lost

Discussion in 'Calorie Counting' started by chunkyflossy, 6 August 2011 Social URL.

  1. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    I feel at my absolute lowest.
    For as long as I remember I have been obese. And now at almost 26 stone, I feel like I am trapped and there is no emergency exit.
    I’m a bubbly girl, I’m the class clown, and I’m the girl who mentions her weight before others so that I can build my barriers. Sometimes they will express sympathy; sometimes they will laugh with me, hurting me with every chuckle. “You’ve got such a pretty face” they’ll say, “but you are so fat” they are thinking.
    Steadily over the years I have withdrawn into my protective bubble wrap. I’ve been body conscious for as long as I can remember, but now any shred of self confidence I used to have has dissolved. I will avoid social occasions- I’ll make excuses “I don’t feel well” or “I’m short of money”. When really, I’m desperate to go out, to have fun, to be free, but the grip of obesity gets the better of me. I won’t walk anywhere. People mistake this for be being lazy, when in actual fact I can’t bear to be on show in public, to have the fear of people judging me and looking at me in disgust.
    I first met my boyfriend six years ago. He made me feel special. Instead of being put off by my weight he was attracted to it. He gradually made me feel sexy, I felt confident with him and let go of my inabitions.He changed my belief of ‘if you can’t love yourself, no one else will love you’. Because he loved me, I started to love myself. But as the years have gone on, the compliments have stopped and my self esteem has plummeted. I won’t do certain things as a couple because of my size. I feel this hampers our spark and has made him less enthused. I feel like I’m holding him back.

    I never have any energy. I’m always tired and wake up feeling like I’m constantly hung-over (even though I’ve not been drinking. I have constant pains in my chest and all over my body, but I haven’t been to the doctors in years. I’m so ashamed of what I have become.
    I’ve tried numerous diets over the years and failed at all of them. My intentions are always good, but I never succeed. I kid myself every time that it will work and I will be free but the results are always the same.
    I feel like I have nowhere to turn. People say they understand, but they don’t. Unless you are obese you never will.
    I need to feel that it doesn’t have to be like this. That things can change, but I really don’t see how.
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. Legomom

    Legomom Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,957
    Likes Received:
    9
    Start Weight:
    17st5lb
    Current Weight:
    14st12lb
    Goal Weight:
    13st0lb
    Lost(%):
    2st7lb(14.4%)
    Diet:
    Slimming world
    Ah Hun I could cry reading this :(

    but things CAN change. And they change by doing one day at a time. We'll all be here to help you along. It's a bumpy journey an we all need a few hands to hold at times. Only you can do this but you really don't have to do it alone.

    Xxx

    Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
     
  4. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you that's so sweet of you to say.I feel a bit of a drama queen saying what I've said and I feel like people who are healthy will be thinking that I've only got myself to blame but I guess it comforts me knowing that there are other people out there who are feeling like me too :)
     
  5. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    22
    Start Weight:
    28st0.0lb
    Current Weight:
    24st12.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2lb(11.22%)
    Diet:
    SW
    Flossy I can relate to all you said. Hugs hunny.

    Things can be different, I was bigger than you and although not best goal yet I am gonna make it! The thing that changed for me was that I realised I had to make a real effort to lose weight and I had to face the challenge. I also needed to really face up to the way I eat and use food emotionally. Everyday I have to ask myself am I hungry or am I just feeding some emotion.

    If.you ever want support or want to talk to someone who really does understand just pm me chick!

    Remeber small steps along the journey still build up to get you to goal. It is not gonna be quick.and there will be slip ups but we are here to help you!
     
  6. tranquility

    tranquility Gold Member

    Posts:
    4,672
    Likes Received:
    10
    Start Weight:
    362lb
    Current Weight:
    292.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    170lb
    Lost(%):
    69.2lb(19.12%)
    Diet:
    Calorie Counting, controlled carbs, good nutrition and Slimpods.
    I really know how you feel and you can change it.

    You start your journey by forgetting going on a diet and working on your mental attitudes to yourself and food. Five months ago I too was teetering on the edge of 26 stones, the needle never quite got past the mark but it was only a pound or so off.

    Instead of heading for the diet books I sat down and gave myself a severe talking to about starting to put myself first instead of everyone else. I've always been big since childhood, I've dieted down and lost some of it but it has always gone back on mainly due to putting everyone else's needs before my own and just grabbing/picking at junk foods or being so stressed out from work that I made a daily stop at the supermarket on the way home to stock up on chocolate.

    You have to convince your head that you are worth it. Every time that little voice in your head goes "yeah right" when you say you are going to eat better and remove some weight you have to tell it to shut-up and prove it wrong.

    I started with small stuff like no nibbling while dinner was cooking, then having one chocolate free day a week, thinking of foods as nutrition for my body to make it stronger, getting out and doing a bit of gardening or walking up and down stairs a couple of times a day. Just get yourself moving, eat the healthy foods you like. Baby steps.

    It is the food giving you the hangover feeling in the morning. It is the additives/preservatives in the food that are causing some of your pains, sugar in particular is very bad for causing joint pains.

    You do need to get the chest pain checked with your doctor though. And yes he/she will tell you it's all weight related and make you take all the tests for diabetes, etc. They always do, it's an automatic response with them.

    Talk to your OH about how you are feeling. About everything. Yes he will probably tell you you're fine as you are and he loves you as you are but you need his support to make long-term changes in your lifestyle and his probably.

    There are lots of people here to listen and give you support if you need to have a good old moan. There is lots of advice to be found about every eating plan known to man.

    Don't feel alone. Come back and talk when you need to usually someone is always online.

    By Christmas you can be several stones lighter just by making small changes to food and activity. Life is for living. Start now.
     
  7. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey you two.just by reading your posts you've made me feel better already.as awful as it sounds,I feel comfort in the fact that other people have felt how I have.I hate being so negative particulary as I'm mostly a positive person but it's inevitable weight will bring you down I guess.
    Really interested to know what you are doing in terms of weight loss and what's working for you?I'm gonna start calorie counting from tomorrow x
     
  8. tranquility

    tranquility Gold Member

    Posts:
    4,672
    Likes Received:
    10
    Start Weight:
    362lb
    Current Weight:
    292.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    170lb
    Lost(%):
    69.2lb(19.12%)
    Diet:
    Calorie Counting, controlled carbs, good nutrition and Slimpods.
    To be honest the words "lose" and "loss" have been banned forever in terms of weight. If you lose something you always try to find it again don't you? So this time I am "removing fat" and "getting smaller".

    I do calorie counting as it's the only thing that works for me. I don't have time to be converting stuff into points or tweaking healthy extras to make food free on SW. A lot of people on here use My Fitness Pal to work out their calorie allowance.

    I base my foods on unprocessed and natural and prefer to eat more protein and less carbs. Carbs are my problem and I gain when I eat lots of them.

    Make a list of things you really like and work out your meals using them. There is no point being on a plan that is full of foods you don't like.

    Make a list of trigger/addictive foods i.e. the stuff you can't just eat one of. For me penguin biscuits and kit-kats are a no-no because I can work my way through a multi-pack if they're in the house.

    Start small and work yourself into it. I have a friend who tells me "If you want to change your life, change your mind". It is a very true saying.
     
  9. Squeezyweezy

    Squeezyweezy Gold Member

    Posts:
    9,537
    Likes Received:
    12
    Diet:
    Being healthy
    Hey

    everyone has already said so much. :)

    I cried reading your post, and I really can relate to it. I started ccing at exactly 25 stone, and I absolutley dispised myself.
    It was almost as if I didn't want to loose weight, because I was happy to just let the weight do what it needed to do to me. I wasn't worth it, to be completley frank I could have just curled up in a ball and never woken up! Sound familiar??

    You have had some amazing advice already and I don't want to complicate you with any more of the same stuff. It is true though, you have to take 1 day at a time, it's the only way. Sometimes it seems really slow, but I absolutley promise you, if I can do it, so can you! :)
    You will gradually regain control of your life, and with that control comes confidence and self esteem.

    You have already made the first step by coming onto minimins and pouring your heart out, the rest in comparison is easy. Without minimins I would not be where I am now, these guys are worth their weight in gold!! (pardon the pun) :8855:

    If you feel up to it I suggest a calorie counting diary on here, that will definitley set you up for loosing that weight and getting your sparkle back.

    Lot's and lot's of love hun xxx :)
     
  10. Squeezyweezy

    Squeezyweezy Gold Member

    Posts:
    9,537
    Likes Received:
    12
    Diet:
    Being healthy
    Amazing advice tranquility. Really helped me too. Thanks ever so xx :)
     
  11. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    22
    Start Weight:
    28st0.0lb
    Current Weight:
    24st12.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2lb(11.22%)
    Diet:
    SW
    I'm doing calorie counting too but started off on sw then struggled for a while. Ccing is.so easy and feels like something I can do without it being stressful or something I stick to for a week and binge in wi night it is a forever plan.

    It is amazing how many of us feel the same yet think we are stuck in out own little difficult lives but I believe it does not have to be like this. I know that the plan for my life does.not involve me destroying myself with food and only by getting this weight off and facing the demons will I know how much I could achieve. I totally agree with learning to love yourself. My OH makes me feel sexy all the time, even when I was bigger. There was a.time that I felt really low and he got upset because he felt I should.trust him with my body I guess and it took courage to feel like I could.wear less layers etc around him but very liberating when you get a positive response rather than the repulsion we feel at ourselves!
     
  12. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Tranquility and sweezy. Thank you for being so lovely.everything you say is right.it's just putting it into action.I have done planning meals and looking at my trigger foods-it works for a certain amount of time and then I end up slipping back into my old ways.now I know I only have myself to blame for that,because if I continued doing what I was doing I'd keep losing the weight.I just don't seem to be able to maintain it,no matter how much I want to loose the weight and how desperate I am!X
     
  13. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey jayde,
    It's great that your oh makes you feel like that.I used to feel that way,but now I feel so insecure.because he hardly ever compliments me,I feel like he doesn't find ms attractive any more.when I tell him he says that he does and just because he doesn't tell me all the time doesn't mean that he doesn't find me attractive.that's all very well but unless he is actually telling me then I ain't gonna believe it!
     
  14. tranquility

    tranquility Gold Member

    Posts:
    4,672
    Likes Received:
    10
    Start Weight:
    362lb
    Current Weight:
    292.8lb
    Goal Weight:
    170lb
    Lost(%):
    69.2lb(19.12%)
    Diet:
    Calorie Counting, controlled carbs, good nutrition and Slimpods.
    Everyone has blips you just need to retrain yourself before they turn in to disasters. At the beginning part of this year I was more disasters than anything but I just got up the next day and started all over again.

    Move your focus away from the weight and the figures. You need food to exist. Think of your body as a car and the food as petrol. When the tank is empty you have to refuel. You have a choice every time you buy petrol (aka eating) 2-star, 4-star, premium grade. Make the best choice for your body. Don't even think about dieting/losing weight. Every time you eat, eat nutritious foods.

    When I started I would eat approx. 200-250 cals every four hours during the day. Just to make sure I didn't get so ravenous I would eat the fridge when I got home from work. I then discovered that if I made my own flapjacks I didn't get the cravings for more the way I did with shop bought stuff.

    Look at some nutrition sites find out the nutrients your body really needs. Read up on low GI/GL eating, try Patrick Holford and Nigel Denby. Understanding how your body works and reacts to the food can be quite liberating.

    Everytime you move or do housework think to yourself "more calories burned".

    Keep a food diary, record everything, even a cup of tea. Look back over the week see where you faltered and if you can understand what triggered it. There is always a reason and it is always not related to food. You have to get to the source of the problem rather than blaming it on lack of willpower.

    Don't think of yourself as desperate. You are a wonderful human being and you deserve to give yourself a life you love.

    Say to yourself regularly "I am in control".

    Don't let the food control you.
     
  15. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    22
    Start Weight:
    28st0.0lb
    Current Weight:
    24st12.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2lb(11.22%)
    Diet:
    SW
    What great advice for all of us! We will do it! Just believe! X
     
  16. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    22
    Start Weight:
    28st0.0lb
    Current Weight:
    24st12.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2lb(11.22%)
    Diet:
    SW
    Lol but I bet if you start believing in yourself things will get better! I find pampering myself helps me feel good, the odd facial or pedicure, pain my nails. It all helps the self esteem! If you wanna buddy up a bit that may help us both! The support you will get on here is really helpful x
     
  17. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    You're right Hun.unless I start feeling better about myself things in my relationship aren't going to change.even though doing my nails and beautifying won't make me thin,it will definitely make me feel more attractive x
     
  18. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Advert

  19. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    22
    Start Weight:
    28st0.0lb
    Current Weight:
    24st12.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2lb(11.22%)
    Diet:
    SW
    Yep that's the spirit! I bet you are very beautiful inside and out! And believe me as the pounds slowly come off it gets easier to love yourself and you will see the good bits even at the heavier weights! X
     
  20. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Bless you you're so lovely.hey enough of me banging on about myself now-how much weight have you lost so far then?tell me all...x
     
  21. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,367
    Likes Received:
    22
    Start Weight:
    28st0.0lb
    Current Weight:
    24st12.0lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st0.0lb
    Lost(%):
    3st2lb(11.22%)
    Diet:
    SW
    I was 28st now 22.11. Did get down to 21.10 then struggled and went back up to 24 but back on the way down and have learnt through the hard bits lots about me and how to do this. I started my journey 2007 so has been slow but I'm now going for it much quicker and have learnt how to stick to it. I'm finding calorie counting the easiest diet I have done and I'm picking foods for nutritional value and having only the odd treat at the moment. I'm feeling positive and committed to myself and that is very liberating!
     
  22. chunkyflossy

    chunkyflossy Full Member

    Posts:
    71
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey that's brill hun.sounds like you're doing really well and in a positive frame of mind.are you exercising too?
    I've been watching the biggest loser on tv have you seen it?this is the aussi version.it's so inspirational but ironically the last few weeks I've been watching it I've been sat there scoffing [email protected]!!!
    Xx
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...