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Leaving

Seaneen

Short and pink
S: 12st7lb C: 8st4lb G: 8st0lb Loss: 4st3lb(33.71%)
#1
This isn't a flounce, but it's been coming for a while. And the other thread has just illustrated perfectly to me that I am at odds with this diet, and that I don't belong here.

I might just need to leave this forum in all honesty.

I had a serious eating disorder for years. I don't like bringing it up but it is important, in terms of all this. It was so bad that my oesophagus bled, it took me a while to be able to eat solids again and my teeth are destroyed.

This diet itself hasn't caused any return of eating disordered behaviour. I actually started this diet because I gained 3 stone taking psychiatric medication. I started this diet to control my weight, and reduce it, without resorting to bulimia. And I was a bulimic who never binged. I ate normal amounts of food and threw it up.

I'm "recovered" but all this talk of good food, bad food, failure, cheating, people taking laxatives and agonising over food on which is a hard diet is really getting to me. It's like words on a screen mimicking the thoughts that were in my head for nine years. I've been trying to take a really neutral view on it all, trying to emphasise that people are human and that eating is natural sometimes, but I can't handle all this, "DO NOT EAT! EATING IS BAD!" and "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels". That's not anyone's fault, it's the way I perceive it because I spent years on pro-ana forums.

I get so, so upset here reading that people feel like failures for eating, and reading people with little crying symbols next to their words because they ate, hearing people describe themselves as fat and disgusting. It is so upsetting because people measuring their worth by their weight is what I have always done, and so much wanted to never do again.

I know everyone here wants desperately to lose weight, I do too. I am so proud of everyone here for taking control of their lives and their bodies. It is absolutely admirable and I admire all of you.

Thank you for all your support and advice. And I wish you all really well and hope you get where you want to be.

I don't mean for this to be ill natured. I think you're all smashing. Nor am I trying to be a drama queen here- I just wanted to explain because it might explain some of my posts and threads, and why I panic when I perceive someone to be veering into disordered eating. It scares me.

I just do not belong here. I should never have come here to begin with because it has completely stirred and worsened things I wanted to lay to rest. Getting out of the mindset that food is bad and fat is bad is one of the hardest things I have ever attempted.

I also really really really really really don't want to say anything that will sabotage people's dieting or put the thought of cheating into their heads. That's not my intention and never was.

Bye, and good luck on your journeys.

P.S: I am NOT looking for sympathy, nor for people to say, "Stay". I don't want to stay. It's just not healthy for me to be here.

EDIT- Urgh, I feel like I'm being a whiny drama queen. I hope you understand what I'm getting at here.
 
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jackietrew

Will be slim!!!!!!!
#2
im sorry to hear about your eating disorder, i do agree that people shouldn't condemn themselves for eating (although i have done before) and i know i shouldnt, you shouldnt feel that you don't belong here because you do!! we're all here to help each other out and i know it must be hard for you seeing people complaining about food etc. but like you said people want to lose weight! and i guess maybe sometimes people get a bit obsessed with it and judge their sucess by the scales, but you could help them! anyway good luck with whatever you choose to do and you've lost an amazing amount of weight!
 

scousemouse0151

soon to be minnie mouse
S: 11st0lb C: 10st4lb G: 9st12lb BMI: 25.5 Loss: 0st10lb(6.49%)
#3
thoughts do control you on this diet and your quite right to remove yourself if you feel your going down the path you were on previously. you are making the right decision for your health and state of mind.
good luck and good health to you
 
#4
I absolutely admire your honesty. I for one appreciated your advice on "if you must cheat". I have often thought about it myself.
You are facing up to your issues with food and I wish you all the luck in the world..

claire
 

abz

Gold Member
#5
Babes. have appreciated everything you've posted. you've been a star. and if you want to go then all the luck i can give to you. you're so close to your goal and you must get there in a way you feel is right.

stay fabulous honey.

abz xx
 

Dutch

Goodbye Tum
#6
Hey, a very wise post, I know what you mean about the good food bad food, I'm at the stage where I'm arguing in my head over eating and can easily see how an eating disorder could start from any dieting.

I think you'll do well away from here, reading your post you know your mind and body and I think you've made the right choice. Take good care of yourself, xx
 

Carolanski

Back to it!
S: 14st4lb C: 11st0lb G: 9st10lb BMI: 25.6 Loss: 3st4lb(23%)
#7
Bless you hun - thank you for being so honest. Do what's best for you and good luck with everything you do. Hope the old demons don't resurface - be strong and stay healthy.

Best wishes for your journey

Carol xxx
 

karenO

Step away from the chips!
#8
Wishing you well and appreciate you being so candid. Stay healthy and most of all, happy x
 
#9
Congrats on choosing to go our own way, I'm sure you'll be missed but if it's the right choice for you then do it! :)

At the end of the day, £35/week on a diet that youdon't really like is a bit of a waste :p

Good luck for your final stone :)



Jenni x
 

slaterslady

Silver Member
S: 15st12lb C: 14st12lb G: 9st7lb BMI: 36.8 Loss: 1st0lb(6.31%)
#11
take care and look after yourself xx
 

Sez

has started again!!
#12
Your strength & honesty are refreshing. I admire you for what you have said & what you have survived. You absolutely MUST do what is right for you.

Good luck in everything, diet wise & emotionally.

Much love

xx
 

Jools

Gold Member
S: 16st8.0lb C: 16st8.0lb G: 12st0lb BMI: 42.4 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#13
Sweetie you are a true star for being so honest and I respect that.

Good luck to you on whatever journey you may decide to take.

Take care

xx
 
#14
Wishing you lots of luck, and hoping you reach a healthy place both in your body and your mind!!
 

sasha63

I ♥ CD !!
S: 14st10lb C: 14st10lb G: 10st2lb BMI: 40.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#15
WISHING YOU THE BEST OF LUCK SEANEEN HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT THE WAY YOU WANT IT TOO :wave_cry:
 

poohbearmufc

Longing 2 b a yummy mummy
S: 16st10lb C: 16st10lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 40.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#16
All I can say is what everyone else has already, do what is right for you hun..

Take care of yourself..

Love
 

JustJo

Cambridge Counsellor
#17
What an eloquent and intelligently written post.

I have to agree with you. Just lately, it has disturbed me somewhat to read that people are considering vomiting, taking laxatives, etc, after eating. It is also unhealthy to believe that food is 'bad'. Of course, if people can stick to ss 100%, then that's fantastic. However, it's sad to see people beating themselves up so badly if they've wound up eating a bit of chicken.

Best of luck with everything, Seaneen.


Jo x
 
Last edited:
S: 15st12lb C: 15st8lb G: 10st0lb Loss: 0st4lb(1.8%)
#19
What an eloquent and intelligently written post.

I have to agree with you. Just lately, it has disturbed me somewhat to read that people are considering vomiting, taking laxatives, etc, after eating. It is also unhealthy to believe that food is 'bad'. Of course, if people can stick to ss 100%, then that's fantastic. However, it's sad to see people beating themselves up so badly if they've wound up eating the a bit of chicken.

Best of luck with everything, Seaneen.


Jo x
was going to post exactly the same! jo saved me the time.

good luck seaneen xxx
 

JustJo

Cambridge Counsellor
#20


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