I feel

Discussion in 'Strugglers and Restarters' started by Ronnie, 3 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Fat
    Frumpy
    Worthless
    Invisable
    Old
    A No-body
    Miserable
    UGLY
    Lethargic
    Lonely
    Alone
    A Recluse
    Stupid
    Sick Of Life
    A Failure To My Kids!!

    Sorrry To Be a Miserable So & So On My First Post but i want To Feel Alive!! I Don't Want To Conquer The World Or Win The Lottery well Mabye I Would Like The Latter. I Would Just Love To Feel Alive Again i can't remember the last time i looked forward to something. Anything!! I eat when im Hungry Angry Upset Happy ( althought can't remember last time i was truly happy) emotional down lonely tired i could go on and on!

    Im 39 now and feel?? Well to be honest i don't know what i feel apart from the obvious (above)
    Im numb.

    I seem to have lost all motivation!

    Thanks For Being Patient

    Ronnie
     
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  3. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Gosh Ronnie - I'm really sad to read how low you sound. Have you been following a plan and come up against a brick wall? or not started a plan yet? Or just finding it too daunting to even contemplate?

    We're here to listen and offer support so please vent whenever you need to.

    Sending hugs your way xx
     
  4. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Thanks Russiandoll,

    Thank You For The Support.

    I have been on every plan there is i think and i seem to have lost all confidence in them all im not a person to sit down and be open with my feelings so writing them down on here seems the next best thing.

    Yes i seem to have come against a brick wall it's as if oh well im Forty this year so what's the point?? I really don't want to feeel like that but if only it was that easy.

    Thanks Again
     
  5. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

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    Hi Ronnie

    Sorry to hear that you are so down on yourself. I bet if you asked your kids/friends/family to come up with some adjectives to describe you there'd be lots of positive lovely ones in their lists! Try to see yourself as I'm sure others must do.

    I'll start you off....
    I think you are brave to bare your soul here and tell us how you are feeling. I also think you are intelligent as your post is well written with good grammer and spelling! There you go, I know these positive things about you and we've only just met!

    Hugs
     
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  6. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    No problem Ronnie - we're all here to get each other through this as best we can ... and I'm sure when I'm down you'll do the same for me (I seem to remember being down a LOT last year!)

    As for being forty so 'what's the point' .... there's EVERY point. In 2006 when I was 44, I managed to lose a good amount of weight on CD and di many things I hadn't done since I was a kid ... I went swimming (which I hadn't done for 20 YEARS!), I rode a horse, I went on a funfair ride and went to a studio to have pics taken. I know these don't sound like huge things but to me they were a real breakthrough.

    Unfortunately, I've regained most of what I lost but am ready to have another go ... the memory of how it felt to be so liberated is still so fresh that I want to be there again!

    I know you've tried almost every plan but you might have tried them at a time that was just wrong for you and if you had another go, you may see some real success.
    You'll get TONS of support on here (and god knows we need it) and can post every hour if you want: there will always be someone there to reply.

    You can reach out and grab what is rightfully yours Ronnie - a more fulfilled life where you don't feel all those negative emotions ... you just need the right plan and the right support.

    Keep posting and keep reading the inspiring stories ... very soon I'm sure you'll feel ready to take the plunge again.
     
  7. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Sorry of course it's not all about turning the big 40 i suppose im using that as an excuse to carry on the way i have the last 20 years!!

    I would live to change my life!

    I would love a busy life i seem to thrive on being busy but unfortunatley that's not very often mabye once every year if im lucky!
     
  8. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    I was posting same time as you, sorry.

    Thanks and i will gratefully return the support you have given me tonight god knows we all need it!

    Im rooting for you and will be following your progress every step of the way.

    Im off to bed now but will be reading all about your journey in the morning.

    Good Luck we all need it
     
  9. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    If you're not getting all you want out of life Ronnie, then it's in your hands to change it!

    In 2005 I was a 43 year old housewife with a part time job in a catalogue shop. I was bored, unhappy, unfulfilled - frankly going crazy with frustration!

    Here I am at the start of 2008 in my second year at University studying English and History. ME ... a career mum and ex-hospital cleaner at Uni!! :eek:
    I went to college in 2006 for a year to get the qualifications I needed (I left school in 1978 at 16 with precious few qualifications) and then took the plunge. I graduate next year (hopefully!) and then - who knows? Maybe teaching - maybe something else.

    Yes, it's very difficult - we're constantly skint because we now have to live on one income but the positives outweigh the negatives.

    Don't wait for life 'to happen' Ronnie ... MAKE it happen. :)
     
  10. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Thanks Cheb
     
  11. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    That's fantastic Russiandoll you must be so proud of yourself i like your quote Don't wait for life 'to happen' Ronnie ... MAKE it happen. I really should i know.
     
  12. Eclipse

    Eclipse Gold Member

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    Hi Ronnie and welcome to Minis. Its a great place for advice, support and help.

    Whatever diet you choose, I wish you success. My lopsided way of thinking is "if I don't succeed and give up, what's the alternative - stay as I am, put on more weight and get even more negative about myself" This is what saw me through.

    The answer is in your hands entirely hun, and you will get all the support, encouragement and above all friendship from this forum.

    Sending you lots of hugs xxxx
     
  13. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Thanks Cheryl i was a bit down on myself last night but today is another day so no more feeling sorry for myself i just wish i had someone to give me a massive kick up the backside it's what i need right now:rolleyes:
     
  14. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    I've just re-read my post and think maybe it sounds a bit harsh ... I didn't mean it to. I'm not barking an order or preaching - honest ... it's hard to convey feelings in type isn't it.

    It's hard to contemplate changing things if our heads aren't in the right place but once you make a move - however small - then everything else seems to shift too.

    When I started college in September 2006, I weighed 19st 4lb. When I started CD 7 months later in March 2006, I weighed 18st 13lb. Now, that doesn't sound like much of a difference but my weight had stopped INCREASING and was even a bit lower despite Christmas and in no way was I dieting. I put that down to the fact I was challenging myself and doing something completely different.

    I was taking 4 A levels and 2 GCSEs ... the only things I'd written in the previous 27 years were shopping lists and christmas cards!

    Maybe you could think about making some small step in this new year to do something you've never done before - a class in something that you would never have thought of or even go the whole hog and enquire about college courses in September.

    What are you doing now? What do you WANT to do?
    There is NOTHING you can't do you know ... at 40 you have another 25 potential working years to have a go at something you've always fancied.
     
  15. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Hi RD

    Ohh noo your post wasn't harsh at all that thought didn't even cross my mind.

    Im not working at the moment don't think i could hold down a job just now i have a hubby and two kids he works full time but no i couldn't even contemplate getting a job or college courses at the moment. Im not as brave as you im afraid.
     
  16. mindless

    mindless Hair today - gone tomorra

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    Hi Ronnie - I echo everyones warm welcome to Minimins

    I'm 47 and had given up hope almost of ever getting thinner again having tried 'everything under the sun' but here a year later - much is different.

    Diets are nothing but tools for getting from Weight A to Weight B - without support, motivation and guidance - it takes a rare person to do it exclusively on their own.

    I too felt unable to talk about how I felt and why I was the way I was - even found it difficult to express the self -loathing I felt. However, here is an environment for 'letting it all hang out' so to speak - amongst those who are at all stages of weight loss

    starting
    Underway
    nearing target
    maintaining
    slipping
    restarting
    in despair
    etc

    and to be honest - there are many who have gone through all of the above !

    We all have one thing in common - a desire to be thinner. and another thing that most seem to have in common, is a desire to help others in the same boat. Sometimes it can be incredibly motivating in your own struggle, to help and advise others - and there are always plenty of people prepared to help in whatever way is needed (if its legal and non-financial LOL) - IF YOU ASK.

    So good luck in getting underway in whatever way you choose

    keep posting and asking for help (by PM if you feel its too much to openly ask) - post on other peoples threads to help and advise them

    Read other peoples stories and threads - there are some stunners here

    Start a thread yourself and be open and let it all hang out - no-one judges because we all have needed to do it at some time or other

    And be successful and do it for YOU - my mantra was 'I deserve better' and its fine being a little selfish about this being for you

    Hope to see and hear more from you
     
  17. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    How old are your kids?

    Full tiem college is free and there is often a creche there if the kids are young ... if they're at school then most adult courses (like the access one I went on) finish in time to pick the kids up.

    I reckon you'd find an inner strength you didn't even know you possessed if you just looked into it. When I started, I was convinced I'd be the oldest, fattest, thickest person there.

    Well, I wasn't the oldest, I was one of the fattest (but nobody gave a hoot) and I certainly wasn't as thick as I imagined. These courses are tailored for adults and you get HEAPS of support and make new friends ... I'm still in contact with most of my old college buddies as well as having new Uni ones.

    The self-esteem you get from stepping outside the box is immeasurable Ronnie. And not all the courses are high-brow.
    I did psychology, philosophy, biology, sociology, maths and English. But there was also health studies, communication and history.

    Many of the women on my course went on to nursing. One had been a care assistant in an old people's home for 15 years ... she's now at Uni training to be a midwife.
    It wouldn't hurt just to enquire would it?
     
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  19. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Wow thanks mindless everyone has been so kind.

    I really need to start thinking positively that's my downfall the glass is alway's half empty instead of half full!

    I re-start CD today so that's a plus point i know it's bad but my first thought was ohh noo i have to wash my hair and get ready to go out to pick up my packs:rolleyes::rolleyes:

    I will keep posting and hopefully i can look back on this and wonder who that sad person was.

    Thanks again your an inspiration!
     
  20. Ronnie

    Ronnie Here I Go Again

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    Hi RD my kids are school age but in all honesty it seems far too daunting to even think about courses at the moment but i will look into it, and yes i would feel the oldest fattest etc person there, i probablly wouldn't be but that's how i would feel im just not that brave.
     
  21. Artyjoe

    Artyjoe Regular Member

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    Hi Ronnie, I do know where you are coming from...especially the 'oh no I have to wash my hair and go out' comment. One thing that I found helped was to try and be a little nicer to myself; this started with simply having a bubble bath for much longer than usual with heaps of bubbles in it, then progressed to watching Desperate Housewives whilst in the bath on DVD! I also found I felt better if I put my face on, even though no one would see it, just taking time to make myself look better (which make up always does without fail on me) made a difference to how I felt inside. Giving myself 15 minutes for a home made manicure or pedicure (although that wasn't fun as it takes a while to get over my tummy to get to the nails!).

    Have you thought about doing something creative; write a poem, paint, draw, redecorate a room etc? These are all diversionary tactics to take the focus off the negative feelings you have and draw attention to the positive things you can achieve.

    I don't know if you have any time in the day but have you thought about volunteering? Some volunteer positions only need 2 hours of your time once a week, and you'll make a real difference to someone and there is always someone in a worse boat than you...I am hoping my application to work in the childrens dept of a womens refuge will be accepted, only 2 hours a week but I'm hoping it will make a difference.

    The good news is you are re-starting CD; I'm on day 3 of my re-start, as are hundreds of others here so you will be in the same boat as a lot of us...trying to get out of our bodies and into new ones! 'Karion Dieting' said to me 'you only need to get to goal once, just once, and then you move onto the next phase, you can do that'...it replays in my head every day, I'm sure you'll find something on this site that resonates with you too that will help you on your journey.

    I really wish you well today, there's a thread which takes the diet hour by hour, minute by minute, which is always good to delve into.

    Best of luck - Joe x
     
  22. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

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    Ahhh - so you've agreed to look into it! :)
    That's a very, very positive step - even if you decide it's not for you, it still means you're looking outside the box. Just have a nose on some local college websites - who knows what you'll find.

    It's all very well losing weight, but we have to think what we're losing it for. If we carry on doing the same old thing we were doing when we were fat then what was the point of it?

    And if we put off doing anything 'until we're slim' then life will pass us by whilst we're planning for life - if you get what I mean.

    Being slim isn't 'enough' on it's own - we need to make changes in other areas in order to get the most out of our achievement.
    There were certain things I could only do when I was thinner and so had to put on hold 'until' ... ride a horse for example - I'd have squashed the poor beast if I'd done it at my heaviest! :eek: Other things can be done WHILST you're getting slim and fit.
    I can tell from your writing that you're a smart cookie - maybe your brain needs a bit of a challenge?

    A huge well done on starting CD by the way. The first really positive step of 2008. I'll be restarting on the 5th so hot on your tail!

    Do you know how much you want to lose? Or (if you don't want to reveal that) what your first mini-goal is?
     
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