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I am NOT Responsible for other People's Happiness

This thought came out of today's thread about Diet Saboteurs...

Several people have mentioned (including myself) that they are taking heat from family members who claim that the dieter is ruining things for the non-dieters.

In one case, AngelMouse77 said that her teenage daughter was giving her heat because her diet was going to spoil Mother's Day.

Excuse Me?

Who is supposed to be honored on Mother's Day? The Mother. So who is complaining about how the day should be celebrated? The Daughter.

Anyway, my own daughter has been complaining because I told her I wasn't willing to go out for pizza just because she wanted to.

In all of this, I have realized something important. I am not responsible for other people's happiness, nor am I responsible for other people's unhappiness as it pertains to my diet. I'm going to do what I think is best, whether it means stick strictly to the program, or whether it's time to take a break.

It's not up to my spouse or my kid to dictate how I am going to diet, and it's not my responsibility to make them happy by eating they foods they want to eat.
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I'm quite lucky on this, my mum dad and cousin have all done this so they know its safe, my partner wasnt sure and said he loved me no matter what, but when i got on it he said that he wasnt going to change how he eats or anything so he still wanted me to cook, to be honest i dont mind so much now but at first i thought it was a ploy to get me to go back to eating loads to make him feel better about his weight.
Oh God yes. One of my housemates is doing everything to undermine me. I am definitely not into making her happy - all she does is make fun of my weight, but then tries to undermine my efforts. Then the size 8 woman tells me she's going to go on the diet too as she's so fat and she wanted help! Argh!

I am not going to partake in your excessive alcohol. I am not going to eat the pizza you bought the house. I am not going to take care of your feelings while I am doing this for myself.


Optifast Girl!
To those of you who have other obligations (family) that keep you from being totally selfish on this diet, hang in there and find the balance. Soup is a wonderful thing, a choco tetra is a wonderful thing IMO and goes down quite nicely while dining out with family/friends. Help your family understand that you are taking the fastest route possible and if they hang in there with you, within a short time compared to other diets you can be at goal and will better know how to handle going out to eat better and everybody will benefit in the end, slimmer, more confident, and happier mom. I mean really, which would they rather?


Stubborn tortoise
It is a balancing act, keeping friends and family loved and respected when absorbed in something like CD, but most of us are doing just that. And most of those families can see that this is a good thing for us to do, even though getting to that realization may mean taking some of them out of their comfort zone. Everyone has their own food issues, and the people who love us do worry for us too.
Having said that, sometimes, you just cannot make other people happy no matter how hard you try. Some people (who claim to love us) just don't want us to be slim, for whatever reason. I have a friend who is furious at my weight loss and can barely stand to look at me... she has been through all the warnings and threats that I will start to look ill, but as this is clearly not the case, she now talks exclusively about herself while shooting me cross sidelong glances when she thinks I'm not looking. She has a lot of weight issues so I try not to take it personally.
And my mum, who is lovely in many ways, just can't handle this at all, and I see that she has wanted to keep me big for a long time, who knows why, as she despises 'big' people and never holds back from making unkind comments about them. It's so confusing and hurtful, and I know that however many times I tell her I don't want to eat cakes and biscuits and chocolate, she will never hear me or believe it, and will always try to fatten me up again.
One of life's mysteries, but by doing CD I have stepped aside from it and somehow now it is her problem, not mine. Working through the hurt is tough, of course, but you are dead right, some people we can never please, so maybe pleasing ourselves (as long as that doesn't hurt anyone) is the best and only way forward.
Thought-provoking thread, thanks... and good luck everyone!
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Mad as a Hatter
Totally agree - my MIL doesn't believe in the diet and as well as trying to tell me that I 'have to eat to live' is now telling me that I am influencing my boys with my 'bad habits'... surely me stuffing my face and drinking myself silly is more harmful to them in the long run... and when I can play with them in the summer at the park, who do you think will be having the fun ???
I can understand that people will have concerns over the diet but once they have voiced them why can't they let it go ?
I am lucky as i have my husband's support, understanding and help. My children too know i am dieting (11yr & 9 yr) and understand why i am dieting and again are really good. Luckily they eat well and understand the importance of having a healthy balanced diet and not eating junk daily but more as a treat which is a rare occurance i think in todays children.

We dont eat out much (4 children and 1 has Aspergers so she hates going out) so i dont have that to worry about either.

I do feel for those tho who do have the family / friends/ eating out problems and i think you are great to keep strong and be dtermined. This diet is about you.
Couldn't agree more. I'm going to a restaurant later this week for a friend's birthday. I won't be eating carbs or drinking alcohol and hints are already being dropped about lightening up, chilling, spoiling everyone's fun etc. Why? They can eat and drink what they want, doesn't matter what I have. I won't be the only one not drinking after all - there will be people driving.
Anyway, as you say, not my problem, my life, my diet, if they don't like that they shouldn't have invited me. I don't force-feed them protein, they can't force-feed me carbs. x
See i can see exactly where you are all coming from Ladies but as ive said before - I havent had this, when my husband accidently let it slip to his mum that I was doing cambridge diet she instantly went oh isnt that dangerous? But shes seen what I have, how well i look and how hapy ive been when Ive lost weight she didnt make comments, if anything she encouraged me. My own mother didnt bat a eyelid as she has weight issues herslef (even though shes size 14 and i think she looks great) she totally understood.

My kids are too young to ntice or even care what I eat which is why I want to do this now before they get older and realise!

I feel really sorry for everyone that has to put up with this, tell them to shut up and care silently :)
Couldn't agree more. I'm going to a restaurant later this week for a friend's birthday. I won't be eating carbs or drinking alcohol and hints are already being dropped about lightening up, chilling, spoiling everyone's fun etc. Why? They can eat and drink what they want, doesn't matter what I have. I won't be the only one not drinking after all - there will be people driving.
Anyway, as you say, not my problem, my life, my diet, if they don't like that they shouldn't have invited me. I don't force-feed them protein, they can't force-feed me carbs. x
Not that you need to justify your decisions to anyone but if you are getting it in the neck, I'd point out that you ARE eating what you want, and you CAN drink what you want.

I think its really unsupportive when you get friends who try and undo your hard work - I've got a few, but at the end of the day, I take the view that if they are trying to stop me dieting, then they must be able to see its working for me and its making them face some issues.

You stick to your guns honey - you want to be healthy more than you want carbs right?


Purple Hugs

Loves weight.. training!
we all have choices about what WE eat.. and I'd be making that clear to friends on meals out.. if you don't knock them for what they CHOOSE then they shouldn't knock you.

I'm veggie and before CD had a conversation like this with my hubby who was laughing at my choices.. He got my point when I pointed out that I don't tease him for having a steak and chips, or a bottle of wine.

As for kids, well I had a similar thing from my eldest (almost 10 year old) She was a bit sulky about my starting a diet. I make a point of having a soup at the same time she has dinner and adding my 'green and white' part of the SS+ to fill it out when I want too :) So she has conversations with me about what I'm having tonight etc. :D She has moaned and groaned about Easter and Mothers Day, was almost in shock at the thought of me not getting an easter egg! lol But she has come to realise that my weight loss is more important to me. :) Also reassuring her that it's not forever has really helped, she knows that I should be where I want to be by the summer. :) If I'm not quite there well I'll be on the steps up anyhow so am happy with that. :)

As for family we don't live near any of them so it's not a problem for me.

But.. you are all right! :D We are not responsible for other peoples feelings toward food, I personally hope that my mindset helps my kids see that we don't need to feed ourselves to be happy :)


Addicted to Minimins!
To go on this drastic diet is a personal choice and one i'm sure we all thought long and hard about before starting. If people can only make themselves feel good by wanting to buy us chocolate for mothers day, a romantic meal out, easter eggs etc then thats 'their' problem. They need to understand that we're doing something to make 'ourselves' happy & while we may be a bit grumpy and out of sorts while doing it the end result (for us) will be worth it.
I've sent my hubby and the kids out on their own if they need to eat out or have a takeaway so desperately - and if hubby complains about me being a spoilsport and not tagging along i remind him that if he needs me to eat with him in order for him to have fun then he has serious problems. lol And also if your friends and loved ones can't think of anything except food to get you for Birthdays, Easter, Mothers Day etc - get a few catalogues out and circle the things you really want.
They say they want to "treat" us with chocolate for Easter and Mother's Day but they don't understand that it's harming us and that most of us are addicted. Would they buy cigarettes as a present for someone they knew was trying to quit? Booze for an alcoholic? Heroin for an addict? Just a thought......


Mad as a Hatter
Island Breeze - couldn't agree with you more about the addicts - after all we are all food and drink habits aren't we ? but we are doing something about it.:D:D:D
I wonder if the reason some of our unsupportive friends and family become so negative and complain so loudly about our diet has to do with their own insecurity about their weight. Perhaps they realize that they have their own issues around food, so when they see us doing what needs to be done, they are forced to confront their own feelings about their weight.

Often, what people find most annoying in others is that's most troubling in themselves.

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