I know i deserve 2 be happy but happiness seems 2 be out of my reach at the momment !

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by Roch, 1 March 2007 Social URL.

  1. Roch

    Roch Minimins gal x

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    Well i have stayed off line for the past 5 days or so and have also asked admin to put my diary thread into admin for the momment as i did not feel strong enough to be posting on my thread.

    I have gone backwards big time ever since the 2 incidents in the supermarkets where people have made me feel so embarassed and ashamed of myself that i have run as fast as i could of of the supermarket and have shopped online since and hardly left the house.

    I have not been back to SW and my eating has got out of control big time, not so much the amount of food i have been eating but the foods i have been eating and i dread to think how much of the 19 lbs i lost i have put back on.

    I have not left the house at all and only walked ebony in the communal garden and left it up 2 Aaron to give her a proper walk when he comes home as i dont want to be outside for 2 long.
    I know i am suffering from depression but i will not go on anti depresants and i am finding it very hard to focus normally at the momment.
    I hate myself at the momment and find it very hard to ever believe i will ever lose weight or be happy !!
    I saw a councellor at my gp surgery and asked her to set the ball rolling with my gp to arrange for me to have a gastric bypass operation.

    Why am i so weak, i never used to be like this i seem to be taking 2 steps forward and 5 back on a regular basis.

    I never thought i was a quitter but i now have to acknowledge that i am !!

    I feel like i am in a deep hole and i cant get out no matter how hard i try and i dont know which way 2 turn !!
     
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  3. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    Hi Roch,

    Well the one thing your not is a quitter:)

    You have tried so very hard constantly to do this and I for one admire your for it. But life does seem to have a way of throwing a spanner in the works every time your making progress and I can see how soul destroying that has been for you, yet you have lifted yourself up and overcome so much.

    How do you feel yourself about the prospects of having Gastric by pass surgery?

    I know it is not for everyone, but I do think in some cases it is the answer and I know I have considered it myself before.

    Sometimes we have to grasp the nettle.

    Whatever you decide Roch you know you have our support behind you.

    Love Mini xxx
     
  4. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Agree with Mini - a quitter you are not!

    No long emails .......... just lots of love and hugs being sent your way.
     
  5. Soraya

    Soraya Silver Member

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    Roch, I've followed your diary and you have tried so hard, you aren't quitting. In no way is gastric surgery quitting - it's not an easy option at all.

    You say you are depressed at the moment so try not to be too hard on yourself.

    I hope it all works out for you and we'll be thinking of you.
     
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  6. FatFairNForty(ish)

    FatFairNForty(ish) Gold Member

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    Hi Roch
    ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
    Don't be afraid to go on anti-depressants.. they can be a wonderful short-term solution which enables you to face the long-term challenges. No stigma attached to them any more honey.
    Gastric Bypass surgery is very drastic, but, if they will do that for you then fair play to you. It's something I seriously considered and investigated.
    Whatever you decide to do. You have my love and support, as always.
    (See I'm not always hard-nosed ;) )
    :)
    Take care and don't be hard on yourself, please.
    xxxxxxxx
     
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  7. MadamDotty

    MadamDotty Back again!

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    Just wanted to add my love & support Roch. Agree wholeheartedly with Jennie, there is nothing wrong with anti-depressants - i did the same as you last year, refused to go to my gp & go back on anti-depressants until my body took over & I had a complete breakdown. Don't let it get that far Roch, within a few weeks you could feel a lot better and that'll make such a difference. it's so hard to keep battling on if you're not even on top form.

    Don't be hard on yourself, you are not a quitter, but a lovely warm caring person.

    xxxx
     
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  8. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    i whole heartedly agree with everything already said here and cannot really word it any better! i just wanted you to know that i am thinking of you and truely believe that if u want to go down the bypass route then i for one am 100% behind ya. i know its drastic but that doesnt make it wrong. at the end of the day u have to do whats best for u and aaron and if u feel this is it, then im sure it is. the journey is important but the arriving is the whole point.

    i also understand how u feel about the anti depressants. they dont do any kind of long term help as the issues need to be dealt with, not masked BUT there is not a thing wrong with taking them in the short term IF u r getting help with the real issues. In those circumstances then u r simply making things easier while u get things sorted out. surely thats not wrong? think about it hun

    in the meantime...lotsa love to you
    xxxxxxx
     
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  9. boofaloo

    boofaloo Gold Member

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    Big hugs to you Roch - I really feel for you. Things havent been easy but you havent given up, you're definately no quitter!!!!

    I'm on anti depressants. They help me get through the dark days when i feel like staying in bed. It's nothing to be ashamed of - i dont care who knows. They just help me from getting ill, just like someone who takes blood pressure medication or diabetes medication.

    A gastric bypass, is not failure it's just a different way to tackle the problem. ;)

    Lastly - you are a wonderful person. Nobody has the right to make you feel any different. I'm not sure what happened at the supermarket but please put it behind you. Feel sorry for the narrow mindedness (not sure thats a word!) of some people, you are a worthwhile, beautiful human being!!!! xxxxx
     
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  10. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    I echo what everyone has said, if we have a headache, we take tablets, just short term to help, if we have back pain then the same goes. Just because we dont feel physical pain doesnt mean that tablets cant be taken.

    WLS is an option that is open to you, and I take my hat off to you for asking about it.

    As has been said, one thing you aint is a quitter, in any way at all.
     
  11. chelle_powell

    chelle_powell We ride, we ride....

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    Hey honey

    U are not a quitter!
    Please see ur doctor, depression is a horrible thing to suffer with alone. There is help out there -please accept it.

    Much love, chelle xx
     
  12. Dom1979

    Dom1979 Gold Member

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    You are not weak. Sometimes life seems like it is very hard, and it seems hard to see that there might be something on the other side of what you are going through. Or even that there is anything other than a struggle.

    Please believe me when i say that there IS something on the other side of this for you. This is because you deserve it, and so does Aaron.

    I don't know what happened at the supermarket to upset you - I've been offline quite a bit recently, so didn't read it. I can imagine it was pretty horrendous - people's capacity for being cruel never ceases to amaze me. BUT whatever people said or did, it is not worth letting a few small minded ignorant people ruin your life. It makes me so sad to think of such a beautiful, kind, thoughtful person as yourself being hidden away inside your house. Please don't do that to yourself. Everyone on this earth is so special, and your life is just too precious. The fact that you keep trying shows me that you have it within you to get to where you want to be - to have a life that is what you want.

    You said that you know you are depressed, but don't want to take anti depressants. What I am wondering is would they help short-term, to help you get back on track? A lot of people worry that they will be on them forever, but this often isn't the case, and they can be a really useful tool for getting your life back again. Also, you mentioned that you are seeing a counsellor to talk about weight loss surgery - does your gp offer any form of counselling or psychologicial support for you to talk about how you are feeling so you can try and feel better?

    I hope you don't mind me sticking my oar in, but I couldn't just read your post and not reply.

    I'm thinking of you.
     
  13. Curvy_Chicken

    Curvy_Chicken Full Member

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    Oh Roch

    I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling so low and you are certainly no quitter, you will get there, you will one day be slim and all of this will be in the past.

    I really do appreciate how impossible weightloss and dieting can seem at times, but hang in there. Start a clean slate on the food front, put however you have been eating recently in the past and get back to your low GI and GL eating plans. Good luck with the sugery research and planning.

    Have a read of this blog:

    hello i am fat

    The lady here has just had GBS and she's given a really good account of the highs and lows (although a lot of highs at the mo!).

    Look after youself and I hope you feel better soon.

    Sending you lots of love and hugs xxx

    CC xx xx xx
     
  14. Roch

    Roch Minimins gal x

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    Thank u all so much for all your kind and caring messages of support.
    Sorry i have not responded individually like i normally, i will get round to doing it tomorrow,but i did not want to be ungratefull for all your support.
    I am feeling a bit more content but still very unhappy and depressed and am seriously now thinking of making an emergency app with the doc 2morrow 2 talk about the possibility of getting anti depressants, but i will try and come online and let u know what decision i made.
    Thanks again and i hope everyone is all ok and having a nice weekend.
    Take care x
     
    Last edited: 4 March 2007
  15. Geri

    Geri Gold Member

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    Hi ya Roch
    Sorry to hear you're feeling down... thats a good idea to try and get an emergency appt with the doctor tomorrow... Let us know how you get on :hug99:
     
  16. Roch

    Roch Minimins gal x

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    Well done Geri day 21 for u WOW u go girl, u r finally back on track and doing so well u go girl !!!
     
  17. nadhak

    nadhak LIGHTER LIFE FOR LIFE

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    Roch
    where do you get your lovely graphics from - they are really lovely - just like you!
    As everyone has said - anti d's can be so helpful and help to give you a level playing field to then win the game of slimdom!
    I hope you feel better soon
     
  18. Roch

    Roch Minimins gal x

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    Hi Nadine, i get my graphics from different groups i belong 2 on the net, also i have put loads on the technical thread under smileys, u only have to right click them and click copy then paste 2 use them.
    Take care and thanks xx
     
    Last edited: 4 March 2007
  19. nadhak

    nadhak LIGHTER LIFE FOR LIFE

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    thanks Roch
    how is today going for you?
     
  20. Roch

    Roch Minimins gal x

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    Am doing good thanks hun, how r u xx
     
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