now that your water is hopefully back on, maybe treat yourself to a nice pampering session, or go to the cinema or the hairdressers, have some ''chelsea lou'' time perhaps? might clear your head. take care of yourself x
     
  5. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    Big hugs honey... understand how you feel. You're dead right, you are due some happy time now... hope it's coming! You have achieved so much in kicking those crutches away and it will make you a stronger, happier person - you know that. And yes, this is a test, but you are not going to fail it because from what I have seen of you on the threads you are not a quitter and not someone who does 'failure'.

    I'd normally say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade... but I guess that's something we can't do right now! Maybe a CD shake with ice and a sit in the sun, or a hug from a pal? Chin up honey, you can get through this, promise.
    xxx
     
  6. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    Thanks guys. It is so nice to have people understand because they are going through/gone through the same experience. Appreciate all the support. Big love to you all xx
     
  7. ApplySomePressure

    ApplySomePressure Silver Member

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    Sorry things havent been going well for you lately and you've been having a rough time. Just think though if you can have all those things to deal with AND stick to CD then you can stick to it through anything! you're doing really well and like others have said make a point of getting some time to do something nice and relaxing - a bath (if you're waters sorted!), read a book, go for a walk, or go to the cinema. Hope you're doing ok.
     
  8. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    Thanks hon. So emotional today regarding my cats. Just keep welling up. I've had to say goodbye to so much over the last three years or so. It feels so raw cos of not having my old crutches there. xx
     
  9. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    One of my best pals had to give away her cats as her new boyfriend was allergic... she was soooo sad as they had been like kids to her. But the cats adapted really well - as cats do - and are happily terrorizing a whole new neighbourhood... I guess the only other solution for you would have been to make them 'indoor' cats, and that's not really fair if they had been used to going out. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go and do the best for those you love, people or animals.

    I know you have been through a tough time but those crutches wouldn't have made anything feel any better... they wouldn't have solved the problem. They were just habits, and not having them to fall back on feels scary, but they weren't magic fix-all solutions really... hang onto that thought. Hugs again... I bet tomorrow will feel a little bit better.
    xxx
     
  10. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    You are so right about all the crutches not fixing the problem but at the time though we all probably thought they helped.

    I know I have done the right thing with the cats. They were so miserable not being able to go out during the day/evening. They were then crying to get out at 2am, which then gave me the hump. I felt sick watching my little boy belting across the road. I would never have forgiven myself if he had been run over. I will get over it and I know they will have forgotten about me by the end of the week and knowing that bloody hurts too lol. I wish I wasn't so soft!!!
     
  11. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    You are too wise for 18 years old Jess. I am so sorry that I have needed so much from you recently. I promise to become the parent again very soon sweetheart.

    Love you lots too. My amazing girlie xx
     
  12. Serena A

    Serena A Can't think of a title

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    So sorry you are having a hard time, and congratulations for sticking with CD. It bodes really well for you to keep the weight off once you're at target because you're facing your emotions rather than stuffing them back down with food. Huge hugs xx
     
  13. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    You know what, you have a FAB daughter. I have one too - she's 15 - and a hug from her can put a smile on my face no matter what. I do feel for you, and I'm speaking as one who has let the 810 slip the last few days and found myself falling down towards old binge patterns, just with better choices of food... but those behaviors are no good for me and I know that and today I have vowed to be 100% again.

    What I'm saying is, I know how much we want those crutches - and tell ourselves we NEED them - but we don't. We are in control now, we call the shots. You have done the right thing. It was a tough thing, and it hurt, but still it was right. Stay strong.
    xxx
     
  14. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    Thanks Katycakes and I'd like to raise a glass of sparkling water to our daughters.........and sons. I don't have any sons but I bet there are loads of mums on here that have amazing boys that give them a hug when needed :)
     
  15. tryer

    tryer Silver Member

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    sorry that things were not going well for you but am glad that youo can stand and rely on you and not look to your crutches to support you .
    well done.
    ps soz about your babies
     
  16. crazylilblondie

    crazylilblondie Pizza addict

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    Aww im so sorry you are having such a hard time, but you should be so so proud of yourself for not caving in. Just focus on how STRONG this has made you become, strong and determined! Focus on the positives! Though I know loosing your cats cant have been easy either :(
     
  17. Katycakes

    Katycakes Stubborn tortoise

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    I really will stop posting now and go get some work done... after sipping my 'sparkly'. I have a son too, he's 16 & very good at the hugs thing, y'know just thinking about it makes me feel very lucky. I started off today feeling very sorry for myself & like I had lost the plot with 810... feel so much better now, and all thanks to minis! Hugs Chlesea, we'll be OK!
    xxx
     
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  19. Letty

    Letty Full Member

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    Be proud of yourself, Lorrayne, you have shown yourself that you are strong enough to cope with everything life throws at you without resorting to those old pick-me-ups. I've had some stressful times too while doing this and it is really my boyf that has seen me through, making my shakes for me and brining home flowers, even just having a nice cuddle- it's the ones we love that keep us going, and with them we really don't need those 'crutches'.
    xxx
     
  20. Greeneyes11

    Greeneyes11 Gold Member

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    Aww sorry to hear that you are having a tough time lately and having to get rid of your babies must have been so hard, but I think it is better that they are safe than at risk of being run over, and you were a good mum to put their safety first. My little pug lost her eye during the half term holidays, it was a freak accident, but I beat myself up about it for days, saying that I had bought her and she expected me to look after her and I hadn't because this had happened and I was sooo upset, so however hard it was to give up your babies, it is better to know they are safe than to have to mourn because they have been run over. In my book that makes you a great mum... you have also done so well on your weightloss, keep it up, you should be proud of yourself.
     
  21. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    Oh gawd, the tears are here again, because of your poor little pug. We are all so good at the guilt thing aren't we?

    Bless all of you who have posted such lovely things. I couldn't be without the support I get on here. Thank you so much xx
     
  22. Bess

    Bess Plod, plod, plod.....

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    I do admire you and the way you are coping with all the horrible stuff that's been happening to you. One strong woman there though and a great example to Jess. Being able to deal with the downs and still standing - good for you. Hope things get much better soon.
     
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