Liking yourself...how much does it matter to you?

Discussion in 'Bring your Head Inside and your Body will Follow' started by Diva, 1 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. Diva

    Diva Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    Whenever I ask clients this question - Do you like yourself? and How much does it matter whether you do or don't? - I am always intrigued by their answers. Most people smile, smirk, laugh or come out with some witty swipe at themselves but never actually answer the question. Those do answer the question either very quickly say "no" (or words to that effect!) or take a while before responding emotionally!

    Now when you consider that I spend the majority of my day with people who say they want to change their lives...usually their weight, health, job, etc...their answers become even more intriguing!

    How can you say you want to step up in your life yet cannot answer simply & honestly whether or not you like yourself! Maybe its embarrassment or its seen to be 'arrogant' or 'selfish' if we admit to such a thing. However, the reality is that unless we like ourselves and, therefore, treat ourselves with the respect and attention that we deserve it just makes it hard to make any lasting changes. We have to be number 1 in our lives in order to make the changes stick!

    It doesn't if your answer to the question is 'no' because you can do something about that if you truly want...again, become your top priority and you can change it to a 'yes'.

    When deciding to improve your health and appearance by becoming slimmer and living a healthier life...you can only truly commit to that when you make yourself your number one priority. You can only truly have long lasting success when you know at the core of your being that you have so much respect, love and belief in yourself that no amount of sugar, fats, other people's birthdays, nights out or junk is gonna stand in the way of that.

    I saw a beautiful example of this yesterday when I was out with a friend. Unfortunately, despite all of her efforts on a particular project she did not get the results she was after and was absolutely livid - and I mean livid!!! Anyway we talked it through and I asked her "so what does this mean, are you just gonna throw in the towel" and her response was music to my ears...."no way, failure is not an option!". Simple words but she is so focussed on what she's doing and even though there has been (in her mind!) a small glitch, she's still pressing on because she knows that to do anything less would be a disservice to herself and what she wants.

    The ones who struggle are the ones that their own stories & events and other peoples stories and events control them because what they want is not at the top of their own lists.

    So again, how much does it really matter to YOU to like yourself?
     
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  3. Sweetpea

    Sweetpea Full Member

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    I think a lot of people wouldn't want to answer this question as a result of embarassment as you say. Perhaps some haven't ever thought about it - I think a lot of people don't go in for self-analysis and often life and the everyday humdrum can get in the way of taking time out to do this anyway.


    I'd be really shocked if my CDC asked me the question - I know the answer and I know how I feel about myself but maybe it's the Great British reserve that means I like to keep these things so that only myself and people very close to me know the answers.
     
  4. Diva

    Diva Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    That may well be so Sweetpea, however, the point of the question is not to offend but more to take a client out of their existing reality so that they can see a much bigger picture.

    Plus, of course, I run an NLP practice alongside my Cambridge practice so the clients that come to me know what they are coming for and know that they want to look at the issues that maybe causing their weight gain rather than just the weight itself.
     
  5. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    I like myself most of the time - that's not to say that I am unaware of my faults. But generally I am a caring, loving invidual, prone to occasional bursts of unreasonable temper (almost always hormone related). I take stuff too seriously at times but i do have a good sense of humour and I am reliable and honest. I like that about me. I'm a people person, folk come to me for advice and help and I like that. I'm not so good at asking for help when I need it.

    Physically, I know I would look better slimmer but I know I have a nice face with big eyes and a good smile.
    I'm not perfect, I don't know anyone who is. But, as a work in progress, I'm OK!
     
  6. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    Umm. I can't go with this totally. Do I like myself. Eeek. I have a deep respect for my body, which has lasted through all the abuse I've given it.

    I think it's amazing how it just keeps on ticking along. I love feeling healthy, and the lack of aches and pains I have now, but that doesn't mean I love myself. I just respect life.

    That doesn't mean I hate myself either. I'd rather not think about how I feel about myself in those terms. I just don't feel it is necessary. As long as I feel well, which I can achieve through eating properly and keeping the weight down, and as long as I don't hate myself, then that's all that matters to me.

    Could I make myself no. 1 priority. Nah. I don't think mothers can really. I'd give my life to my kids in a heartbeat. If I was No. 1 priority I'd be a poor teacher, and maybe a poor friend.

    So I neither love myself, like myself or dislike/hate myself. But I do want to feel as well as I possibly can, because that makes my day to day living more comfortable.

    I accept myself now for who I am, and that has raised my self-esteem, but I don't believe that I have to look inwards and judge whether I actually like or dislike myself, just believe that I am in control of me, and that I can work on changing things that I'm uneasy with.
     
  7. Sweetpea

    Sweetpea Full Member

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    Please don't think I thought you were trying to offend anyone by asking the question. Sounds like a good question to ask and maybe in asking the question it might make them go home and perhaps think about it (although they might not necessarily want to bare their souls to you about the answer), hence the smiles of embarassment and not actually answering.

    I'd be very surprised though if deep down we don't know the reason for any food issues we have.
     
  8. Flabbyfay

    Flabbyfay Silver Member

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    NO i don't like myself and i never have!! infact i think i hated myself just as much when i was thin :sigh: so i don't really see how my diets going to make anything better for me :rolleyes: As for it mattering? Nope it doesn't. It's the way i've always felt and after 35 years i don't see much changing the way i see myself now!!!!!
     
  9. ScattyKatty

    ScattyKatty Full Member

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    my children are my no1 priority. I want to lose weight for complelty selfish reasons :) but if i ever got to the stage where i felt my vanity the most important thing in my life then i'd start to sorry.
     
  10. Rayven

    Rayven Addicted to Minimins!

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    I have to admit that i didn't ike myself for a very long time. I saw nothing good when i looked in the mirror & felt as though i had nothing worthwhile to offer anyone. Even when i was a size 12 (many moons ago) i looked in the mirror and saw the same thing. I'd assumed that losing the weight would make me feel better about myself and would automatically fix all of my self-esteem problems, but no matter how low my weight fell, it wasn't enough. I still saw a fat, ugly, unworthwhile person staring back at me.
    That was before i had my kids and grew up. I now 'know' above anything else that i 'am' a worthwhile person, that i'm the best me i can be. I don't have any regrets in my life because to regret anything that has happened means i'd want to change it and if i changed anything i wouldn't be the strong person i am today. Ok, so the majority of time when i'm clothes shopping or getting ready for a night out i look in the mirror and i don't like what i see. That doesn't mean that i don't like the person i am, i just don't think that at over 18 stone i'm all that physically attractive. I don't want to lose weight so other people find me attractive, i want to lose it for me......so that i can run up the stairs and go swimming without turning the colour of a tomato & feeling self concious, so that i can wear the clothes i 'want' to wear as opposed to whatever fits. I have stretch marks & i know that when i've lost the weight i'll 'still' have stretch marks and have extra skin but those will just be my battle wounds - having kids, struggling with my emotions and using food as a crutch - these are things i have fought through to get where i am today, and i'm very proud of that and of the person i've become.
     
  11. Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins Gold Member

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    I fall into the categry of I need other people to like/love me to feel good about myself...which probably requires me to love myself first,but it feels like a vicious(IF I could spell it)circle
     
  12. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

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    The day I stopped "struggling" with food was the day I liked myself

    M.
     
  13. Porgeous

    Porgeous Chilling

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    For me it is crucial and has been the most important discovery of my journey xx
     
  14. KD

    KD Gone fishing

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    I don't know. I need people to like me, but I don't feel I have to take the time to decide whether I like me or not. Just not sure about that one (for me that is!)

    that's really interesting. For me it didn't matter. Having said that, I'm pretty sure that my confidence has really dipped since reaching goal....something I wasn't expecting at all. Thought it would rocket.

    Don't get me wrong, I love being at goal because how I feel physically, but I when was bigger confidence was low and now it seems that it's gone for a very long holiday.:(

    Was thinking about that today and decided that as far as maintaining, thoughts about whether I like myself or not, or whether I felt a confident person, didn't really matter. It made no odds weightwise. It may well effect other parts of my life...just not my weight. That's just me

    Rambling here, but been doing lots of thinking....as I do:p Really interesting to reading other peoples thoughts:cool:
     
  15. Lola

    Lola Regular Member

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    I have never liked myself, I would go as far as say, much of the time, I hate myself. I am a very negative person, and find it very difficult to turn things around and look at them positively.

    I know this has a great impact on my weight, I think I use food as a form of self-harm. I dont believe Im good enough so I punish myself by eating.
     
  16. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

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    Very common :cool:

    If you don't like/value yourself then you tend not to value how you treat yourself or your health, therefore if you like yourself then you don't want to damage yourself so you tend to regulate your life so that you can stay healthy and live a longer life.

    This is why it was key for me to like myself. I have to say I used to be so worried what everyone thought about me but now if someone like me great! if they don't then great!! I won't and can't change who I am and I am happy with me so therefore I want to look after myself.

    M.
     
  17. Toots

    Toots Gold Member

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    It all depends what kind of mood I'm in - sometimes I think I'm kinda OK and other times I wish I could just get away from me.

    At the moment I obviously don't like myself all that much as I can't seem to get my head in the game dietwise.

    xx
     
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  19. blue_grapefruit

    blue_grapefruit Gold Member

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    For me it depends on the actions of others. People can quite quickly push me off into a little depressive spiral and I find it very hard to get myself back on my feet. I also get very wound up very quickly. Wow, i'm sounding mega attractive here.

    I have used a wide range of techniques to try and "solve myself" and some were stupid - including self harm and stoof like that, and am yet to discover a way of calming down or seeing sense.

    I don't hate myself, nor do I dislike myself, I'm just not comfortable with myself. I hate looking back on my day and thinking "why the heck did i do that/say that".

    It's glaringly obvious to me that it isnt my weight that makes me feel uncomfortable about being me, it's me. Weight does make me feel bad about the way I look but I can't help but think "At least you can change that Leah"......

    Sorry about rambling, don't think i made sense to myself xxx
     
  20. Mary Poppins

    Mary Poppins Gold Member

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    I definately like myself better now than I did 100lb heavier,although I am still heavily affected by how I think others see me.
    I do relate to what Mike says about it matters less to him now how others see him because he is happy with himself.
    I think my issues about liking myself are more to do with my singledom than my weight.I used to blame my singledom on the fact that I was fat and ugly and now that is no longer the case(Not sure about the ugly!!)I struggle with finding the reasons for it and I tend to beat myself up about it,which leads to me feeling miserable.
    I feel I need to isolate the 2 issues to keep me on track with my maintaince,but I got fat cause I was single and lonely and it was the motivation to lose the weight....so to be still single and lonely despite losing the weight is an issue i need to get my head around
     
  21. Prettyfacebut?

    Prettyfacebut? ...body-has-caught-up!!!!

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    This is deep....I have read this thread and gone away without posting but the question has remained.
    Yes....I like myself, always have but sometimes it has been a problem! I am a people pleaser, always gone above and beyond the call of duty to be nice and understanding, caring and loving....but....if other people don't treat me that way I am even nicer, even more of the above....that has left me wide open to being taken advantage of (couple of not very nice relationships, always there for everybody elses problems etc)...show me a lame dog and I will try to fix it!
    Problem with this is that when I have been hurt I question myself and doubt myself....I still come to the same conclusion...I like myself....but I have realised that I cant fix everything and everyone, its ok if people don't like me, the world isn't always a wonderful place...and most importantly....stop looking outwards all the time and it is ok to focus on me.....it's healthy to be selfish (sometimes!!)....Oh and it is not a crime to say NO (gets easier with practice and the sky won't fall in!!!!)
    Credit where credit is due....Counselling and NLP have helped me with all of the above:)!!!
    XXXX
     
  22. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

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    NLP was definately the key to the door to me, cut through my own comfort zone and made me deal with my true problems (which I was happy to do!).

    Not saying I wouldn't like my ears slightly smaller but I certainly don't "hate" myself now either physically or psychologically.

    M.
     
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