Is this a normal phase - clingy/screaming 20 month old

[big bear]

Hi guys

Just thought I'd ask you experts. My daughter is just 20 months & the last month is has become increasingly clingy. She gets up in the morning & follows me around the flat wanting to be lifted & when i don't screams the place down. i've tried leaving her but she will carry on screaming and gets herself in a right state & completely bangs her head...

There have been no changes, only thing is possibly getting the bigger teeth & she had injections at Drs last week.

I'm at the end of my tether with her as I work 3 days so in the morning I need to get my son, her & me ready to go but she is practically hanging off me. She can't talk must says mammy, Daddy, this, up, quack & yes so I can't ask what's wrong obviously.

She gets exactly the same attention as my son (he's 3.5) but even if I go to open the bathroom door she'll scream/shout until she gets in. The last few days she's fallen asleep in my arms which she never ever did before, she just wants cuddled all the time or lifted up.

It gets me really annoyed in the mornings & it's really hard to get breakfast/lunch, 2 kids & me ready....I end up not having breakfast.

What shall I do? Will this pass? Is it because she's finding it hard to communicate?

I never had this with my son & if he had a tantrum I could snap him out of it easily. She's forever smashing her head & I'm worried she'll really hurt herself.

Thanks guys

 

[jaylou]

If you give in to her and pick her up she will continue and it will get worse, it's attention seeking at it's finest and kids know how to do it from a very very young age.

Does she bang her head in anger or to get attention? What does she bang her head on? Is she still in a cot? If she is, I'd be inclined to put her in her cot and leave her to calm down - she will, eventually.

I'm not a believer in giving in to children, I do speak from experience, I've been there as a single mother and for a quiet life, the first thing and easiest thing to do is pick them up. It's making a rod for your own back. I went through the controlled crying bit with my daughter (not sure this is agreed with any more, I've heard it called abusive????) and the first time she cried for about 2 hours..... it got easier.

It will be a phase, no doubt about it, but she'll get worse once she realises mummy will pick her up for cuddles every time she screams. I doubt anything is wrong, so she doesn't need to tell you, she probably just wants attention. I think I come across as harsh, but I'm not, bringing kids up is hard work and we can't pick them up every time they demand. She will understand "mummy will cuddle you when you calm down" or words to that effect, I'm sure.

*hugs* hun, it's hard.

 

[Shirleen]

I agree 100% with Jaylou, I'm aft aid your cute baby girl is learning how to be a master manipulator and if you give in you can end up in some serious situations.

True story of a friend of mine: daughter started manipulating, she gave in every day, then one day whilst our the daughter wanted something in the shop, mother had no choice but to refuse as she didn't have the money. They got outside the shop and the daughter threw herself down in the road!!! Fortunately she wasn't hurt, but Mum grew some balls!!! I think she said no to just about everything for a fortnight until the daughter learned! She had a lovely polite lil girl after that!

Crying herself to sleep wont hurt, removing her from where she can cause herself harm is a good idea. And a stair gate across a doorway so you can get space is also good.

Good luck huge hugs xxxxx

 

[jaylou]

I agree 100% with Jaylou, I'm aft aid your cute baby girl is learning how to be a master manipulator and if you give in you can end up in some serious situations.

Phew!!!!! Thought I was a dragon mother!!!!

 

[Shirleen]

Phew!!!!! Thought I was a dragon mother!!!!

No that's me! I once told my daughter to stand still and walked away from her! It was pouring with rain too (it was a quiet shopping precinct), after she'd had a melt down and ran off into the path of a reversing lorry and then whinged and whined! Mind you it soon shut her up!

 

[big bear]

Thanks ladies, no I don't think you are being harsh. She is still in the cot so i think I'll put her in there to calm down & ignore it. She bits too when she don't get her own way. A proper wee madam she is, my son was easy compared to this but he too can try it on. X

 

[Happy Holidays]

I agree with Jaylou & Shirleen, I'd make sure she couldn't harm herself & just ignore her. My daughter went through a clingy phase, I couldn't go to the loo without her screaming, but I did go & left her to scream, didn't last long, crikey when I think what I did with my kids & what you're not able to do now, I'd be an unsuitable mother, just a few, when my son started biting his sister's fingers, I bit his, he soon stopped! I also left them in their room to cry, I'd also close all doors so I couldn't hear them crying, when dd was at school she was terrible getting dressed in the morning so one morning I put her & her school uniform in the cold yard, she soon got dressed.

Just to set your minds at rest I do now have well balanced children, both are polite, well behaved & don't put up with any messing, mmmmmmmmmmmm where did they get that from