Lottie Bird's Battle of the Binge

lottiebird

lottiebird

Silver Member
A little bit about me:

I have had weight and food issues all my life. My mother reports that as a toddler I would mimic eating in my sleep. I remember binge eating from a very young age. I started SW in January 2012 at 18st1.5lbs (not my heaviest). I had some success there, having lost a good 2 stone following the plan, and managing to curb my binge-eating. My binge-eating has been on the rise again over the past month or so, and thankfully the past couple of days I have managed to keep more in control. Another thing I am thankful that tomorrow I actually start a 12 week support group for binge eating! I am really looking forward to it, I have never met anyone who eats like me, so I am so curious to meet everyone. I am a little nervous, but grateful for the opportunity, as I have been on the waiting list for over a year.

A few weeks ago, I started "going it alone" and quit going to group. It just felt like a waste of money! I had already started to yo-yo a bit before I left, but I felt determined. I have been very up and down weight-wise the past few weeks, and this could be for a few reasons. I still feel very determined to get to my goal weight, and I am going to do it. SW is still my plan of choice, I do lots of green days, and some EE. I weigh in at Boots every Saturday with my husband. He is very supportive, he cooks lots of SW meals and never tempts me. He does most of the shopping and also helps me to plan my meals. Its the secret eating I do thats the problem! Well, its secret at the time, but I always confess to him immediately after. He works away 2 nights a week, so those are my real danger times.

Thats part of why I have started using minimins again after a long break :D

I can't really say what this diary is for, or what will be in it... I figure it will cut down on all the notepads I use to jot down everything, and saving a few trees has to be a good thing, right? ;)

My Goals
√ Half stone award - Achieved 21/03/2012
√ 1 stone award - Achieved 26/04/2012
√ 1.5 stone award - Achieved 21/05/2012
√ Club 10 - Achieved 18/06/2012
√ 2 stone award - Achieved 16/07/2012
√ 2.5 stone award - Achieved 27/08/2012
√ BMI:35 - Achieved 10/09/2012
Current Goal: 3 stone award - 15st 1.5lb
3.5 stone award - 14st 8.5lb
Club 20: 14 stone 6.5 lbs
4 stone award - 14st 1.5lb
4.5 stone award - 13st 8.5lb
BMI:30 - 13st 4lb
5 stone award - 13st 1.5lb
Club 30: 12st 9 lbs
5.5 stone award - 12st 8.5lb
6 stone award- 12st 1.5lb
 
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I am back from my first binge eating support group. the worst thing possible happened... I walked in and a woman I know through work was there! I was mortified, I guess she was too!

The group was quite interesting, and very emotional for people, lots of tears and tissues. But it does feel good that we are all in it together :) I definitely feel more normal knowing that other people exist who have similar issues to me. Looking forward to going next week!
 
I had my weigh in today, 1lb off :) I'm happy, its exactly what I am aiming for each week :)

Saturday I always have a treat, we made hotdogs and french fries for dinner, and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Haven't had them in a long time! We normally get a takeaway but the naughty "at home" options are probably nowhere near as bad as a pizza! They also make a nice change, so I might do the same next week too.
 
After bragging about no takeaway on saturday, I got one last night :( I had been at the hospital visiting my grandmother, and she was in tears, so I came home in tears. I totally comfort ate. Pizza and chocolate :( Too much of both.

Back on it today, but frustrated because all I ate last night is enough to wipe out any weightloss this week before I even start! I am determined to stay in control until my weigh in and saturday.

Although I am still fat and have a long way to go, I am definitely less unhappy with my weight than when I started, and I think this is a part of why I am struggling more the past few weeks. I don't feel as desperate as I did. But the bottom line is I DO want to keep losing. I want to achieve my goals and make myself proud. I always pack things in half way through, and I don't want to keep doing this to myself.
 
Hi Lottiebird.

I so relate to what you have written above, your my twin. i just wish where i lived we had such things as support groups. I had to be put forward for bariatric surgery just to be able to access a psychologist. Its good that you related to the group of people in the meeting but i would have been mortified the same if i saw someone i knew. Its such a hard thing to admit to people. In the past i have tried to explain to friends that its not as simple as stop eating crap but unless you really suffer from it, its dificult to understand. You sound like you have a supportive husband there which is great. Mine too and oh yeah I have confession time aswell and hide food.

Maybe we can support each other along this journey.
 
Alotless said:
Hi Lottiebird.

I so relate to what you have written above, your my twin. i just wish where i lived we had such things as support groups. I had to be put forward for bariatric surgery just to be able to access a psychologist. Its good that you related to the group of people in the meeting but i would have been mortified the same if i saw someone i knew. Its such a hard thing to admit to people. In the past i have tried to explain to friends that its not as simple as stop eating crap but unless you really suffer from it, its dificult to understand. You sound like you have a supportive husband there which is great. Mine too and oh yeah I have confession time aswell and hide food.

Maybe we can support each other along this journey.
Click to expand...

Hi April, thanks so much for your reply :)

Are you planning on Bariatric surgery? I had a gastric band, but because of the bingeing my body eventually rejected it and I had it removed. Also, as I hadn't addressed my bingeing, I regained all of the weight I lost.

I have been waiting over a year to get into this support group, so I am determined to get the most out of it that I can. Have you spoken to your GP? He referred me to an eating disorder service, and they have the support group. Sadly I only get to go until Feb, and then the course is over so to speak, but I'm really hoping that some of us will keep in touch and help eachother along the way!

I see you're off to a good start there with a 4lb loss :) Well done! I do think SW is a good plan :)
 
Hi i will be following your diary as this is an issue close to my heart.

Hope the support group does you some good and your husband sounds like an amazing support too.

xxx
 
chocolate_bananas said:
Hi i will be following your diary as this is an issue close to my heart.

Hope the support group does you some good and your husband sounds like an amazing support too.

xxx
Click to expand...

Thanks for stopping by chocolate_bananas :)

I have started reading "Overcoming binge eating" by Christopher Fairburn. I read the first few chapters last night, its an interesting read. The second half of the book is a self-help programme. I had a browse through it, but didn't start it yet. It was only a fiver 2nd hand on amazon, and from what I have read already, well worth it.

Step 1 is the same as my homework from my support group: Record everything you eat, where, when, whether a binge and how you were feeling. I haven't been doing my homework :( I am going to read the self help section properly tonight, and determine myself to start recording this information throughout the day. Fingers crossed I notice some interesting trends.

My eating today has been in control, and I am feeling safe about being home alone for the first time in months :D
 
Hi i don't have much to to reply, but i have read the Fairburn book only a few weeks ago, it's fab...i have a few that deal with binge eating. I have now gone 6 weeks without one myself and my body is thanking me for it so much.

I'll dig through my books and pop back in here tomorrow xxx
 
You're doing really well : )

Another binge eater here. I'm more a compulsive eater than an emotional eater though. Could quite happily stuff my face all day long with a steady stream of kettle chips, chocolate, cheese and - my big weakness - cake. No meals - just junk. And in huge amounts.

I've not done this since July. Feel firmly in control and I can only advise vigilance at all times. It has helped me a lot. As has repeating to myself ' if food is not the problem, eating is not the answer ... '

I was 15 stone 2lbs last May and a size 18/20. I am now 9 stone 2lbs and a size 8/10. You CAN overcome this sort of eating - well, if I can, anyone can! I am now able to do what I couldn't do before... and that is go out for a nice meal, eat until I am pleasantly full and no more and then NOT think ' Oh i have had that meal, that's it, rest of day ruined food wise so I will binge and get back to it tomorrow... ' I now eat the meal, and then don't eat anything else until i feel hungry again and then have something light.

I've sort of 'trained' myself i suppose. I can't say I will never binge again, I sometimes feel on the 'edge' a little. But I am in control, I control what food I put in my mouth and I refuse to lose the fight to a 6 pack of kit kats.

Good luck
 
Greta, thanks for your post! I am feeling so proud of myself, chilling out home alone and munching on fruit salad :)

How did you overcome your binge eating? I had been binge free for 5 months til i fell off the wagon a few weeks ago.
 
Hmm, not sure how I overcame it.

It's definitely a control thing. I was never the type of binger who stuffed in complete secret, in the car or anything - although I would do it alone. Nor was I one who would eat 'dull' foods like cereal! A typical day of eating for me would be...

Tube of pringles or a bag of kettle chips

cheese - fair amount. maybe 6 slices of raisin loaf, again with cheese.

cake or trifle - maybe both? over half a family sized trifle and half a large cake eaten over the day

chocolate. several bars.

Pizza maybe? Or some chips with cheese grated on the top.

fruit juice - a litre of. Plus the usual fizz!

And variations of the above foods. Could quite easily eat 6 bags of wotsits and 3 chocolate bars in one go. Then a rest of a few hours and ...something else.

I am not sure how that compares to other people? When I started Cambridge Diet in July i had a good first week loss. I came home and binged for 5 days. The CRUCIAL thing I did - and what made it 'different' this time is that I went back the following week. I'd put 4lbs back on. From that moment on, I stuck to it completely and I've been calorie counting since end of August.

I think the key to overcoming this is vigilance at all times. You don't HAVE to put a cake in your gob. Even if it means you standing there with it in your hand SCREAMING at yourself... do it. Then put the cake down. I had plenty of that! I would also line up chocolate bars and look at them.

The cravings do lessen. I could probably still binge, I'm not sure I'm 'cured' as time will tell.
 
Thanks for your post greta, I love your username by the way :) Your former eating habits are fairly similar to mine. Do you still follow Cambridge? I do sometimes wonder if meal replacements would be helpful to me, to get off food for a while.

Day 4 here, going very well indeed :)
 
I did CD for 7 or so weeks until end of August. Sole Source and really stuck to it. Dropped well over 2 and a half stone. The rest I got off by calorie counting.

It was mentally tough but so worth it. I enjoy wearing what I want to as opposed to what I had to, if that makes sense?
 
That makes perfect sense. I got down to target a few years ago, and i loved clothes then. Now I refuse to buy anything until I lose weight and can wear what I want to.

Did you "wean" yourself off CD? Or just go straight into CC?
 
I went straight to CC - but carefully.. So started with about 600 calories a day and kept to that for a few weeks until I was up to 1200 a day...I then sometimes ate more and sometimes ate less and hopefully I will find the way soon!

I'd like to lose another 4lbs- maybe. Still unsure. So calories are low right now but I still eat what I want to whilst always trying to be 'mindful'

It's actually a bit of a skill!
 
Well, I have spent the last few days safely on the wagon, and I have been home alone the past 2 days. I am feeling ready to set some longer term goals, and I will review them over the coming weeks...

Size Goal: Buy a size 16 pair of jeans from a nice shop - do they fit? If not - make them! I have no clothes, and am wearing baggy stuff that is too big, and doing nothing for my confidence. I had some nice brand new 16s that fit perfect, but they were cheap and the zip came undone, so I need to replace them and stop being a frump!

Weight Goal: Definitely in the 14s by Christmas, ideally 14st9lbs. It will take a little push to achieve that, so lets see what happens...
 
I'm still riding on the wagon :) One or 2 minor lapses, but no binge eating or anything to be ashamed of. A lot of what I have been reading abour BED talks about not depriving yourself, but I must say this is so counter-intuitive and feels very strange to me. I know I should just focus on "normal" eating to prevent relapses, but sometimes I feel so desperate to lose weight I just can't do it. They talk about how dieters have "forbidden" lists of foods (for me they are crisps, chocolate, white bread, whole milk, biscuits, pizza) and that never having these foods makes you more likely to binge. This makes a lot of sense to me, as these are the exact foods I binge on. Probably because I build up such a craving, because they are forbidden in my mind.

I really believe that incorporating exercise into my routine will help me on a number of levels... mentally and physically. My motivation to do this is fairly low, I am a generally lazy person and the weather definitely doesn't help! But I know how chuffed I would feel if I even did just occassional exercise. I have exercised in the past for spells of several weeks, but I get bored and slip out of the routine before I really have a chance to get into it properly. I am going to set myself a really small, achievable goal to do maybe just 1-2 exercise sessions a week for a few weeks, and then try to build on it. I know lots of effective exercises I can do without stepping out the front door, so the weather isn't an excuse really!

I am home alone tonight, and I am determined to stay on the wagon, eat properly and and have some quality me-time.
 
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