Learning to stay Thin Inside and Out

Discussion in 'Route to Management' started by thin_inside, 21 November 2009 Social URL.

  1. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Well, it's that time. Time to start my own RTM Journey.

    I have taken a giant step off the merry-go-round of yo-yo dieting and I now have to get over the dizziness and aim to walk straight along the narrow path of RTM and into lifelong maintenance. I still find it hard to get my head around where I am, but it seems it will take a little time for my head to meet my body.

    Perceptions - I'm going to steal somthing I think Jez has used before, but it sums up my current difficulty in self-perception.... When I was morbidly obese, my self-perception was that of a thinner person. Now I am a thinner person, my head tells me I'm fat. Wierd. I guess it's a case of the body overtaking the mindset and now I'm playing catch up.

    After 10 months of 100% abstinence I want to break it in a controlled adult way, not in a rebellious child moment. My rebellious child is becoming way too strong and harder to slap down. I have not fallen off abstinence, although there have been quite a few close calls, but I have fallen off the LL straight and narrow. I have had a bad week on the packs eating five or even six packs on all but two days this week. I know boredom was a big trigger as I was away from home and on a training course that was just too slow a pace for me. On one day I had three bars :eek: which is putting my calorie and carb intake quite high - I should only have one bar a day.

    It's 10 days since my last wi and I'm not seeing a loss on the scales at home. This is demoralising as I want to get to goal so much. However, my behaviour is working against me achieving goal this week and definitely suggests it's time to reintroduce food and get a new focus on this journey.

    Today I bought a lovely small piece of fresh salmon which I had planned to eat whilst everyone else tucked into the roast beef dinner I had prepared. However, I really want to relax and be able to enjoy cooking and eating my first meal and I was feeling a bit rushed looking after everyone else's needs, so I made up a soup pack instead and then got stuck into the washing up ... so I decided to wait to tomorrow. It's worth noting that I have had just four packs today, which I'm pleased with as I have been fighting athoughts of another all evening, but two of the packs I did have were bars so I am still too high on the calories and carbs.

    Tomorrow I am going to focus on keeping to three packs and replacing the bar with the salmon, baked in a parcel with a few shakes of black pepper, which I will sit down in peace to savour and enjoy. This is how it should be. I have to make time for ME if I am to do this right.

    So, RTM has been delayed for a day. xx
     
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  3. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Welcome TI to the club. Good luck with the following weeks. I'm sure you will do well after such a great weight loss. You must be so excited about it all. Can't wait to hear how it all goes.
     
  4. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    Good luck TI and welcome to the wonderful world of RTM! The weeks soon start to fly by! It does sound like you are ready for it!

    Make sure you take that time for yourself tomorrow and enjoy your first "meal" :)

    Good luck on your RTM journey!

    Kat xx
     
  5. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    How lovely to see you 'almost' here at last!
    You have done Sooooooooooooooooooooo well over the last 10 months
    Have a lovely day tomorrow - with plenty of time for yourself and enjoy your meal when you are ready!
    daisy x
     
  6. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    TI Biggest Hugs, and Congrats, I am sooooo excited to finally have you here in RTM. I am so proud of your achievements, you have done so amazingly well. 10 Months of abstinece is an incredible thing. I am so glad to hear that you deferred the eating until tomorrow. It should be done and savoured in your own time. It is such a special thing. Wow girl, I am just so proud, happy and excited for you, and cannot wait to be reading your diary. You are so perceptive and have such a good take on things I am sure I am going to learn loads from you and your journey. *bounce bounce* sorry just so excited and happy for you my friend. Cannot wait to see ya irl again so we can shake our skinny booties and probably finally have that glass of wine!!

    Jez
    xx
     
  7. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

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    good to have you on board t.i :)
    i agree with daisy enjoy the meal when you have it :)
     
  8. Sugashaker

    Sugashaker Full Member

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    Hey TI, biggest congratulations on hitting RTM, you have achieved so much and you are now on the road to a new path. Wishing you the very best of luck and enjoy your salmon. Sending you loads of love Em xxx
     
  9. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    RTM: Week 1 Day 1 (Sunday 22 Nov 09)

    Drumrole please - I have had my first food!!!!!

    Tonight I cooked a casserole for tea using the leftover beef from yesterday's roast. As the family were all eating I took out my lovely small piece of fresh salmon (115g raw weight), put it in foil, topped with a pinch of Marigold Boullion and a good grind of black pepper, wrapped the foil loosely and placed it lovingly into the oven. Meanwhile I prepared pudding for everyone else - leftover parkin cake and custard.

    As they tucked in I took out my now baked salmon and carefully, with some apprehension, placed it on a warmed small plate and took it reverently to the table. I sat down and the kids immediately asked for drink refills *&^%%%$£! No, I was going to enjoy my first real food in 10 months while it was still warm! I looked at my plate and, for a moment, wondered if I was doing the right thing. Then I took up my knife and fork and tucked in.

    It did taste amazing - especially for the first few succulent mouthfuls, and it was lovely to have a new texture to chew. The taste and texture of the salmon mixed really well with the salty vegetable stock powder and the spicy peppery flavour. It felt as though it should be a specially momentous experience with trumpets and fireworks, but the reality was a bit less intense. The kids were interested to see me eating again and immediately offered me some of their sweets. Sunday is pocket money day (= sweetie day) here. I politely declined and they lost interest in what I was doing.

    I did try to take my time eating, by savouring each mouthful and putting my knife and fork down in between it took about 20 minutes to consume. However, I just wanted to wolf the lot down. I'm going to have to work on this feeling and start focusing on smaller nibbles and chewing more.

    I am very pleased overall though. It feels the right time to reintroduce food and I was good as gold during the day by having my three packs and not one of them was a bar. Aiming for the same tomorrow. I'll cook a bit of chicken in the same way as the salmon.

    From Tuesday I can have a bowl of salad leaves with the protein portion, but as I am staying away I'm not sure what I can do and may end up back on four packs, although I may be able to buy some cottage cheese and rocket leaves to have in my hotel room.

    My first RTM meeting is on Tuesday night too, but I'll just go along to my normal developers meeting on Wed night instead. Scales this morning showed 134lbs so I am within a hair's breadth of achieving my goal at least in the mornings :)

    xx
     
  10. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    Brilliant TI, I am so glad you enjoyed it. The anticipation is always greater than the food, but the food is lovely all the same. Salmon has become one of my favourite things since starting RTM and you are in prime place to get the best stuff!! Nice that you baked it in foil, must have been fabulous and juicy. I would buy a few bits and bobs, you can buy cooked chicken breast in packets in sainsburys i know, to have with your salad when travelling also they have great fat free dressings so I am sure the rest of the supermarkets must have the same. Otherwise make up a batch in a little bottle and take it with you in your bag. Most places I have eaten at are very obliging, so perhaps you could ask them to cook you plain grilled chicken or fish with some leaf and a bit of lemon or balsamic?? Re the venison, a casserole is great, I still marinade it first in a mix of red wine, garlic, herbs, usually strong ones like rosemary and thyme, juniper berries, bay leaves etc, also usually pop a bit of yoghurt in too. But in a slow cooker will be perfect. To thicken you could use (dont shudder here) blood - pure protein and I am sure you have heard of jugged hare? So save the meat juices from the packet, you can also use root veg they will thicken a bit and just reduce the stock right down. Your other option from about week 4 is arrowroot which you should find at most supermarkets. I remember using it in week 4 and LLC said it was fine.

    Good luck for tomorrow and am dying to know how it goes, ps want pics of your skinny self!!!!

    Jez
    xx
     
  11. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Jez - that's a brilliant post, thank you. Great ideas for what I can take with me when no access to cooking facilities. Also many thanks for the options for venison casserole thickening in the slow cooker. I intend to use this bit of kit more and more.

    I'll try and get a moment to post some recent pics. I'm now a very comfortable size 10. Not been near the clothes shops in a while so I may be in a few 8's, but I'll see how things go over the coming weeks before I buy anything else.

    xx
     
  12. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    Well done TI and welcome to the wonderful world of RTM :) xx
     
  13. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    Wow TI, was lovely to read your account. I loved how the kids wanted to be involved. My husband wanted to just stop and watch me...which freaked me a bit. My sister was amazed a few weeks ago when I had dinner at my Dad's. I had forgotten she had not seen me eating for 6 months and it's a bit odd for her to see.

    Some good ideas from Jez there. I started RTM on holiday as no doubt you are sick of me saying. Anyway, I carried about a bottle of balsamic in my bag and of course soy sauce was easy enough to get. I'm sure you will manage brilliantly.

    Some updated pics would be good to see too....:D
     
  14. katalena

    katalena Enjoying life!

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    ha my partner did exactly the same when I ate for the first time in almost 6 months - he just paused and watched which I found quite bizarre! lol

    Kat xx
     
  15. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

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    I bet you are a fabulous size 8 darling, you are such a tiny thing!!!

    Jez
    xx

    PS how goes the running?
     
  16. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    T_i I think you're doing so, fantastically well. Yes, the rebellious child was getting too much (but after 10 months - NO ONE CAN BLAME YOU! :p ) I know I fell off LL by nibbling after 10 months. But you haven't! You're amazing. You may have had extra foodpacks - but you didn't break LL. Hey - I was having 2 bars a day in my plan for quite a while by that point because I "couldn't handle it". It's not the carbs in them, because that is a pathetic amount - not enough to 'break' ketosis (even with 3 bars!) - it just may give you diarrhea or some such because of the chemicals. So - do not worry about calories or the "carbs" in that. I mean, on Lite people eat WAY more than that, and ketosis isn't technically broken.


    The boredom, unfortunately, if that is your trigger, I have to warn you... Will never go away. I know it's my Number.1 trigger too, but I've evolved ways to deal with it, which I will share with you in good time. :)

    I think after reading so much of other people's experiences, and thoughts you are definitely 100% ready to do this 'RTM' thingie in a calm and collected way. You've always been so very supportive and helpful towards myself and everyone else here on the boards, now it is our turn to do the same for you! We are here, every step of the way. :)

    Bloody KIDS!!! Get your own drink! LOL! Made me giggle though.
    I know the 'everything' has to be perfect for enjoyment feeling though - that has very much carried on for me to this day. Food is an occasion, and every occasion needs to be sovoured. ... that slight panic, is natural too. It's so endearing that you descibed it so... Wondering if it's the 'right thing'. ... it's strange, how we have come to dissociate from food completely, that suddenly it's a "forbidden fruit". It is important to respect food. Remember this slight hesitation as a pointer - that way, complacency will never set in.

    Apart from that, you are doing so, very well. I'm proud! (if I can say that! :D ) Good luck for tomorrow... and yes, PICTURES!!!
     
  17. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    YAY! you ate!
    know exactly where you are coming from with the kids - even if everything is set on the table you can guarantee someone always wants something else, or tips somethig over, or wants more drink etc etc. while abstinent it worked well as i didn't need to sit down while they ate but now its soooo annoying!

    enjoy you chicken later
    and yes, def POST SOME PICS!!!!

    daisy x
     
  18. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

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    hey well done, and welcome to rtm :)
     
  19. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Thank you everyone for the lovely comments and helpful tips. I think you're all fab and have helped me prepare so much through your own threads :D.

    Minerva - I appreciate the above comments so much. I feel less like a failure in 'cheating' as I have the past few weeks.

    Definitely look forward to learning ways to deal with boredom in situations you can't just disappear off for a bath or exercise.

    Again, so true and something I will keep in mind.

    Thank you, thank you :D:D:D xx
     
  20. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Aw bless you for remembering Jez.

    I have started an individual programme to get me up to running a full 5km and trialling a website to track progress and set plans. I started in earnest this weekend and am currently doing 2 mins run, 4 mins walk with five reps for a 30 min session. I get round about two and a half miles quite comfortably at that. Running was never a pleasure in the past, but I have quite enjoyed it!

    There's a local 5km fun run on March 14th, so I will enter that with the intention of running the full distance.

    After that I hope to move up to 10km for the October Loch Ness races.

    The lady I met is a bit ahead of me as she can already run 10kms, so while she is still nursing an injury I am trying to improve my running distance and time. Then I will feel I am not holding her back too much if we start training together. Hope the opportunity comes through.

    This new year, instead of aiming for weight loss (again) I will be setting targets for fitness levels in running and competitve swimming :D.

    How goes your own running?

    What a difference a year makes!!! 2009 has been a life changing year for us eh!
     
  21. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    T_I I posted on the Jan thread but wanted to join you in RTM as well :)

    You've been so supportive of me & others through RTM whilst you've quietly got on with abstinence without fuss or complaint, you are indeed a STAR.

    Isn't food strange after so long! Enjoy the new flavours and textures, in the early days each meal is an adventure and to be savored. I like your thinking about New Year already, shows you're in control.

    Good luck with the rest of the journey.
     
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