I dont think I've learned anything....

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Sez, 13 June 2007 Social URL.

  1. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    I am so incredibly hungry and its getting worse. This is very much more difficult now than it ever was at the start. My stomach rumbles, it even feels painful and sore at times. I want to eat, I SOOOO want to eat. I am fighting this battle every day, every hour, every minute & every second. There is little enjoyment in this now. I have failed so many times and I know I am going to fail again.

    WTF cant I get it together? I read all your fantastic posts & I am so inspired then I feel hungry, eat and throw up. Its not good & I am ashamed.

    I am so terrified that when I do finally throw in the towel (for sure I wont make management) that I will just let rip, and eat everything in sight.

    I have learned nothing at all. ATM I am a fat blimp, pretending she can lose weight & paying lip service to this plan. I can dish out all the good advice in world, and I honestly mean it, but as for taking it...well I am just bluddy pathetic minded and feeble.

    Sorry everyone, thats how I am feeling.



    oh & the one thing I had to be proud of is now falling out in clumps too. Its so unfair, fat, pathetic and now going bald.

    Sh**t.
     
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  3. Sammy2

    Sammy2 Full Member

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    Aw Sez I am absolutely with you - see my own thread about throwing the towel in..

    I guess for me though I have not reached the dizzying weight loss that you have and if I had then I would have been pushing myself on majorly

    I have been in my bed since 5 this evening as I just cannot face the world so I am totally on the same wavelength as you.

    How about you have an early night too and we both wake up tomorrow and think right it's a new day? I will if you will...
     
  4. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    Sounds great Sammy2. I am so tired & even burst into tears at work this am, for no obvious reason. Maybe a few extra hours sleep will help!

    I guess we both know that it is worth it, but boy is it tough.
     
  5. Sammy2

    Sammy2 Full Member

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    Sez I actually came home this afternoon from work at 2 o'clock instead of the end of day as I just couldn't go on. Its an absolute nightmare I tell ya, I am utterly miserable but lets just try and get through one day at a time - I am up for it if you are.

    We both have roughly the same amount to go so lets give it a big go (big words from me at the mo as cant see to 8 oclock tomorrow let alone anything else but worth a try.
     
  6. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    ok , you're on!

    I have just asked the Strugglers & Re-starters thread if I can join, maybe you could too, we could meet there for mutual help sometime?

    Have a good snooze!

    speak soon,

    xx
     
  7. Sammy2

    Sammy2 Full Member

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    Sez

    I am looking for that thread - don't know where it is..

    Will defo see you there...

    Have an early night, I am safely tucked up in better with my water and hope that we both wake up tomorrow totally refreshed..
     
  8. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    just did the dishes, and shouted at the kids to get to bed! Hubby is working overtime so I have had to cook for them (I normally do) AND wash up (I rarely do that!!). I am trying desparately to get them to bed very soon so I can cave in too.

    Bed with a banana custard and a hot forest fruits sounds perfect....
     
  9. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    ps Sammy2: click on General weight loss, scroll down, its about 2/3 of the way down.
     
  10. Sammy2

    Sammy2 Full Member

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    Morning Sez

    Just thought I would check in to see how you are this morning?

    I'm still really really tired (may be cos I am trying to get back into Ketosis) but determined to have a day of no nibbling - just one to experience what it is like again being good - one day at a time huh.

    What about yourself - are you feeling any better this morning?
     
  11. hippoellie

    hippoellie CDC

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    Hi Sez- I have to say that I am struggling too- the longer the doet goes on the more difficult it is to stick to it- I am jibbling every day, and so my weigt loss has slowed dramatically (although still losing thank god). I think it is so punishing to do what we do, and somehow by now we are looking for the reward- and being lighter isn't enough? No, because we are all used to rewarding/conforting ourselves with food. When we are bored, when we are tired, when we are TOTM, when we have had a row, when we are celebrating birthdays/promotions/new handbags its always food. And thats the thing isn't it- food will ALWAYS be part of our lives- without it we die! With it we feel happy. Not a difficult choice then! So while we have had our counselling and CBT, we cannot eliminate the hunger totally. I just wonder how long we can go on without listening to our bodies. I have made a pact now. I will do my best with SSing, knowing that I am going to cheat (but in a healthy low-carb way, and hopefully not every day) and I will stop SSing and head for a healthy eating plan at the end of August. This has helped me be more determined to stick to SS while I can- perhaps you need to make smaller time-limited commitments to yourself that you know you can achieve- then review where you are, where you want to be and make another time-limited plan- baby steps Sez- you have come so far in great big strides (and struggled on the way)- smaller strides are just fine from here on in!
     
  12. pokerstar

    pokerstar Full Member

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    :grouphugg:

    Reading your post brought a tear to my eye cos i know this feeling only too well. Keep going sez, some days can be as easy as they used to be (not every day admittedly but some :()

    You have done so well.
    Try not to think you are going to fail because you're setting yourself up to by thinking that way. I know you are down at moment, but set yourself small goals, maybe as small as 1 more day/week/pound then see how you feel. As for management well i'm sure you can start early rather than not doing it all and throwing everything you have achieved away - slightly more positive thought than not making it at all.

    Try to give that chatterbox a beating and remember nothing tastes as good as being slim feels. :blahblah:
    Take care hun & please remember all this for the next i'm down :rotflmao: oh the joys of LL
     
  13. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Dear Sez

    How are you? Sorry, have only just had enough time to get back and post properly.

    Not sure if you have picked up since you started this thread?

    Like everyone else has said, what you feel is normal and understandable. What my LLC would say, of course, is that it's all down to crooked thinking - the closer you get to goal, the stronger it gets. And you are five stone closer than before.

    I wonder too if you are beginning to hit some difficult issues and you'd rather not? I don't know without knowing you!

    Maybe rather than focusing on how much further you have to go, why not have permanent reminders of how far you have come? I keep going on about it because...well, it seems important. And you also need to remember than you can choose to eat or choose to stay on LighterLife but it's getting to that "choose to" state that puts YOU back in charge.

    With work, the kids and hubby are you able to make yourself the priority? That's another big hurdle, apparently.

    Sez, I wish you well. I hope you are feeling better.

    Take care.

    Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  14. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    Hi everyone. Sorry I have not posted for a couple of days; a combination of our router playing up & being just too busy!

    I have also joined Minis strugglers & restarters thread, so will post there too Sammy2!

    I am feeling a bit better. Had a huge binge on Thursday but am getting back in control now I think, albeit slowly. Yesterday I nibbled a tiny bit of chilli & ate one peanut M&M. Felt the usual guilt but then thought about our group this week, where amognst other things we discussed this very human habit of not beating ourselves up when things go wrong. I am trying to accept that I am very much still learning & feeling my way, and that it took years to develope my bad habits which prob wont just stop in few months!

    Today is great so far, having said that. Had a £5 voucher for Evans which needed to be spent by end June so popped in to see if I wanted anything. Left with some earrings as there were no clothes that fitted at all. That made me feel better & more positive.

    This afternoon I am helping prepare our school carnival float (Pray for a dry afternoon in South Dorset, please!!) Then, of course, the procession etc. It will be a very long day. I have had a nut bar, and water and will save the rest until I come back home. I am not, pretty sure, in ketosis at the mo, so am feeling hungry. However, my positive mood is helping & the chatterbox is quiet for now!

    Will come back later & let you know how it goes!
     
  15. faylolo

    faylolo but real name's Rona

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    Hi Sez,

    Hope you had a fab day and are soon feeling better.

    I haven't started this diet yet as I have to arrange the medical but I have done enough diets in my time to know how you feel!

    It will pass, I can remember being slim once (vaguely) and it is all worth it in the end, its a shame it's just so hard to get there!

    PS. What does hippoellie mean by SSing? I suppose it should be obvious but I can only thing of s*dding starving!
     
  16. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

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    ssing is "sole sourcing" - ie not eating but living on food packs....
    Big hugs Sez....it does sem to get harder as we go on and I dont care what anyone says, I am definately more hungry than I was! And its not emotional hunger either! I think management/development brings its challenes and demons resurface and we're lulled into panic mode in a way! Conflicting done so well/i deserve to eat for being so good etc/I'm still fat etc...
    Try goig back to basics and go through your green book from the start to remind you of the early things; how far you've come. You are right that these bad habits take years and we're all great at saying "look after yourself, be gentle etc" with others but rubbish at looking after us! Hang in there girl! Each day is a step closer to never having to have a foodpack again and wont that be fab! As will never having to shop at Evans!! Huge hugs for you & keep posting!
     
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