Is it me, am I being unreasonable, so frustrated with hubby

[hollys nan]

My husband has been doing S W for sometime now. He is diabetic, not on drugs though, and had a scare a while back as his bloods werent good and he panicked and said thats it, I will have to lose weight. He initially did very well and has lost 1.5stone, but his weight is the same now since Feb. Yes life gets in the way, and he has a lot of business lunches. He doesnt understand the plan and doesnt want to. I plan and cook all his meals ( I am a target member). I feel of late his heart isnt in it anymore. He went on a blokes holiday a couple of weeks ago so that wasnt good. He stayed over in a hotel last night on a works night out - again not good. I thought today I could really get him back on plan. We went to Costco and I was going to do a salmon meal tonight. I said to him only suggesting ............... try not to nibble your way round the free samples, I am only suggesting though! Whilst I was looking at the salmon he went over to a lady and took a sample of something off her. I saw red! He told me it was "only a little bit of beef lasagne". Back in the car total silence from both of us, I have ripped all his stickers (my c gave me them for him, he doesnt attend group) off the wall. I just feel so let down, I work so hard trying to keep him on track but I feel this has been the final straw. Am I being too hard, as I am really into S W, or what do others think. He has gone to the gym now and told me not to cook anything for him tonight.!!! Upset.

 

[shysarah]

Does he know why you are so strict with him?

Fear/love etc - that might make him realise

 

[hollys nan]

Yes I know hes a grown man but he doesnt seem to get that all the nibbles need to be synned if he wants to lose weight. If that was it in its entierity fine, but I know it will then be a few glasses of wine tonight etc as well. He hasnt lost any weight since Feb and I always cook 100% s w. His BMI is unhealthy range, he is on blood pressure tabs and statins. A few nibbles here and there becomes habit and then he will gain all the weight he has lost. Perhaps I am just too upset at the moment to look at this reasonably, I dont know

 

[hollys nan]

He does Sarah, I have been here so many times. He gets a scare, he keep to it 100% and things go great, then he gets complacent and it all goes ^&%$ up. I am sitting here crying because I love him so much. I dont know what to do

 

[Lizzzi]

You have done everything you can to help him. Why not just leave him to it and he will soon come back asking for help when he realises you're not giving him any.. the whole 'you don't know what you've got till it's gone' thing.
Don't let him upset you, you have tried your best with him and that shouldn't go un noticed. *Hugs* x

 

[cliodhna&sorcha's-mummy]

men, I think when a woman sees red they snap and seem irrational when in fact they are not... he asked for help you gave it... he has abused it and now is abusing your love and whilst you sit crying he is at the gym angry at you and then will skulk off for his wine thinking he deserves it cause you were a cow and not syn it and then complain that "your diet" dosnt work......

I know what your on about as I have a husband who abuses alcohol.... finally after 11.5 years I opened up to the doctor as they thought I had depression as well as the weight issue and have found it is his drinking making me angry, irrational, etc..

she told me I may love him but that I have to make a life for myself away from him and his exscuses and his problems, same applies he has a weight problem, you tried to help, he dosnt want it so move on, remove your self away from the situation and he will soon be wanting your help again....

plus just tell him his fat body makes you feel sick and that you don't want to sleep with him.... harsh but will either move him or not....

 

[bc201]

My OH does not seem to understand food I think it's a man thing he is in a healthy BMI well slightly into over weight but 1/2 to 1 st off would be of health interest as he is getting more mature!! He lost 9lb last month just by canvassing local elections now 5 krept back on I like yourself a Target member and all meals are healthy But his snacks are beyond!! He went to ASDA yesterday came back with pack of 4 muffins but 2 were already gone !! Eaten in the car on the way home!! Looked up 19 Syns each !! He eat another afte tea and asked me if I wanted the last one I said I'll have 1/2 although I didn't really want it just to make sure that he would not eat all 4 !
But his argument was I did not have lunch!!! But that would have been SYN free or on plan if you get my drift he like your man does not understand that it is the inbetweens that put weight on!! Not meals !

 

[bc201]

Sorry pressed send in error
Hope your ok I will follow to see how your getting on But i find if I talk about it he eats more because it's on his mind!
Look after yourself and don't fret

 

[cliodhna&sorcha's-mummy]

sorry I sound abit harsh, just know where you are coming from and still dealing with my initial shock and anger about being told I am not wrong by a doctor to feel the way oi do about my husbands behaviour.

good luck

 

[cliodhna&sorcha's-mummy]

my house we deal with food issues (me) and drink( himself) and sometimes feels like a merry go round and I just want the direction to change and cant do it alone and raise kids and run a house and pay the bills.... I know eep down men do have a tough time living with women but they are no picnic either and make life harder at times and when you remember how it used to be and you try to explain you want that back and they seem dumbfounded and in shock as they actually think that's the life you already had...... lost

sorry again, just needed to vent and your post has allowed me to to that and deal with and see other women have man troubles tooooo, mainly that they act like babas

 

[GretaGrip]

Good god - he's an adult with his own autonomy no?

I'd leave him be. You've pointed out what healthy eating consists of, you've offered to help and he's in no doubt now what your feelings are.

You're not his mother so to answer your question, yes, you've been unreasonable and owe him an apology. I'd be raging if I was him.

 

[GretaGrip]

Oh dear cliod. Poor advice there. Tell him he's repulsive and she doesn't want to sleep with him? Shall we reverse that little scenario? There are thousands of women on here with weight to lose - I'm sure their self esteem would just rocket if their husbands were to voice that particular gem

 

[GretaGrip]

And alcoholism is not on par with someone who has a couple of stone to lose and likes to snack. It just isn't , there is no comparison.

Listen to me OP - I talk the most sense, heh heh

Good luck

 

[Lizzzi]

Tell him he's repulsive and she doesn't want to sleep with him? Shall we reverse that little scenario? There are thousands of women on here with weight to lose - I'm sure their self esteem would just rocket if their husbands were to voice that particular gem

Totally agree. I know for a fact if my OH said he didn't want to sleep with me i'd be absolutely devastated.

 

[Lizzzi]

plus just tell him his fat body makes you feel sick and that you don't want to sleep with him.... harsh but will either move him or not....

This is out of order, how would you feel if someone made that comment to you? I personally know how it feels to be told by someone you loved (previous relationship) that your body makes them sick, it has/ and still does effect my self esteem and current relationship. It only takes 1 comment to set it off.

 

[lardylady]

I know that you are doing it out of love, but I think you need to let him make his own decisions. My husband has always been slim, active and a healthy eater. I, on the other hand, have weighed as little as 9 stone and as much as 20 stone in the time that we have been together. He no doubt worried about my health when I was at my heaviest, but was quietly encouraging, suggesting gentle strolls and cooking healthy meals etc He's been with me every step of the way on my weight loss journey, but has never said "You can't eat that"- why should he?
Your OH isn't a child, he's an adult. Time to let him make his own decisions.

 

[shysarah]

Oooh my.

Well after reading all the comments here i personally think lardylady says it best.

Be loving, compassionate but remember he is his own man and i know when i was being bugged about loosing weight i rebelled and ate more.
Dont let this come between you x

 

[Roziee]

Maybe SW isn't his thing and he's sick of the hex'a and the syn counting etc.

He doesn't NEED to follow sw- just a healthy lifestyle and exercise.

I'd sit him down and explain how you feel because its obviously coming from a good place.

 

[Jeanne Von Buttonpopper]

I'm so sorry to hear how upset you've both got over this.

It's so clear that you love him. He had the wind put up him and he turned to you for help at that time, and of course you want to give him that help and support but you hit the nail on the head when you said he doesn't understand the plan and doesn't want to.

I think maybe he has seen you lose weight and thought, well she's doing pretty well, maybe she can help me. Also, possibly he didn't think in the beginning to lose all the weight that the commitment would be so great and although he was on board to begin with, to be perfectly honest it really sounds like he isn't any longer. If he were, he would understand this plan inside out like you do and wouldn't need any prompting whatsover.

So I'm afraid you're in the "you can lead a horse to water" scenario. I would give each other some time to think it over and perhaps you could agree that for now, there's nothing to be gained by falling out over it. You should concentrate on maintaining your weight and if he doesn't want to engage in slimming world then I really wouldn't push the matter any further. When he's ready for any help, he will come to you.

Take care x

 

[*Emsie*]

Can understand your frustrations Hollys Nan x My hubby isn't v.overweight but I still get annoyed about the amount of crap he eats because it not good for him even if it doesn't show on the outside and when he exercises etc regularly his mood etc improves so much but he still doesn't do it all the time gggrrrrrr!
I think a lot of good points have been raised in the responses to your post even though they might not be what you want to be told.
Hubby is responsible for his self unfortunately and though you are trying to help the pressure could be making the situation worse I know people telling me to lose weight, not eat this that it the other did not help at all.
From posts I see accross the forum from you you love sw and its obviously great for you but as another poster suggests it may not be the one for hubby and there could be an alternative that would be if it's what he wants.
My friend who is a sw follower found her partner couldn't do sw so she has changed to dukan to support him and he is doing great on it. My daughter is doing ww as that's what suits her and though she drives me mad asking how many points is in stuff there's no point trying to get her to do sw.
I think if you could take a deep breath and back off and carry on doing the meals etc you do and see if he wants your help in the future and maybe you/he could look at what he would want from a 'diet' and what would suit him.