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Kissme's Toils and troubles!

#1
Hey, Well I'm back with my tail between my legs, 3 stone heavier and not having a very good time. My doctor has upped my medication and added another type of anti depressant to my little list of medication.


I have severe manic deprssion. This is a type of Bipolar disorder.
Here is the Wiki if you would like to have a look.

For the last few weeks I have slipped into a hole of depression and have had a hard time pulling myself out.

To some people this may sound silly but in the space of 1.5 weeks I lost 2 of my pets and my job.

I would sit at home, eating, sleeping watching t.v and nothing else.

I'm a tidy and very clean person in my self and my home. I stopped showering, I stopped tidying cleaning and cooking.

I would send my OH to the shop to buy junk that I didn't even need to warm/cook and I would sit and gorge from morn till night.

I would hide bills and unopened post, so that Tim wouldn't find it, constantly lying to myself that I was fine and it was other people who had a problem not me and that it had nothing to do with my condition.

I developed insomnia and wouldn't sleep for days.

I'm a very lucky girl, my OH isn't very supportive with my weight loss but he loves me very much and never pushed me, just supported me the best he could with this hole I slipped into.

I have been living in a haze for weeks..... until Friday.

I went to collect my post and hide away my letters as usual.... when in the post came a magazine....... It was the October SW magazine, I rushed up to my flat and tore it open. I read it from cover to cover, I turned on the shower and grabbed the hoover.

I don't know how or why but this magazine awoke something in me, I found the me I had lost or the last few weeks.

I signed up to SW again on the Saturday and here we are.....

yesterday was a tad rocky food wise but nothing I cant claw back over the next week.

Thank you for listening!
 
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*honey

Silver Member
S: 11st8lb C: 10st8.5lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 21.3 Loss: 0st13.5lb(8.33%)
#2
so sorry to hear your having a rough time of it. Hang in there. well done for seeing your doc and getting the meds changed etc to help you. Glad SW mag has kick started your motivation, thats the hard bit, getting the motivation, once your up and going it gets easier. So good on you :)
hope week one WI is good.

Stick with it :)
 
#3
so sorry to hear your having a rough time of it. Hang in there. well done for seeing your doc and getting the meds changed etc to help you. Glad SW mag has kick started your motivation, thats the hard bit, getting the motivation, once your up and going it gets easier. So good on you :)
hope week one WI is good.

Stick with it :)
Thank you hun, It was very strange or me, something so simple can pull me out my hole, and Tim has a hard time understanding it, We both have the same condition but mine is very different symptoms to his, which is why he finds it difficult. It sounds like such a silly thing that can change my perspective of things and the last couple of days have been really good days! hopefully there will be more to come!


I'm such a happy go lucky person, which is why people are stunned when they find out what I have. My doctor said to me that the most obvious symptom of my condition is rapid mood swings, the fact I put on a brave ace can be one of the biggest signs, as other people don't see how Ill I am and unless I tell someone then no one can help!
 

ilovelife

Wishing and hoping!
#6
Sorry to hear you having a rough time, my mum has Bipolar Disorder so can understand it. I also have clinical depression and no exactly what it is like to be a dark hole. It is good you can appreciate the postives. You can come out in the end smiling :)
 
#7
Sorry to hear you having a rough time, my mum has Bipolar Disorder so can understand it. I also have clinical depression and no exactly what it is like to be a dark hole. It is good you can appreciate the postives. You can come out in the end smiling :)

Thanks hun! yeah I will be fine I always am! btw congratz on the mini ilovelife!

bet that made ya smile :)
 
#8
Well last night what can I say? It was horrific really! but I have been having a tough time and I'm not going to make excuses because that's how I got this big.

So I must admit that I made a mistake but I wont punish myself, just need to re-evaluate!

So I woke up this morning, in a positive mood and looking forward to making a SW friendly fish pie, until i burnt the milk :( I never burn stuff! So it was a shock! but I managed to save it! lol

I had a lovely evening though. I ended my friendships as all my friends were users and I do get lonely, but I have made a new friend! and she is lovely!

I had my breakfast a little late today as I had a late night last night, but it was yummy! Gonna sit down with my SW mags and have a little read through to try and keep me on plan!
 
#9
Hi hun, didn't want to read and run.... I don't know anything about depression etc, but I really admire your determination, you go girl, if you ever need to talk come on here and I'll be more than happy to listen. xx
 
#11
Well last night what can I say? It was horrific really! but I have been having a tough time and I'm not going to make excuses because that's how I got this big.

So I must admit that I made a mistake but I wont punish myself, just need to re-evaluate!

So I woke up this morning, in a positive mood and looking forward to making a SW friendly fish pie, until i burnt the milk :( I never burn stuff! So it was a shock! but I managed to save it! lol

I had a lovely evening though. I ended my friendships as all my friends were users and I do get lonely, but I have made a new friend! and she is lovely!

I had my breakfast a little late today as I had a late night last night, but it was yummy! Gonna sit down with my SW mags and have a little read through to try and keep me on plan!

Well it didn't work and i didnt stay on plan but I must not be too hard on myself, I'm alway to hard on my self.


Today is another day, and I must try and stay positive.

Tim left for london today for a business trip, so i get the house to myself. I've sat here in my pjs all morning :D I must get up and do some housework! but not yet! lol
 
S: 18st4lb C: 13st12lb G: 11st7lb BMI: 28.6 Loss: 4st6lb(24.22%)
#13
Hi Kissme,

Hope you are doing good.. everyday is a new day thats what I keep tell myself...

I read your first post and I know where you are coming from..I have had post natal depression since my daughter was born in Dec 08, but got diagnosed with it yesterday, I put on the brave face and hid it and its not easy, thought that I could get through or let my life pass me by without meds... I'm starting sertraline today, and the doc said that it will take about a month to kick in, but I have to say when I am in work I log into this site everyday, the ladies are wonderful, and so lovely and supportive and my SW class in tonight and am very excited about that... so if you ever want to talk am here ;)
 
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#14
Hi fattymcfat! sertraline is one of the meds i take for my deppression! they do help!

Sorry to hear bout the post-natal depression it's not a very nice condition at all! Especially when you arent meant to be going through one of lifes little miracles :)

Hold you head up high, your not the only one who goes through it :D
 

ilovelife

Wishing and hoping!
#16
Hey congrats on your loss, you seem so motivated right now, even though sometimes it does not go right your sticking with it and learning about yourself, you will be a skinny minny before you know it :)
 
#17
Hey congrats on your loss, you seem so motivated right now, even though sometimes it does not go right your sticking with it and learning about yourself, you will be a skinny minny before you know it :)

Thanks sweetie! I used to worry so much about one dodgy day!im learning to take it in my stride :D i sometimes forget im human!
 

ilovelife

Wishing and hoping!
#18
It is easy to be self critical and a challengue to take baby steps :) One technique that I have learnt is to imagine that you are speaking to a friend with the same problem, I bet the changes are the advice would not be harsh!
 

time2bslim

Just doing it this time
S: 13st7lb C: 12st2lb G: 10st10lb Loss: 1st5lb(10.05%)
#19
I am so glad that you are bouncing back - congratulations and well done and big big slap on the back. You can do it and I think you will.

Whoooooohooooooo
 


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