I've failed .. and feel like there's no point starting again ...

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by mazziecoupe, 24 May 2010 Social URL.

  1. mazziecoupe

    mazziecoupe Full Member

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    Hi,

    I was on SW for about a month or so in Jan and lost approx 9lbs, middle of Feb my best friend committed suicide and i went off the rails with food and alcohol - now i am 13/7 which is 4 more than what i was when i began in Jan..

    I started back at the gym last week burning approx 400 cals off doing cardio but figure i should probably go back to meetings and weigh-in's etc but i just feel like i've gone too far now, that i'll never be able to loose this and whats the point ?

    Has anyone any motivational words for me? i really am desperate :sigh:
     
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  3. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

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    So sorry to hear about your friend. But I am sure he would want you to carry on trying to lose weight. As a first step just try and get back to where you were and then take small steps.

    One day at a time

    Big ((((hugs)))) for you.

    Irene xx
     
    Last edited: 24 May 2010
  4. Gene Genie

    Gene Genie Mad as cheese

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    Heya hon

    sorry about your friend x

    my motivational words are .. what have you got to lose by trying again? nothing :) what have you got to gain by not trying again a few extra lbs that will make you even more sad than you are now

    its hard getting over what happened and starting back on track but you only get one life so use it, your more likely to have fun and do the things you want to do when doing it at the weight you want to be

    best of luck xx
     
  5. Teenyweeny

    Teenyweeny Full Member

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    So sorry to hear about your friend xxx

    This happened to me (not the bad news part) Started in jan, lost 5 lbs, gained them all back as I stopped due to work stresses and being skint and then have gained 6 more as well grrrrr

    I am back now and intend to be very good, I have a lot to lose and it can be done, so just need to get on it

    You can do it hun xxxx
     
  6. Catherine26

    Catherine26 Full Member

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    Sorry about your loss - must be hard.

    The exact same thing has happened to me (diet wise)- i went off track due to so many occassion/parties/weddings happening! But after looking at those pics - i feel like crap - i look huge! So i am back on it today - i'm don't have the best motivation but i'm going to give it a good go.

    Good Luck Everyone! :)
     
  7. BookWorm1980

    BookWorm1980 Full Member

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    Hi,

    I'm so sorry to hear about you best friend that is something so difficult to get through.

    I'm sure your friend would never have meant to make anyone around her unhappy, she would want you to carry on and find the happiness she couldn't.

    Feel strong and powerful in yourself. Find your happiness on behalf of your friend.

    big hugs x
     
  8. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    I guess, if there is a "point" that the point is "it will make you feel better about your physical self, and by turn, your emotional self."

    You have been grieving. You lost your best friend. I wouldnt be surprised if you hadnt spent a lot of that time since, questioning, looking for reasons, wanting to try and understand their decision. It is way harder, I think for people who lose someone to suicide to come to terms with it, than it is for people who lose someone to an illness or accident. And I do not wish to belittle their suffering at all, they will grieve just as much, but they will be able to understand and accept that there was nothing they could do to prevent it.

    People who lose someone to suicide very often doubt themselves, is there something, some sign, something they could have seen or done to get that person to open up and not feel like they had any other option than to kill themselves. And the answer, really, is no, they couldnt. Just the same as an accident or a physical illness.

    I can understand entirely you feeling that there is little point to trying to lose weight. But at some point, you have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, because you do still have a life to live. No matter how terrible your friend was feeling, they loved you and you shared special times together. They wouldnt want you to feel like your life was over, just because theirs was.

    You should think of all the good and special things you shared with your friend, and use them as a motivation to move forward. You cant turn the clocks back, you cannot make things any different, but you CAN make very proactive choices about how you choose to recover from this.
     
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  9. melarnz

    melarnz Silver Member

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    Hi. Sorry to hear about your loss.

    You must have some motivation left in order to be going to the gym, so that's a really good start.

    I have been in a similar situation, and because I didn't draw a line under it, I woke up one morning and was 20 stone. The longer you leave it, the longer your journey will be.

    That said, you need to be in the right frame of mind, otherwise you will just be miserable.

    Go back to your group, or maybe try a different one. Look at it as a fresh start, not as a return

    good luck xxxx
     
  10. captain nemo

    captain nemo Chunky Munkey

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    sorry to here about your friend.

    3 years ago i lost almost 7st doing Atkins, a friend had a serious motorcycle accident and almost died and i was with him at the time, i found that traumatic and i came off plan and lost motivation and put the weight back on, you have to have your head in the right place to loose weight, get your head there and your body will follow, but youve got to have it in your head that your going to succeed. Good Luck !
     
  11. mazziecoupe

    mazziecoupe Full Member

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    thank you all so much for your words - Madame Laminx i do feel so guilty as i had been talking with him on text and email just a few hours before and knew he was upset (he'd split with his partner) but i never in a million years would have thought he'd do that to himself - it seems to be eating me up inside but my appetite is growing daily :(

    I am also trying to give up cigs so its like a total lifestyle change for me - he hated me smoking, he was so vain aswell he never said anything about my weight gain over the years but i knew he was probably thinking it and just didnt want to upset me by saying anything..

    I know i just can't get any bigger, i wore a skirt at the weekend and my thighs rubbing together left me in so much pain - i'm miserable and KNOW i need to start loosing, i'm going to try a new group on Thursday, i still have all my stuff from Jan so i'll use that till then ...

    Thanks again guys for your words - i'm taking them all onboard xx
     
  12. mazziecoupe

    mazziecoupe Full Member

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    PS - Melarnz your pics are amazing - u are an inspiration!!! :)
     
  13. soccermom

    soccermom I AM A WEMITT x

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    Hi mazzie I just wanted to offer my condolences on the death of your friend :(

    My nephew killed himself a few years ago, when he was 18 and my other nephew who was 10 at the time had the awful trauma of finding him.

    To be honest no one has come to tems with it, unfortunately the people left behind are always searching for answers we will never get the answers to, but I promise you it does ease and things will get a little better, I know it doesnt feel like it.

    We are still dealing with the after affects and quite serious ones to, but life does go on. He wouldnt want you to be unhappy.

    You have to make the most of your life and make the most of the time you have and if losing the weight will make you happy and more forfilled then go for it, dont hang around because before you know it the years are gone.

    Take it from me after the death of my nephew and some other awful stuff that happened I ballooned to nearly 21 stone :eek: now i'm down to 16 and still dropping and happier than I have been in many years.

    Good luck Mazzie and my thoughts are with you x
     
  14. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Mazzie, have you thought about having some sort of counselling along side your other efforts to improve the way you feel? Grief is such a personal thing that it can be very hard to really really TALK about how it is affecting you, for fear of what others might think of you, but seeing someone impartial and just being able to let it all go might be what is needed.

    What you are doing is turning your emotions into a physical need to be comforted, and using food as that comfort. Letting those emotions out may well be key to you beginning to recover from what was a terrible terrible thing to happen.

    If you dont feel like counselling is right for you, then talk to us? We none of us know you and this is the least judgemental place you will ever find on the internet (other than judging ourselves, which I think we ALL do to some degree). Everyone here seems to be incredibly supportive and you have the protection that the anonymity of a username affords.

    You need to let it, and him go before you can start to move forward. Dont try and rush things, or set yourself up to fail. One step, and one day, at a time.
     
  15. Isis

    Isis Ancient Egypt Nut!

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    Hi :)

    I absolutely echo what Irene says here. Small steps and one day at a time. You can only do your best so be kind to yourself xxx
     
  16. mazziecoupe

    mazziecoupe Full Member

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    So sorry to hear about your nephew soccermom - i can understand in a way how much it knocks you off kilter with the simpliest of things like food - thank you for your wishes - if i have as much success as you then i shall be happy - you've done so well :)
     
  17. mazziecoupe

    mazziecoupe Full Member

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    I have been offered councelling by my GP who also thinks i am suffering from depression at the minute. I am willing to go for it, i'll do anything to make me feel a bit more human Madam :)

    I find it alot easier to talk to strangers i always think my BF and friends might be thinking " oh fgs get over it " even though they probably arent.

    The gym makes me feel elated (and wrecked so i can get a good sleep after!) so i am going to try and stick with that - last time when i lost the 9lbs i felt fabulous too so hopefully the two will work together to get me out of this black cloud i am stuck in :eek:
     
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  19. IanH

    IanH Silver Member

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    Mazzie,

    Sorry to hear about your loss. It is understandable that any thoughts abuot the plan went out of your head during the last few months, but as you're posting on here, deep down - i think you are at the ponit of wanting to get back on plan.

    SO - draw that proverbial line through the previous SW Journey and start afresh. New start, new member talk, everything.

    That's the weight management side of it over. Now the other side fo this post. Look after yourself. Yes - there is guilt involved in not knowing what your friend was going to do. Yes, it's painful when someone rips themselves out of your life like that. But don't bottle it up and please please please use whatever support mechanisms you need to to help resolve those issues.

    take care.


    .
     
  20. IanH

    IanH Silver Member

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    I keep looking at my response above and wondered if it may have come across un-necessarily harsh or short - and if it did then to anyone i apologise - i really shouldn't have written it in my lunch hour on an early finish day.

    I know with phrases like "rips themselves out of your life" it was maybe a bit blunter then I may have intended but at the same time it does feel like that. I lost my father to him killing himself when I was 17 - it is one of the contributory factors to the depression that lead to the comfort eating that lead to the habitual over eating that lead to having put on as much weight as I had.

    I had and still have more then enough guilt over what happened and how it affected my life. I still suffer from depression now - and i'm 36. I truly wish now I took up offers of counselling etc at the time - but with suddenly being the eldest male in the family and being in a family of strong silent types - i didn't need it - or so i thought.

    The one thing though that my SW journey has taught me - is that if i have the strength now to get through this journey - and tackle on of the factors around the depression - when i'm ready - i can tackle the other factors.

    I only wish I hadn't left it so long.


    .
     
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  21. MadameLaMinx

    MadameLaMinx Gold Member

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    Personally, it didnt even cross my mind that your post would come across as harsh Ian, and I bet you a zillion billion dollars that a huge proportion of us got to the way we were because of depression and unhappiness with ourselves, whether that be through dreadful experiences ourselves or being predisposed to mental illness anyway.

    I think that is one of the reasons this forum works so well. People understand that being overweight can often be a symptom from a deeper cause, and thus know and understand how someone else is feeling very well.

    It makes it so much easier to be honest about how you are feeling, if you know that you arent going to be judged, condemned or mocked for feeling that way.
     
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  22. louisedan

    louisedan Gold Member

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    i'm really sorry about his death. Impotence can make us all loose self worth. Its really hard to pick up the pieces but you have to start putting yourself first and thinking you are worth the effort.You can do it but take it slowly.You need to grieve and everything else will eventually start to right itself.We are all here for you but I do think an organisation like Cruise might really help.Just shout and one of us will always be around xxx
     
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