Is it right to try to help someone who is struggling with their weight?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Mrs Lard, 19 May 2007 Social URL.

  1. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    One of my friend's friends (yes, honestly!) is struggling with her weight. She and my friend and another mum are supposed to be doing their own mini-weight club to help each other get motivated. Two are doing ok but the third one is not there -mentally or physically.

    My friend asked me for suggestions so I emailed her the link to the before and after photos that Cath (Katie_Oxo) sent me to. As the stories are so inspirational (I think) and the weight loss is dramatic, I was hoping she would see that she COULD do something about her weight loss. It was not to plug LL specifically but to show that others had done it. At a guess, I think this person is at least 5 stone overweight, possibly more.

    I have to admit, it took me a long, long time to acknowledge something had to change with my own eating habits. And if people suggested things, I don't think I was very happy about it.

    Anyway, this is what my friend emailed me:


    "She loved Minimins photos but is struggling to actually get started herself. All kids ill so she is super tired and feeling very below par. Think she has not yet had her eureka moment about her current size and where she wants to be. Any more tips??? She does not like asking others for help so..."


    Does anyone have any tips? I don't know what to suggest but I know that everyone on here will have some great ideas and I'd like to pass them on to help this person. Of course, the other issue is whether it is right to try to help someone who is struggling with their weight?

    Thanks so much.

    Mrs L xx
     
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  3. supermum

    supermum Full Member

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    You know what - I don't think you can do anything else. YOu have to be ready to lose weight whichever path you choose and no matter what other people say if you are not at that place then you can't do anything else.

    I hope this makes sense.
     
  4. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Thanks, supermum. That is a great answer and one that I feared! I think I reached that conclusion too - no one could help me until I was ready.

    I guess I just really wanted to try to help (or is that rescue?!?) someone else.

    Thank you.

    Mrs L xxx
     
  5. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

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    She certainly has to be in the right frame of mind and to want to lose weight for herself.
     
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  6. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    I totally agreed with supermum. If someone isnt in the right frame of mind to lose weight they wont. No matter how much help and encouragement you give them. My parents have been trying to get me to lose weight for more years than I care to remember but it wasnt til I had my 'moment' in January that it all fell into place
     
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  7. dizzy-n-mizzy

    dizzy-n-mizzy Not dieting ATM!

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    I agree only she can help herself and needs to be ready. She also needs to accept that she is feeling tired and bad largely because of her diet and size not because the kids are ill etc. That embarking on the diet will actually improve energy levels and wellbeing rather than deplete them further. She sounds scared to give up on the comfort of food. She will only get these benefits from doing 'whichever' diet correctly and so needs to be completely ready and dedicated for it to work.

    I think we probably all can relate to how she feels and hope that it isn't long before she is ready to tackle the issue head on.

    She is a lucky lady to have friends that care so much. I guess all they can do is inspire her and be there for her. If they are successful and she isn't she may hide away so they should not take this personally.

    Dizzy x
     
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  8. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

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    Its so hard isnt it! I know a number of people who need to loose weight and wish they could be where I am in terms of feeling posative and motivated because I know they are desperately unhappy with their weight, as I was and still am! BUT as others have said it has to come from them. All you can do is be there for them & lead by example. Maybe she will get it, maybe she wont but at least she will have friends around to support her in whatever she decides. I suspect that if people keep bringing it up/making comments she will, like we have all done in the past, just feel more miserable & eat more. Lets just hope she has her lightbulb moment eh!
     
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  9. Betty Boo

    Betty Boo Full Member

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    I agree with what In search of me said. You have done your bit in being a great friend and offering support and advice, it is now up to her to take te plunge when she is ready. Otherwise she won't make it, she will feel 10 times worse and so will you.

    xx
     
  10. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Thank you EVERYONE for such thought-provoking responses. They are really helpful and I will feed them back to our mutual friend.

    Totally agree with the sentiment that if people make an issue out of it, the temptation is to just eat more. I know I did.

    Anyway, fingers crossed. I'll keep you posted.

    Have a lovely Saturday evening - have had to come upstairs with my laptop to get away from food : ( !!

    Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  11. jane

    jane Opinionated

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    i agree with everyone else.
    interesting that we've all felt that the information & help has been offered but the next move has to come from her.
    As someone above said she has to wait for her light bulb moment.
    reminded me of a joke,which is also pertinent here.

    Q:How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.
     
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  12. dizzy-n-mizzy

    dizzy-n-mizzy Not dieting ATM!

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    :rotflmao:
     
  13. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    I also agree with what everyone esle has already said Mrs L. You are already being a true friend by being concerned about her and I'm sure deep down she knows that.

    If kids are ill I think any one of us can feel very tired and find it hard to fuction sometimes, whether overweight or not.

    I always believe it's about timing and maybe your friend has not got to "her time" yet personally. I'm sure she will and when she does you will be there for her as you are now already. :D

    Lacey :)
     
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  14. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Love it, Jane. That made me laugh!

    I often think humour can be far more effective when you want to get a serious message across.

    THANK YOU. xx
     
  15. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    PMSL....I have this quote up on the wall in my office and my clients howl at it!!!! :D
     
  16. katie_oxo

    katie_oxo Silver Member

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    I've got to agree with all of the above, I couldn't have done this before no matter who tried to persuade me as the time had to be right.

    Also when people were trying to help me stop smoking I never did, in fact I possibly smoked more as I then felt that both they and I were disappointed with me - I only stopped when the 'time was right'.

    You're friend is lucky to have such good friends :)

    Cath
     
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