Living with parents

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by anna_vixen, 7 January 2011 Social URL.

  1. anna_vixen

    anna_vixen Gold Member

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    Hi! As I'm only 19 I still live at home with my parents.
    I'm finding that me and my mom are arguing alot about slimming world, I have been doing the plan since September and have lost 1 stone so far however I feel my weight loss is being hindered by my mom not cooking slimming world friendly meals.
    I have told her so many times that I will cook for myself or I will cook for everyone
    but she won't have it.
    For example; she wants to make chicken curry today for dinner, as normal I said 'I'll do my own, it's no trouble' she then asked why I don't want to eat her food, and it was because my mom uses a sauce in the curry which is 19 syns per portion.
    I am completely stuck with what to do. I feel like I'm not being supported and have no control over what I eat. I have offered to pay for slimming world friendly food myself and do a mini shop for the week, but she has a go at me for that too.
    Has anyone experienced this? Sorry this was such a long post! X
     
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  3. Lucky7

    Lucky7 Gold Member

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  4. anna_vixen

    anna_vixen Gold Member

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    Thankyou very much. I'll be sure to have a look! X
     
  5. Cheekypasterfield

    Cheekypasterfield Rather comfy here

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    Hi Anna,

    Sounds to me that your mum may have her own personal issues and you losing weight is triggering it.

    Have you sat your mum down and talked abt your weight, how it makes you feel and your desire to be slimmer? Have you asked your mum why she seems so upset regarding you offering to cook or do your own shop?

    Have you got a good relationship where you could do some girly shopping? Or could you cook together? Maybe if she feels involved in your weightloss she may feel more comfortable over SW

    My reason why I ask these questions is because my best friend has the same problem. It's all cos her mum is big and my friend being slimmer makes her see her own weight issue. Her mum is also worried that my friend is changing into someone she may not know

    Hope you get it sorted. Take care x
     
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  6. Lucky7

    Lucky7 Gold Member

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    Yes - and even if the issue isn't your weight loss as such, there's lots of psychological stuff around showing your love by cooking for people too. To some people, they show you their love by looking after you / praparing food. While you're thinking that you don't want the syns, she may well be 'feeling' it as a rejection of her love and care (even if she 'knows' that isn't the case). I think in our society we often show our love in ways other than hugs and kisses. Food is also given as a comfort to children by mothers - I certainly remember, if I fell over it might hurt, but I'd always get a biscuit or sweetie to make me feel better. My mum is a chronic dieter, and knows I'm on a diet too, but if I go round there she'll always have made me some offering or another (cakes / biscuits / sausage rolls), and now even laughs at herself for it, but says she can't help it. Also, now you're getting older the control she has over you, and the things she does for you (in her role as a mother) is gradually getting less and less. The whole food wrangle may be her unwillingness to loosen the reins that much. Maybe you could be more 'needy' with her in another area so she still feels like you need her even if she isn't cooking for you??!! It's a toughie!!
     
  7. Kater-tater

    Kater-tater Gold Member

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    I have experiance of this to, although not first hand as its not my mum but my OH. I get the feeling that she resents the fact that i now cook for him sometimes and that he likes my food. I think its because as he kids are older now she feels threatened that cooking for them etc (and other things, she is very protective and almost interfering but she is nice!) is the only thing she has in her life and after 20 so years of being 'a mum', the thought of her role being gone makes her feel useless and pointless. She feeds them very very large meals and there are always cakes and things around, always offers chocolates to me and goes on about it. It is out of love, so be gentle with your mum BUT it is your life.
     
  8. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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    it's a mom thing..
    you're becomming your own independant person and that means she's feeling like she's losing you..
    she wants you to stay larger than you want to be so that you won't find someone and leave her..
    I don't know your home circumstances, but it's usually worse when the mom is a single parent and/or the child is an only child..

    If you do have a sit down chat with her start it with "Mom, I love you and appreciate all that you do for me but...."
     
  9. RegField

    RegField Silver Member

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    Yes you do have control over what you eat. No-one can actually force you to eat what you don't want.

    "I have told her so many times that I will cook for myself" - then stop saying it and just do it.

    "I have offered to pay for slimming world friendly food myself and do a mini shop for the week" - again, you keep talking about doing something but she probably doesn't believe that you will. So just do it.
     
  10. SlimmingKitchen

    SlimmingKitchen Gold Member

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    I remember the first time I did sw back in 2007 & I was still living at home. I had similiar stories to you. Would end up falling out and arguing because I wanted to make my own or at least make the effort myself to cook for the whole family. She was having non of it. In the end we agreed on something, I started to buy my own bit of sw friendly shopping & had a section of the fridge for my sw stuff and some nights we would cook something sw friendly together.

    You have done well to lose a stone though hun & your mum should be proud of you for doing that.
    Maybe one day when your mum is not around you could rustle up a nice sw friendly meal for her to show her its not "diet food" and then convince her :)
    xxx
     
  11. Jael

    Jael Full Member

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    Wosh, that sounds so fimiliar. I'm in my twenties and live at home at the moment and mums definitely worry about these things. I've never much like meat and have always loved animals, about 5 years ago I became a vegetarian and my mum through a head fit about it. Even now she occasionally gets mad about it, even if I show her all the research that proves veggie diets are safe and have health benefits.

    In terms of slimming she switches from being supportive to claiming that I'm segregating myself off from the family by eating different food. She complains loudly that my food smells disgusting, like if I cook a curry (Hey, I don't complain when she cooks smoked fish!) She complains that the food I buy that they don't eat is taking up 'their' cupboard space. Eventually I just started buying and making my own food and telling my parents that I'd already eaten, that they knew I was slimming/vegetarian and so should respect my decision. Unfortunately this can cause arguements but it is much better now, save for the occasional motherly jibe. She seems really proud of my weight loss now.

    The other thing my mother says, which is really annoying, is that I only do the things I do because she tells me not to. I think sometimes mums think we're 'rebelling' against them rather than making our own well thought out choices. Stand your ground nicely and it will eventually get better!
     
  12. sarahm85

    sarahm85 Silver Member

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    Could your mum be causing issues because she's jealous that you've made the decision to do something about your weight - might she wish she had the determination you have to start eating healthily?

    I know when my sister started SW I was jealous that she had made that first step, did something about it and was starting to lose weight. I wanted to lose weight but wasn't in the right frame of mind if you know what I mean, perhaps your mum feels the same.
     
  13. peachy7

    peachy7 Silver Member

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    that book is free with cosmo that came out yesterday....
     
  14. chiefbridesmaid

    chiefbridesmaid Silver Member

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    Im sorry your mum isnt more supportive, my mum was quite like this before with me because i was always starting and stopping diets! But now my mum is my biggest fan, i buy all my own food, she gave me a fridge, and my own cupboard in the kitchen and i cook all my own food too! She now makes roast dinner on a sunday SW style for my benefit and even did Christmas Dinner SW style for everyone!

    She is so so proud of my losses and i think what bought around the change in her was the fact that i stood my ground, i went out and got that food and just started cooking my own food and getting organised. Sometimes if we keep saying we are going to do something, then we should just do it! You have made the decision to lose weight so dont let your mum stop you..!!!
     
  15. jaylou

    jaylou Gold Member

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    I'm not going to go into the psychology behind why your mum is behaving like this, however, I will say that you should just do as you have said - don't eat her food, buy and cook your own.

    She may well taste it and enjoy it more!
    Good luck hun, it can't be good and it's not helping you one bit.
     
  16. emma-louise

    emma-louise Silver Member

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    its all very well for you to say "just do it" but sometimes its just not that simple. luckily im at uni now so i live away, but before i moved and while i am home for the holidays i am experiencing the exact same situation as the OP. i have tried time and time again to cook my own food or cook a meal for the whole family but my mum point blank refuses. at the end of the day, i have to respect her wishes as i am living under her roof and it is exactly the same for the OP.
     
  17. Harrie

    Harrie Silver Member

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    Explain to your mum that this is important to you and you need her support. But also, remember, you're 19 - you can marry, have kids, vote, drive and do SW if you want.
     
  18. laura2481

    laura2481 Silver Member

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    I was just going to say that myself :D
    Thought i'd draw attention to it again, in case anyone missed it. Free with mag is better than paying for it from Amazon :D
     
  19. Lucky7

    Lucky7 Gold Member

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    I didn't think it was worth buying the book either. I just put the link to the amazon site so people'd know what they're looking out for in the library really (although, the more people I talk to, the more I realise that I'm in a minority group as a public library member!)
     
  20. RegField

    RegField Silver Member

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    I'm a public library fan too!
     
  21. Lucky7

    Lucky7 Gold Member

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    Yay!!

    I'm always worried that they'll decide that they aren't used enough to keep them open. What a loss that would be - and once they'd gone, we'd never get them back.
     
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