I love my children but......

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Piglet, 10 September 2010 Social URL.

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  1. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    ..... my boy is driving me insane!!!! I spent Monday crying and very sad after he was sooo awful and then the same thing happened again this morning. My OH is abroad on business and it took every ounce of my strength and willpower to go and cut the back lawn instead of stuffing my face on Monday when I got in from school drop off!

    I'm sitting here writing this crying.... I haven't been on minimins for a few days cos he was even horrid about me being on here!!

    I'm just so so sad.
     
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  3. chubbyemma

    chubbyemma Silver Member

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    oh luv dont be upset we are all here for you :D

    goodness you sound like you have your hands full, how old is your son? why on earth would ha have a go at you for going on your computer?maybe if you explain how and why he is been horrid to you the girls can offer some advice?

    i dont have children myself so i dont really know what advice to offer you.

    but hey well done you on not giving in and pigging out. shows how strong you are.

    sending hugs to you hope you get sorted
     
  4. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Scuse my many questions, but it will help a lot if we know more about whats been happening.

    Piglet, how old is he? How long have you been having problems? What sort of behaviour are we talking about? Is he always like this or is it just since your OH has been abroad? Whats he like at school?

    Hugs to you xx
     
  5. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    Oh hun, kids can be so rotten somtimes :( no matter how much we love them!

    and with your OH being away, i can only imagine how stressed and upset you are. WELL DONE FOR NOT HITTING THE CHOCS! so proud of you.

    It can be so tough, try and spealk to some other mummys for support and adult interaction. They all go through it, so nip it in the bud now and in the long run it should be far better.

    I suspect hes missing his daddy too. xxx
     
  6. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    Hi peeps, I'm really sorry. I feel so embarrassed. Sometimes it just gets too much and if I didn't blurt it out I would have turned to food and ended up eating something bad and then not been able to stop.

    Thank you all for your support. He was 10 a few weeks ago in the holidays and hes a gorgeous loving and very affectionate boy. But for the last few months, he's been really awful. He's answering back, rude, stroppy, uncooperative, and its just not behaviour I'm used to from him.

    He was under quite a bit of pressure with 2 music exams and a speech and drama exam (like elocution) and end of year exams and he's been studying for entrance exams but most of that's out the way now.

    He says the most hateful horrid things, then he comes and tells me he didn't mean it and he's sorry and he doest know why he said it. I end up shouting at him and telling him to just leave and not come near me and he ends up crying cos he wants to say sorry and hug me. He actually said I spend all my time on here and when I said well FYI I havent been on here in days he said good! I'm glad! I have nothing for me, NOTHING! No job no life NOTHING!!! I love this place, I need this place. Its like he was annoyed with me for spending time on here, I think maybe its cos I dont allow them to go on the computer games on the internet.

    As far as his dads concerned, he does work away quite a bit but I thought he would be used to it but maybe he isn't. But his behaviour hasn't been any better when daddy's home.

    He was meant to be going to a pool party at a friends house tomorrow but I told him he cant go because of how awful his behaviour has been but then I thought about it and felt that was too mean of me so I explained to him that I didn't feel that he should go because of his behaviour but that I didn't want him to miss out so we cut a deal that he would do all his homework tonight. Well he has been quite good, tonight .He doesn't finish school till 4.30 and then he had a music lesson but when we got in at 5.30 he finished all his homework and reading. We did still have a few scrapes and it started to go wrong but he realised cos I kept saying he was going to blow his chances of going to the party. The thing is there isn't always going to be a party to use as a bargaining tool.
     
  7. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    Oh my sympathies-my girls are 10 and 7 and the youngest is very headstrong, acts like she's about 15 and has to be constatly reigned in. She's lovely but can be hard work-stroppy answering back etc. But then she's always been like it,sounds like your young un has changed recently-have you considered it may be hormone related at his age ? or he's just trying to find his feet as he grows up.

    No there isnt always going to be a party-but I bet there are other things that can be used as a bargaining tool-and it shouldnt always be the threat of loosing something-often the promise of a treat if he's good works even better sometimes. My daughter fell in love with some sparkly shoes and i promised her them for her birthday party if she was good in the week leading up to her birthday. Any problems starting up, i only had to say shoes and she soon stopped.

    They are all different and each new phase bring good and bad bits, just know that you arent alone in any of this
     
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  8. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    OMG your right..... my daughter - shes 12 now - was the same when she was 10.... OMG why didn't I remember that! Maybe that's it and he wont turn into a horrid monster! What makes it all so much worse is that he may be going off to boarding school next year and I don't want our time together to be ruined by constant arguing and fighting. Its just really getting me down and with my OH away all I've done is cry and mope about at home the whole week.

    Also I love the idea of a promise rather than a threat! That never even occurred to me. You get so wrapped up and worked up you cant see the wood for the trees. Thank you soo much, I honestly feel better having read your post, thank you! xxx
     
  9. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    Glad to have been of some help- i work with children and even tho I'm supposed to know what to do, when it's your own , that all goes out of the window !!
    Hope things settle soon
     
  10. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    I have the most affectionate, caring, thoughtful, loving, stroppy, rude, hateful, inconsiderate and selfish 10 year old on the planet. It all depends which way her hormones are blowing that day. No, that minute! I am constantly walking on eggshells and tiptoeing around her, terrified of what her reaction will be, to the slightest thing. She is good as gold everywhere else, which is good, but comes home to me like and erupting volcano!

    An example. This morning her sister ate the last yoghurt, which had been there days, and no-one had wanted. She saw her sister eating it, and knowing it was the last one, stomped to the fridge, screaming about how selfish her sister is eating the last yoghurt and proceeded to throw everything out of the fridge one by one on to the kitchen floor. She then stomped around the house a bit more before collapsing on the beanbag in floods of tears. Then demanded a lift to school ebcuase she had made herself late.

    She came home a cuddle monster, polite, affectionate and caring. She wants to take money on ehr school trip, and I told her she needed to take her own, fearing the worst. And sher told me that was alright Mummy ebcause she knows I've spent a fortene n the trip. It's like Jekyl and Hyde, and the fact I can't predict which I'm gnna get at any given moment really makes it stressful! I'm sure it's hoermones, and I'll just have to ride the storm. Eventually it will settle down. I hope!
     
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  11. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    ooh, hunny. This was SO me when i was 10. She knows how to work you and get what she wants. She knows your going to give her that money if she seems understanding and appreciative- but she knows if you dont cave, her volcano behaviour will get it.

    My poor mum, when i think about what i put her through.

    On the upside i turned out fine, and so did my older sibling who were equally terrible as i :)
     
  12. mumtheshopper

    mumtheshopper Silver Member

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    I sometimes think that's the case. But I meant it about the money, I really don't have it, think she knew that. I didn't cave and there was no volcano over it. I'm not sure if she is playing me or not at times though. The younger one, she can really play the game!!!!! And often has got away with it before I even realise what has happpened. That girl will go far! But my 10 year old, I'm really not sure if that is the case. She even gets upset with herself going off the head, and her losing her temper even scares herself. So so har kids. They sen you away with a baby with midwives and health visitors telling you when to feed them, what to feed them, how to change them and all sorts of instructions. They don't tell you this is the easiest part of all.
     
  13. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    Hi Mumtheshopper, sounds like you have it worse than me! But it is reassuring hear others peoples stories.... makes me feel "normal" whatever that is. Hoping for a better week for both of us! ;) x
     
  14. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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    dear gods... don't you lot instill discipline in your children?
    I don't have any but my brother and I were taught to respect our elders and do as we're told..
    if we didn't then we were punished.. none of this bargaining crap..
    next time he answers back take something he likes ( a game maybe ) and smash it and leave it on his bed with a note saying that it will continue to happen if his behaviour doesn't improve.
    his father should be hitting the boy when he's here and the boy is misbehaving..
     
  15. Piglet

    Piglet Is so doing it this time

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    I'm shocked and offended by your reply... how dare you assume that "us lot" don't discipline our children. Thank god you don't have any of your own if you think hitting children is acceptable behaviour. Do you not realise that children learn by example.....
     
  16. mommyB

    mommyB love it

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    Gobsmacked, totally Gobsmacked !!!
     
  17. CornishPisky

    CornishPisky Full Member

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    How right you are! My nearly 5 yr old has just started school & has become a devil child! But it is so obvious it is because he is exhausted by his new school life. I try so very hard not to overreact to his behaviour, & to praise the good, & ignore the bad, but it is so hard! You have my every sympathy Piglet, and it is so very easy to sit back & preach, when you dont actually have your own children & arent having to deal with it, day in, day out, every single day...xxxx
     
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  19. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    As nicely as i can put this- Thank god YOU dont have children. This is disgusting! If this would be your approach to parenthood you'd have far more problems than the ladies have on here- Atleast their children feel loved and are learning slowly, whilst maintaining a relationship with thier parents. Id certainly prefer it this way than having my child grow up miserable and scared of you, with almost certain emotional problems.

    Eurgh, Im actually really flipping mad.
     
  20. alwyn

    alwyn Silver Member

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    ColJack, have you never heard the expression "Violence breeds violence"?

    I was given a smack when I did wrong as a child, but I would never condone using the same parenting techniques with my children. After all, if someone in the street does something that you don't think they should be doing, you don't go up to them and give them a slap!
     
  21. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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    I'm not condoning beating a child black and blue here, a clip round the earhole or a smack across the back of the legs..

    The current generation of kids go round in hoodies and all have ASBO's because parents don't discipline their kids and the schools are no longer allowed to practice corporal punishment.
    They are spoiled little sods who get what they want despite showing no respect and by throwing tantrums.
    What happened to the days of "just wait until your dad gets home!!" as a threat to get kids to behave.. ?
    For those of you with a religious bent, doesn't it even say in the bible somewhere about "spare not the rod lest ye spoil the child"?

    The OP only got the boy to behave by threatening to take away something that he wanted, so how is that any different to taking away something that he already has and likes?
    My mother got me to keep my room relatively tidy by once ( and it only took once ) destroying anything that was left lying about on the floor after repeated warnings to tidy my room and put things away.
     
  22. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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    did you grow up to be an unruly and inconsiderate little so and so? or did the fact that you'd get a smack make you realise that the behaviour that warranted such an act was unacceptable?

    do you praise your dog for peeing outdoors, or smack then on the nose with a newspaper when they piddle all over the rug?
     
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